Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One

In January 2007, during a satsang, Sadhguru responded to a question from a grieving parent who had recently lost a young son. He narrated stories from the lives of Gautama the Buddha and Jesus Christ while talking about dealing with the loss of a loved one.

Transcript

Namaskaram Sadhguru,

I am struggling with the loss of my 23 year old son.

How can I overcome the grief of this pain and loss?

Once upon a time there was a woman.

She has a family of a husband and three young boys.

One day her husband died,

She became very grief-stricken.

Naturally when one person who is dear to you dies,

The remaining few that are left for you,

You tend to cling to them harder than before.

So she hung on to the three children as her life.

And the eldest boy died after a year.

She became even more desperate and clung on to the two little boys who were left.

And a year later the second one died.

Now the one and only one left,

She clung on to him like dear life.

And today this boy died.

She just couldn't bear it anymore.

She went… lost her mind completely with grief,

Unable to bear it.

She took the little boy's body in her hands and went to Gautama,

The Buddha.

So she said,

You and all your spirituality,

All this whatever you're talking about doesn't mean anything unless you can bring this boy to life.

My husband died,

I somehow bore that.

My first boy died,

I still held myself.

Second one died,

I still held myself.

The only one that I have,

This is also gone.

If you are real,

You must prove now by bringing this boy to life.

Gautama looked at the woman,

He knew she's in such an inflamed state of emotion.

Now whatever you say will not get across.

Gautama said,

Let us do it.

He said,

Go out into the village,

From a house where there's been no death,

From such a house get me a few sesame seeds,

I will put your boy back to life.

The woman carrying the boy's body went from house to house,

House to house,

Looking for a house which has not known death.

As she went from home to home,

Desperately hoping that she will find one,

After being through the whole town,

She realized there had not been a single home.

Then she came down,

She did what she had to do with the body,

Then she came and sat in front of Gautama and said,

Now it doesn't matter,

And sat down to be there with him right through her life.

What is it that happened to her?

Why is it,

If Gautama is genuine,

Having so much mastery over life,

Could not infuse life into this little body,

It could have been done.

It can be done,

If the body is still ready to receive something.

There are too many stories from the West about raising the dead.

Repeatedly,

Whenever happened anything around Jesus,

When people accused him of miracles,

He clearly said,

It's not me,

It's you.

On a certain day,

Jesus was walking through a town.

As he was walking through the town,

He heard some ugly noises in the gutter.

He just went and looked into the gutter,

There he found a man rolling in filth.

Out of his compassion,

He got down into the gutter,

Pulled the man out and then wiped his face.

Then he saw,

Said,

Hey you,

What are you doing in the gutter?

You had leprosy and I healed you with my miraculous powers,

And now what are you doing in the gutter?

The man was totally drunk and has fallen in the gutter and rolling in filth.

That man said,

Yes,

You healed me of leprosy,

So I am now trying to have a good time.

Jesus thought,

This guy was better off with leprosy.

This filth that he has gotten into now is worse than the disease that he had.

At least he had humility,

Now he has lost that also.

With regret,

He walked on.

When he came to the market square,

There he found a man is harassing and tormenting a prostitute who is well beyond her years.

He went and stopped this nuisance and he looked at him and said,

Hey you,

You are blind and I gave you vision,

What are you doing?

That man said,

Yes,

I was blind,

You gave me vision,

Now I am trying to enjoy the beauty of the world.

Jesus hung his head in regret,

This guy was better off blind.

He left the town and he was just leaving the town and walking out,

There he found a man preparing to hang himself from the tree.

It got the news and getting ready to hang.

Out of his compassion,

He again ran towards the man.

That man looked at Jesus running towards him and said,

Not you,

Not once again.

You know who he is?

That was Lazarus.

So,

Whatever you think is a miracle,

Whatever you think is a miracle is coming from a certain state of misunderstanding of life.

One day a rich man invited a yogi to his house.

In India,

When somebody builds a new house,

They usually invite a sage or a saint to bless their house.

The yogi came to their house,

They welcomed him like a king,

Treated him like a king,

They worshipped him and then both the husband and wife came and said,

Please bless us.

The yogi raised his hands and said,

First let your father die,

Then you die,

Then let your children die.

The man got furious.

You fool,

We treated you like a king,

We fed you well,

We worshipped you and now when I ask for a blessing,

First you want my father to die and then me to die and then my children.

What is this nonsense?

The yogi was surprised,

He said,

What did I say wrong?

Is it not good if first your father dies,

Then you die and then your children die?

This is the natural order of life.

If suppose your children die first,

That is not good or you die before your father,

That is not good.

If your father dies first,

Then you die and then your children die,

It's good,

Everything is going good,

Isn't it?

Yes?

Now it so happened in our lives,

Which we don't wish for,

But suppose it so happened,

Either we died before our parents or our children died before us,

It is not something that we want to see.

It is not something that anybody wants to see,

But if such a thing did happen,

How do I go beyond this grief?

See when we talk about going beyond something,

It is not about forgetting about it.

You cannot forget your child.

You cannot tell yourself it's all okay,

What is there,

It's all right,

It's not all natural.

You cannot.

It is true,

Something that's very precious to you,

Something that means a lot to you is gone,

But the fact of life is such,

That which slips beyond the realm of what you call as life right now,

Once it crosses the boundary,

It is not yours anymore.

This is the fact of life.

It makes logical sense to me,

But still my grief is not gone.

That is a reality.

It is not with any insensitivity that I am saying this,

But it's time to accept it the way it is.

It is time to look back and cherish what has been,

And it is time to accept it and look at what you can do with the life that is here.

Listen,

Right now,

Your son,

Your daughter,

Your grandson,

Somebody who was very dear to you,

Passed away,

Untimely,

Instead of sitting and making yourself into a wreck,

There are so many other sons and daughters and grandsons who have nobody to care for.

There's enough opportunity for you to express this love and care in a million different ways.

There is so much life around you which needs this care,

And you have a need to find expression to this love and care in you.

Please do that.

If you don't do that,

Your grief will be forever.

It will remain bottled and torture you for all your life.

For one son that you lost,

You take up ten as your own and see that you find full expression to your love and your father's fatherhood.

You will find that it will become… your son would become a foundation to make your life much more beautiful than it would be with just one son.

You could make it like that.

You have to take that step,

Otherwise you will simply go on with something that you cannot change.

What is happening within us,

It doesn't matter for what reason it is happening,

Still it is being created by us.

If we are willing,

We can change that too.

And as long as you are alive,

It is important that you see how to contribute to the living.

Reviews

Soothes and inspires my heART after the pain of Loss and learning to ‘Remember with more Love’
💜🙏💜

Wow. This really hit home. I’ve just lost my father who was the only parent I had left, having lost my mum too many years ago. The whole idea of giving the love you can’t give your loved one anymore to the living who needs it is such a compassionate and different way to look at grief. Thank you Sadhguru, you always know how to touch hearts with your beautiful yet simple words.

Beautiful teaching.🙏 💚 Thank you very much 🙏💚🙏

Very good and nice. My mom died at 68 of cancer. Indeed if my brother or me would have died , would have been way worse

Thank you so very much for sharing such powerful wisdom. This is very helpful and true realization.