How To Find Joy In Difficult Circumstances

Have you ever found yourself in a challenging situation, feeling beaten down by life and wondering why things aren’t going your way? I’m sure you did, and more than once! It’s easy to fall into a negative mindset when things don’t go as planned, but what if you could decide to find joy and gratitude even in the midst of difficult circumstances? Don’t roll your eyes! In this track, we’ll explore the concept of choosing your stance and how it can empower you to live a more fulfilling life.

Transcript

Have you ever found yourself in a challenging situation,

Feeling beaten down by life and wondering why things aren't going your way?

I'm sure you did,

And probably more than once.

It's easy to fall into a negative mindset when things don't go as planned.

But what if you could decide to find joy and gratitude even in the midst of difficult circumstances?

Now,

Don't roll your eyes.

In this track,

We're going to explore the concept of choosing your stance and how this can empower you to live a more fulfilling life.

My name is Jyani Hylkema,

And I'm really grateful for you listening to this track today.

Have you read the book of Viktor Frankl,

Man's Search for Meaning?

It had a profound impact on me.

Reading his work made me think deeply about my life and how I react to whatever happens.

I learned that we have the power to consciously choose our attitude towards any given situation,

And that this choice can have a profound impact on our mental and emotional well-being.

The human mind is a complex and enigmatic thing.

The more aware we are about our thoughts and intentional with our actions,

The more control we have over our lives.

Let me tell you a story.

The gusty Patagonian wind reaching 100 kilometers an hour woke me up once again.

It felt like my tent was pitched on a runway,

And even with my earplugs in,

The sound of the wind was deafening.

After several hours of being battered by the tent,

I gave up trying to sleep.

The pain in my hips and back didn't make it any easier.

And I was also cold,

And the rain and hail only added to the misery.

When I touched the ground,

It felt odd.

And I soon realized we were floating in water.

Everything was soaked,

And the tent's water resistance was being put to the test.

It was only a matter of minutes before we would get wet.

I woke up my friend,

And we decided to leave.

But before putting my boots on,

I removed the plaster from the open wound left by a blister I got two days earlier.

The skin was sticking to the plaster while a second blister was forming underneath.

We quickly prepared breakfast,

Only to discover that mice had eaten through our bags and enjoyed some of our granola and lunch pouch.

Like,

Seriously?

We rushed to pack the tent,

Trying to keep our things dry in the rain.

Our hands were red and sore from the cold,

And after checking the map,

We set off walking.

It didn't take long before the rain soaked through my underwear and socks.

This sucked.

It was our fourth hike day,

And we had just completed the circuit.

Due to the bad weather,

We had to finish it in three days instead of four.

We were exhausted,

Having slept an average of only two to three hours a night for the past few days.

We had already walked 100 kilometers,

And now the rain and cold made every step painful.

But then,

Looking up at the sky,

I smiled.

And I thought to myself,

I feel alive.

I am alive!

Hiking in Patagonia was on my list for the past ten years.

Okay,

I imagined it,

Joyfully walking in the sun under the blue sky and surrounded by beautiful mountains,

But the reality was not quite like my imagination,

Except for the mountains.

But I couldn't stop the rain,

Or instantly heal my blisters,

My hip pain,

Or knee pain.

I could,

However,

Choose to smile and be grateful for being there.

And when I did,

Everything felt a bit brighter.

I was thankful for the cold,

Because I could see snow on the peaks.

And thanks to the rain,

The vegetation was green and lush.

I felt grateful for the pain in my body,

Because it reminded me that I feel great most of the time,

And my body allows me to take on these kind of adventures.

It was a good reminder that I can always choose my inner stance.

It's not about denying negative emotions,

Because they give us valuable information about our situation,

But it's about acknowledging whatever you feel and choosing your response.

I'm not mastering it yet,

But I've noticed that I can reduce the gap between the trigger and the moment I choose my response.

And this space between stimulus and response is where true freedom lies.

I sit less and less in negative emotions and empower myself to choose positive ones.

Yes,

The situation sucked,

But embracing the suck with a smile was so much more fun.

Most people want to have a life free of pain and effort,

But this is an illusion.

As I shared in one of my courses about pain and suffering,

And I invite you to listen to it if you haven't done it yet,

It is part of life.

The only thing we can do is to train ourselves to bounce back faster and faster.

I know the story I shared with you is not a traumatic situation that will profoundly change the course of your life.

It could be worse.

Trust me,

I've been through worse.

And I know you did too.

But in his book,

Man's Search for Meaning,

Viktor Frankl emphasizes that we can find meaning in suffering.

He argued that even in the most difficult and painful circumstances,

We can still find purpose and meaning in life.

In the concentration camps,

He observed that those who were able to find some kind of meaning or purpose were more likely to survive.

Frankl saw suffering as an opportunity to grow and learn,

And he believed that it's through adversity that we can discover our true strength.

I believe that we grow through challenges.

Positive expectancy is the fuel that propels you through these uncomfortable moments.

This means believing in your ability to figure things out and trusting the process,

Regardless of the outcome.

