Break The Blame Chain

Are you nervous about being held to account for your actions?
When we point the finger, three fingers point back at us.
Blame is wrong because at best it involves simplification,
at worst a projection onto others of our own responsibility for error.
To be able to find peace, we must first cultivate honesty (the courage to accept our own failings)
and acceptance (the understanding that we have no control over the failings of others).

Transcript

We practice Raja Yoga,

Which is to focus on the center of our forehead,

Because our energy is in the center of our forehead.

And the energy is the energy that gives the power to actually live our lives,

To be alive.

And we,

Just to put it quite simply,

We have,

All of us have basically two energies on the go.

We have our kindness,

Our friendship and good feelings,

Cooperation,

Generosity.

And the others,

That's our light energy.

All the sort of virtuous feelings that we have is our lighter energy.

On the other side we have a heavier energy,

A darker energy,

Which we're going to look at today,

Which we can feel to be maybe not so important.

But when we look at it,

It is very important.

So the topic today is,

Can you break the blame chain?

By blaming ourselves,

Which gives us regret,

I wish I had,

If only.

It's not realistic,

Because we might think it's maybe a big issue,

Maybe if I hadn't done that they wouldn't have died,

Or maybe if I had been more careful that wouldn't have happened.

It's not fair to the self to be like that.

But the other thing is,

Is we also blame others.

And we don't know what happened there either.

It's like a dark area.

Others may be saying,

Oh gosh,

I wish I hadn't said that.

Oh,

I wish I didn't do that.

But we don't know.

But whatever we do,

Whatever we go through is recorded on our memory.

And so,

I mean,

I talk for everyone,

Because I talk for myself here as well.

We dramatically believe that people did this and did that and did the next thing.

And we carry that.

We would carry it our entire lives,

But if you've come to Raja Yoga,

There's a hope you'll stop.

There's a big hope that you'll stop that,

Because it's a very,

Very fierce and hurtful energy.

And you're going to carry that energy with you,

Like they did this and they did that,

And I was so nice to them.

And they were not nice to me,

And they betrayed me,

And they lied to me.

And it's all in there.

And as far as we're concerned,

It's absolutely true.

If anyone were ever to have told you that maybe that wasn't quite so true,

You would not.

You'd say no,

Because you've got it recorded.

And you've recorded the way you felt with your feelings.

Now there would obviously be more than you involved.

They also would have their side recorded,

And their side would be telling them that they were absolutely right,

And that you were wrong,

And that what they did was right.

And it's absolutely true.

Now,

I can't see them,

And they can't see me.

And I can't even see everything about me.

And they can't see everything about themselves.

So this blame is like a poison.

It's a poison energy,

Which poisons us.

It could poison us from childhood till death,

And would carry it with us when we leave as well.

Which is why it's quite good to have a bit of a look.

So can we break the blame chain?

Are you nervous about being helped to account for your actions?

And then there's a saying,

Which if you point the finger at someone,

Three fingers are pointing back to yourself.

So you're pointing at them,

But you're also to blame.

You're included maybe even more than them.

So we don't see that.

We see they did this,

They did that.

And then if you're told to talk about your past,

You think about these things,

And you go into it in detail over and over and over again till it gets totally ingrained in your energy.

And yes,

These things happened.

That wasn't imagination.

I can only talk again for myself.

I could have gone on for years talking about this one and that one,

The next one,

The next one.

And poor me,

I was like the victim.

We'd always make ourselves the victim when we're blaming.

They did this and they did that and they did the next thing.

Time is wrong.

It's like it's a fierce poisonous energy because at best it involves the simplification of I free myself of my responsibilities because I don't look at where I was involved there,

I only look at what they did.

They did this and they did that.

And they made me so unhappy.

They hurt me so much.

And we carry this and we carry it.

And it's like the utter truth inside our minds.

And the very worst thing we can do is it projects onto others our own mistakes.

So instead of looking at the three fingers pointing at me,

I just totally look at who I'm pointing a finger at.

And it was them.

They hurt me.

They betrayed me.

They did harm to me.

And I never think maybe why or how does that other person actually,

Nobody communicated.

Nobody knows how the other party actually felt because it's like you did this and you did that.

No,

I didn't.

And you did this and you did that.

And it's just very destructive.

So if I want to be able to find peace from that blame,

This is where meditation actually comes in because I start to look and see that I've no proof of what really happened there.

But do I want to carry it or do I want to let myself off the hook?

I want to help myself to just let it go and maybe practice to forgive myself because I'll be carrying a lot of things,

But also to forgive others because they'll be carrying a lot of things.

So to be able to find peace,

First of all,

We must cultivate honesty.

