From Blame To Optimism

When we feel conflict or blame we experience fear. We try to avoid feeling that we are to blame for anything. This applies over and over in so many situations. My attitude creates my thoughts. Do you sometimes have an attitude of challenge or blame or criticism? If so then you close the doors to possibilities of making things OK for yourself and for others. But you can have real power in any situation.

Transcript

I'm Shanti and welcome soul to soul and we're going to talk about from blame to optimism and this is Rose from Glasgow Inner Space.

It's a really interesting thing to look at because if we don't understand this habit it's a big big big big habit in human beings.

It's not that we're bad it's that it's a habit that is there without us even prompting or thinking about it.

It just happens as easily as breathing because the least thing we feel we turn out to blame someone else.

I have shared stories about this before how I bumped my head and someone who was away far away from me I turned around and blamed them how what could they be blamed for me bumping my head and even at the time I saw it as ridiculous but because it was sore you feel like you're irritated and you want to blame whoever's next to you so it's very tricky must be very tricky right now when people are put together a lot more and they have this habit of blame they will blame each other for everything that goes wrong and so we need to look at this so when we feel conflict or blame we experience fear and therefore we try to avoid feeling that we're to blame for that we don't want to we don't want to think it's our fault and this applies over and over and over in so many different situations and so I have to look at my attitude because if I have this attitude of blame I have to look at my thoughts actually so if you sometimes you have to have a look now to get a hold of this feel you have an attitude of challenge or blame or criticism and if so you close the doors to possibilities of making things okay for yourself and for others because you don't you close the door to the truth and the truth is possibly that maybe I could have done something and didn't do anything but we do have real power in any situation that's actually happening and if there is awareness that a negative attitude will have a painful outcome then you can choose a new way if I realize that this is not true this isn't right so if I refuse to take responsibility for my own attitude and thoughts I will cause a lot of disturbance for myself and in relationship with others if I remain blaming and critical judging and disrespectful I will remain emotionally blocked because I won't ever know the truth I won't learn anything I've closed the door I refuse to take responsibility that might have said something I might have been able to do something it was nothing to do that other person but I am absolutely determined not to look this is what this blaming attitude is like so I do my best now not to make the situation worse by blaming someone else and remaining heavy by casting blame things get even worse and and quite a funny story and you've probably heard it but when we worked in the prison with boys they used to tip you used to see it was the culture of blame the officers used to say this is a culture of blame and so they said there's nobody here that's done anything they're all innocent and this is a long time ago not so we can't believe we just really kind of believed these boys to be quite innocent they used to look as innocent as they were just young boys some of them used to think what are they doing in prison oh my goodness I think I would like to think I could take them out here but in actual fact they weren't in there for no reason but they they were refusing to take the blame they'd say I wasn't there you know I just happened to be passing by and the police drove up and rounded us all up and I was amongst them and and here I am but I actually didn't do anything so it's quite comical if you look at it that way so we're all different and we're all unique and there's a wonder to see within each individual person each soul and if I'm in a heavy mode and I'm not able to see the wonder if I'm thinking oh they were this and they were that but if I have a general attitude of optimism it's the very fast way to raise my energy and if I can keep my energy uplifted then a whole new perspective on the situation opens up like just just just keep still just don't say a word here maybe are a bit to blame here or maybe it was a two-way thing maybe it's stop having this blaming situation because then you hold the resentment and then you hold the image of that person as being the one who did wrong and was got in for you and always doing wrong and maybe they haven't done nothing not a thing but it's your attitude that's creating all of this chaos actually and I'm sure if we're all honest in our heart and we look inside we'll see that we've done this a few times maybe more than a few times I know as I'm speaking I can see so many situations where I've been doing this over the years I do my best not to do it now but I have definitely been doing this and I know someone who thinks that that's what I was doing when I wasn't doing anything and that's when I start to think about others oh gosh I thought in my head to be doing anything like that the next thing I'm getting the blame so we have to think the damage we're doing to ourselves and the damage to others so when I really just take heart and decide to have a look through different situations I feel oh my goodness so when I change my attitude everything changes it's not reliant on others changing because they might never change they might never see it wasn't me it was them so the third eye is the awareness of the soul a spiritual perspective comes from using your third eye thinking carefully practicing I am a being of energy this brings helpful attitudes and I no longer need to study I'm sorry I no longer need to struggle to actually stop the negativity I need to study actually that's quite a good one I can feel a dance in my mind instead with a relief I feel the lightness and happiness like caution I don't want to go there anymore getting this wrong creating this chaos it's me that's doing it we're not doing it in a bad way we didn't think to be bad so this brings helpful attitude and I no longer struggle so automatically I feel light-hearted and more friendly just have a look and see how you get caught up on trying to prove how bad someone else is it's not me it was them I mean it was that here they didn't never like this and then they did that before they did something else like that and all and the purse so maybe maybe they did a bit something but actually this harshness in us comes to the surface so if I keep going with that process of seeing that others are blaming others it will pull me down so learning to use thought energy will bring out the best in the self so if I can keep thinking like that we're all different I'm a real special and we're all valuable seeing myself more clearly means I stop having such negative visions of others I could teach myself anyway to be like that I can value myself more and I can value others more what you're saying makes a lot of sense but I also recognize the heavy energy you talked about and how once that's begun either just when you're on your own or in connection with someone very difficult to shift do you have any short-term or long-term solutions to you're talking about dancing in the mind and uplifting energy all makes perfect sense but I also know the heaviness of that unpleasant negative energy and how it can become very sticky it's hard to move out it's it's something I have to practice really before it happens if you know what I mean I need to be thinking about it from now going home and thinking about this and then if a little thing happens and I find I'm ready to cast the plane nothing has happened as yet but I catch myself then and then if something does happen and I'm a way to blame someone and they really are to blame because it could be to blame I have to show that I value them first I have to speak really nicely to someone and show that I value them and find a very tactful way maybe not even go into it but just not go down the blame situation don't blame them even if they've done something that you don't like but if it's to do with myself I have to teach myself to catch myself before I start to feel the hurt or whatever and I have to value myself absolutely you're doing your best you're very sincere you're very good-hearted you're not bad the minute you see the truth you're not going to go hurt on someone else so go down that track of knowing who you really are you're not in the least bit interested in causing a chaos or hurting someone and then maybe they've hurt you but you're not going to blame them for having hurt you you realize that this thing of blame has taken you quite some time to get a handle on so you can't go blaming them for blaming you either.

