Self Acceptance

What does self-acceptance mean? Self-acceptance is being satisfied with your character today. It’s a kindness to the self to support the self no matter what. Even though we have done or said negative things in the past. People can find it difficult to accept themselves because of guilt.

I wish I hadn’t said that.
I shouldn’t have done that.
Being rejected is a very negative experience.
So don’t reject yourself.

Transcript

Om Shanti and welcome to everyone who's listening.

On the topic we're going to explore is self-acceptance.

My name is Rose Goodenough and I'm from Innerspace in Glasgow.

I've been studying Raj Yoga since the early 80s and doing Raj Yoga meditations.

It's a daily practice that has really changed my life for the better.

And with me today is Marilyn Borden.

Om Shanti and welcome.

My name is Marilyn and I have the pleasure of asking Sister Rose some questions today.

I've been practicing Raj Yoga meditation since 1996 and it's changed my life too.

So I'm looking forward to hearing Sister Rose's thoughts today on self-acceptance.

So what is self-acceptance Nina?

It means being satisfied with your character as you are today.

And what happens is a kindness to the self,

To support the self.

No matter what,

No one else will support you in this way.

You have to support yourself.

Even though we have done or said negative things in the past and people can find it difficult to accept themselves because of guilt.

So guilt is going to take us anywhere because whatever is done is done.

I have to think,

Well,

I'll check maybe how to not go down that same track again because it causes us great distress that if we were to think what caused us or what is it that causes us to feel guilty is because we like to get things right.

Which is fair,

It's very good character.

So you say,

I wish I hadn't said that and I wish I hadn't done that.

So being rejected is a very negative experience.

We don't want to be rejected,

But so why do we reject ourselves?

Why are we hurtful to ourselves?

So if you do reject yourself,

You feel lonely.

And this is being very,

Very hard on the self.

This is the self being hard on the self.

OK.

You were speaking about rejecting the self.

And I think that's something everyone's probably experienced.

And probably on quite a constant level,

Just the self-talk is quite critical of the self.

That's like a form of rejecting the self.

Could you say a bit more about why we might do that?

Why would I be so foolish?

It's like self-sabotage.

Why would I reject myself and be so self-critical?

I think because you might feel other people are judging you.

And maybe your ego gets a bit upset.

Because we like to kind of feel we're in harmony with others.

And we hate to think we've made a mistake.

So it's about wanting to be right,

Funnily enough.

I get upset if I feel I'm not right.

So then I get critical.

So it's a bit like punishing yourself.

Also,

If I punish myself,

I'll be also hypercritical of others.

And this is the path Rajogha encouraged us to change,

Those attitudes.

But this can never be positive change.

Because to hurt yourself with negative thoughts cannot bring about positive change.

Because it makes you even more anxious.

And then you're even more anxious that others will be judging you as well.

It's a two-way thing,

The self and others.

How I treat myself is the way I feel others will also treat me.

And it's also the way I will also treat others.

So it's vital that we get peaceful and accept ourselves today.

If not now,

When?

And then day by day we can become more peaceful and understand more about who we are and make positive changes,

Choices,

To accept ourselves whenever or wherever you're at.

So this is the really important thing.

I have to get to know the way I think,

The way I am,

The sensitive sides of the self,

The way I feel,

The way I get anxious and upset,

The way I try very hard to please and to get it right.

So there's a lot of good things in there if I look at it.

There's a lot of good character in there.

Everyone has faults.

So over and over you should think not to cover up your faults,

Show them to yourself.

Because opening up like this means I will actually uncover nice things.

There's a lot of nice things in the self.

The very fact to get anxious if you make a mistake,

There's a lot of goodness in that.

There's masses of goodness involved.

So if I could focus on the good that's in me,

The sensitivity that's in me,

That's rather wonderful.

The wishing to get it right,

The upset if I get it wrong,

The trying so hard to do the right thing,

By goodness this is quite unusual,

You know.

So how can I be sure of my strengths and qualities?

When you find out that you did manage things well,

That's really a bonus.

If things are awkward,

You get a chance to see that you have many ways to adapt.

It's important to look back and acknowledge your strengths,

That you managed,

You managed,

You managed,

You did this.

So when I pay attention to my inner self and become more peaceful,

I can enhance all my positive qualities.

And so there'll be many,

Many positive qualities.

