Good day.
My name is Rachel Grace.
Welcome to this talk,
Which is part four of a four-part series,
Where I'm introducing practical and evidence-based mindfulness tools that are designed to help you handle difficult conversations at work.
The four tools we'll explore are influencing physiology,
Being present,
Compassion,
And recognizing similarity.
In this fourth and final session in the series,
We're focusing on the fourth tool of recognizing similarity.
Often when we are experiencing interpersonal challenges,
We tend to engage in what's called othering.
We convince ourselves that this difficult person is radically different from us.
That's why we're finding them so challenging.
When we're trying to handle the difficult conversation at work,
It's easy to get locked into one of the ways this othering turns up in our thinking,
Which is to get caught up in a lot of us versus them type thoughts and perspectives.
This can really distort our thinking and undermine our capacity to see things from multiple perspectives,
To stay solution-focused,
And to keep our personal frustrations,
Stress levels,
And emotional reactivity from contaminating our communication style and our professional decision-making.
Difficult conversations really demand and require emotional equilibrium and the capacity to maintain a broad perspective for them to be successful.
We can develop the skill for maintaining a broader perspective as an antidote to the habit patterns of the mind that revert to emotionally reactive us versus them type thoughts.
By practicing paying attention to the similarities that we share with this other person.
We can do this from the most basic level of bringing to mind things like,
Just like me,
This person wants to be happy,
To the more specific,
Like,
Just like me,
This person makes mistakes sometimes.
It's important to note that by acknowledging similarity with this other person,
We're not condoning,
Minimizing,
Or justifying someone else's poor behavior.
Instead,
We are simply acknowledging the common humanity that exists between us.
To take it a step further,
We can even entertain,
If only for a few moments,
That we may actually share some of the similar behaviors with this person.
Behaviors like being emotionally reactive sometimes,
Being a poor listener,
Avoiding difficult tasks.
We can acknowledge that I too act like this sometimes.
Just as we are imperfect,
So too are others.
In the work that I do with leaders,
I've found that the practice called Just Like Me,
Is a particularly powerful practice methodology that can really help to build this skill for recognizing similarity,
In a way that is very supportive of getting in the right frame of mind for conducting a difficult conversation.
I've found and others have too,
That doing this kind of practice in preparation for a difficult conversation decreases the levels of stress we feel,
And improves our capacity to listen and communicate effectively.
That positively impacts the outcomes that we can achieve from a difficult conversation.
So why don't we invite you to join me in this practice now.
This practice designed to help us recognize similarity by doing a Just Like Me practice.
I invite you to sit in a way that allows you to be both alert and relaxed,
Allowing your eyes to gently close or softening your gaze towards the floor if you prefer.
Then I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath in,
Filling the lungs right up,
And then exhaling gently and slowly,
Releasing all the air from your lungs.
Then just allowing your breath to settle into its normal,
Natural and gentle rhythm.
To begin this practice,
I invite you to bring to mind the person that you're going to have this difficult conversation with.
Having brought them to mind,
I invite you to inwardly and silently repeat these phrases to yourself,
Directing them to this person.
This person has a body and a mind just like me.
This person has feelings,
Emotions and thoughts just like me.
This person has at some point been sad,
Disappointed,
Angry or hurt just like me.
This person has felt unworthy or inadequate just like me.
This person has longed for friendship just like me.
This person has longed for friendship just like me.
This person is learning about life just like me.
This person wishes to be safe and healthy just like me.
This person wishes to be happy just like me.
This person wishes to be loved just like me.
And then from that place of recognition,
Now wishing this person well by silently repeating these phrases,
Following along after me again,
Silently repeating these phrases to yourself as you continue to hold this person in your mind and in your heart.
I wish for this person to have the strength and support to navigate the difficulties they face.
I wish for this person to be free from this difficult situation I wish for this person to be free from pain and suffering.
I wish for this person to be peaceful and happy.
I wish that this person be loved.
I wish that this person be loved because this person is a fellow human being just like me.
I wish for this person to be free from pain and suffering.
I'm just taking a moment to notice the state of your body,
Mind and heart right now.
It's cultivating compassion in this way,
This awareness of the similarity between yourself and this other person.
Has it impacted you in any way?
Just notice.
If there's no change that's okay,
You can notice that.
But if something has shifted that's okay too,
Just notice what it's like.
How has this practice affected you?
So as we approach the end of our practice now,
I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath in,
Filling the lungs right up.
And then exhaling gently and slowly,
Releasing all the air from your lungs.
Allowing your eyes to open and bringing your attention back up into the environment around you.
Congratulations on your practice.
Many people find this practice challenging and also quite illuminating,
And I hope that you find,
As myself and others have,
That this practice really does support a cognitive and emotional shift that enhances the capacity to have difficult conversations and make difficult leadership decisions with less stress,
A clearer mind and a softer heart.
Recognising similarity is a skill like any other,
So the more you practise,
The easier it gets.
And I encourage you to use this practice to help you handle difficult conversations at work,
And take the time,
If you like,
To notice the difference it makes.
May this practice support you,
The work you do and all of those around you.
Thanks for joining me in this practice.
I hope you'll join me again.
