Ego Death: Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Ego

What is Ego Death? What happens when the ego dies? Is it right to have an Ego? What is a healthy ego vs. an unhealthy ego? Join Saqib in this talk to explore the answers to all these questions. He will discuss the seven types of Egos. If you like this talk, then check out Saqib's course here on Insight Timer: "Non-Duality."

Transcript

Hello and namaste to this talk which is called ego death,

Healthy ego versus unhealthy ego.

So first to understand what ego death is.

Ego death is when one loses a sense of self.

It is our self that creates an ego,

The identity that we have.

The identity that we have built over many years since our childhood.

Starting from the very childhood when you got your name and when we were told that you are a separate being,

You are a separate entity.

So that became our identity,

Our name became our identity.

And then we went to school,

Being a student became our identity.

Then we went to a certain university,

Then we did a job,

Maybe you are doing a job,

You are working in your company in a post.

So that post,

That title becomes an identity.

You know whatever that title is,

Engineer,

Doctor,

PhD,

Whatever that title is,

That can become our identity.

And then our relationships are identities,

Being a father,

A mother,

A son,

A daughter.

All these are identities.

All these are those labels that give us a sense of self.

So if someone asks you that who are you?

And especially,

You know,

Let's say for example you are going for an interview in a company in DHR asks you who are you?

Then most probably the answer we give is our name,

You know all these titles,

What I am,

What family do I have,

Whether I am a father,

Mother,

A son.

And then what job I have worked in,

What university degree do I have,

All these things,

That's how we describe ourselves.

But when ego death happens,

It's a process of spiritual awakening in which we realize that all these identities,

Labels are just things that are given to us by the external world.

It is not who I am really.

Because if you think about it,

Our name was given to us by our parents,

You know the university degree was given to us by the university.

The job title was given to us by the company.

So all these labels are kind of given to us,

This is not really who I am right?

These are just labels.

But the question is who I am,

Who am I really?

So when we realize this,

We go through a process of awakening in which we realize this deeply and we feel that this is not my true identity.

I am something else maybe.

So this is when that ego death begins.

And as we go deeper into our spiritual journey,

We realize that actually I am not a single entity.

We realize our interconnectedness with everything.

We realize that we all are one.

We realize that there is no separation.

Think about it.

We will not exist if there are,

If certain things do not exist in this world.

You know there is this ecosystem that works.

There is a natural ecosystem that we have that is very much interlinked.

We cannot exist without the plants,

Without trees,

Without animals.

In fact,

You know it is believed that for example if bees go extinct then even human beings in some time will go extinct because bees are responsible for pollination which eventually gives us food.

So all nature,

All human beings,

All animals,

Plants,

Everything on this planet is interconnected.

I cannot exist without a lot of these factors.

You know the trees that we destroy,

The plants that we destroy,

These are what give us oxygen.

These are what give us food.

The oceans,

The rivers that we pollute,

They give us water.

So I cannot exist without you know nature,

Without other human beings as well.

For example,

I could not have existed without my mother giving birth to me.

So we realize the interconnectedness of everything in nature.

We realize that we all are one.

And that is when the next level of the ego death happens where we realize that we all are one.

We are a collective consciousness.

There is no single entity.

The single entity is actually an illusion,

The single entity is actually kind of how I am conditioned to believe that I am separate.

Because if you think about it,

When a baby is born they do not know or they do not perceive themselves as a separate entity.

But then we as parents we start telling them you know you are separate.

The word I comes into picture,

I and the name and everything.

But this I is just a construct.

Right,

There is no I as such.

I is a label that is given to us.

So when you do meditation for example,

When you contemplate on this who am I,

This question.

You know there was a famous Indian mystic known as Ramana Maharshi who used to contemplate on this question a lot.

Who am I?

And as you do that eventually you will not find the I,

You will realize there is no I.

In fact the I and this is what Ramana Maharshi said that the I is the root cause of all the problems actually.

Because if I exist,

If I am attached to this identity of I,

Then I am bound to suffer.

Because when I feel pain,

When something happens to me then I am suffering.

I is the focus.

But what if there was no I?

Then who will suffer?

There will be no one to suffer.

So as we go deeper and deeper into our spiritual awakening,

Into meditation,

We realize that this I dissolves.

You know when you connect to,

If you are a meditation practitioner you would know that in deeper states of meditation you lose the sense of self and you feel collective,

You merge with the universal consciousness.

You feel expanded,

You feel infinite.

It is like what Rumi said that you are not only a drop in the ocean but you are the entire ocean in a single drop.

So it is that feeling of becoming the ocean versus being just a drop and that feeling of expansion and that is what ego death is.

