5 ways women tend to lose themselves in relationships and discover your self-abandonment archetypes.
Hi there and welcome.
Here we are diving into a topic that so many women struggle with but rarely talk about,
Self-abandonment in relationships.
While the picture of the independent strong woman is more and more celebrated and visible,
The reality is that many women still struggle with maintaining their sense of self in relationships.
They lose who they are the moment they enter a relationship.
And if you are currently in a relationship or just left one and wondering,
Where did the real me go?
This episode is especially for you.
And perhaps you arrive at this point very subtly.
We can lose ourselves without even realizing it,
And slowly letting go of the things that make us feel alive and whole.
So maybe it started by dropping your hobbies and passions to spend more time with your partner,
Telling yourself you'll pick them up later,
Yet that day never came.
Or perhaps it was silencing your voice and needs,
Prioritizing your partner's ones,
Accepting behaviors that should be red flags,
And convincing yourself that this is just how relationships work,
And you won't find anything better anyway.
This is what self-abandonment is all about,
Leaving behind essential parts of yourself to keep the peace,
Make your partner happy,
Or keep the relationship.
In the process,
We lose our identity and autonomy.
We are left unsure of what we want or who we are outside of the relationship.
And here is the truth.
A healthy relationship,
Whether it's an intimate relationship or a friendship,
Doesn't require you to lose yourself.
It thrives when both partners bring their full,
Unique selves to the table.
Self-abandonment doesn't look the same for everyone.
And today I wanted to introduce you to something I call the self-abandonment archetypes.
See,
These archetypes came through my research and my work with hundreds of women and are really a demonstration of the multiple ways self-abandonment can present itself.
I'm going to introduce you to five archetypes,
And each of these archetypes come with its own unique struggles,
But also clear paths for reclaiming our sense of self.
And my hope is that by the end of this episode,
You'll have a clearer understanding of what self-abandonment looks like for you and how you can start taking steps towards the true you so you can attract healthy,
Balanced,
And fulfilling relationships.
Before we delve in,
It is important to remember that these archetypes aren't labels or designed for self-judgment.
They are frameworks to help you understand common emotional patterns and solutions for healing.
Also,
You may find you have traits of several archetypes,
And that's completely normal.
In fact,
All women may experience moments of self-abandonment,
Especially in the context of relationships.
The true issue arises when these patterns become habitual,
When they gradually overshadow your sense of self,
Your own needs,
Your autonomy,
Or even your safety.
So let's explore these archetypes and how they show up in relationships.
First,
We have the obsessive.
She becomes consumed by the relationship,
Overanalyzing every interaction and second-guessing her partner's feelings.
This archetype often struggles with jealousy,
Insecurity,
And a constant need for reassurance,
Which can lead to behaviors like excessive texting,
Scrolling,
Seeking validation.
While driven by a fear of losing the relationship and being abandoned,
These patterns can unintentionally create tension and push her partner away.
Then we have the merger.
These are the friends that you stop seeing as soon as they enter a relationship.
They disappear into the partner's world,
Often putting aside their own hobbies,
Goals,
And friendships,
Or even family sometimes,
In favor of keeping the connection alive.
While the devotion may come from a good place,
It can lead to a loss of the unique self and a gradual disconnection from the people who once mattered.
Then we have the chameleon or shapeshifter.
She adapts and changes who she is to meet what she thinks others want her to be,
Often losing sight of her true self.
Whether it's altering her opinions,
Style,
Or behavior to please her partner,
Or to fit in,
The chameleon starts to feel like she's wearing a mask,
Trying to fit into a role that isn't authentically hers.
Over time,
This constant shape-shifting leaves her feeling disconnected and unsure of who she really is.
The next archetype,
The rescuer.
She tends to take on the role of fixing or saving her partner,
Often at the expense of her own well-being.
She's driven by an underlying need to feel needed,
And therefore rescuers are drawn to partners they perceive as needing help or healing,
Which reinforces their sense of purpose and self-worth.
She overgives,
Sacrifices her own needs and energy to save her partner,
Even if it means burning herself out.
This creates an unhealthy dynamic where she feels drained,
Resentful,
And disconnected from her own sense of self,
While her partner remains sometimes dependent,
Relying on her for emotional support and stability,
Rather than growing independently.
The last archetype I wanted to present you is the submissive.
She stays silent and compliant,
Suppressing her voice,
Feelings,
And desires to avoid conflict and keep the peace.
This can lead her to tolerate mistreatment,
Such as betrayal,
Belittling,
Or even abuse,
And her sense of self-worth becomes deeply eroded through this process,
Leaving her convinced that she doesn't even deserve better or fearing that she won't find anyone else if this relationship ends.
As a result,
She may continue to overlook her own needs,
Staying in the relationship sometimes out of fear or low self-esteem,
Which ultimately leaves her emotionally drained and disconnected from her true self.
So,
Does any of these archetypes resonate as truths or feel familiar?
I hope this discussion has helped you identify some patterns in your current or past relationships and giving you insights into how self-abandonment might be showing up in your life.
Now,
Why does it matter?
Recognizing these self-abandonment patterns is the first crucial step towards breaking free from them.
It's not just about the small sacrifices we make in relationships,
It's about the long-term impact on our mental,
Emotional,
And even physical well-being.
Over time,
Self-abandonment can lead to burnout,
Resentment,
And a deep sense of disconnection,
Not just from others,
But from ourselves.
The truth is,
The relationship you have with yourself is truly the foundation for all your other relationships.
And when you nurture and strengthen that connection,
You are better equipped to create healthy,
Balanced,
And supportive partnerships that truly nourish you.
And if today you have recognized some patterns in yourself,
Here are a few questions to reflect on.
Firstly,
What would happen if I was to show my true self and feelings in my relationship?
How would I feel?
What do I need more of in my life or relationship to feel fulfilled and authentic?
What am I holding on to that no longer serves me,
And what do I need to let go of in order to reconnect with myself?
The answers to this question will start to draw a path for your own healing.
Reclaiming your sense of self after years of self-abandonment is a process,
And it takes compassion,
Working at your own pace,
And the right support.
I'll be diving much deeper into these archetypes in future episodes,
Really unpacking them so you can see the full picture.
And for each one,
I'll explore not only the core characteristics,
But also things like the type of partners they tend to attract,
Their underlying beliefs,
Drivers,
Attachment styles,
And the fears that drive their behaviors.
By understanding these layers,
We can also identify a more effective and empowering path for healing,
Growth,
And creating healthier relationships.
Shedding light on your self-abandonment archetypes is the first step towards healing.
And once you identify the pattern,
You can really begin to break unhealthy cycles and rebuild a balanced and fulfilling life.
Remember,
You deserve to be true to yourself and be loved and respected for who you authentically are.
You deserve balanced,
Healthy,
And nourishing relationships that fulfill you rather than deplete your energy,
Or make you feel you're not enough,
Or ask you to sacrifice your life for them.
Take care,
And until next time.
