Why Do Loved Ones Fight With Each Other?

When boundaries overlap and people start stepping on your toes, even family can become enemies. Sadhguru explains why this happens to us.
Yogi, mystic and visionary, Sadhguru is a spiritual master with a difference. An arresting blend of profundity and pragmatism, his life and work serve as a reminder that yoga is a contemporary science, vitally relevant to our times.

Trigger Warning: This practice may include references to death, dying, and the departed.

Transcript

Questioner 1 Dear Sadhguru,

I find it much easier to see the wonder in the natural world than in humanity.

How do I see the same wonder in human beings that I see in the peacock dancing?

Sadhguru Well,

It's a human being,

Right?

No,

No,

I'm thinking if a bird is asking a question.

Well,

Human beings don't have such a wonderful plume like the peacock,

Tch,

We don't have.

We can put it on,

You know,

But it's just put on,

It's not like a peacock's plume.

So,

It's easy to see wonder in things with which you don't have to share anything.

You know,

There is a whole culture growing in the world where people go about saying,

I love the entire humanity,

But I can't stand the next human being who's sitting here.

It's very easy to love God,

For example,

Because he never comes and sits at dinner table with you.

Maybe you may take his name,

But if he sits at the dinner,

Then there will be problem.

Because he never comes,

Even what you offer,

You are very clear,

Only you get to eat it.

Yes,

Yes.

If he starts eating,

The offerings will poof.

I must tell you,

This happened.

This is a interfaith beggars association.

So,

There are only three members,

One Hindu beggar,

One Christian beggar,

One Islamic beggar.

So they said,

You know,

They're very religious,

But because of their economic condition,

They have to be together,

Otherwise they would fight.

So one day,

They met under a tree.

And then the Hindu beggar wanted to show that he's really a devotee.

He said,

See,

Every day whatever money and stuff,

Generally the money that comes to me,

Which comes in the form of coins and various small denominations,

I write a large Aum,

Aum,

And then I throw all the money up.

Whatever lands on the Aum belongs to Shiva.

Rest belongs to me.

I'm a real devotee.

Aum is,

You know,

Big tail and this one,

This one,

All that.

The Muslim beggar said,

I also do something similar,

But for us,

The sacredness of the moon is in the first day moon,

Which is a thin sliver.

I draw the picture of a,

You know,

The first day moon,

Then I throw the money.

Whatever lands on the moon belongs to Allah,

Rest belongs to me.

Then they asked the Christian beggar,

What do you do?

He said,

I'll take all the money and throw it up.

Whatever is his,

He will keep it,

Rest.

Like this,

It's easy to love a wild bird which is dancing,

Which is beautiful,

Because it doesn't ask anything of you.

It doesn't even like you,

Actually.

It doesn't think much of you,

Have you seen how a peacock looks at you?

It doesn't think much of you.

So there's nothing you have to offer,

There's nothing you have to do,

You can just enjoy things long distance.

This is why,

You know,

People are now full of love affairs going on on the Facebook,

TikTok and whatever,

Instagram and wherever,

Because you don't have to meet them.

You don't have to share anything with them.

You don't have to wait outside the bathroom when they're using it.

You don't have to stand in a queue behind them.

Nothing,

Instant everything.

If you don't like it,

You can turn it off and wipe out the account.

So the peacock comes,

Dances,

You love it,

It will go away.

No problem.

You don't have to house it,

Do one thing.

Keep the peacock in your bedroom for three days.

It will shit all over the place.

And in the night,

It'll do.

Very loud sound.

People may not know this.

Every day,

They're sitting on the roof of the place where I am,

And pa-pum,

Pa-pum,

They'll start in the morning,

Okay.

So keep the peacock in your house for three days.

Then let's see how much you will be.

.

.

So,

Human beings are a difficult species.

That includes you.

So,

Don't make this.

.

.

See,

We are talking about not having distinctions of race,

Religion,

Caste,

Creed,

Gender.

Lot of talk is going on about this.

I'm telling you,

Don't even draw lines about the species,

Why?

I love a monkey but I can't love a human being,

This means there's an evolutionary problem within you.

I love the monkeys but I can't stand the human beings.

What does it mean,

You don't like the evolution.

So,

It looks fascinating the one monkey jumps all over from branch to branch,

Fascinating.

Just one day,

Keep your window open in Shivapadam.

A few monkeys entered your room,

You're finished.

They will eat,

They will tear,

They will shit all over the place,

They'll destroy everything that is there and they're gone.

Now you come and say,

Ha,

My dear monkeys,

What a job they have done.

No,

It won't work like that.

