Cultivating Healthy Boundaries

Choosing transformation and evolution depends upon our ability as individuals to cultivate inner support, extend it to others, and receive from them in turn. This guided meditation explores creating healthy boundaries, which includes being able to set (and sense) limits as well as relax them.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

The following is a guided meditation by Renee Seals,

A somatic movement educator,

Energy worker,

And astrologer.

This meditation is intended to help support your embodied meditation practice.

If in the recording you are prompted to do something that doesn't feel good for your body,

Please adapt and modify to make it work for you.

Please also note that the content of these meditations sometimes explores deep and subtle states and memories,

And sometimes guided visualizations.

You are encouraged to work with discernment as you practice with them.

If any of the guidance Renee offers feels too activating or uncomfortable,

Please listen to your body's knowing and pause the recording until a later time if you wish to return to it.

These guided meditations range anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes and do not require any supplementary equipment to participate.

We hope you enjoy.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for joining.

This is Renee and today I'm offering a guided meditation for building,

Maintaining,

And recognizing healthy boundaries.

So boundaries are a buzzword and it's something that we hear about a lot.

Definitely if you're in the yoga,

Meditation,

Self-help world,

Boundaries are a familiar word and probably a somewhat familiar concept.

What boundaries are,

Like anything,

Is subtle and living and evolving.

Walls are not good boundaries.

Putting borders up that are impenetrable are not good boundaries.

Good boundaries are responsive,

They're adaptable,

And they're self-aware.

Walls and borders and impenetrable fortresses typically are the accumulation of our reactive and when we build structures to keep others out,

We end up imprisoning ourselves.

And this is why boundaries need to be evolving because ideally we grow over time and sometimes we may need more or less containment around certain issues or spaces.

And the boundaries that we have in some areas of our lives or with some people may not be appropriate in other areas or with other people.

So having a healthy sense of boundaries is having an awake sense,

An awakening to our relationships in general.

Let's start this guided meditation from a comfortable space.

I'd suggest standing in Tadasana,

Which is a simple standing mountain pose,

Or sitting.

If possible,

Sitting either on the floor or in your chair so that you feel your spine upright.

If standing and sitting are not options,

Then lie down,

But be in a position where you can pay attention to the alignment of your body for a little bit and then just sit down.

There might be some options to move,

Well there's always options to move,

But we'll begin by feeling relationship in more of a subtle and still way.

So my suggestion is to start somewhere fairly simple.

Mountain pose or Tadasana and sitting both are options,

But they're not.

Mountain pose or Tadasana and sitting both offer opportunities to feel the ways that we habitually bear weight through our bodies.

Habit and boundaries are something we're going to be thinking about.

So take your time and find how you want to begin.

And then whenever you've arrived,

Go ahead and if it's comfortable,

Close your eyes.

Whether or not your eyes are open or closed,

Let your eyes relax.

And with the beginning of meditation,

We want to invite ourselves to turn attention inwards.

One of the ways that we can do this is to allow our sense organs to detach or separate from the objects that they've been focusing on.

We're a very visual culture for the most part and our eyes do a lot of work all day looking at things.

So let your eyes soften right now and as your eyes relax,

Feel that the base of your brain,

The base of your skull,

Can open.

Let your ears and your nose and your mouth relax.

And feel a global sense of your skin around your body.

And as you breathe,

Sense how miraculous it is that you can breathe out into this container,

Into this membrane and boundary that is your skin.

So we'll start here at the skin.

I offer these meditations in accordance with the New and the Full Moon and this meditation is given to you inspired by the Full Moon in Capricorn on July 8th and 9th,

Depending where you are.

In the symbolic language of astrology,

Capricorn rules the skin and our skin is the boundary that separates our internal experience from the external world.

As you perceive your skin right now,

See if you can feel how there's an outer layer and an inner layer.

And the outer layer of skin senses the touch of the air around you and any textures or materials that you're touching.

Let your attention shift around the outer layer of skin and notice whatever arises in your awareness,

Whatever sensations,

Temperatures,

Etc.

As you inhale,

Feel the way that breath moves through your body and out into your skin.

And notice the subtle shifting of your skin against your clothes or against the air as you inhale and your body expands and as you exhale and there's a condensing.

Your skin is not a solid boundary.

It's very permeable.

It is absorbent and porous and it's alive.

Can you feel the way that your skin receives the environment around you?

The skin is protective.

For the most part,

It can keep things that are molecularly large away from the internal systems.

It's also an important part of our vitality.

Our skin absorbs light from the sun,

Vitamin D.

And of course light is necessary and it keeps us healthy.