So the question is then is it wrong to have an ego?

I would say it is not wrong to have an ego.

Because without an ego also we cannot exist.

We cannot function as an individual.

So certain ego is important to have.

Because if I am not feeling like an individual,

How will I function like an individual?

I just cannot function.

Then maybe I will be enlightened and someone who is enlightened or someone who merges with the collective consciousness,

Someone who says that I am not an individual anymore.

It will be difficult for that person to function in this society as a human being.

So what do we do then?

Although enlightenment is wonderful,

Many mystics have experienced enlightenment.

But we are talking about more practical living.

Let's accept the truth,

Not all of us are enlightened.

So then how do we function in the society?

So what I feel is that it is not wrong to have an ego but what we need to be careful about is and what we need to understand is that what is a healthy ego versus an unhealthy ego?

Because ego in itself is not bad but if we use the ego in a negative way it can create a lot of problems and that's what's happening in the world with a lot of people.

When we talk about individuals who are ready to harm others for their own benefits,

When we talk about dictators,

When we talk about billionaires who are even ready to harm the environment for their own benefit.

All these individuals when they function from a strong ego,

They harm the world.

So an unhealthy ego is not something we want.

What we want is a healthy ego.

A healthy ego means that yes I am functioning as an individual but I am not harming others.

Yes I am giving love to myself but I am not being selfish.

I am not harming others in the process.

So the question then is how do we develop a healthy ego?

How do we first differentiate between a healthy ego and an unhealthy ego?

And how do we develop this healthy ego?

So to understand this I will use a system and I feel the best system to understand the ego is the chakra system of the body.

Now for those of you who don't know about the chakras that's absolutely okay.

This talk is not about the chakras but I am just using the chakras as a framework to understand these different types of ego and how to differentiate between a healthy ego and unhealthy ego.

Now for those of you who don't know about the chakras,

Chakras are the primary energy centers in the body.

The way we have physical organs we also have energy organs,

Energy centers in the body.

And these energy centers they store different emotions.

They represent different characteristics of our being.

So that's why I am using the chakra system as the framework to understand these different types of ego we have and how we can differentiate between an unhealthy ego and a healthy ego.

Now let's start with the first chakra.

The first chakra is the root chakra also known as muladhara which is located at the base of your spine.

Now for the root chakra also there are different types of ego.

There are two types of ego for the root chakra.

The first one is an unhealthy ego the other one is a healthy ego.

So what is the unhealthy ego for the root chakra?

The unhealthy ego for the root chakra is the ego of survival and the healthy ego for the root chakra is the ego of abundance.

So unhealthy ego is survival based ego,

Healthy ego is abundance based ego.

Now let me explain what does this mean.

When we function from survival,

When we function from a survival mode we are in a lack based mindset.

If it is if life is about survival of the fittest then it is obvious that I will be in a competition with others and that's what we see on the planet.

People are competing with each other,

People are fighting with each other,

People want to dominate each other,

People want to compete with each other,

People want to people are even ready to harm others for their own benefit.

So if we are if we have this survival based mindset then it is an unhealthy ego to have because when I just want myself to survive then I am even ready to harm others for that.

And this survival also comes from the survival mindset also comes from the fear of death.

Now if we go with the mainstream ideology,

Mainstream science ideology that you know there is no existence beyond this body,

If we feel that you know we will die off with the body,

We do not have an existence beyond that,

That we do not have a consciousness or a soul or a spirit which continues after death then I will definitely be in this survival mindset most probably.

Because I know then you know that I am going to die so better you know let's just try to survive somehow because death is something which is not good because I will stop existing after that and maybe death is painful whatever that idea is.

So when I have that fear of death I will live in a survival mode.

But the question is can we understand death?

Because once we understand death most probably we will stop fearing it because if we look at a lot of people who experience something called near death experiences who you know who are very who almost die and come back there are many cases of near death experiences.

When we look at those cases we see that most of these people and almost 98% of the people talk about you know having a wonderful experience in their near death experience.

They have a blissful experience.

There are some cases in which people have some dark experiences but most of the experiences are wonderful experiences,

Are blissful experiences,

Are experiences of expansion and love,

Unconditional love and most of these people did not want to come back to their body.

And in fact even in the Buddhist tradition,

In the Tibetan tradition there is this practice of meditating on death.

In fact Gautama Buddha when he used to initiate monks into his Sangha first he would make them go through you know this meditation on death.

He would send them for three months to a graveyard or a crematorium and he would tell them to meditate on dead bodies for three months and then come because he knew that once we understand death once we stop fearing death that's when our liberation happens that's when we are ready for the next level of spiritual journey.

