G'day,
My name is Rachel Grace.
Welcome to this talk,
Which is part three of a four-part series where I'll introduce you to practical and evidence-based mindfulness tools that are designed to help you handle difficult conversations at work.
The four tools we'll explore are influencing physiology,
Being present,
Compassion,
And recognizing similarity.
In this third session,
We're focusing on the third tool of compassion.
Compassion is the willingness to do four things.
Notice suffering,
Allow oneself to be moved by suffering,
Consciously having the wish for the alleviation of suffering,
And to be motivated to take action to alleviate suffering.
Suffering refers to any moments of pain,
Distress,
Or hardship for a person.
It doesn't have to be a serious,
Extreme,
Or intense situation to count as suffering.
One of the most common sources of suffering at work is that which stems from difficult interpersonal interactions.
I think most leaders find the looming prospect of having to initiate a difficult conversation to be a source of suffering.
Equally,
The staff member who gets called in to face a difficult conversation rarely finds that a pleasant experience either.
So difficult conversations at work are a goldmine for the potential for suffering.
The first mindfulness tool for handling difficult conversations at work involves taking a moment to recognize that this difficult conversation is a source of suffering for you and the other party.
More specifically,
To consciously practice the four steps of compassion to cognitively and emotionally prepare or perhaps recover from a challenging,
Difficult conversation.
So let's practice this skill of compassion now.
I invite you to find a posture that supports you to be both alert and relaxed.
Allowing your eyes to gently close or just softening your gaze towards the floor if you prefer.
Then I invite you to join me in taking a deep breath in,
Filling the lungs right up.
And then exhaling gently and slowly,
Releasing all the air from your lungs and a nice long out breath.
Then as you allow your breath to settle into its natural and gentle rhythm,
We can begin the first step of compassion which is to just simply allow yourself to notice the suffering that is in this situation for you.
Just let yourself notice the difficult thoughts,
Challenging emotions or tension in the body as you bring this difficult conversation to mind.
And as you notice any difficult thoughts,
Emotions and sensations that are there for you in relationship to this difficult conversation,
See if you can let go of any judgments or impulses to fix these difficult experiences that are present.
See if you can just allow yourself to see,
Feel and experience these just as they are.
Let yourself be moved and affected by them,
By how challenging this situation is for you.
This is the second step of compassion to experience the suffering just as it is.
So allow yourself to do that right now.
Then having noticed and had an opportunity to feel the suffering of this situation,
I invite you to now silently keep repeating to yourself words that express the wish for your suffering to be alleviated.
You might silently repeat to yourself these phrases or other phrases like it.
May I be at ease.
May I feel connected to my own strength.
May I be at ease.
May I feel connected to my own strength.
And then finally for the fourth step of compassion practice,
This involves connecting with the motivation to take action to alleviate the suffering.
So I invite you to ask yourself this question.
What action could I take immediately after this practice to help reduce the suffering I'm experiencing?
What action could I take immediately after this practice to help reduce the suffering I'm experiencing?
And then listen for the answer within yourself.
Give your inner wisdom the chance to speak.
What do you need?
And just noticing whatever answers came through.
And whatever answer you came up with,
I encourage you to do that immediately or as soon as possible after this practice,
Whether that might be to take a walk,
Schedule the difficult conversation you've been putting off,
Calling a friend or colleague to talk it through or get some support,
Whatever it is that can help you to put your compassion for yourself into action.
So as we approach the end of our practice,
I invite you to join me in taking a big breath in,
Filling the lungs right up.
And then exhaling gently and slowly releasing all the air from your lungs,
Allowing your eyes to open and bringing your attention back up into the environment around you.
Congratulations on your practice.
I encourage you to apply this skill anytime you need to support yourself to prepare for or recover from a difficult conversation at work.
And also you can extend this practice whenever you feel ready to by meditating on the suffering that the other person might be experiencing too.
So you would follow the same four steps.
You would take a moment to contemplate and notice their suffering in this situation.
You would allow yourself to feel moved or affected by their suffering.
The third step would be to express the wish for their suffering to be alleviated either by silently reciting phrases in your own mind and directing them in their direction or you may actually communicate that verbally to them in a meeting or at some other time that you hope that their suffering is eased in some way.
Then the fourth step is taking action to alleviate the suffering of the other person in whatever ways feels safe or accessible to you.
So for example,
You might help them to access employee assistance support,
Get them a cup of tea or you might just give them some time and let them be.
So the more you practice compassion for yourself and others,
The easier this tool is to use.
And the more comfortable you will be in using compassion is a very helpful and powerful tool to help you handle difficult conversations at work.
So keep practicing.
It really does help.
Thanks for joining me for this practice.
I sincerely hope that it's been of some benefit to you.
May this practice support you,
The work you do and all of those around you.
I hope you'll join me for another practice again.