It's an important part of our body.

It's an important part of our mood.

Whether or not your eyes are closed,

Can you sense the way that light reaches or is reflected upon your skin?

Can you feel the way that your eyes are closed?

Whether or not your eyes are closed,

Can you sense the way that light reaches or is reflected upon your skin?

Can you sense the way that your skin opens and receives light?

The external layer of skin also absorbs other nutrients from our environment.

It's why if you go and sit in therapeutic hot springs that have a high mineral content or mud baths or something like this,

That it's so good for you.

What I'd like you to do right now is to feel the way that your skin can absorb nourishment and simultaneously the way that your skin can protect you from what you don't need.

That there's this barrier and boundary that keeps many pollutants out of our bodies.

That's the first line of defense.

We know when we touch something,

If it stings or if it's sharp or creates a rash or itching,

That thing probably isn't something we want to eat or roll around in.

Our skin gives us lots of information.

The skin is also a really important part of your nervous system and it is infused with your nervous system.

The ends of your nerves coming out and enlivening different swaths of your skin.

In general,

Light ticklish touches wake up your nervous system.

You might experiment with that a little bit right now,

Kind of very lightly running your fingers over your skin or scratching or tickling.

You might have goosebumps come up or you might feel the way that your nervous system perks up.

This is opposed to deep containing and penetrative touch that allows us to feel safe and is more stimulating to the parasympathetic part of the nervous system.

So it's like a deep hug or a containing feeling.

You might try that wrapping your arms around yourself or placing your hands somewhere on your body in such a way that the intention that travels through touch is a containing attention.

So our skin becomes a very important part of how we communicate with others through touch,

That the quality or essence of care of affection can be delivered in the ways that we touch.

Then let your attention shift to the inner layer of skin.

This inner layer is coated,

Is lined with fat and fascia,

Connective tissue and kind of a slippery substance that allows your skin to stay connected to your body but also to slide a little bit to not get caught or adhered to whatever is underneath bone or muscle.

So I want you to breathe now into the flexibility of your skin into the lusciousness of your skin and imagine the fluid that lines its inner surface.

It's amazing that we live in a world that we have different stories and experiences in because of our skin.

So if your skin is highly melanated,

Absorbent of melanin,

It will be a darker color.

But it's still skin and if your skin is less melanated,

It's a lighter color and it's still skin.

So can you feel the quality of your own skin and can this inquiry into what is skin live in your heart for a while,

Especially the next time that you observe someone whose skin looks different than yours?

Can you allow your empathic sense to remember the question of what your skin is and to let that be met with a realization or understanding that the being that you're observing or relating with also lives in skin?

Such an interesting thing,

This membrane that holds us together and that keeps us separate,

But that is also porous and respondent and integrated with our environments.

How can we develop boundaries in ourselves that allow what is good for us in and that is able to discern when something doesn't feel right,

That there can be a closing of the movement towards less absorption?

How can we develop boundaries in ourselves that allow what is good for us in and that is able to discern when something doesn't feel right,

A movement towards less absorption?

Can our boundaries be something that is fluid,

That has some element of fluidity,

That can move and shift around the needs that arise within,

But that always also stay connected to who we are inside,

Recognizing that everybody will probably have different boundaries and that's okay.

We come from different spaces and different experiences and it's normal when we sense something and someone else to respond to it,

But can we be aware to our own responses and have some element of choice about whether or not we believe them?

You might notice this in yourself,

In your body,

And in your being,

When you come into contact with someone that you perceive to be quite different,

That there's a very subtle psychic boundary that arises in that space of difference.

It's easy to think that difference means harm and indeed sometimes it does when we perceive very different value systems.

But many times difference simply means difference.

Going underneath the reactive response of separation to remember a similarity can be incredibly illuminating.

Just think of how many times you've looked at something and then touched it,

And in the touching you've had a revelation.

Maybe it was you realized how good it felt to touch and suddenly how you see it changes,

Or the opposite.

So perception and bias have a lot to do with sensation and sensation can inform them both.

Now feel inside your skin to your bones.

Capricorn also rules the skeleton,

The bones of the body.

If you're standing or sitting,

Notice the way that you habitually weight bear more on one side or the other.

Along with that imbalance between right and left,

You might also sense that there's more weight to the front or the back and this could also be between sides.

What I'd like you to do right now is to play in the space between inner structure and outer container.

You can do this sitting and lying down as well.

Feel the way that the alignment of the inner body of the skeleton is felt in the boundary and the container of your skin.

