This practice is called the self-compassion break and it is taught in the mindful self-compassion program.
Here it is taught or offered as a formal practice,
A formal meditation,
But with a little bit of practice,
A little bit of training,
You can apply it any time,
Anywhere in your daily life.
And it might only take a minute to do so.
So what you are practicing here is to meet a moment of suffering with the three core components of self-compassion.
The first of them being mindfulness.
To meet a moment of suffering with self-compassion,
One first needs to be mindful,
You need to be able to notice that suffering is what's happening for you right now.
And then there's connection or common humanity.
Often when we suffer,
We think the suffering is what isolates us from other people,
From everybody else,
Because other people seem to be happy,
They seem to be doing okay,
Something's wrong with us when we're suffering.
At least that's what we're thinking.
But actually that's not true,
Suffering is part of life,
Part of living,
It's part of our shared experience as human beings.
So suffering is what connects us to other people,
To other beings.
And then the third component of self-compassion is self-kindness.
We often tend to criticize ourselves when we are suffering,
But instead we can just be kind to ourselves,
Meeting ourselves and our own experience with kindness.
Alright,
So finding a comfortable position,
Sitting or lying down,
And closing your eyes partially or fully,
Whatever feels comfortable for you right now.
And thinking of a situation in your life that is difficult,
That is causing you some stress right now,
Such as a health problem,
A problem in an important relationship,
Maybe a work issue,
Or perhaps someone disrespected you because of your age,
Your ability,
Or some other part of your identity.
Choosing a problem in the mild to moderate range,
Not a big problem.
We don't want to overwhelm ourselves as we're first learning the skill of self-compassion.
Allowing yourself to see and hear and feel your way into the problem,
To the extent that you do feel some uneasiness,
Some discomfort in your body.
Where do you feel it the most?
Making contact with that discomfort in your body.
And then meeting that discomfort,
That suffering with mindfulness.
Maybe by saying to yourself slowly and clearly,
Oh,
This is a moment of suffering,
Or this hurts,
This does not feel good,
Or maybe simply saying ouch.
Next,
Meeting that suffering with a sense of connection.
Maybe by saying again,
Slowly and clearly,
Suffering is part of living.
Or,
I'm not alone.
Maybe this is what it sometimes feels like to be a human being in a human body.
Or simply,
This belongs,
I belong.
Now meeting that suffering,
Your suffering with self-kindness.
Maybe putting a hand over your heart,
Or wherever it feels supportive and soothing to you.
Maybe feeling the warmth of your own hands.
Saying to yourself,
May I be kind to myself.
Perhaps asking yourself what quality of self-compassion you need right now,
Yin or yang.
Yin language might be,
May I accept myself just as I am.
Yang language might be,
May I have the courage and strength to make a change.
If you're having difficulty finding the right words,
The words that work for you,
Maybe imagining that a dear friend or a loved one is having the same problem as you.
What would you say to this person,
Heart to heart,
Without giving advice?
If your friend were to hold just a few of your words in their mind,
What would you like those words to be?
What message would you like to deliver?
Now,
Can you offer the same message to yourself?
Finally,
Letting go of the practice.
Allowing yourself to relax into the present moment.
Allowing the present moment to be just as it is,
Right here,
Right now.
And allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
Allowing yourself to be just as you are.