Finding meaning in something doesn't mean we validate the situation or deny the pain.

No,

It means that despite the pain and the challenge,

We can still trust that at the end,

It will be okay.

So what if,

From now on,

Even when feeling uncertain,

Scared,

Sad,

Or confused,

You stay engaged in the process,

And trust that later you will be able to connect the dots?

Most of the time we react unconsciously to things.

But the more you learn to catch yourself and choose your response,

The better you are at shaping your own life.

Taking conscious control of your reactions allows you to respond to situations with greater intentionality and purpose,

Rather than simply reacting on autopilot.

And it feels good.

Ultimately,

Your life is the sum of your years,

Which are the sum of your months,

Which are the sum of.

.

.

You get the idea.

Every second you choose how your life is.

And by choosing your inner stance,

You define your life.

So how can you choose your stance and take control of your life?

Here are three actionable steps to get you started.

First one,

Acknowledge your emotions.

The first step to choosing your stance is to acknowledge your emotions.

It's okay to feel frustrated,

Angry,

Or disappointed when things don't go as planned.

In fact,

These emotions give you valuable information about your situation and help you make better decisions in the future.

So please don't avoid feeling what you feel.

The key is to acknowledge your emotions without letting them control you.

So take a moment to breathe and reflect on your feelings.

And then name how you feel.

Say it out loud or write it down in your journal.

And allow yourself to feel your feelings.

And then decide how you want to respond.

Now take a moment to answer these questions.

I'll give you a few seconds so you can answer mentally,

But I encourage you to pause and write down the answers.

What emotion are you feeling right now?

And why do you think you feel that way?

What would happen if you allowed yourself to fully feel and express the emotion you're experiencing without trying to control or suppress it?

How might this change your response to the situation?

And how can you use the valuable information your emotions provide to choose a response that aligns with your values and supports your desired outcome?

If you're feeling stuck in a cycle of suffering,

I invite you to listen to my course,

The Secret to Dealing with Pain and Suffering.

So step two is practice gratitude.

I know you hear that everywhere and sometimes I guess you're like,

But life just sucks.

I don't want to be grateful right now.

If that's the case,

Just go back to step one.

Just over a week ago,

I was on the Appalachian Trail for a few days and I felt so good to be in nature.

As I walked,

I suddenly felt this burst of joy and gratitude for being alive.

I often find myself getting lost in solving problems,

Chasing bigger things,

Planning my future,

Executing my grand plans,

And also sometimes complaining about what doesn't work.

But that moment on the trail reminded me of something so simple yet so profound.

Waking up each morning is a gift.

You cannot be in a state of gratitude and depression simultaneously.

And there's always something to be thankful for.

Let me give you one technique that will help.

Leave the past,

Stay away from the future,

And tune into the present.

Because that's where gratitude is to be found.

Not in whatever happened that hurt you or whatever did not yet happen that make you worry.

Gratitude is a powerful tool for choosing your stance.

And when you focus on the good things in your life,

Even when things are difficult,

You empower yourself to find joy and fulfillment in the present moment.

Now,

Take a snapshot of the present moment and reflect on the following.

Once again,

You can answer mentally,

But I encourage you to pause and write down the answers.

What small things in your life are you grateful for and how can you express your appreciation for them today?

How do you feel when focusing on gratitude in the present moment?

And what steps can you take to create a daily gratitude practice even when things are challenging or difficult?

Actually,

Especially then.

Okay,

We're going to move on to step three.

Choose your response.

Now that you have acknowledged your emotions and taken the time to recenter yourself in the here and now,

It's time to choose your response.

Before making a decision,

You must consider the different options.

This is the moment to generate more options.

When I was hiking in Patagonia,

After expressing my pain and frustration,

I noticed what was good in the moment.

And then I let go of the complaint and chose joy.

Sometimes we don't know that joy is available because the suffering is too overwhelming.

So we choose between mad and angry.

But when we slow down,

Feel and think,

We can come up with more options and choose the one that aligns with our values and goals.

So what emotion would you like to feel right now?

What can you do that will help you move toward that emotion?

And now based on the previous answers,

What response aligns with your values and serves your best interest?

When life sucks,

It sucks.

And denying the suck or not speaking about something that doesn't make it less real,

Right?

Remember that you have the power to choose how you react to the situations in your life.

And instead of trying to get by,

You can follow these simple steps of acknowledging how you feel,

Letting go of the past and the future while looking for the good things,

And finally choosing your response.

We have the power to create meaning through our actions by doing something that is valuable and significant to ourselves and to others.

By taking responsibility for our actions and making a positive impact on the world around us,

We can find a sense of purpose and meaning in our lives.

This means that we have the ability to shape our own destiny and create a meaningful life for ourselves,

Even in the face of adversity.

By choosing a response that aligns with your values and goals,

You can empower yourself to navigate challenges with grace and resilience and ultimately achieve the desired outcomes.

Choosing your stance is not always easy,

But it's always worth it.

Thank you so much for listening and I'm wishing you an amazing day.