Feel the way that the boundary and the container of your skin serves to support the inner alignment of the skeleton,

This wrapping that holds us all together.

As you investigate the asymmetries and the different qualities of weight that reside in your body and feel into your joint spaces,

And joints are relationships between bones.

Your knee joints are made by a relationship between the top of your tibia and the bottom of your neck.

Your knee joints are made by a relationship between the top of your tibia or your shin bone and the bottom of your femur or your thigh bone and your patella or your knee cap.

These three bones form a space of relationship where change can happen,

Where movement is possible.

Throughout your body you have many joints.

You have some,

I think,

Like 70 different joints in your feet between all the different bones,

Tiny little bones.

Your ankle joint has multiple spaces of relationship.

There are joints between your shin bone and your fibula,

Which is the thinner,

More delicate bone on the outer lower leg.

So many joints between your vertebrae and your spinal column,

Through your arms,

Joints in your face,

Joints in your skull.

And all of us have patterns and habits of the ways that we occupy our skeleton.

And there are certain spaces where we're unaware of relationship.

So some joints where we'll bear weight unevenly,

Where we constantly compress or are distracted,

Where we kind of pull apart.

And if you've located any of those spaces in yourself,

If you feel places in your body and you're attuned to sensations which describe dysfunction,

So that might feel like pain,

Asleep-ness,

Numbness,

And just proprioception of balance,

Like,

Oh,

I'm heavier there or lighter here.

What I would recommend is pausing this recording and getting on the Google and looking for pictures of that joint and particularly the joint capsule.

And you can also use an anatomy book if you have one around.

But see if you can get a visual for what you're working with and feel free to pause the recording and do that.

I'm just going to continue on.

So what you want in this visual is to be able to imagine the joint's space and the space of relationship.

And it's the space between the solidity of bone and a more fluid container that keeps bones in relationship with each other.

And between the articulating surfaces of bones,

We have a small amount of fluid.

Usually most joints have a small amount of fluid.

And then a capital space of the bone.

And so we're going to be looking at the joint space capsule of some sort.

And this capsule contains the fluid and provides structure to keep the bones moving together.

And the fluid,

It's called synovial fluid,

Creates kind of a slipperiness,

A slidiness between the bones.

It has a semi-viscous quality.

It's like lube.

So these surfaces can move against one another easefully.

The fluid also acts kind of like if you were to put a drop of water between two panes of glass and they would serve to kind of stick them together.

The fluid acts as not a glue but an adhesive of some sort.

It keeps the bones in their relationship,

As does the ligamentous and tendinous tissue and the fascia that wraps around the joints.

So if you're working with any particular joints,

Then bring your mind to those spaces and imagine them and see what the joints look like.

And if you're working in general,

In more of a general way with the joints,

Through your body,

Then let your attention span through your skeleton and move through all of the joint spaces and notice where you find tension and try and relax.

In the yoga sutra,

There is not very much that's written about asana or the physical practice.

And one of the few things that is mentioned is that asana should be steady and easeful.

And the idea of pain in association to successful physicality like no pain no gain is bunk.

Not great.

Why do we need to force ourselves into pain all of the time?

Better to feel inner alignment,

That you could stay in a shape as long as you needed to and find resource and inspiration,

Steadiness and ease.

When we're in a constant state of struggle,

Striving to hold ourselves together,

We're forcing ourselves into spaces of fatigue and exertion is not good for us.

Our bones need oxygen,

They need blood,

And in order for them to receive what they need,

They need a good balance between activity and rest.

So in whatever state that you're in right now,

In whatever shape,

Look for the kind of alignment that happens when your bones are in good relationship to one another.

And know that this relationship is not homeostasis,

It's not something that's static.

It's always moving.

There's always balance.

If you shift your position,

You'll need to be in a state of balance.

If you shift your position,

You'll need to readjust.

But you can move with an awareness of alignment.

And now if you want to bring your practice into movement,

Try it.

And notice the ways that gravity and levity move through your skeleton.

Notice the ways that your bones come into alignment through relationship around the joints.

And notice the way that your skin contains this alignment moves with you.

And the invitation is to feel the containment that provides fluid movement,

To feel the structure that is open to experience.

Negotiate balance.

Feel the ways that you can question what you habitually do.

If you always bear more weight on the right side or in the back,

Try something different.

And notice how your inner alignment shifts.

Notice what your responses are.

Notice if you feel comfortable,

If you feel steady,

And if you have ease.

Nothing is easy all the time.

And negotiating balance,

Pushing ourselves to go out of balance sometimes allows us also to be in a state of balance.

So both are necessary.