I must honestly look at myself to say,

Well,

I don't really know what was at the back of all of that or do I really want to hold on to this?

I used to find years ago in a childish way when children didn't go on with each other,

But somewhere at the back of my mind,

I always used to want it to be okay so that we could be friends.

Never always happened,

But I used to always think maybe we could be friends.

So now when I practice Raja Yoga,

That's the way to see things.

Instead of seeing them as your bitter enemy who hurt you all these years ago,

Did they or did you keep hurting yourself through going on about it in your mind over and over,

Remembering it and gathering up that feeling of dislike?

And they would be doing the same about you.

So instead of getting good wishes from many people,

You would be getting dislike.

And all that energy makes you weak,

Actually makes us feel.

So we practice happiness.

Raja Yoga teaches us to practice happiness,

Lightness,

Peacefulness,

Kindness,

Generosity of spirit,

To be friendly.

So this blame is the absolute opposite of any of that.

Shame is keeping reminding ourselves over and over of people's hurtfulness without understanding really where they were coming from and without understanding how they carried that as well for a long time.

And maybe they've died by now,

We would say not died,

But left their bodies and they carried that with them.

So this would cause them harm in their future birth,

Because that's how we get here.

We come,

We have rebirth,

Otherwise where we've come from.

So they would still be hurting and it would be affect,

It affects your health physically and mentally.

And if you've really blamed a lot and felt you were very badly treated,

You would be carrying that with you and expecting it to happen again because it's recorded in your memory.

So where did it come from?

Where did this originally come from?

And who really is to blame?

I would say life is to blame,

The drama of life and not knowing because we didn't know to look and see how things work.

And so to find peace,

We have to first become very honest with ourselves.

Like I want to know what am I really vindictive and horrible and want to pull others down.

Am I really like that or do I want to not be like that?

Maybe I was just as bad as everybody else,

But do I want to keep that going?

Or do I have the courage to accept my own feelings that I was involved in this give and take of blame?

I've had the courage to accept that or do I just want to keep going like that?

It wasn't me,

It wasn't me.

Nothing to do with me,

It was just them,

Not me.

I never had anything to do with that.

That's not possible.

If you were in the scene,

You were involved in some way and I need to have the acceptance,

The understanding that we have no control over the feelings of others.

We have no idea what goes on in other people's heads because Raja Yoga teaches us we're here to become masters of ourselves and whatever others do,

I can't do anything about it except be gracious or friendly or use some decent energy,

Be courageous,

Be respectful,

Helpful,

But I cannot stop people being who they are.

That wouldn't be right actually.

People are people.

People do what they need to do.

So I've no control over the habits of others.

So can you break this chain of blame?

Is it possible if we think,

Am I going to hold on to it?

So even if you were to go home and sit and think about it,

You'd see all the stories that you tell about how this happened and that happened and this bully came along and you got the strap,

You used to get the strap,

You got the strap for something you didn't do but how much were you involved in all of these things?

So you have to let it go,

Let it go,

Let it go,

Stop going over it in your mind over and over,

Over and over,

Over and over,

Making yourself like a saint.

Nothing to do with me,

It was them.

So would it matter if you failed to see yourself as blameless?

So we want so much to see ourselves and show the picture that we didn't do that,

We would not be involved in that but it's not really,

It wasn't true in the past but it can become true when we're practicing meditation and taking responsibility for the way we think and the way we interact so we can put a full stop to the old stories within ourselves and start saying no,

I don't know the whole story,

I don't even know the whole story about myself,

How I work and what prompts me,

I'm still learning about these things.

So can the whole issue that's at stake,

Can it be put into perspective?

Can I start to look really closely and see that,

Let it go,

I'm upset by whatever and the other person will also be upset.

To be just taken as true,

There could be more but they're both human beings and so they both be trying to make themselves blameless and not take responsibility for whatever was going on.

So how might we declare peace?

So we've not got these people,

A lot of them are not here any longer,

They've gone on,

So whatever I do now will touch the soul of whoever has moved on and they can be at peace if one person chooses to settle these accounts of blame.

So it doesn't matter,

You don't have to prove the truth,

You just have to say that's fine,

Good wishes,

Peace,

Good feelings.

I don't think we'd ever get to the truth because there's two people that are covering it up and a lot of time passes by.

So you can't get to your own truth even and you can't get to their truth,

So how could you ever make it open?

You can't,

So what we need to do is sit in meditation and look at all our little scenarios of blame and scent,

Lovely feelings of lightness,

Happiness and forgiveness and understanding,

Kindness and friendship and that will touch the soul of that other person.

They may still be here and in Australia,

They may be anywhere,

They may be a small child now,

But you'll touch them and it will clear that feeling that they have been carrying out,

It's poisonous and it will dramatically clear it from myself.

