How to Deal with Attachment?

Sadhguru answers a question about expectations, and looks at how it is important to establish ourselves in a state of joy and pleasantness, before performing action in the world.

Yogi, mystic and visionary, Sadhguru is a spiritual master with a difference. An arresting blend of profundity and pragmatism, his life and work serves as a reminder that yoga is a contemporary science, vitally relevant to our times.

Transcript

Questioner 1 I just have one question today.

I believe you've talked about expectations and I feel that sometimes I tend to be too inclusive in society.

Sadhguru Oh,

What is the too inclusive?

Questioner 1 I get over attached to the people around me.

Sadhguru No,

No,

No,

That's not inclusiveness,

That is being exclusive.

See,

If I get attached to you only in this whole crowd,

Is it being exclusive or inclusive?

Yeah,

Don't… don't give long… wrong labels.

You're calling exclusiveness as inclusiveness,

That's trouble.

Questioner 1 I just want to know how do you… how do I make sure that I get rid of the expectations I have from people and not let whatever their opinions are about me get to my head?

Sadhguru There are two openings which allow things into your head,

These two.

We can make Isha earplugs if you want.

I didn't know there was demand for it.

Our craft department can make Isha earplugs.

Very organic,

Cotton ones,

Wooden ones or just ground nuts,

Two ground nuts.

High protein earplugs we can advertise.

Now what you call as attachment is a natural consequence of exclusiveness.

The moment you choose between one and the… one and the other,

Getting tangled up with it is natural.

See,

We've already gone through this today.

We accept both filth and fruit,

But when it comes to eating,

We choose the fruit.

This is a choice we're making.

When it comes to physical activity,

We choose.

But when we just sit here,

Where is the need to choose?

For a specific activity,

Choices are made.

But for the rest of the life,

There is no need to make choices every moment of your life.

Inclusiveness means this,

Inclusiveness does not mean you have lost your discriminatory sense.

You have your discriminatory sense.

Your discriminatory sense is useful only for performing action,

Not for being here.

For being here,

You need not be discriminatory in any way.

To be alive,

If you discriminate,

It will not work.

But to act,

You need discrimination,

Otherwise you cannot act sensibly.

So this problem of getting attached or overly attached to one will naturally lead to another consequence of having deep aversion to many others.

See to balance your so-called love with one person,

You will have to have deep aversion to a whole lot of people.

You can't stand them.

Please carefully watch and see,

This is how it's working.

Whether you're… maybe those people with whom you have aversion,

You may not notice it unless they happen to be around you.

You have aversion,

But because they never came near you,

It's not felt.

But if they happen to come here,

You will feel it because this balance is always happening.

Now,

Your expectations about people,

This is not just about people,

This is everything.

What is the source of all human misery on the planet?

Life is not happening the way I want,

I think it should happen.

Hmm?

Is there any other cause I'm asking?

Life is not happening the way I think it should happen.

This is the only source of misery in human life,

Isn't it?

Tell me,

Is it easier to change your thinking or the world?

Changing your thinking is very easy,

Isn't it?

And first of all,

Now when what you think is so important for you,

Have you taken this faculty of thinking into your church?

No,

You're in a state of mental diarrhea.

If everything that happens in your thoughts come true in your life,

You're finished.

Fortunately,

They're not coming true.

My blessing is may your dreams not come true because the way you're dreaming,

If all of it happens,

You're finished.

Because your expectation is coming from a very limited picture of life.

If you want your life to heal in a maximum way,

Even in material life,

I'm saying in a maximum way,

I'm not talking about some spiritual dimension,

Just in your material life,

If you want to yield maximum in this world,

No expectations.

You know Shunyam meditation?

No expectations.

No expectation does not mean you don't have a orientation.

It is just that you don't… every moment you don't go about calculating,

Oh,

I didn't get what I want,

I didn't get what I want,

What I want did not happen.

No.

It's just that we want to move in this direction.

How far you will go will depend on how much gas you have,

Isn't it?

