Hello and welcome.
My name is Lynn Burnfield and you're listening to a talk and meditation which will hopefully assure you that there's nothing wrong with you.
If you're listening to me today,
It's probably because there's something in your life you want to maybe even think you have to change and you haven't been able to change it.
The importance of the change doesn't matter.
It can be something relatively minor like wanting to stop biting your nails or something life-changing like deciding whether to have a child or stopping a self-defeating behavior.
If it's something you badly want and you haven't been able to do it,
You're almost certainly unhappy.
If you're like most people,
When you tried and failed to change,
You may be thinking there's something wrong with you.
Perhaps you're calling yourself names like lazy,
Weak,
Stupid,
Even neurotic or self-destructive.
You're not lazy,
Weak,
Stupid,
Neurotic or self-destructive.
In fact,
You're wired to be self-protective.
You're always acting in your best interests even when you're doing things you wish you wouldn't do.
When you blame and criticize yourself,
You're engaging in what I think of as a civil war.
That is that the attacker and the attackee are the same person.
When you're fighting a civil war,
The enemy is always there,
Armed and dangerous.
The world can be a harsh taskmaster,
But when you're fighting a civil war,
The enemy,
But when you're fighting a civil war,
You have no place to rest.
You're always on guard.
You don't get the encouragement and support we all need,
Especially when we're struggling with an unpleasant situation.
Those self-criticisms which you hoped would motivate you,
They just leave you feeling beaten up and worse,
They lower your self-esteem.
When self-esteem is low,
Everything is harder to do.
If trying to change and blaming yourself doesn't work,
What does?
Unfortunately,
It's relatively simple.
First,
Recognize that your self-criticism is working against you and as much as possible try to interrupt it.
Then,
Believe me when I tell you that my 40 years as a practicing psychotherapist have proven to me that when you can't do something you're sure you want to do,
There's a good reason.
I'm going to repeat that.
When there's something you want to but can't do,
There's a good reason.
Again,
If you're like most people,
You focused all your energy and attention on thinking about what you hope to get from this change and you haven't considered the good reason you have for not changing.
Until you understand and deal with your good reason,
You won't be able to change.
So I'm going to help you find your good reason.
In a few minutes,
I'm going to offer a short meditation during which you can begin to discover that good reason.
Thank you.