And you know there is in fact even there are books on this Tibetan book of the dead and then there is Tibetan book of living and dying by living and dying by Soji Arlin Pushe.

And they talk about how it is important to understand death,

How it is important to become conscious of death.

So once we do that we stop fearing death because we fear what we don't understand.

So once we understand death we'll stop fearing it and that's when we can transcend this survival based unhealthy ego.

And then we can move into an abundance based ego which is a healthy ego which means that it is not about surviving anymore but it is about thriving.

It is about thriving now.

We need to thrive we just don't need to survive we need to thrive.

And there is abundance in the universe and that life is eternal.

You are not only this body you are a spirit you are a consciousness which is infinite and which is eternal.

And once we get into that abundance based mindset you also realize that you are the creator you can manifest anything you want.

So then if you get into that abundance mindset you will not try to snatch away things from others you will not try to harm others we won't do that anymore.

Once I know that I am whole and complete in myself that I have infinite possibilities that I am the creator I can manifest anything that there is abundance in the universe I will not snatch away things from others I will not harm others I will also create abundance for them and I will create abundance for myself.

So this is abundance based mindset this is abundance based ego which is a healthy ego versus an unhealthy ego of survival based mindset.

Now moving on to the next chakra which is the sacred chakra located just below your belly button it is also known as swadhisthana and the unhealthy ego for this chakra is the ego of codependency whereas the healthy ego is the ego of self dependency.

Codependency unhealthy ego self dependency healthy ego.

Now let me explain this.

Our sacred chakra is our connection to our emotions our feelings.