And if you have expectation,

You are wasting all your gas and simply revving up the engine all the time and you won't go far.

This whole expectation overtaking you has happened to you because right from your childhood people are asking,

At the age of three,

People are,

Tell me what will you become?

Will you become doctor?

Will you become IT engineer?

Some rubbish.

At the age of three,

The expectations that parents have of their children is largely so unrealistic and stupid most of the time,

It is neither good for them nor for the children and many… right from your early age you cultivate the same trend.

Let's do this much with life.

See,

All this problem is because happiness is a tomorrow thing,

You understand?

Why your expectations have such powerful grip on you is happiness is a tomorrow thing,

Never a today thing because only if this,

This and this happens,

I will be happy.

Now,

As you get more miserable,

As this,

This and this gets little more away from you every day,

Instead of coming closer if it's going away,

As you get more miserable,

The power of the expectation becomes stronger and stronger.

Right now,

Let's say you're really blissed out but you want this to happen.

We chased it.

Tomorrow,

Instead of being closer,

It's further away.

It won't create any great amount of suffering,

It will not.

It will not create any suffering because you're joyful.

So without fixing this,

You're trying to do things in the world.

Tch,

Long time ago it seems Krishna said,

Yoga sthaha kuru karmani.

That means first establishing yoga,

Then act.

But now you started your action in a mess,

So you come to yoga.

So we're trying to adjust this.

You're still a young person,

You do this much,

Forget about what you want in the world,

From yourself,

From the people,

From the world.

What you want,

Drop it.

Just establish this,

That what happens within you is determined by you,

Nobody else but you.

Just do this one thing,

Naturally you will choose to become pleasant.

When you're very pleasant,

Still 10,

000 things have not happened in my life.

So what?

With a joyful zest,

I'll go after it.

And the chances of fulfilling those expectations are far better.

If they don't happen,

Who the hell cares anyway,

Because my experience of being here is wonderful whichever way.

Without fixing the fundamental,

We're trying to run away.

We've not fixed this,

But we're trying to take this somewhere.

This is trouble.

If you want to drive your car,

You must see first it's properly fixed.

Two wheels are loose,

It's on the jack.

Now you try to drive,

You know it's going to be a disaster.

You're still a young person.

There's no need for anything to happen in your life right now.

This is a time to establish yourself.

This is not a time to drive.

If you drive before you fix the wheels,

It's going to be painful and disastrous.

Don't do that to yourself.

Reviews

🙏So helpful bless your joyful zest!

I never know where he's going, then "Bam!" and Ah ha, there it is!

Sadhguru, as always, providing relevant and meaningful insight

I really enjoyed Sadhguru's relatable explanations. Going along with his car analogy, now is the time to fix my wheels

He’s absolutely amazing, is all I can say.♥️

Honesty + reality = refreshing understanding of inclusivity verses exclusivity and additional topics, like attachmentS, that our EGO’s (Edging GOD Out) get tied up in knots about, on occasion! In extreme gratitude for the CLARITY of perspective graciously shared by Sadhguru, ahimsa

I've listened to so many of Sadhguru's talks and all were great, however this one is fundamentally important for me, I have to keep this is mind! Deep gratitude for sharing your wisdom! 🙏🌺

Even just 10 min and he's so insightful! And hilarious!!!

Wisdom and humour.

Incredible, as always. Thank you.

As always very logical and matter of fact, which tends to hit home for me. Thank you

Thank you for this wonderful satsang 🌸

This wisdom couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Thank you🙏🏻

This is such an important lesson: happiness is a today thing. It changes everything. Namaste

He enlightens me every time he speaks. A light goes off and I have a deeper understanding.

To be joyful and peaceful right now with no expectation!

Great advice! Thank you

"Not having expectation doesn't mean that you don't have orientation." Finally someone explains this in a way that makes sense to me.
Thank you.

Always great wisdom, and reminders for me to help stay on track with my thoughts.

The attacker is ourself, always. We can choose Essence identity and to not diminish self. 🙏❤️