So,

It's all right,

At least you're enjoying the birds,

It's good.

It's a.

.

.

It's a kind of a lobby called ornithologist,

You enjoy the birds.

Study the birds or enjoy the birds.

Bird watching,

But the same birds if they enter your room,

It's different.

The problem with human beings is you encounter them everywhere,

They're in your house,

They're in your office,

They're everywhere.

They're not just dancing somewhere far away.

If they were just dancing far away,

You would love them also.

The problem is,

You have to work with them,

You have to live with them,

You have to manage them every day.

That's a problem.

So,

I want you to understand this.

Nothing wrong in you appreciating and loving a peacock dancing,

Perfectly fine.

You must love him even when he is not dancing,

That's fine.

But the frog is saying,

Where is the snake?

When there are peacocks,

They eat up the snakes.

Every few days I'm bringing snakes and leaving them in the garden,

But these peacocks eat them up in no time.

You like the peacocks,

I also like them but I would like some snakes also moving around but they all get eaten up in no time.

So,

It is easy to love when there is distance.

See,

Many people right now in this virus times,

What are they complaining about?

Their loved ones,

They're cooped up with them in the house,

Big trouble.

Domestic violence has increased,

You know,

Hundred percent,

Some people are saying,

You know,

Some countries,

All kinds of troubles,

Everybody's asked,

Seeking advice,

What to do,

How to manage this family.

These are the same people you were missing,

Because they were going to office every day.

Why are you gone for so long?

But now,

They're home and trouble.

Distance is a wonderful thing.

Death is a fantastic thing.

See,

Dead people are always loved by everybody,

Have you seen this?

The moment they are dead,

They just suddenly become worship worthy.

Why did you not worship them when they were alive?

How come,

The moment they are dead,

They became worship worthy.

Anywhere in the world,

They'll put them up and do this,

Put flowers,

Do whatever.

Just because they're dead.

When they were alive,

You were not willing to do it.

When they're dead,

You're doing it.

That means what?

No,

I don't want to say it,

You know.

When they were alive,

You were struggling with them.

The moment they die,

You worship them and you miss them and you love them.

What does this mean?

You're waiting,

Probably.

Not a good thing,

At all.

So,

Let's look at this carefully.

Your problem is this,

That you have a defined characteristic of your personality.

You're looking for something which does not step on your persona.

But human beings,

You know,

Tch,

Not every human being respects your boundaries.

They step on it inevitably.

Some of them out of ignorance,

Some of them by intent like me,

You know.

Always by intent.

Stepping on your boundaries.

So the moment somebody steps on your boundaries,

You feel that person is a problem.

The peacock is outside your boundaries right now,

It looks very beautiful.

If it steps into your boundary,

You will see him also as a big nuisance.

Yes,

You will.

Whether it's a peacock or another bird or a monkey or a donkey or whatever,

From far,

Everything is nice.

So right now there is a distance between you and these creatures.

So you're enjoying it,

Enjoy that,

Nothing wrong with that.

But the important thing is,

If you create a little distance between yourself and your own personality,

You will see you will even enjoy yourself.

And once you enjoy this person,

You will see everybody is wonderful.

Yes,

You're not getting it.

I'm saying once you enjoy this person,

Everybody seems fantastic.

You can enjoy everybody,

Because now you see people for who they are,

Not having some framework into which they must fit into,

They don't fit into that.

This is why in India,

We created characteristics of a god in such a way,

It's impossible to accept that man if he was here.

You know,

A Krishna,

A Rama or a Shiva,

You cannot accept these people.

Ask the ladies,

Will they accept a Rama as their husband in their life?

They will not.

Ask.

.

.

Ask them,

Will they accept Krishna as their husband in their life?

They won't,

Because it's too much trouble.

But with 6000 years of distance,

How wonderful they look,

How fantastic.

And Shiva,

Impossible man.

Okay,

Just anything and everything that you can think of,

He is.

So,

This was.

.

.

The character of a god was built like this so that if you can be really looking at him for all that he is,

And still absolutely accept him,

And look at him in a worshipful way,

You will have.

.

.

If you accept Shiva the way he is,

You will have no issue with a single human being on the planet.

So you must do that.

Reviews

Wow. This was nice and funny and very helpful. I enjoyed it. Thank you so much teacher

I love the relief, the separation of me from my mind, my body and applying the same concept of BEing involved, rather than entangled with the humans I co-exist in direct community with. This talk offers me spaciousness as I interact with people, receiving their input, like it or not. Unconditional JOYfulness has a new feel after listening to this offering by Sadhguru. www.gratefulness.org, ahimsa

Loved this talk ❣️