There'll be gentleness and kindness and wishing to be helpful and useful and wanting to get things right.

So don't hurt the self by getting upset when the self gets it even a little bit wrong.

Love the self,

Love the self.

Okay.

That was really interesting when you said that basically we're trying to be good.

And so we cover up our faults,

Like we cover up our mistakes because we want to be good.

But that's a form of ego as well.

So how do I start to understand what it means to be properly good,

Not just look good,

But actually from the inside and you seem to be pointing towards peace as the way?

Yeah.

Keep the self calm.

Anything that agitates or flusters me or makes me anxious is coming from my old ways.

And so when I practice the meditation,

I can understand that stillness and reassurance,

Reassuring myself,

Calming myself,

Keeping myself motivated and still,

That will bring me that feeling of well-being.

And so it's the qualities inside me that bring me happiness.

I can become happy with my own character.

And I know I can find the things in me to adapt and cope in many,

Many situations.

So should I feel okay about my weaknesses or strive to change them?

Well,

What I would say here is that usually your weaknesses,

These are what are making you feel anxious.

So if we change our weaknesses into a more calm feeling,

Then you've changed them.

That's all.

Make your weaknesses more calm and peaceful.

Look at them with a different look and just see where they're actually coming from.

It is sort of wanting to please and wanting to get something right.

And because I think I'm not doing that,

I become anxious.

So you have a choice to stay the same or change.

So what do I change into?

I change them to just a more calm and sensible character.

And it's meditation.

If we're practicing meditation,

That offers me the opportunity to change weaknesses into strengths.

And it's really character building to own your weaknesses.

You see,

If we ignore our weaknesses and we never do anything different,

When I own my weakness to myself,

I can look for a better way.

And I have a chance then to start to put happiness and virtue into my character.

Because when we look at our weaknesses and we see how we can make a difference,

Because we can see how they make you fall and they hurt you,

They make you anxious and concerned.

So talk to the self.

Teach yourself to talk to yourself inside.

It's a wonderful way to do things and then things is like,

Wow,

I understand.

Because I make a promise to myself,

I say,

Oh gosh,

I didn't ever understand that.

I didn't see that.

So,

Is it possible to learn?

I learned to feel okay about who I am and my present state of being,

How I am right now.

It is great to see my weaknesses.

What a relief.

What a relief.

Everything's okay.

It's such a comforting expression.

So everything is okay.

It's so comforting.

So no matter what I say,

It's okay.

It is okay.

Okay,

So am I able to recognize the energy of pure love in myself and maintain that gentle sweet vibration,

No matter what?

And I think that I really truly need to practice meditation,

Looking at the self in stillness.

So,

If I cannot accept others,

And I'm very critical of whatever I think they lack,

Virtues and qualities,

It shows me that I,

The self,

Am lacking.

So I have to develop tolerance and acceptance of others.

No one is to blame for my feelings.

So if I get upset by others,

Then I'm also lacking.

I can only change myself.

So no one else can change me.

So if I refuse to change,

Then I'll just stay fine the way I am.

So knowing myself will bring such inner strength that I can accept myself,

So that even external criticism won't have such a negative effect on me.

So if I'm honest and humble,

I can get a clear picture of myself.

It takes a lot to actually take on board that which I sometimes see and I would rather deny.

But the outcome is that if I can accept and become more peaceful,

I can feel more happiness.

And if I refuse,

Then I'll continue to feel anxious and try to please others and worried and have stress and tension about my own behaviour.

So gossiping,

Projecting,

Criticising,

I decide I can make that decision to leave those things behind.

Because how can I stop pointing the finger at others and become the best I can be and not blame anyone else for my own shortcomings?

When we think of it like this,

It's quite an eye opener.

It's hard enough for me to observe and change myself without having to try to think others should also try to change them.

They have to change themselves.

That's the rules of Ratchaka meditation.

OK,

So you're talking about all the different positive things we can do.

So why is it that I would want to get into criticising and changing others?

I'll answer that question for myself because it can hide all the things in myself that I don't like.

It can make me feel better,

At least we think it can make us feel better because I'm seeing faults in them.

So I think,

Well,

I'm not as bad as that.

And this is going to take me nowhere further down the track,

I would say,

Rather than up the track.

So I need to really put some full stop to stop criticising and trying to change others because I cannot change others.

