How To Forgive & Forget If Someone Betrays You? | Sadhguru

Responding to a question about forgetting and forgiving, Sadhguru looks at why a person feels the need to forgive or forget, and explains how most people are not suffering life but their inability to handle their memory.

Transcript

You're not suffering life, You're suffering your own memory. If forgetfulness is an answer for life, We can just remove a part of your brain which holds memory largely. When unpleasant things happen to you, It's your choice either to become wounded or wise. You choose to become wounded and then try to forget the wound. How can I forget someone who hurt and betrayed me and move on with my life? I was visiting Mysore city and I was going into an apartment building to meet someone. A very petite lady who must be over seventy-five years of age, With a big smile on her face, She just came to me in a very familiar way and said, How are you doing? I said, I'm doing well but you know, I. . . Normally I don't forget faces but you know, It's been long time since I left Mysore, I'm just wondering who is this, Is it somebody that I know? I couldn't figure, Then I did namaskaram and went on. Then I was coming down with the people who are living in the apartment, Along with them I'm coming down. When I came into the corridor, Again this same lady comes in, Hello, How are you doing? I thought this is little. . . Just now she asked me ten, Fifteen minutes ago and again she's asking me. Then these people come and say, Poor lady, She's lost her memory. I said, She seems to be doing fine with. . . Without memory. People who are carrying their memory are torturing themselves, This woman seems to be fine with Mr. Alzheimer. You may couple up well with Alzheimer. Hello, He's a man's name, You know, I'm just saying. See, If you're forgetful, You don't have to forgive anybody. So when you say forget, Essentially you're wishing Mr. Alzheimer's to visit you and he may. Don't wish for such things. Hello? You say, I want to forget this, I want to forget that. You may be granted, Your wish may be fulfilled. Why should you forget anything? You're trying to forget because you don't know the simple sense that you are suffering your memory, You're not suffering life. You're suffering your own memory. If you lose this memory, What will happen? Let's say, Yesterday we had somebody running into a stone column in the ashram. Okay, Running full speed and boom. So suppose you forget it, Maybe every day you will run into it. Once you get hit by a stone column, Which is not coming after you, It's just standing there. If you forget it, Every day you'll smash your face. If you hit a stone column, You should never, Ever forget it. That stone column may be actually stone column or your mother-in-law, I don't know who. See, Mother-in-law is not coming after you. She's just standing in the same position she was standing when your husband was born. Hello? She's standing in the same place and you think she's in the way. No, She's standing in the same place, My son, My son, My son. All right? She's not coming after you, But you're running into it. So whatever you're running into in your life, If you forget, You will keep running into it. So don't forget one damn thing in your life, Especially if they're unpleasant things, You should never forget. But now you ferment. Memory is there for your use, But you ferment the memory and now the brewing happens and it boils up within you and creates bitterness. No, No, Memory is supposed to be stored in a, In a chip, You know, Not even a stick anymore, It's a chip. But here the mechanism is so sophisticated, The technology, It is not even a chip. It is simply somewhere, A little bit of chemistry holding it. So let it be there. If you allow it to ferment, Of course, It will intoxicate you, It will poison you in different ways. You don't know how to keep your memory. So you're thinking, Let me forget. What if they grant you a visit from Mr. Alzheimer's, Will you be happy that you forgot all your bitterness? If forgetfulness is an answer for life, We can just remove a part of your brain which holds memory largely. You don't remember a damn thing. You can be like unaffected by what happened yesterday. Is that what you want? If you become like that, We call you retarded. We don't call you enlightened. All the memory of lifetimes are there with you, Not just one life, Of many lifetimes. In this, There are many, Many unpleasant things, Many. But when unpleasant things happen to you, It's your choice, Either to become wounded or wise. You choose to become wounded and then try to forget the wound. Do one thing. See, Something that you want to remember, You cannot remember. Something that you want to forget, You cannot forget. Is that so? Hello? Try to forget something, It stays with you all the time. Try to remember something, Two minutes later, It seems to be gone. So I'm saying, You not organized this properly. You not programmed your computer properly. If you say remember, It forgets. If you say forget, It remembers all the time. Even in your dreams, The same people come. Just look at this one person and say, I want to forget this face. This face will. . . Wherever you look, From the trees, It'll come at you, From the sky, It'll come at you. So this is the nature of the mind. You, Without understanding a damn thing about yourself, You're trying to blunder through life. That is the problem. The problem is not with your life situations. The problem is without even reading the basic user's manual, You're trying to go through life. There is a price to pay. If you don't pay any price, I will be disappointed. Because it took lifetimes to observe and figure out how it works. Without knowing anything, If you can also live like me, I will be very disappointed. I will think it's very unfair. Hello? Yes or no? You strive to get somewhere. Somebody was just pushed there, Don't you feel it's unfair? Same thing. So one thing is, There is no need to forget, You must remember everything. Another thing is forgive. If you first of all think that this person has done something horrible, Then you try to forgive. If you don't label them like that, Where is the need to forgive? Hello? If you accept people for what they are, Different people are made differently. If you accept them the way they are right now, You will learn to operate to what extent. If you think you should work and live only with very good people, I'll tell you, Even here in the yoga center it happens, Many of the volunteers, Every other day somebody is coming to me and say, He's so horrible, I can't work with him. She's like this, He's like that, I can't work with these people. I say, See, In this world, There are only horrible people like this. This one, This one, This one, This one, Only this kind of horrible people. If you think what you're doing is significant, You have to work with all these horrible people. If you want to work with ideal people, You must go to heaven and today. Ideal people, Usually ideal people are all dead people, Isn't it? Do you see? Has it happened to you, Somebody that you had so many problems with, The moment they died, Oh, How wonderful they were. Dead are always wonderful. The living, Who come with, It's a mixed package, What you can get out of it, How can you make the best out of it, That is the whole challenge of life.

Reviews

I have listened to this a few times and it is helpful thank you.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful wisdom 🙏💚🙏. I'm deeply grateful to you for your insights and your guidance 🙏🕊️🙏.

🙏🏼

Thank you. 🙏

Great wisdom here. 👌🏼🙏🏼