The Silence Is Palpable

This is a simple podcast describing the essence of silence as always and everpresent; we are the ones who fill the silence almost as if we are uncomfortable in it. How can we both notice and settle in to the silence that exists? How can we find comfort in not actually feeling compelled to add to the silence or fill it in with something.

Transcript

Today I wanted to talk about our ever faithful companion,

Which is silence.

Silence is something that's always with us and it really never goes away.

We're the ones who leave.

We get distracted and forgetful and we just lose our connection to the silence and we definitely lose our ability to nurture silence.

And I think really we're uncomfortable in the silence.

It doesn't really go with our busy lives and our crazy thought patterns and all the things that we need to get done every single day.

And you know,

When we have the moments of silence,

I think,

At least for me,

It reminds me of how crazy my life gets.

Because when I have that little moment of silence,

It says basically,

Wow,

This is nice and how come I don't sit in stillness more often and just savor the silence.

And I think that we have a really hard time because the dialogue in our heads never ever stops.

And really what's important is that we stop to ask ourselves how much of all that internal dialogue is actually true and how does that internal dialogue actually decide what to say and when to say it,

How much of it is even important.

Because if you think about it,

My understanding is we have about 60 to 70,

000 thoughts a day and only 5% of those thoughts are actually new thoughts.

So 95% of our thoughts in any given day are repeat thoughts.

So to take time out from the craziness of all that silly repeat,

Repetitive thinking,

It's probably not a bad idea.

If you just stop for a minute and take notice of the thoughts in your head,

You can sort of notice how the thoughts in your head are taking both sides of the conversation.

And no matter what you do,

The thoughts intrude on everything that you're doing and the thoughts don't really seem to care that if you're in the middle of something like let's say watching a romantic movie with a date or even sleeping,

Right,

Trying to sleep.

I have a lot of clients who come to me and say they have trouble sleeping because they can't stop thinking.

And I think that's true for a lot of us.

We get very stressed out and very overwhelmed by all that's going on in the world and our lives and maybe our jobs and with our children and families and everything that we have a really tough time sleeping.

So if you could just take a moment to just sit still and just close your eyes maybe,

Take a few deep breaths and just be still,

See if you can try to quiet that inner voice.

It's not easy and I bet you if you first try to do that,

You'll start to feel a little bit anxious and you'll want to try to fill that silence by saying something or doing something.

A lot of us are uncomfortable in the silence so much so that we've got to fill it somehow.

So we turn on the music or we start chattering needlessly or gossiping or we grab our phone and we start doing a search of something just to fill that space.

So just try to settle in and just truly listen to that internal dialogue sometime because you'll notice that it's never ever quiet,

Never quiet.

If left on its own to its own devices,

It keeps talking on and on and on.

And if you just watch it,

Really that internal dialogue is just trying to find a comfortable place to land.

And you might notice that that internal dialogue doesn't even calm down even when it finds out that what it's thinking is wrong.

It just adjusts its viewpoint and keeps on going.

So one of the best ways to free yourself from this incessant internal chatter is just to step back and take a look at it objectively.

Obviously none of us can stop that internal dialogue by asking it to stop.

That just won't work.

A lot of people who come to see me to learn meditation say,

I can't meditate.

I can't because I can't quiet my internal dialogue.

And you know what?

That's not the purpose of meditation.

Certainly it is to simmer it down obviously,

But it's not to stop it completely because I don't know that that's possible.

But you will notice that you truly actually are on the path to transforming that internal dialogue the very instant that you notice that it's there disrupting and distracting your life.

So if you just stop for a second,

Like right this minute,

And just be still and say hello internally and you can hear yourself saying hello.

So now just see if you can shout hello really loudly inside.

Can you hear yourself inside?

Of course you can.

It's easy to hear yourself talk to yourself,

But it's really hard to see that no matter what the voice says,

It's still just a voice that's talking and you listening.

So the reminder then is that you're the one having the thoughts.

You're not actually the thoughts themselves,

Right?

You're just actually,

Especially in this example,

You're just observing the thoughts that you internally are having.

