Get Off My Bus (How To Protect Your Peace)

Personal improvement is not just about you. You are only half the equation.
We all have 'other people' in our lives that impact our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors (some positively and some negatively).
In this short power lecture, I share with you an analogy called Get Off My Bus. It will have you ask yourself five questions that will bring clarity and awareness about the people in your life and how to be intentional about which passengers you take on your journey. Enjoy!

Transcript

Alright,

So one more area where people seem to get tripped up sometimes,

Whether it's with your motivation,

Your habits,

Your stress,

We've talked about those things,

Another place people often get tripped up has to do with the other people we are choosing,

Or not always choosing,

To surround ourselves with.

So let's think about this for a moment.

People in your life tend to either be toxic in some way,

Or they tend to be healthy.

Just like our habits,

They can serve you in a positive way,

Or support you in a positive way,

Or they really can create stress.

And if we think about the people in our lives,

We know where we get our stress,

And we know where we get our energy.

Some days it feels like we get pulled a lot more to the stress than we do the things that give us energy.

So let me give you an analogy that might help you kind of manage where the other people in your life fit in,

Because you can't control other people,

But you certainly can manage where or if they fit into your life.

So this analogy is simply called,

Get off my bus,

And it's pretty simple.

We're all born and we're bus drivers.

We drive our little bus through our entire lives.

And as we drive through our lives,

There are people constantly getting on our bus,

And people constantly getting off of our bus.

Now people that come onto our bus,

They might come on for a moment,

They might come on for a couple of years,

They might come on for a lifetime.

Those that are on for a lifetime might sometimes shift where they are in your bus,

But they're always there.

But at different points in your life,

Anytime you feel stuck,

Anytime you're looking for clarity,

Anytime you've got people who are causing or creating a little more of that stress than that energy,

There are five questions that you can ask about your bus.

You ask yourself these questions,

But more importantly,

You need to answer them.

If you do that,

You'll get some quick clarity,

And that clarity is going to help you take action.

And when anytime you have clarity and action together,

You get a result.

And that's what we're looking for here,

The results you want to help you do what you want to do in your life.

So let's talk about these five questions about your bus.

Question number one,

Who is sitting in the driver's seat of your bus?

Are you still driving your bus?

Or did you get up and let someone else sit down?

Now,

There are times in our lives where other people can be driving our bus,

And that's an okay thing.

The key there is,

If I'm now along for the ride,

I need to make sure I chose to put that person in the driver's seat for something.

The challenge is when we realize we're no longer driving our bus,

But someone else just kind of jumped in and took over.

So who is driving your bus?

Anytime someone else is in that driver's seat,

Make sure it was a choice.

You chose to put them there for a specific reason.

If not,

You need to own it and take your bus back.

Question number two,

If you take a look at the top front of any city bus,

What's all across the top?

What does it say?

The destination.

Where are you going?

Now it's interesting to think how many people,

And you can sit back,

You probably,

You may be one of them at the moment.

We all are this person at some point in our lives,

But you see them all the time.

They're literally wandering aimlessly through their lives.

There's no rhyme or reason,

There's no plan,

There's no map,

There's no thought really other than let me get up and go day to day going through my autopilot.

But when you stop to think about what is it I'm trying to do?

Where am I trying to go?

What am I trying to accomplish?

It doesn't have to be your final destination in life.

It could be what are you trying to accomplish by the end of the day or by the end of the week or by the end of the year.

But you have to have an idea of what it is you're trying to do.

Because without that,

The danger is you get to a spot where there's a traffic jam or you get to a spot where you stop at a stop sign and if you don't know where you want to go,

Those are the moments you get stuck.

Because without knowing what you're trying to do or where you're trying to go,

What inevitably happens is if I'm at the stop sign,

I'm going to sit there.

I'm going to get stuck.

And just like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz,

You might take a few moments and go,

Well,

I could go that way.

I could go that way.