So how might we declare peace?

Meditation is a daily practice that builds the clear thinking required to break this chain of blame.

We were discussing how sometimes dreadful things happen to people and you don't know,

You can't justify,

But we can't go into that,

We'd be here for a month and so the more you remember anything that was most unpleasant,

It's as if it's happening to you again.

So you're better to do your best for your own sake to let it go.

So there'll always be something when people say,

But what about if?

And there's so many ifs,

So many things that are happening now that you know,

If it's happened personally in your own interest,

You have to do your best to not think like that anymore because when you think about it,

It's there again.

Think about it again,

It's there again.

So this is what Raja Yoga is teaching us and all of us,

Why do we point the finger at each other?

Like,

It wasn't me,

It was you that started it.

This is trivial stuff that I was talking about really.

It was you that started it,

No it wasn't,

It was you and you said and I said and the other said and it's like everybody wants to be like it really,

I'm okay,

It wasn't me,

It was you and both parties want to be like that,

That it was you that started it,

No it wasn't,

It was you.

So if we've so much of that going on in our background,

We're not bringing it to the front all the time,

But it's there,

It's part of our energy and it's definitely having an effect of making us sad and it can even be making us unwell.

It's a heavy energy,

It can be making us unwell physically because it's this energy here that gives strength to the body and if I think too much of heavier things,

I'm giving weakness to the body.

So it takes time to think about these things and filter them and look at how do I want to be.

Now me,

Myself personally,

I cannot stop or do anything to interfere with how other people are,

They are what they are and how they're acting is how they're acting.

It's nothing to do with me and if I get into that,

There's different little basic rules of the home and rules of work and things like that,

That's a different thing altogether.

But the bickering with the self and others,

Someone else,

I need to not go there because it adds up to a crescendo of heavy energy which gives us a lot of problems which we try to fix with medicines and things,

But up to a point,

There's a bit of a help there,

But up to a point.

This is the medicine here,

Pure energy.

Saraj Yoga is teaching us to purify our energy.

Purity,

Purest energy,

Peace,

Love,

Happiness,

Lightness,

Acceptance,

Kindness,

Strength,

Courage,

Discipline,

Etc.

,

Etc.

,

It goes on and on and on and on.

It'll be personal for everyone.

Something's easier than others,

But when you're doing meditation,

You have to have a look at yourself and say,

Do I want this sadness to keep coming to me?

I'm sitting to practice peacefulness,

Because it will be a sadness that's coming to you.

Do I want that sadness all the time coming into my mind that I could cry?

That's not meditation.

That's reflection on hurts.

Somehow just be really nice to yourself,

Encourage yourself.

There's something in you that's so lovely,

So lovely.

Why keep bringing sadness to your lovely self?

I know you're lovely.

Remember that and just think,

No,

I want to be lighthearted.

Sometimes in sadness,

There was something about whoever you're sad about that was lovely,

That you loved so much,

And you feel no loss.

Sometimes it's loss that gives you the sadness,

But the person that you're being sad about,

Why did you love them?

Because they were lovely,

They were kind,

They were steady,

They were there.

If I keep being really sad when I think of them,

That sadness will go to them and make them cry.

That's what stopped me when I realized that this sadness for someone that I was missing,

That had left,

And I was actually hurting them,

They were picking up the vibe and being very sad.

They couldn't be happy as long as I was holding on to the sadness.

So does that help?

Okay,

So just remember your sweetness and how lovely and how much you love them and don't keep sending sadness to them.

You see,

In meditation we send good wishes to the world,

We send good wishes to all different situations,

And so to the people we loved,

We shouldn't send tears.

But you have to practice before that.

I think we all know situations,

We've got a good idea,

It's very rarely that a situation totally out,

It does,

But if it's to do with a work situation or a family situation and you know that you're going to get opposition or something's going to happen,

Prepare yourself in advance and just think,

No matter what.

And even if you just manage it a little,

It's better than having not managed it at all.

Ordinary means the more I simplify things,

The better and easier they are to handle.

It's just like in your home,

If it's a total clutter,

You don't know where to find anything and you get bored,

You're in a rush,

You can't get it,

Find it or whatever and it causes you a lot of stress and everything's piled in cupboards and you don't know where anything is.

But the more you make things simple,

As simple as possible,

And that's to do with your own way of thinking.

So let go of complications,

Complications.

I can't understand complications myself,

So how can I put complications into my life?

And if someone's complicated with me,

I have not a clue why they're so complicated.

So all I can do is be uncomplicated and just choose the simple path of kindness or friendliness.

