Self-Compassion For Circles

This meditation is designed to be used as a group meditation in Insight Timer Circles. The recording begins with an introduction as to what self-compassion is and how it is useful, then invites participants to welcome each other and acknowledge the group. It continues with an introduction and then goes into a self-compassion practice that is around 10 minutes long. The meditation closes by inviting the participants to share about their experiences and to thank themselves and one another.

Transcript

Hello.

Good morning,

Good afternoon,

Good evening,

Wherever you are.

I'm Ryan in Hong Kong,

And welcome to the Mindfulness Daily Practice.

So this guided meditation,

This recording,

Is designed specifically for use in insight,

Time,

Or circles.

So this practice is a self-compassion practice for circles.

One of the things that is special about this practice is that we take a little bit of time to talk to one another.

So I'd like to ask you,

To invite you,

To do that just now.

So take a look.

See who's here inside of this meditation right now,

And feel free to say hello,

To welcome each other,

Maybe say where you're from,

Say where you're meditating from today,

As one of the joys of Insight Timer is that we from all over the world can meditate together.

And maybe also connecting in to your intention.

So what is it that has brought you here today?

So many of us have many different reasons for why we practice,

So what is it today that has brought you to this practice?

So feel free to share that and notice maybe someone has written something that resonates with you.

And so feeling free to have a little discussion as we get started here.

So maybe someone's written something different.

So just connecting with each other,

Perhaps wishing each other well as we get into our practice today.

So I'll talk for a few minutes,

Then we'll get into our practice,

And then at the end you can have a little bit of time to debrief with one another,

Talk about how this meditation has gone for you,

And maybe what you plan to do in the future afterwards.

So just want to spend a few words talking about self-compassion.

So this is the the practice we'll be doing today is a self-compassion practice.

So self-compassion is kind of maybe not as expected in the culture today where we've been trained to cling on,

To latch on to our self-esteem.

Like what is it that makes me great?

And so remembering that and using that to bolster my my sense of self.

So going well,

You know,

I am a great fill-in-the- blank.

And so this is something that has boosted a lot of our ideas of self in the past.

But you know one of the problems with self-esteem is that we always have to,

We always have this desire to feel like we need to be better than others.

That we need to be above average.

Something about the word average has become.

.

.

Average is like a bad word these days,

Even though it is a mathematical certainty.

You know,

50% of the people will be below average and 50% of the people will be above average.

And whoa,

How terrible is it if I fall into that 50% of below average no matter what it is we're talking about.

Just those words below average can be really triggering.

So self-esteem certainly has some of its its fallbacks.

Because if I am below average,

What happens to my sense of self?

So this is where self-compassion goes in.

Self-compassion is is an unconditional love towards ourselves.

For us to be okay with ourselves as we are.

And we will fail.

And you know,

I'm sorry to break that to you.

But you aren't going to be successful at everything you do.

And some of these failures will be bigger than others.

And I also hate to tell you that the small failures are going to feel pretty big at the time.

There is something about our mind,

The way that it magnifies things,

That in this moment something that perhaps even a few hours from now,

I mean let's even say like six months from now,

Are you going to look back and remember this failure?

Is it going to feel the same as it felt today?

And so knowing that our mind does love to make kind of these crises out of things.

And self-compassion is a really nice antidote to that.

To go,

Hey I'm okay just the way that I am.

And instead of harshly criticizing ourselves for our failures,

Is it possible instead to be our own best buddy?

That to say,

Hey I'm here for you.

I love you.

I care for you.

Don't worry.

Everything's going to be okay.

Instead of,

Well you know,

I don't know what your default is,

But my default is to want to beat myself up.

To say,

Hey why didn't you do better?

Like you should have done XYZ.

If we had only done this,

Then it wouldn't have turned out this way.

Oh how foolish of you.

You know,

We didn't study hard enough.

We didn't practice long enough.

Oh I wish I wouldn't have frozen in that situation.

If I only would have said this.

Oh and we just beat ourselves up like this.

Whereas this is actually counterproductive to the process of getting back up and trying again.

That the more of this kind of negative self-talk we do,

The harder it is for us to get up and try again.

And so you don't have to take my word for it.

This is,

A lot of research has been done by Kristin Neff at the University of Austin.

And she has meditations here on Insight Timer so you can look up some of her stuff as well.

So just to let you know,

Self-compassion is not just a touchy-feely warm kind of way to be easy on yourself.

It is in fact a researched,

Studied way for us to in fact get back up faster,

To be more motivated,

To do better.

And so I would encourage you to to be open to this practice.

To have the courage to love yourself exactly the way that you are.

Knowing that there is no other moment in time for you to love yourself except for right now.

So why not give it a try?

And so that's what our practice is going to be today.

A little bit of self-compassion.

See if we can turn towards ourselves with a kind of unconditional love.

Knowing that we are okay in this moment and in the next 10 minutes or so of practice,

We're not going to drastically transform and turn into some new different thing.

When this 10 minutes is over,

We're going to be roughly the same person as we were before it started.

So why not give it a try and see if you can love yourself as you are.

So here is the practice.

Feeling free to sit comfortably if that's what's going to be supportive to you.

So checking in today.

Are you feeling sleepy?

If you are,

You may want to sit up as this practice is best done by engaging it,

By falling awake,

By being completely awake.

If maybe you're feeling really tense today,

Feeling free to lie down,

Get comfortable.

See if you can allow your body to relax.