How easy is it to change myself?

How easy can I change myself?

It's up to each of us to change our own self.

There's no way I can change anybody else.

I can be an example.

But I can't get into their head and think and sit in meditation inside their head with them.

They have to do it themselves.

So I have to change myself and leave it to others to change their selves.

OK.

So do you think it's like a symptom of not being able to accept myself,

That I can't accept others,

That I then criticise and judge and complain and gossip?

Yeah.

It's also ego because I want to keep telling myself I'm actually better than they are.

They've got more faults than I have.

I've got a lot of ego involved.

And a kind of laziness and a sort of inside refusing to change or feeling I don't really know quite how or I'm not managing change can take a while.

I have to be patient.

It depends what it is I want to change,

Because remember,

Some things have been there for a long,

Long time.

And they don't change just like that.

OK.

So laziness is an interesting one.

You're saying really that I'm too lazy to have self acceptance.

Yeah,

I suppose in a way.

That's what I am saying.

I want it on a plate in a way.

I want no effort.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want it just to happen.

Yeah.

So and it doesn't just happen.

So we are not too pleased with that.

It should just happen like that,

Because that's how I want it to be.

So it doesn't quite work when it's the emotional side of the self.

I mean,

It's easy to pick up something and put it down in a different place.

So that worked.

But to pick up a habit and think I could turn it around and put it back in and it's fixed.

Doesn't quite work just like that.

We would like it to.

I think it maybe doesn't.

I think anxiety was something you talked about as well.

It's such a problem nowadays for so many people.

It's probably the most bought self help book or the most clicked on self help talk is about anxiety.

So you connected that as well with self acceptance.

It's like instead of changing in a positive way through peace and self knowledge.

I try and change by almost punishing the self,

Thinking that if I just harden up on myself,

Eventually I'll change.

But that just makes me more and more anxious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How can I wake up from that kind of cycle then of being so hard on myself and yet not fall into laziness,

Which you're saying is another kind of trap to just wanting it to sort of magically all come good?

I think it's different for everybody,

But if you want something enough,

Then you'll keep going till you achieve something.

And I think in meditation,

If you keep doing your best to sort out that which you want to sort out and if you share with the divine.

There's a good chance over and over.

If you do this.

You'll get some clue as to how you're off in the wrong direction.

And if you just change the direction that you're going in,

You could have more success.

And if we listen to spiritual teachings every morning.

So even if a tiny thing happens to make more and more sense.

And I practice it.

A little time starts to work.

And it can bring me such good feelings.

Okay.

We talked about the divine and sharing with the divine.

Practically,

What kind of things,

What kind of conversation,

How do you start up a conversation that is quite new for you?

The art of conversing with the divine.

Well,

The divine is a point of light and I'm a point of light.

So we have that in common.

And he's actually my father.

So,

So I have that common as well.

And so if my heart is sincere.

And I really want to know something.

I think it become a bit clearer to me if I start to have these conversations with that one.

Tell me more.

Tell me more.

The point is,

In some ways,

We have to change.

Because we're off on a new journey.

And we're moving towards something different.

And so,

If not us,

Then who?

We are going on a different journey.

And so the change may take time for some and be faster for others.

But the change has to take place.

Somehow.

It will be different for each individual because we are all individual.

And so,

Okay.

Yeah,

You make it all sound really nice and soft and gentle,

Which is very reassuring.

And I think that's what we need for self-acceptance is to learn the art of self reassurance.

Really,

You've obviously developed an art of speaking to yourself in a very supportive way.

Did that come naturally for you or is it something you've learned or is it to do with your connection with the divine?

Well,

It doesn't come any easier for me than for anybody else.

But I would say that the tougher the tests,

The more dramatic the scenes that come in front of you.

And the only one you can turn to is that one.

So,

If you're still steeped in thinking that drama is completely supporting you now and drama is wonderful.

Well,

It is.

But if you think that all is well and is going to continue being well forever,

Then it'll take you a long time to change.

But I think if you happen to find that things can get very tough.

And when you look around,

No one has any answers.

And so what do you do?

You don't have answers.

No one else there has any answers.

There's only one that might have some answers.

So when I listen to spiritual information and I practice meditation,

I might find an answer here and there.