Now when I have codependency when it comes to emotions my behavior is of being dependent on others for my emotional healing for healing my emotions and that's when everything becomes about me right I develop this unhealthy ego I would say that oh I am so sad and I am suffering why why are you not doing something for me why don't you take care of me why are you not there for me so we are you can you sense the dependency in this in these statements can you sense the codependency and that's when I just I'm not a good listener but I just want to speak and tell my sad stories to others that's when I practice something called emotional dumping in which I would call up my friend speak to them for you know one hour two hours and just dump my emotions just talk about my own problems and not even listen to them not even can I'm not even concerned about them and every time I feel emotional I will be dependent I just want someone my partner my friend or someone to be there to listen to me to heal those emotions for me so I am dependent for my emotional healing but when I am self-dependent that's a healthy ego to have in which I know how to heal my emotions I am my own healer I can sit with myself in my silence in my solitude and I can observe my emotions and I can heal my emotions I can become conscious of my emotions and I can transform those emotions through my own self-healing practices you know be it energy work meditation whatever it is so now I am self-dependent now I am not dependent on others because one thing we need to understand is that healing cannot happen someone else cannot heal me it's not possible why because let's say you are talking to a therapist let's say you are talking to someone else about your emotions now what will happen when I am talking about my emotions I am functioning from the realm of words and words are connected to thoughts so I am still in my head thinking but the emotions are feelings which are felt in the body I am not feeling them so while I am talking about them I am just kind of also functioning from my mind I am not still connecting to my body to those feelings and observing them and becoming conscious of them so it's important to learn to how to heal ourselves with mindfulness with consciousness versus be dependent on others for our healing so the unhealthy ego is the ego of codependency the healthy ego is the ego of self-dependency now moving on to the third chakra which is the solar plexus chakra located just below your rib cage it is also called Manipura when we have an unhealthy ego for this chakra then it is an attention seeking ego we are seeking attention but when we have an when we have a healthy ego for this chakra then it is an ego of self-acceptance so unhealthy ego attention seeking ego healthy ego self-acceptance now let me explain this to you when we are attention seeking when someone is seeking attention all the time when someone is trying to show off what they have you know be it their clothes be it the money they have you know be it the fame the power whatever it is that means that this person deep down has self-worth issues that's because when I feel lack of sense of self-worth then I will try to attract attention right then I will want to prove myself to others there is a beautiful quote by jiddu krishnamurthy and he said that the greater the outward show the greater the inward poverty the greater the outward show the greater the inward poverty and that's so true I totally agree with it because the more we try to show off something outside of us it means that we have more deeper problems you know we have severe issues because these issues these lack of sense of self-worth issues mostly come from our childhood let's say if I experienced some abandonment or abuse in my childhood let's say nobody gave me importance in my childhood let's say someone left me in my childhood maybe there was a divorce in the family or maybe my parents did not give attention to me or maybe children at school bullied me then what will happen is I will deep down I will feel not important not worthy and due to that I will try to cover that up by trying to show off by trying to seek that attention from others I will try to prove myself that I am worthy the more I feel unworthy the more I will try to prove that I am worthy and the more I will show off the more I will try to get fame power and maybe even control others because when I control others I feel powerful right so that is an unhealthy ego to have the healthy ego is the ego of self-acceptance in which you say that I accept myself totally as I am that's what having a good sense of self-worth is where I'm not trying to prove myself to others I'm not trying to seek that external validation I'm not worried about what others say about me but I totally accept myself the way I am because if I'm trying to seek external validation then I will try to model myself for others the way others want to see me but if I totally accept myself then I will lead a very authentic life I will be totally in love with myself I will totally accept myself I will accept my flaws and I will realize that I'm just a human being and we human beings are supposed to be flawed we are supposed to be imperfect we don't need to try to become flawless try to you know try to just attract attention just try to become that perfect person outside which is not possible to become because all of us have flaws so when I totally accept my flaws when I accept who I am when that's when I have sense of self-worth and that's what a healthy ego is the fourth one is for the heart chakra the heart chakra is also called anahata located at the center of your chest the healthy ego for the heart chakra is of self-love whereas the unhealthy ego is of selfishness so unhealthy ego selfishness healthy ego self-love now there is a difference between selfishness and self-love these two are not the same there is a fine line between the two selfishness is when I'm ready to harm others for my own benefit selfishness is when I'm just too much focused on myself that I don't care if others are getting harmed in the process that's what selfishness is but self-love is when I love myself when I take care of myself when I you know when I have space my own space in my own time for myself when I spend some time in solitude when I work on myself when I work on my growth on my transformation on my awakening that's what self-love is now in the process I'm not harming others but I'm just taking care of myself because I know that you know if I am if I have come to this planet if I am living this life whose responsibility do have do I have first it is my own responsibility right if I don't take care of myself if I don't love myself how can I love others I cannot give something to others which I don't have I cannot love others if I don't love myself first so that's the first thing to do to love oneself but in the process not harm others when you love yourself first you love yourself but you also help others in the process think about others and take care of others but the first priority is to love yourself so unhealthy ego is of selfishness where I am focused on myself so much that I am hoarding things I am harming others what a lot of people do but self-love is when I'm loving myself but I'm also loving others but first I'm taking care of myself and loving myself next we come to the throat chakra the unhealthy ego for the throat chakra is the ego of abuse whereas the healthy ego is the ego of freedom abuse and freedom now when we have an unhealthy ego when it comes to the throat chakra our throat chakra is our center for expression you know that's how we express we communicate we express who we are through our throat chakra so when I'm using that expression for controlling others for harming others for manipulating others that's the ego unhealthy ego that I have in which I am abusing others and that's what a lot of people do who are good with their expression right that's what many politicians do who want to manipulate people because they are good with speaking that's what a lot of dictators do that's what these people do who have good expression but they are abusing controlling manipulating others that's what even you know narcissism is all about where in the family there is someone who is dominant and they are controlling others but what is a healthy ego when it comes to expression a healthy ego is the ego of freedom where you want your freedom you want to be a free individual you you speak your truth you express who you are you have the right to express who you are you have to write right to speak the truth you have the right to wear whatever you want to wear or not wear anything you have the right to sing dance make love that's your right you are a free individual absolutely but we do that without harming others again we do that without controlling others you just you just live and let live basically that's what your ideology is you are using your voice for your own freedom versus trying to control others so that's the the healthy the unhealthy ego or throat chakra is of abuse the healthy ego is of freedom moving on to the sixth one which is for the third eye chakra our third eye chakra is located right at this point and it is also called ajna now our third eye chakra is our connection to our intuition our sense of intuition and the unhealthy ego for the third eye chakra is the ego of knowledge whereas the healthy ego is the ego of wisdom so knowledge versus wisdom now why do i say that the ego of knowledge is unhealthy the reason is that knowledge there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom and this difference is something which is critical to understand knowledge is something which we take from others which we take from outside right when i'm reading books when i'm studying something in the university when i'm you know learning something from the outside that's knowledge now i'm not saying knowledge is bad what i'm saying is to have an ego for knowledge that might not be or to be proud about that knowledge or to show off that knowledge that might not be the right thing to do because that's just second-hand information i'm getting from someone right when i'm studying in the university when i'm reading books now i have read all those books but what i'm doing is i'm getting second-hand information from someone who has written that book but if i become egoistic about that which is happening in the society a lot today and it has been happening for a long time right where i am so proud of myself that i'm a doctor or i'm an engineer or i'm a lawyer or i'm a you know philosopher or i'm a whatever it is what whatever those titles are whatever those degrees are or i'm a scientist whatever those degrees that i have are if i'm too proud about that that's an unhealthy ego to have why am i proud about that it is just second-hand information that i'm getting from outside and i have just mugged up that information and then i'm becoming proud about it there's nothing to be proud about it whereas wisdom might be something more powerful wisdom is your own inner intuition speaking to you wisdom is something you don't get from outside but it is your own inner realization something that comes to you from experience it is when your your soul speaks to you your intuition speaks to you or something you know about life from your own experience that's what wisdom is versus knowledge so having wisdom is something which i prefer more versus knowledge because when i'm getting knowledge it is second-hand information when i'm uh when i'm using my wisdom that is first hand now again that doesn't mean that knowledge is something bad because you know you're watching this video you are getting knowledge but it is not something bad it's just that once we get that knowledge it is also important to connect to our own intuition and see whether this is true for me or not and to also experience that to also practice that and not just you know make it a knowledge thing but to bring it to our daily lives to practice it to make it a part of our experience that's what wisdom is when it becomes a part of our experience so wisdom healthy ego knowledge unhealthy ego and the final one is for the crown chakra located at the top of our head the crown chakra is also called sahastrar and the unhealthy ego for the crown chakra because the crown chakra represents our our mindfulness our divinity our presence so the unhealthy ego is the ego of stress whereas the healthy ego is the ego of relaxation stress versus relaxation now our society has confused productivity and stress has confused productivity with stress because we are as a society attached to stress you know we want to run around we want to be restless we want to just keep pushing ourselves to do things we are and that's why we are having this society of stress and anxiety if you look at the corporate world there is so much of running around there is so much of neglecting one's own mental emotional and physical health that we create stress and you know that's why we think that when we are stressful when we are running around when we are restless we are being productive we have made that association that's a wrong association because now we are understanding even in the corporate world that flow states are so important you know in especially in the corporate world and in the sports industry people are now talking about flow states and flow is something which mystics have been talking about throughout ages lao zhu stressed on this you know lao zhu talked about flow a lot to live life with flow to live life with mindfulness with presence to relax the more in fact the more you relax the more you become mindful and present the more you just breathe and take time to rest the more productive you will become you know that's what the studies are showing now that's what a flow state is that you are you are taking out that time for relaxation you are taking out time to rejuvenate and once you have relaxed then automatically you will get that energy to be productive and then you will be more efficient so we don't have to be stressful to work we have to relax we have to function from a balance from a flow state rather than stress so the unhealthy ego is the ego of stress whereas the healthy ego is of relaxation so i hope you found value in this talk and i hope you now have a better understanding of what ego death is and what is a healthy ego versus an unhealthy ego.