I could go that way.

I could turn around and go back,

I guess.

Without clarity,

We have confusion.

And when we have confusion,

We feel out of control.

Out of control creates stress and anxiety.

We need to take control back.

The easiest way to do that is to take a moment and go,

I'm not stuck.

What is it I'm trying to do?

Get some clarity on what does the top front of your bus say.

Now those first two questions are about you.

But the third question,

As you're turning around and looking at your passengers,

The third question is,

Who needs to get off of your bus?

Now I'm going to probably guess,

Probably accurately,

That when I said who needs to get off of your bus,

Somebody came to your mind.

Somebody came to your mind.

A face,

A name,

We know who those people are.

If you didn't realize or a name didn't come to your mind or a face didn't,

These are those people.

You take your phone out because your phone rings and you look at it and within a moment you go,

Oh,

Voicemail.

I'm not doing that now.

Those are those people.

So who needs to get off of your bus?

These are the naysayers,

The negative people,

The ones who are always arguing or saying,

That'll never work.

They're the people who live over here in that stress place.

They don't bring us energy.

They bring us stress and it's a constant.

It's simply who they are.

They might be toxic personalities.

They might be wonderful people who happen to be in a toxic situation or environment.

It could simply be a mindset.

It could be a habit.

They always happen to find what's going wrong and never give a chance to find what's going right.

Whatever reason,

They don't need to be constantly sitting right behind you in your bus.

Now,

How do you get people off your bus?

Two very distinct ways.

I'm not advocating that everybody you want to get off your bus,

That you violently slam on the brakes,

Flip the door open and throw them off of your bus and drive on with the wheels squealing.

That could be cathartic.

That could be therapeutic for some.

But here's something very interesting that puts control back in your corner.

Oftentimes those people,

Because you can't always throw family or friends or coworkers off of the bus,

You've got to have them on your bus and they're going to be there forever.

But oftentimes what's happening is you feel like they're sitting right over you,

Behind you with their hand on the wheel driving with you.

The reality is they're not.

They're not.

What's keeping them right up there with you in that driver's seat or sitting right behind you is you're focusing on them.

Let me give you an example.

Let's say you have a phone call or a meeting or something,

An argument of some kind,

Something,

A disagreement with somebody that you very normally would have that kind of interchange with.

You're done with it.

You've left the situation.

You've walked out of the room.

That person is no longer there.

The situation is no longer there.

You are in a totally different part of your day and yet sitting in your mind is all of that stuff.

What do you sometimes do?

Here's what we sometimes do because most of us do this regularly.

Three hours later,

Someone's asking us how the day is going or how the meeting went this morning and what we do is we instantly have to relive it and we have to tell them,

Do you know what he said?

Do you know what she did?

Can you believe?

And we relive the entire thing.

We rehash the entire thing and we'll go home that night and we might tell our family,

How was your day?

Do you know what happened in that meeting this morning?

Or we have to call a friend and go,

Oh,

I just need to vent.

That person and situation happened nine hours ago.

We have chosen to carry it with us and relive it over and over and over and over and over again.

I saw a wonderful video one time of a gentleman who,

He picked up a glass of water and he said,

This glass of water,

How much does it weigh?

What do you think it weighs?

And he had several people say,

Well,

I don't know,

It's a few ounces.

It's all pound because it's full.

I don't know.

And he said,

The weight of this doesn't matter.

It really doesn't matter because here's the thing I want you to think about.

This probably doesn't weigh a whole lot right now,

This glass of water.

But the longer I hold this glass of water,

The heavier it gets.

If you're not putting that thought down,

The thought alone isn't the problem.

The thought alone isn't causing the stress.

But if you choose to hold onto that thought,

Sometimes for hours,

Sometimes for days,

And not only hold onto it where it's becoming heavier and heavier and heavier,

But you're reliving it.

That's a choice that we're making.