It's quite something you know.

You set up a dialogue,

You set up a space where the fear of blame or punishment is removed and there's a chance to communicate.

And maybe even have a smile.

You never know you might have a smile.

That's lovely because people are terrified of being blamed even if they know they did something.

And then that makes it worse.

And you also said about practicing in advance and it made me think about how we can be trying to prove how bad other people are.

Even when there's like nobody else there but it's almost we're trained because everything in the media is all about how bad people are it's very seldom about how good valuable or wonderful people are so to shift that and watch for that habit.

I know well we often we do that to make ourselves look better in some way as we know that one and we know we know these rules but we have to practice so that we've got them ready when things happen because it's almost like a huge relief for us to cast the blame on others.

It's like oh I'm off the hook but what I'm doing is I'm I'm not facing the truth that they didn't or if they did it's because they don't know how to stop it or they don't even understand it and it would cause chaos if you were to actually go into it.

You would have to try and create some form of a let it go and maybe just take some ideas from the situation and not feel that you're desperate to prove how right you are and but think well leave it be just now let it cool maybe another time something similar comes along or just before something comes along let me look for openings to say you know I'm not to blame or or you're not or you are to blame or you're not to blame or whatever.

It's really interesting because we want to be good we want to feel that we are good.

That's it.

In order to feel good I kind of paint this false good to the ego you might call it and then that actually gets in the way of me exploring a deeper actually really being.

What you might call a purer soul or a fresher,

Brighter energy because I'm so much trying to show the world that I'm good.

And it takes away my happiness and my feeling of respect for myself and that great feeling of relief that I've done the right thing and that I am good.

I can't feel that if I'm always blaming.

See what I'm saying it's quite something but it's a two-way switch I have to understand the blamer as well.

They don't they can't help it you can't help it because giving us a second will be blaming someone.

Let us let go of understanding and we're away down that track again it's such a it is to try and be good.

So the key of soul consciousness that we use for everything how does that fit into this?

I mean how does that just make it all come alive and make it possible when I know something about who I really am?

I think that if someone starts to believe that I actually trust them trust is a big word and if I start to keep thinking of trusting for myself I've got to trust myself and when I know that I trust myself and I'm doing something that's not such a good thing I have to keep on that track and remain cheerful optimistic and light-hearted like it's okay it's okay everything's fine it's not such a big deal kind of attitude you know.