So this is how I learned,

Actually,

Through things not being too easy,

Being anything but easy,

Actually,

Being quite dramatically uneasy.

And that discomfort,

Which can reach a state of critical mass,

Can make you think I have to find an answer here.

It's not going to go away.

Who can help me?

Who are my friends?

Who are my family?

Who are my next door neighbours?

Who's going to be able to tell me who are the people who are big spiritual warriors?

Even they can't get inside my head.

They can give me some help and information,

But they can't exactly tell me I have to go myself on that journey inside my own head.

But if I go with the one above,

I can start to put things into place.

That's my experience.

So it's interesting thinking what you're saying.

We're all different.

We can't do it for each other.

We need to develop our own connection with the divine.

So you're kind of saying it's possible for everybody to accept themselves,

That we're all different and we're all at different stages and levels and yet we're all worthy of self acceptance,

Although we're not all perfect.

So does the divine accept absolutely everyone?

And how does that work?

And how could I use that if that was true?

The divine accepts everyone because the divine understands that it's not a breeze for us.

To go back to being what we originally were is a challenge,

Of challenges.

And accepts and will give every scrap of support if you're up for it.

So we've explored lots and lots of ideas on self acceptance and meditation and peace and connecting with the divine.

I suppose what we haven't looked at too much is the word self,

Actually,

Because to accept the self,

We haven't really explored what is the self that I'm accepting.

Is it a little box with this is me,

I'm so and so,

I'm this and that.

What is it that I'm accepting?

Is it how I look?

Is it my age?

Is it what is around me in my life?

Is it my family?

Is it what I do?

What is the self?

Or is it that whole package?

Is it a whole list of things?

I think it's a whole list of things actually,

But the real self that we're looking at to accept is our character.

Because the character is what we would be interacting with others using.

And we want so much to be treating them with as much respect as we possibly can.

Our friends,

Our relatives,

Our family,

People we interact with,

We want to help them.

Although we haven't 100% helped ourselves yet,

But we're still on the track of helping others.

It's in us.

It's an inherent characteristic.

That's why it's difficult,

Because when we see faults in others,

We want to change them.

And we think we should be able to just say,

You know,

It'd be better if you did it that way.

But that doesn't work,

You see,

I have to say that to myself now.

I have to change my own character first.

But I can still be useful and do good things for others because there's goodness in our character.

So the self,

The eternal self,

Is light,

Point to light.

I'm a soul.

And the people I interact with are souls.

I'm fortunate enough to know that I am a soul.

People interact with quite often don't know this and they may never accept it.

But if I know it,

I can treat them in a different way and see their dignity and see their really good energy.

So this is Radh Yoga.

I'm a soul,

A point of light.

And I've come from the soul world and I've been on a long journey and I've gathered so many bad habits.

Now I want to get rid of them because they don't belong to me.

So you would think it would be easy to get rid of them,

But you see they've been in there for a long time.

But they will go.

They will go.

So for you then,

Rather than self acceptance,

It's more like soul acceptance or it's the same thing,

Soul acceptance,

Accepting myself as a soul is the key.

But then as a physical being,

Also starting to accept that I'll make mistakes.

And I'm not perfect yet,

But my heart's sincere and I want to get rid of some of the things that are in my way.

Yeah,

So it's a balance really.

So if someone was having a really hard time and maybe they're quite new to meditation and there's so many different things that you've touched on today.

There's being hard on yourself,

There's being lazy,

There's ego,

There's blaming others.

There's so much that it seems to pay attention to and that peace is the key.

But if someone was just really new to this,

What would you say would be one or two just nuggets to go away and really think about and just keep churning over,

Pondering over every day?

I would say to look at the fact that their energy in the centre of the forehead.

Because all the thoughts and feelings and characteristics are recorded on that energy.

And yeah,

They won't pull them away from their physical persona,

But it will point them in the right direction as to where their feelings are coming from.

Okay.

Once again,

It seems really simple.

And that's probably what's very attractive about Rajogam meditation is the simplicity.

When I think of self acceptance,

It seems on one hand to be such a complex issue because the self people appear very,

Very complicated,

Each of us so unique,

So different,

So complicated.

And yet this solution that you're offering that the Brahmachamayas teach is really,

Really essenceful and accessible,

Easy for anyone.

Did you find that straight away for you?

Did you think,

Wow,

This is really,

I could do this?