So would you say it's actually simple to be soul conscious and complicated to be body conscious?

Yeah,

Because when you're body conscious,

You've got all the challenges and you have to fight the good fight all the time.

And when you're soul conscious,

It's like,

I'm not getting into this.

I find a way to just find the right solution here,

But I'm not going to get into this sort of tug of war or any.

We talk about the highest energy,

The almighty authority energy compared to all of us souls who are all full of complications and all the different tears and worries and stress and all the rest of it.

That one is the ocean of peace,

The ocean of love and the ocean of happiness and doesn't have a body.

Very simple.

I would say the most simple of all,

Nobody cause a problem and very simple powers of peace,

Love and happiness and loves every single soul on the planet because it doesn't look at any weaknesses whatsoever.

It sees everyone in their perfect form,

Uncomplicated and natural.

To be with that one,

Yeah,

Well,

Because we have the habits of physical consciousness,

Which is full of all the different ups and downs and things.

It's a very complicated life now,

Physically,

Even more than it ever was.

Good to come back to simplicity and send your good wishes to everywhere on the planet that needs that power.

Soul consciousness,

Remember how wonderful you are and how lucky to be able to become more simplistic and think more clearly and know yourself and handle your situations more and more skillfully.

Om Shanti,

We're going to look at the benefit of meditation again.

See that every one of us are unique personalities.

We all have our own character.

It doesn't belong to anyone else.

We're all different.

You would think we wouldn't all be quite different,

But we are all different.

Millions of us are all different.

Billions of us.

But the things that are similar,

But we will use them in a different way,

Are our original qualities.

We all start off our journey full of all the qualities we need for the journey.

We start off with all our power and strength,

Friendship and love and kindness.

We start off with all of this.

But what happens is on the journey we start to lose sight of these qualities because they get mixed up with each other's habits.

Fashions change.

The way people act and interact change.

And we begin to forget many of the basic qualities that belong to us personally.

And they get covered up in our memory.

And we forget they're there,

But they're there.

They're recorded.

They're in us.

Which is why when we practice meditation,

We can start to bring them back so that we can use them again.

So that's why meditation is very valuable.

It's not just to sit and be peaceful.

It's to understand my peaceful nature because peace is my foundation for everything of value that belongs to me.

So in meditation,

Slowly we learn how to re-emerge those beautiful energies that belong to us individually.

It's not that we all have the same unique experience of peace and then we're all loving and we're all kind.

No,

It's different for everyone.

We're all unique.

So meditation is the practice of being still.

Removing your attention from the world around you.

Because we want to come away from that to focus on who I originally am.

What qualities I had that I don't have anymore.

And I won't see them out there.

I'll only see them in here.

Why?

Because they belong to me.

And they're recorded inside me.

I won't see them recorded in anyone else.

I might see examples of their recording that's coming to the surface.

But my own recording is who I am.

So first of all we draw our attention away from the world and focus our mind in order to restore that peace.

And meditation is giving your mind something positive to concentrate on.

Leading to a positive and peaceful experience.

So peace is our foundation.

Everything else will grow from that peace.

All of us,

We're in a world of peace for a long,

Long time.

Peace is ingrained in us.

Meditation enables you to connect with your inner peace.

Your peace is at the core of every human being.

And it's at the core of you.

But however in today's busy world most people have forgotten where to find peace.

And by looking for it in different places we're not going to find it because it's inside ourselves.

Peace is our original strength.

Meditation is remembering who you really are.

And who you really are is that you are peace.

And by practicing meditation you learn to accept yourself as you are.

So accept the way you are at the moment and look at things that you have lost and you're looking to regain.

And you discover your inner strength and your positive qualities.

This is you.

This is the real you.

As you begin to meditate you may find that it's not too easy to concentrate because we've been very busy with our thoughts and to make them calm.

It takes time but when we realize that peace belongs to us it's not so difficult.

We are peace.

So just keep going with your practice and accept wherever you're at because it is a journey.

It's a journey back to finding all your qualities again.

So learning to meditate is a gradual process so take it easy.

Treat yourself kindly and with love.

You're very precious.

So meditation is the practice of learning to concentrate your mind and guiding it in a direction that is positive,

Helpful and enriching,

Full of power.

I am a peaceful soul.

I am a loving soul.

I am a happy light hearted soul.

I have so many different powers,

Strengths,

Good feelings.

I am a soul.

Scene change like fresh air.

You be myself Taking just a minute,

I imagine that I am an actor.

The scenes of the day have ended.

The curtains have been drawn.

I see myself stepping off the stage.

I have played many roles filled with many expectations.

It's time to return to my true self,

The inner being.

I become still and silent inside.

I resonate with the silence and the total stillness within.

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