Creating Affirmations That Actually Work: Two Must-haves

Affirmations can be an incredibly helpful and supportive tool in spiritual and healing contexts. However, there are two factors—often missed—which affirmations must have in order to be effective. In this talk, you'll learn two simple guidelines to create affirmations which actually resonate in your body.

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome.

Let's land here together in our bodies.

Feel where your body is making contact with the surface.

If you're sitting,

Can you feel your seat?

Or if your feet are on the ground,

Can you feel that contact with the ground?

You've just come from somewhere and now we're landing here together in a space to learn about creating effective affirmations.

So,

There are two factors that must be met.

Often I'll see the first point taken into account,

But I rarely see the second,

And this will have big impact on the effectiveness of your affirmations.

If you miss the second,

They could actually work against you,

And we don't want that.

So,

I'm joyfully sharing this with you today.

The first guideline is to use the affirmative.

So,

If I were to tell you,

Don't think of a purple whale.

What are we all envisioning?

What can you not get out of your mind right now?

You and I have both conjured purple whale.

And that's because the sentence was structured in the negative.

I said,

Don't think.

A negative sentence structure will have a word like don't,

Doesn't,

No,

Not,

Never.

Whereas an affirmative sentence states something is true and valid.

For example,

An affirmative sentence is smile,

And the negative structure would be don't frown.

Can you see the difference?

In my permaculture class a year ago with Starhawk,

She told us about how her reclaiming group was coming up with a new inclusivity statement,

And it had read,

We will not tolerate racism,

Violence,

Homophobia,

Transphobia,

And on and on and on it went.

And what were they calling in?

Racism,

Violence,

Homophobia,

Transphobia.

Because they were using a negative statement structure.

We will not tolerate.

So instead,

Use the affirmative.

Here are a few actual phrases from their updated Principles of Unity,

So you can hear what it sounds like.

Create accountable spaces.

Each human is responsible for yourself,

Your intentions,

Words,

And actions.

We are radically inclusive.

We strive to uplift and center BIPOC voices.

We foster the questioning attitude and honor intellectual,

Spiritual,

And creative freedom.

So you can,

If you're interested,

You can look up their full Principles of Unity,

On Reclaiming's site to see what they came up with.

Those were picked,

Some cherry-picked phrases to illustrate what the affirmative sounds like.

One more example that has always,

I've always wondered,

Why did they name it this way?

Is non-violent communication.

That name is calling in the concept of violence every time it's spoken.

And,

Well,

I have not yet studied this methodology in depth,

So I'm not sure how well these alternatives could fit,

But I think something like compassionate communication or peaceful communication would be better,

And those are both examples in the affirmative.

Lastly,

Even the English translation of the Reiki precepts begins,

Just for today,

Do not worry,

Do not anger.

So we can see how the negative structure is being used,

And I will spare a side tangent here that healthy anger is absolutely important.

I will point you to nervous system educator Irene Lyon for that.

So the phrase,

Do not worry,

Calls in worry,

Because it's written in the negative,

And an affirmative that resonates for me instead is,

I trust the unfolding.

And this leads me to the second factor,

The phrase I just shared,

I trust the unfolding,

That feels good in my body,

But it might not sit well with you.

And so number two is,

It must be believable in your body.

And I learned this piece from my teacher Molly Caro-May,

She weaves together story and somatics,

She's a somatic experiencing practitioner.

If I were to tell myself,

I am safe,

I am at peace,

When my physiology,

My body is telling me otherwise,

My body and mind are in disagreement.

This creates distrust,

And it's working against my body,

Which can cause harm.

Our bodies are always communicating and saying,

Listen to me,

Please listen.

Cultural context,

Now I was raised and live in now,

The colonial capitalist patriarchy called the United States.

And in this Western culture,

It overemphasizes thoughts and the mind.

It has systematically taught us to forget,

Ignore,

And suppress our body.

And many of us are seeing now the great depths of those harms.

So this could be a new idea for some folks,

Because it's not out there in the culture,

To hear that your affirmations might very likely look different from folks beside you.

And to find out,

You need to run it through your own body.

So to create an affirmation that our body believes,

We need nuance,

We need intuition,

We need to sense into our bodies.

And one phrase that has been very helpful and made all the difference for me is I'm willing.

.

.

Or I'm willing to believe.

In the winter of 2021,

I was,

Though I had no idea at the time,

I was entering a dark night of the soul.

I got very sensitive suddenly,

Super tired,

Body was crying all the time,

Which was very new.

I could not feel my life force,

My spirit,

My spark.

And if at that time,

If someone had told me to say,

I am vibrant and wonderfully alive,

I know that would have felt,

Oh,

I'm feeling like constriction.

That was not at all the experience.

However,

If I were to use,

I'm willing,

I make the phrase,

I'm willing to believe my body has the capacity to one day feel vibrant.

That would have felt believable at the time,

Remembering back.

Another variation is,

I'm willing to consider.

I'm willing to consider.

I'm willing to consider there is a divine orchestration beyond what I see and know right now.

I'm willing to consider that one day I'll feel differently.

So you can sense and feel into how that phrase,

I'm willing,

I'm willing to believe,

I'm willing to consider,

How it allows for nuance that can,

That can make phrases accessible to our bodies,

Believable in our bodies.

One more example,

I know a woman who recently shared she's been having success with the phrase,

I get to,

XYZ,

To bring more presence into her days with her children.

When worry or impatience or an urge to complete the task arises,

She's been bringing in that phrase.

Maybe,

I get to watch my children track leaves into the house.

Or I get to scrub this burn from a pot that cooked a nourishing meal.

Or I get to drive across town to return a friend's Tupperware.

And after she shared this,

Another woman shared that this phrase is bringing anger into her system.

It does not feel true at all.

And that is beautiful.

That's beautiful information.

That is not the phrase for her.

That would be an override in her system.

So I invite you right now,

Why don't we use this example to practice running an affirmation through your body?

So bring to mind a small annoyance,

Small,

Something you're avoiding or something you wish you didn't have to do.

Do you have one?

Okay.

Now,

Try saying,

I get to,

Before your scenario.

And notice what sensations arise in your body.

Is there any constriction?

Is there flow?

Does the phrase feel genuine?

Does it feel forced?

And great job.

You just ran language through your body and received information.

Now,

You know if this particular phrase is a helpful phrase to weave into your practices or not.

So,

Whether it's to post up a phrase you want to see every day,

Or if you're choosing phrases to bring into your meditations or anything in between,

An effective affirmation will,

Number one,

Be in the affirmative,

And two,

Be believable in your body.

To do this,

We need to create our own,

Trust our intuition,

Listen to our bodies,

Be fluid,

Let it change.

This can definitely change season to season.

And there can be a lot of beautiful growth through affirmations when these factors are applied.

So,

That's the end of the content,

And I'm going to allow some transition time,

Because we've just been together for a bit,

You learned information,

And now you're about to return to your day,

And this will slowly integrate.

So,

Let's check in again.

Can you feel where your body is making contact with the surface?

And without changing it,

Can you feel your breathing?

And then,

Thinking back on our time together,

Was there anything that surprised you,

Or that you will take forward into your day?

One nugget,

Bring that to mind,

And I encourage you to help it soak in,

Tell a friend about it,

Or try weaving this in,

Whatever your new finding is,

Try using it today,

And that will help deepen this skill,

So it's something you automatically are doing with,

Not just affirmations,

It can expand to running everything through your beautiful,

Wise body's knowings.

Thank you for being here,

Go well into your day.