But if we consider steadiness and easefulness as our priorities,

Then we know we want our boundaries and containers to serve that.

And that steadiness and ease are the ones that we want to be able to serve.

And that steadiness and easefulness also can't exist if we don't try new things.

Because we're all habitual,

We're all biased.

This is something that we learn through our movement practices is we'll find something that feels good and that feels like home and we'll do that for a while.

And then at some point we'll realize that we've been practicing asymmetrically,

That we've been doing something and it's repetitive and it's starting to create an injury.

And we weren't aware of it until it started to hurt.

If we're in a reactive space,

We might push the hurt away.

We might baby ourselves or get angry at the thing that feels hurtful.

And that rarely creates the solution that we're looking for.

Usually we just go to another extreme and if you've ever really babied an injury,

You know that you end up being weak and hurting in other places.

So it's good rehab to continue to move,

Although to move with care.

And this is boundaries.

This is a good boundary that we're always brushing up against each other.

Even the ones that we love the most will hurt us sometimes,

We'll hurt them.

And when we find those places of tenderness,

It's not going to be the best choice usually to pull ourselves really strongly away or to cut something off,

But rather to pay attention to the injury and to seek to readjust to a healthier space of balance.

To stay in relationship but to modify the relationship so that we can inquire into different sources of support different sources of mobility.

This is the same in our bodies and in our hearts and our brains and all of our relationships.

In our bodies when we pull two bones away from each other,

It's called distraction.

When we distract a joint,

It's different than traction.

Separating at joints is very damaging to the connective tissue.

We have been separated from each other in multiple ways and in order to rebuild the connective tissue,

There needs to be some external forms of support.

It's good to have meeting spaces and agreements around language and what constitutes a safe space and how we're going to try to relate.

It's good to wear a brace or a sling if you've suffered a joint injury or a stroke or a stroke that's been in your body for a long time.

It's good to have a joint injury or a stroke that's been in your body for a long time.

It's good to wear a brace or a sling if you've suffered a joint injury for a while.

But then sometimes you have to take it off and do some mobility exercises and certainly you don't want to keep it on for your entire life by trying things again.

And of course we need to be mature and wise and resist doing the things that we know hurt us before,

Which means we have to learn.

So as you negotiate boundaries in life,

There is kind of a similar feeling of there are times when we need to take care of ourselves,

If we've been deeply hurt.

And sometimes there may be the necessity for some kind of protective barrier or brace for a long time.

And if the hurt feels very deep,

If it feels foundational,

It might be that that's what we need forever is a different kind of brace or a different kind of boundary if trust has been damaged intrinsically.

However,

Remembering that we also create our own prisons through boundaries and that one kind of prison is the prison of not allowing ourselves to try,

The prison of fear.

We can look into ourselves and notice where we have enough ease and where we have enough support to negotiate our own balance,

Our own internal balance.

And from those spaces we can seek to let go a little bit of whatever is bracing us or we're bracing with the firm boundaries.

If you're a person who's very accommodating or hyper mobile in your body,

Lots and lots of choices and sometimes you can't feel your own boundaries,

This kind of practice is very useful.

What feels authentic right now?

What is a safe space that I can come back to?

This is a big question for people dealing with hypermobility and the tendency to over accommodate.

If we don't know our own boundaries then it's very easy to live outside of them for the most part and then to find that we've either been overstretched and depleted and are incredibly tired and injured or that things kind of snap in reactivity,

That there is a break at some point and then the inability to accommodate anything at all.

Being someone with hypermobility,

I've worked a lot with this and if you're interested,

If this is you,

I want to work with you so feel free to reach out.

I have some videos and I'm really exploring this a lot in my life right now.

And if you're someone who's been living in a more restricted and tighter form,

There's an amazing potential for relaxation,

For openness,

When you feel your own support.

So this is the work for all of us with boundaries,

Is to feel the way that we align internally.

And this isn't just physical,

It's also mental and emotional and this is why we practice ethics.

When we know that we trust our own intent,

We can be upright in the world.

So I'll pause there for today and as always I'm really interested to hear how these meditations land for you.

They're very non-traditional in the who knows what I'm talking about way of guided meditation.

But yeah,

I'd love to hear your feedback all the time and if you want to let me know what you're working with,

I really want to know.

So much love and I hope that this has served you well and until next time.

Reviews

as a hypermobile person n 12H sun (w Neptune as my only Cap placement) i’m always working to feel into what is a safe container for me. this is such a nice gentle conversation w my body, joints, n energetic limits.

Wow it took me a min to process and then by the end I was mind blown. Powerful. Thank you