And if you just start to observe,

A lot of what the voice says is actually meaningless.

And most of the talking is just a waste of energy.

It's kind of like sitting down and deciding that you want the sun to come up in the morning.

The bottom line is the sun's going to come up and you can think about it all you want,

But it's not going to change anything.

So sometimes that internal dialogue talks for the same reason a tea kettle whistles,

You know,

When a tea kettle whistles,

It's begging for someone to take it off the burner,

Turn it off because there's a buildup of energy inside that tea kettle,

Right?

When it gets hot enough,

That has to be released.

And sometimes our internal voice literally just narrates the world for us.

Ooh,

It's cold in here.

Oh my gosh,

What a cute dog.

Oh gosh,

I need to get to the store.

I don't have any milk.

So what you might actually notice is that that narration inside,

That internal narration makes you feel more comfortable with the world that's around you.

It makes you feel like you're more in control.

You can recreate the world in your mind because you can control your mind,

But you can't control the world around you.

And you generally just don't notice it because we generally don't step back from it.

We're too close.

So we don't really realize that we're hypnotized into listening to that internal voice.

So today,

Just try to find a little moment of silence and see if you can listen to that internal dialogue.

You might even notice your internal dialogue is screaming at you,

Especially the moment you try to calm,

Settle it down.

You may notice that that internal dialogue gets even more anxious.

So that all there is to do in this moment is to notice.

And once you begin to notice,

You'll be ready to be,

To free yourself.

Every time you meet somebody,

Every time the phone rings,

Just try to watch.

A great time to watch is when you're taking a shower and just watch what that voice has to say.

You'll see that it really never lets you take a peaceful shower.

Just see if you can stay conscious enough throughout your shower,

That experience,

Just to be aware of that internal dialogue.

You might really be shocked about how it just jumps from one subject to the next.

And you actually really need to watch it in order to be free from it.

You don't have to do anything about it.

The point is,

Is that it's,

That internal dialogue is almost like when you go on the web and you click on a link and it takes you to another link and you click on that and you click on another.

Pretty soon,

Half an hour's gone by and you really haven't done much of anything.

So it's really important to just notice that the mind talks all the time because we give it a job to do.

We use our internal dialogue as a kind of protection mechanism.

And ultimately the entire internal dialogue makes us feel more secure.

And no matter how much trouble the internal dialogue causes us,

We still listen.

There's really kind of almost nothing that that internal voice can say that we don't pay full attention to.

It pulls us right out of whatever we're doing,

No matter how enjoyable.

And suddenly you're paying attention to whatever it has to say.

Basically,

We recreate the outside world inside ourselves and then we live in our minds.

And what if you decided not to do that?

If you decide not to narrate the world and instead just consciously start to observe the world?

I think you're going to start to feel more open and probably a little more exposed because you're not relying maybe so heavily on that internal dialogue to run the show.

So just keep in mind that,

You know,

True personal growth is really about transcending that part of you that isn't okay in the silence and that feels this need for some kind of protection.

And really you can do this simply by beginning to notice that you are the one inside that is noticing the voice talking because that's really the way out.

The one inside who is aware that you are always talking to yourself about yourself is silent.

Who you really are is in that space between the thoughts,

That quiet little split second of space between your thoughts.

But to be aware that you're the one watching the voice talk is really to stand on the threshold of an incredible inner journey.

And Deepak Chopra loves to call it witnessing awareness.

So basically you start to become aware that you're witnessing your own awareness and that you are the witness.

So to be able to be truly liberated,

You have to be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them because there's no solution that can possibly exist when you're lost in the energy of the problem.

You have to break from the habit of thinking that the solution to your problems is to somehow rearrange things that are on the outside.

It's definitely a change from outer solution consciousness to inner solution consciousness.

And that starts with you becoming aware.

So just start maybe this week or even just today,

Just start to become aware.

When you're angry or afraid or hurt,

Just notice the one in there noticing.

Just start watching.