So sometimes you can have somebody get off your bus simply by refocusing off of them because the more you are pulling them into your head,

You're the one holding that.

Whatever part is over,

Moving on.

So simply refocusing off of that person or situation naturally moves it back a few seats in your bus.

You have that control.

So who needs to get off of your bus?

The fourth question is,

Who needs to get on your bus?

We live our lifetimes on autopilot.

We have the same people oftentimes in our little circle on our bus.

But sometimes there are other people that would be helpful to have.

A great example of this is when you talk to someone who's made a choice to start a new business.

And maybe they've made that decision because there's something they do really well.

If there's something,

And there is something,

If you look for it,

It's a totally other course,

There's something you do as well,

If not better than everyone else you know,

That's a great reason to start that business,

To start consulting,

To start doing that,

Because that's who you are.

But oftentimes what happens,

And why so many people in that situation with some great talent don't always become very successful with it,

Is because they feel we need to wear seven hats.

Right?

You'll hear that all the time.

Oh,

As an entrepreneur,

You're going to need to wear several hats.

No,

You don't.

No,

You don't.

What are the two or three things that you do well and you really enjoy doing?

And then what are the things either you don't really do well,

Other people do much better than you,

Or you don't really like doing?

I guarantee if you start going out and looking for people who like doing those things and do them well,

Those types of people are looking for people who do what you do well and like doing.

And when you find each other,

That's when the magic happens.

You don't need to wear seven or 10 or 14 hats.

You need to wear two or three,

And you need to find people who wear those other hats much better than you.

Who needs to get on your bus?

Now the fifth question really is about your perception of what's important.

That's a heavy word,

Because we think things are so important these days that are absolutely ridiculous,

And I'm just going to say that.

Fifth question is,

Whose bus do you need to get off of?

We all have things that if you open your calendars and take a look,

You might look at something and go,

Oh,

That again?

Didn't we just do that?

And we probably have things on the calendar that we look at and go,

Hey,

I love that.

That's where I get some of my energy.

I very much look forward to that.

Here's the thing to think about.

If there's something in your life,

Whether it's a person,

An event of some kind,

A monthly type meeting,

Things like that that you've done that appear on your calendar,

Those things may have fit very well in your life six months ago or a year ago or five years ago.

But if they're still taking up your scheduled time and they do not fit anymore,

They need to go.

You need to step off of those buses.

Think about it.

Would you walk out on the street and get on a city bus without seeing where it's going or what route it's taking and just see kind of where you end up?

Of course not.

But isn't it fascinating to think that we do that with our lives sometimes?

So something that's very helpful,

Not only helpful but imperative for you to do is to every once in a while,

It could be every six months,

It could be once a year,

Take a look at where you are spending your time,

With whom you are spending it,

With what you are spending it,

Why you are spending it,

Where you're spending it,

And simply make sure those things are still choices that you're making that fit.

If they're not,

Look at all that found time that you're probably always looking for that's sitting right there on your calendar.

Make those conscious choices and don't be afraid to identify who needs to get off of your bus.

Reviews

Love it thank you 🙏

Great talk, it really clarified some of the decisions I’ve made and prompted some thinking about my life going forward. Thank you ☺️

So helpful, especially on inauguration day in the US.

Amen! Love the analogy. Incorporating as she was talking. Love it. Must have this tool. Teach this to the kids… younger the better. Empowering the betterment of our minds for healthier bodies.

Exactly! This is a fun analogie to use especially when you feel negative energies have affected your thinking and feeling and are driving your responses. Stop the bus, reset the destination and tell the bad passengers to be quiet, move to the back, or just get off your bus!

Love the bus analogy, and the insights about becoming an entrepreneur really resonated with me at the moment. Thank you 🙏

Really helpful talk with lots of perspective. Thank you!

I love this and I also love the phrase stay in your lane 😍

💯 % everything I needed to hear and feel. This was such a confirmation talk for me today. Thank you!🙏🙌🏼