Yeah,

I think I did,

Because people are so different.

You cannot go down the track of where to go.

Our characters are different.

We always will be different.

Our characters are unique.

And you don't know how unique they actually are,

Even people from your own family.

They're different from you.

They have different characteristics.

And so you cannot go and start giving advice there because you don't really know how they work.

You don't know how yourself works.

But one thing you do know is that we're all energy and that all our characteristics are recorded on that energy.

And if I stick to that,

There's a good chance because I learned a lot of big,

Big things about myself in weeks,

A matter of weeks sitting in meditation.

It was like,

Wow,

Never would have thought of that.

Someone who had been my worst enemy.

I suddenly had realisation about how that worked.

And people who completely dug their heels in and thought I was losing my plot,

You know,

But I began to understand through sitting in meditation because they could not take it on board.

But some of these people actually came and did the course and found out they were a soul.

But physically,

I couldn't have sorted it out.

I tried for years.

I'd never,

I'd never could have been able to sort out people's characteristics.

Apart from the nice things that you see in interaction,

Smiles and pleasant and gifts and all that parties and things like that,

But the complexities of people's character,

They're invisible.

You can't really tell what's going on.

But a factor of soul answers so many questions.

OK.

Well,

Thank you very much for sharing today,

Sister Rose.

And I think that you have a beautiful meditation ready for us to finish.

Yeah.

So I want to thank everyone for coming.

And I hope this has been useful.

It's certainly been a delight to be talking to all of you.

And so enjoy,

Enjoy and practice finding out about your real self,

Because you'll get a surprise because it's very beautiful,

Very beautiful.

So again,

Thank all of you so much for being there.

And we're going to close with a beautiful meditation.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

This is a meditation on self acceptance.

You are worth thinking about.

Make time every day to be with your positive self and think about your inner resources.

If you find it very hard to accept yourself,

Then you might experience arrogance or feeling worthless,

Critical of others or anger.

How can I have the willpower to change old thinking patterns?

I only want to express positive values in my life.

But it seems we need to relearn these values.

And for this we need power.

It is as if we don't know how to feel free and in control.

So get to know your own self again.

The real you is a beautiful soul.

So set yourself free.

You deserve this.

Respect yourself.

And you can choose the quality of your thoughts and feelings.

So for self acceptance,

Your mind creates a quality experience.

Adventurous,

Calm,

Careful,

Caring,

Confident,

Cooperative,

Generous and gentle and happy.

So with self acceptance,

I can be these things.

Helpful and loving and patient and peaceful.

And that's why meditation is so important for the mind.

You start to take back the control of your mind.

You create the thoughts that you want.

There is less and less negative influence.

See yourself as the ruler of your inner world.

A very wise and kind ruler.

I govern the quality of thoughts that I want in my mind.

Just think that you are a thinking being.

So pay attention to your thoughts and create more positive thoughts.

Self acceptance.

Accept myself.

Om Shanti.

Self acceptance.

You're invisible.

But your vibrations can be felt by others.

Your inner beauty shines through your eyes.

And it can be heard in your voice.

If you ever feel mistrust or that someone is not being honest,

There is likely that you're feeling their vibrations.

What is inner beauty?

Your character reveals your real beauty.

Bright,

Clear,

Gentle,

Kind thoughts create beautiful vibrations.

So self acceptance is the key to inner beauty.

And peace is the foundation.

So how can you grow your self acceptance?

Through meditation and an optimistic attitude,

I can shift away from negative thoughts and learn to generate good feelings.

My thoughts make the mind uncomfortable and I can become frozen inside.

So self acceptance is my inner beauty.

I have to remember that I am the energy in the centre of my forehead.

I'm a soul.

I'm a beautiful soul.

So if I could be patient with myself and remember I am the energy in the centre of the forehead.

And remember to be the true self and choose to be beautiful.

I am a soul.

Teach myself to accept that I am the energy in the centre of the forehead.

The being of light and this energy,

The natural energy of my soul is peace.

And this peace is the essence of life for every soul on the planet.

So I practice accepting myself.

I am a soul.

And I'm a child of the one above,

The highest energy,

The ocean of peace.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

Om Shanti.

I am a soul.

I am a child of the one above,

The highest energy,

The ocean of peace.

You you you you you you you you you you you

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