Reviews

You are truly gifted and amazing Human, I appreciate everything put out! Thank you so much!

Thank you, I loved the part about the chakras and the aspects of the ego 🙏

Very thought-provoking! I appreciated each chakra-based point. I will incorporate these concepts in my chakra meditation

Very good explanation of what bad vs good ego is and how to achieve goodness.

Hit home so very much. I definitely have an unhealthy ego and I appreciate the information. I have a lot of work to do but thanks to you I have a sense of direction.

Excellent! Engaging! A real treat to listen and learn. Thank you. 🙏❤️

I am so enjoying your talks 🙏 You give such useful/helpful information with a lovely calming tone. Thank you 💗

Thank you for sharing and creating . It was helpful .♥️

Brilliant. Will listen again and take notes. Thank you .

I have no words to express how grateful I am for this talk. I really needed to listen to this and I feel so much better. Thank you so much!

This is a fantastic talk. It wasn’t what I expected but what I needed. 🙏🏽

I learn so much from you. You're a brilliant teacher, and everyday I'm grateful our paths have crossed. Namaste ❤🙏💛

So true! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!

Excellent talk! I love the concept of examining the healthy ego and unhealthy ego aspects of each of the chakra systems. There are a few points that I would elucidate on, and apply a little more discernment; however, I found this talk to be highly instructive and valuable. Thank you. I enjoy your talks very much. 🪷🙏🏽🪷

This talk was perfectly timed and put things into perspective. Thank you.

Thanks for explaining with great examples especially when I find myself at this stage and I’ve been researching this topic online. Highly recommend listing 👍😊🙏💜

Excellent explanation Saqib! It meshes with what I have learned in recovery and also takes it to a deeper level of understanding…thanks so much for sharing!💖🙏🦋

i’m so glad you created a talk around this topic. i’ve attended your lives on this subject and i’m grateful to have a recording now that i can return to again and again 🧡 namaste 🖤

Thank you for explaining this so clearly.🙏