So just choosing a posture that's going to be most supportive of you in our practice today.

And so once you've decided on your posture,

Once you've come into your posture of comfort and alertness,

Resting in stillness,

And maybe finding a spot in the body that you find to be grounding.

So it could be the cushion pressing against the body or the chair,

Maybe your feet flat on the floor,

Maybe tuning into your hands is what's best for you,

Or maybe it's following the breath.

So even though we're here in stillness,

The body moves with the breath.

So just taking the next few moments to ground ourselves in this present moment.

And if we notice during this time that our mind wanders away,

We start thinking about things.

Just letting go as best we can and returning attention to this object in the present moment that we have chosen in which to ground ourselves.

Are you feeling ready?

Seeing if you can bring a sense of unconditional love towards yourself into your own heart.

Is it possible for you to love yourself exactly as you are?

Are you familiar with this feeling?

What does it feel like to be loved unconditionally?

So if it's supportive to you,

Maybe even recalling a point in time in your life in which you felt unconditionally loved,

Remembering that experience.

And if you can't recall a time in your life in which you found yourself unconditionally loved,

Seeing if you can imagine yourself being treated that way.

What is it like to be unconditionally loved?

And so seeing if you can bring that feeling into your heart.

Notice what it's like.

Note its qualities.

And so maybe you don't feel worthy or deserving.

This does not matter.

Your mind may go to things that make you feel not worthy of love as well.

And so any time those come up,

Just treating those like any other distraction in our mindfulness practice,

Letting go of them and coming back to this feeling of unconditional love towards yourself.

Knowing that as long as I am alive in this body,

As long as I am a human being,

I will never be perfect.

So there's no time like the present to start loving yourself.

So holding yourself,

Cradling yourself,

Rocking yourself in this powerful,

Universal embrace of unconditional love.

And seeing if maybe that field of loving kindness can begin to radiate out from your heart,

Encompassing your body,

And not just your body,

All of you,

Whatever you perceive yourself to be,

Whatever this mystery of you happens to be.

Just tapping into this unlimited,

Unfathomably large field of loving kindness.

And knowing that our hearts can contain this vastness,

This vastness appears in us and around us and everywhere,

Even in our mindfulness practice exists this field of unconditional love.

Each time we bring our minds back with non-judgment,

We are exercising this self-love as we continue practicing,

As we desire for our own happiness and betterment.

And so now if it's supportive for you and your practice,

Maybe bringing some words into your mind's eye which can help support our feeling of unconditional love and self-compassion.

So repeating after me as best you can or maybe even imagining these words being whispered to you.

May I be happy and contented.

May I be safe,

Free from inner and outer harm.

May I be healthy and whole to whatever degree possible.

May I be at peace.

May I have ease of well-being.

And so repeating again,

May I be happy and contented.

May I be safe,

Free from inner and outer harm.

May I be healthy and whole to whatever degree possible.

May I be at peace.

May I have ease of well-being.

So continuing if you like to repeat these phrases in your mind,

Connecting to the feelings,

Not necessarily the words,

Not repeating mechanically,

But connecting into the feeling of being happy,

Into the feeling of being safe,

Into the feeling of being whole,

Into the feeling of being peaceful.

May I be happy and contented.

May I be safe,

Free from inner and outer harm.

May I be healthy and whole to whatever degree possible.

May I be at peace.

May I have ease of well-being.

And so continuing to bask in this feeling of loving-kindness,

Continuing to repeat the phrases if that's useful for you,

Or just continuing to hold in your awareness this feeling of being loved unconditionally by yourself.

And so just to let you know,

This loving-kindness exists everywhere.

You may think that doing this practice may seem selfish.

Why am I focusing on myself?

Remembering that in you is a bit of everything,

As you are not separate from this universe that gave rise to you.

So just resting in that awareness,

Knowing that through loving yourself,

Through being happier,

All of those around you will naturally feel that happiness radiating from you as well.

So in a moment I'll ring the bell three times to signify the end of this practice.

And so when you feel ready,

After hearing the sound of the bell subside completely,

Feeling free to open the eyes to move the body in any way that may be comfortable for you.

So congratulations on having made it through this practice,

For taking this time to strengthen yourself,

To bolster yourself in this way,

To bring some self compassion,

Some self love,

And to cultivate this kind of feeling,

Knowing that it does make a better,

Happier version of you,

And it will help affect those around you as you learn to love yourself more.

So feel free now if you like to thank everybody else who is here in this practice with you,

And feel free to share how this practice landed for you today.

What happened?

Did you notice something coming up?

Were there particular memories perhaps that came up?

What is it like to love yourself unconditionally?

Is this a familiar feeling?

Or is it challenging to do this practice?

So in Insight Timer circles,

This chat is very reflective of the present moment experience because once this group meditation has ended and you left,

The chat is gone.

So feel free in this safe space,

In this container,

To share whatever you feel like sharing because it will be gone.

When we go back to the main circle,

None of this chat will appear.

And of course you can feel free to share in the main circle as well to let everybody know how you're doing or how this practice landed with you,

Whatever you want everyone to know.

But in the meantime,

In this smaller version of the circle,

Feeling free to continue this conversation and this group meditation space will remain open as long as there are people still here.

So you can continue to chat with each other for as long as you like.

So I do wish you the best.

I wish you happiness.

I wish you safety.

I wish you health and wholeness and peace.

So be well everyone and I hope to see you again soon.

Until then,

Bye-bye.