And if you're able to,

If you use this in the correct way,

That same internal mental voice that has been your source of worry and fear and anxiety and depression,

Stress,

Can actually really become instead some kind of a launching ground for your true spiritual awakening.

I read somewhere that happiness and silence belong together just like profit and noise.

Happiness and silence belong together just like profit and noise.

So as long as we live in a commercialized world,

Noise reigns.

You can't even get on an elevator without noise.

You can't travel on the subway without the noise of the doors closing or the conductor saying something.

All of the distractions that are around us keep us from the center of our being where stillness of your soul really can resonate in the silence.

And if you keep in mind again that the silence is always there,

We are the ones who need every single religious tradition,

All forms of meditation,

And all kinds of rituals attract silence.

And yet most of the time,

Like just right now,

We think we can stumble into silence by leaving the world of chaos behind for a time.

It's like most of us who work so,

So hard for 51 weeks a year so we can have that one week of vacation to just go somewhere and be still.

It's sort of like there's some kind of gap that separates the world of noise from the world of silence.

And we feel that we are either or,

That we're either consumed by the noise of the world or else we're totally embraced for a few minutes in the arms of silence.

And the two end up remaining separate.

And noise usually is what gets most of our attention.

So when you start to get still,

Whether it's just right now,

When you close your eyes and listen to the birds or listen to nothingness,

If you get still,

You might really be shocked to notice that you haven't even realized that you lost yourself.

Activity,

All of our activity,

Whether it's searching Google or turning on music or running from one place to another or crossing off one to-do piece from another,

Our activity has become an addiction and we have come to the point of needing noise.

And many,

Many of us have a really hard time being in stillness and silence.

And that is actually the opposite of what's needed for us to live a healthy life.

We think that we can find quiet and silence for a while just by being quiet and getting back in touch with ourselves and disengaging for a little bit of time from all of the tensions and pressures of our daily life.

But that's really a limited view,

Right?

It's sort of like getting to the door of the cathedral and thinking that that's the whole experience instead of crossing the threshold and looking at all the beautiful stained glass and the gorgeous inside of the cathedral.

Taking little respites from the noise and clatter is great,

But you're going to experience a fuller sense of the silence when you start to feel that silence sort of envelop you.

When you start to experience a shift or a transition,

It will actually become a realization that the center of the universe shifts from our self-interests and all that's going on in my head,

All that internal dialogue,

All those distractions,

All that's on my to-do list,

All of the work that needs to be done and the groceries that need to be purchased and the things I need to do with the kids,

That part will shift into being more concerned with the interests of the larger world.

And that's the shift that happens.

Because before we enter into this world of silence,

We really don't feel a lot of gentleness between us and the world.

We tend to think that the world is really harsh or filled with fear and constant struggle.

And honestly,

If you turn on the news,

It sure looks that way right now,

Right?

We have been living in a state of disease and not ever really recognizing it.

And really,

The only symptom of our so-called disease is a constant inner longing for something different and we really didn't know what it was.

A lot of us think with this misperception of reality that what I need to be happy is somewhere out there and if I just work hard enough,

Strive for it,

Cling to it,

Reach for it,

Try harder,

I'll be happier.

When really,

If we just get still,

All the answers are inside us.

Silence is palpable.

It's subtle,

But you can almost reach out and feel it and yet it's not here around us unless it's also inside of us.

In the silence,

We actually start to discover that the kind of separation between ourselves and the world that we adopted,

That we created,

Is an illusion.

That the other misconception of reality is that somehow we think we're separate and we're not.

I am you and you are me.

But as long as we live inside of our internal dialogue,

We separate ourselves from the rest of the world.

And just remember that silence is never a place to get to.

It's a place to return to.

So see if you can spend a little time today just allowing yourself a chance to reconnect with the stillness within.

See if you can surrender to the sights and sounds and tastes and smells all around you today.

Practice noticing the internal dialogue and ask yourself,

Is it nourishing to you?

Is it true?

Is it important?

Is it necessary?

Try to keep your attention on your heart today.

Allow your heart to stop and make time for the silence.

See if you can return to the silence.

And that's all I have today.