Three Ways To Become A Better Listener

This is part of the "Mindful Minutes" series – a collection of short talks by Scott Shute, head of Mindfulness & Compassion at LinkedIn, aimed at helping you develop a more mindful approach to your daily life.

One of our most basic needs is the desire to be heard, seen, and appreciated. Nothing compares to the feeling of being genuinely listened to. In order to invite the quality of active listening to others, we must first develop it ourselves. Here are some tips to become an active listener.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Scott Schuett.

I lead our mindfulness and compassion programs here at LinkedIn.

And today we're gonna talk about the importance of listening.

One of the most important skills we can develop in our relationships with others is our ability to be an active listener.

Have you ever shared something very important with another person only to realize they weren't really listening?

It feels terrible.

Our natural reaction is to contract,

To shut down a bit.

On the other hand,

Most of us have had the experience of being listened to.

When someone holds that space for us and genuinely listens to us,

It's powerful.

I think this is one of our most basic human needs,

The desire to be heard,

To be seen,

Appreciated,

To be gotten,

To be listened to.

The truth is,

It's not that hard to be a great listener.

We've just gotten sloppy and distracted,

And we haven't made it as big of a priority as it should be.

Well,

Here are three ways we can each be a better listener.

First,

Be present.

It's a choice.

We just need to choose the person in front of us.

They need to be the center of our attention.

Put the devices away.

Second,

Use your body.

Listening happens with more than just our ears,

Our posture,

Open,

Welcoming.

We're nodding,

We're giving visual cues,

We're paying attention,

And the eyes,

Most importantly,

The eyes.

We're making eye contact.

We're right there.

We're not checking our phones,

Not looking at the clock or our watch.

And third,

Wait your turn.

Have you ever started to tell a story only to get it hijacked by your listener?

Maybe you're telling about your trip to Disneyland,

And as soon as you say it,

Your friend jumps in and starts to tell their story about,

Well,

When I went to Disneyland three years ago.

When we're listening,

We need to resist the urge to jump in.

Practice asking more questions instead of telling your own story.

Let this moment be about them.

You'll have plenty of opportunity to speak.

If we put these items into practice,

We'll be better listeners.

And if we're better listeners,

We'll make deeper connections.

And if we make deeper connections,

Our work is going to go more smoothly,

And our lives will likely be richer and more fulfilling.

So let's all commit to be better listeners.

Reviews

Simple clear concise advice the challenge is now I should follow it

This was wonderful! It is a great feeling to be HEARD so it’s important to be a good listener…what goes around comes around! Thank you ❣️

It was a good reminder of being quiet but attentive when someone is talking. ♥️

Great life advice and reminders for me, my children, and my students! Thanks for sharing.

I'm grateful humble thankful I'm a Christian Actor singer with a Purpose to inspire amen and so it is

Short, concise and a fantastic reminder on how to be a good listener and why it's so very important.

Skills worth honing if you seek greater connection and insight in this world. 🌎 The space you make for another will enclose you, too. 💚🤗

Great positive reminders on being a good listener! And when I listen, I am silent! 💜🙏🐸

Excellent!! Thank you!❤️🙏🏽

Brilliant absolutely brilliant thanks soo very much really needed some help with this Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou May God bless you and keep safe

Awesome! Quick, important how to guide on being a better listener. 🙌🏽🙌🏽

Thank you. I needed to hear that. As one who has listened a lot, I've allowed myself to become sloppy and interrupt and interject rather than waiting and asking questions.

My being present and biding my time and allowing space for opposing views to sit on their own is as much a gift to myself as it is to the others in the conversation as it helps avoid the magnetic 'me me me maelstrom' which is easy to start. And those who show respect encourage respect.

To converse is to speak with, rather than speak at.

Thank you for this and for the work that you do.

Great reminders.

How true, Scott, great reminders, thank you 💙x

Most important cueues mentioned in 2 minutes. we all know it already so I say thank you for the reminder! simple & helpful.

Everyone needs to listen to this to be reminded on how to listen. Thank you.

Great advice, I will try putting this into practice. Thank you!