And then this will help me to no matter how much someone gets disturbed by what's happening if there's a chaotic thing happening this will save my inner power and actually save someone else's inner power.

Forceful angry energy is weak and there isn't any strength in it.

Higher energy is full of power,

Peace,

Kindness and patience.

So if I start to look at these higher energies stillness,

Silence,

Understanding here we need understanding.

I need to put a full stop to wanting to jump in there and express you know and understand if someone else is jumping in there to really have a go at me.

And I know this or I don't know what they're talking about but maybe there is something there I also have to look and see if there is and start to have that honesty.

So when I practice meditation my power comes back stillness inside brings back my inner power.

When I have my inner power I have the strength to kind of stop,

Listen and see what's happening and try something that's a bit better.

That's about it really.

Do you think that soul awareness can help build that trust you spoke about?

Like even if the other person doesn't trust me I have a kind of faith and there's something in there that's positive.

If you see the law of energy is what you put out you get in.

So if I'm trusting someone even if they're treating me very poorly my energy trust will be having an effect.

And if it's a one-off I might never see the result of that but if it's someone I'm you know in communication with a bit there's a chance that they will begin to think well you know maybe she's not as bad.

I thought she was.

And they may start to trust you a bit and see that you're not in there to get one over on them or find fault.

So that's where really where spirituality comes in that not to feel you're really better than anyone else.

That you feel that you're all energy.

So what kind of things do you say to yourself to help you understand your part in something?

Because there's a question coming about that.

It's easy to see the other people's part but it's not always easy to see the self in a mix and see my part,

My imperfections.

What I do is I look at silence,

Stillness and I look at tolerance.

I think tolerance is an incredible energy.

I encourage myself to be tolerant.

I'm tolerant about myself and understanding comes from tolerance.

And the energy I was thinking about recently quite a lot was to be okay about everyone,

To accommodate whatever anyone's like.

And it takes you to think about this in advance.

You can't just go in there and start saying I'm tolerant and you know I can accommodate whatever they're like and they can be really terrible to me and I'm going to smile.

It's like I have to think about it in advance and then I have to realise that there's some benefit in this for me.

You have to be real here.

The benefit is I'm going to learn and then I'm going to feel the achievement of having done it,

Having been tolerant,

Having accommodated,

Having respected,

Having had a good vision for another being.

And once I do that I can do it again,

Again,

Again,

Again,

Again and it'll get stronger.

And my feeling of trust for humans,

Whatever they're like,

Will grow and develop.

That sounds really hopeful.

That is very hopeful.

It can do with a good injection of hope I think and optimistic.

Yeah,

Yeah,

It's very optimistic but it's very real and it doesn't just happen,

It doesn't just fall into your hands.

You do have to practice the stillness and the silence and the good feelings for others knowing that there but for fortune that's where I was.

And this is where they talk about experience,

When you experience something it's a very,

Very powerful energy.

Well,

We all definitely experienced that we had all these traits which weren't too healthy for us.

And when I know that,

How can I get annoyed at other people having these same traits that I had?

Well,

Maybe I've still got a trace even but I do my best not to have them now because I know they're not going anywhere.

I know they're hurtful and I know there's no truth.

It's not true actually for any of us and there's no outcome.

There's no,

What's the word,

Closure.

Because it's just false.

You say I blame you,

You're horrible,

You were terrible,

Look how you treat me,

This is dreadful.

Oh,

Can't stand it any longer,

I'm going to run away.

Where does that get?

You just meet someone else and go through the same stuff again.

And then you run away from them and you have to run away again and again,

Again,

Again,

Again.

I have to turn round at some point and say,

No,

I'm going to stop and I'm going to look at myself.

And maybe it is me because the same things are happening to me over and over and it's not pleasant.

So it has to stop now.

Now when I know I'm a soul,

I can begin that journey.

OK,

Well,

I think we could talk all night,

But we better stop now and have a moment of silence.

A minute of silence.

OK.

So looking at the centre of the forehead.

Just bring it into our awareness.

I'm a being of light.

The centre of my forehead,

Of thinking,

Feeling,

Loving,

Peaceful.

Energy capable of all understanding.

I have to test my capabilities and courage,

Myself.

To be real,

Truthful,

Powerful.

Real soul conscious energy in the centre of my forehead.

I am a soul.

An interaction,

I'm interacting with another soul.

Very similar to myself.

A being of light.

A loving being.

Om Shanti.