Stewardship Of Relationships

The people with whom we cross paths, whether it be a moment or a lifetime, serve as mirrors to us. They reflect our strength and weaknesses and provide an opportunity for us to see the limitations within ourselves. The assessment of limitations is not for judgment but for opportunity to expand. Ultimately, the best way we can steward relationships is maintain our connection to God and to evolve consistently into our best selves.

Transcript

Hello everybody and welcome to today's episode of the Help My Unbelief podcast.

Now what is Help My Unbelief?

Well in this podcast I'd like to talk about practical applications of biblical principles and to talk about some of the challenging aspects of being a Christian.

So today's episode is part two of our stewardship discussion.

So if you haven't already go back and listen to part one because we focused on the stewardship of self,

The stewardship of you.

And so today is part two and we're going to be talking about our stewardship responsibility of relationships.

Now what do I mean by relationships?

I'm talking about all relationships.

I'm talking about your family,

Your romantic relationships,

Your friends,

Your coworkers,

Even strangers.

So essentially every person that comes into your life,

Whether they come in for a few moments or they come in for a lifetime,

The relationships I'm referring to is everybody who comes into your life.

And we're going to look at how we handle those relationships that are placed in our care.

And I know we don't always look at those relationships as that way,

But like I said,

Anybody who comes across our path,

Anybody that we interact with,

Whether it's for a few moments or a lifetime,

It's a relationship that has been placed in our care.

So to get things started,

Let's have an honest moment.

Let's be honest about how we tend to see relationships right now.

So often we view our relationships according to how they benefit us.

We look at relationships according to how they benefit us.

We arrogantly assess these people,

We judge them critically and look at them for what they can do for us because we think that we already have the total package.

What's within us,

We have what they need,

Or at least we so arrogantly believe.

We have what they need.

So we never look at ourselves and say,

I don't know if I'm the right person for this person.

No,

We look at them.

And we say,

What do you have that will benefit me?

Or we evaluate that somebody needs to be rescued.

So we go ahead and critically judge that we can't gain anything from this other person.

We can't learn anything from this other person because they need to be rescued by us.

So we're going to extend our charity to the other person with zero expectation of being able to gain anything from interacting with that person.

So again,

Let's be honest with ourselves.

We tend to fall into one or both of these categories along the way more often than we should.

But this podcast is not about evaluating other people and how they fit in with us.

This podcast is about how we manage those relationships.

Again,

Whether we cross paths with them for a few minutes or for a lifetime,

This is about how we are managing these relationships.

But I want to clarify some things first.

So what are these relationships?

This is more than just having a conversation with someone or establishing a life with someone.

This more than that.

These relationships are mirrors.

They reflect back to you who you are.

And I'm not necessarily talking about that,

That concept of like attracts like.

So if you're a kind person,

You bring kind people into your life.

If you're a mean person,

You bring mean people into your life.

I mean,

You will meet like minded people for certain.

But every relationship,

Every interaction is a mirror to reflect back to you who you are.

So what I'm saying is that these relationships give us a great opportunity to see exactly,

Exactly who we are.

So for instance,

If I regard myself to be a kind person,

If I were to do my own thing,

Self assessment,

I would say that I am a kind and generous person.

Well,

Let's say I meet the person that I do not want to be kind towards.

I meet this person and all I want to do is talk about them behind their back,

Maybe,

You know,

Smack them in the face depending.

But that is my opportunity to see that perhaps my kindness is not as vast as I thought it was.

So like I said,

These relationships are mirrors.

They give us an opportunity to see ourselves for who we really are.

They are mirrors.

And so these relationships,

They show us where our limits are essentially.

Now that's not a judgment.

Tell me it's not meant to be a judgment,

But rather it's meant to be an opportunity to expand.

Because the fact is that we have a great tendency towards conditional behavior.

What is conditional behavior?

Conditional behavior is where we inconsistently demonstrate our character according to whatever is going on around us.

We do this all the time.

You are your best version of yourself around people that you like.

And you tend to pull back a lot of your personality around people that you don't like or people who make you feel uncomfortable.

You are extraordinarily generous towards the person that you love.

And you are some measure of generous towards everybody else.

So we are conditional.

We have a tendency towards conditional behavior.

But this is a problem because God loves us unconditionally,

Meaning that he loves us no matter what we're doing,

Where we're going,

What we did in the past,

What we're doing right now,

What we're getting ready to do in the future.

God loves us right here as we are with no conditions.

God does not say to us,

I love you,

But I could love you more if you did this.

No,

God loves us period,

Point blank,

Unconditional.

So as people who shine divine light as Christians or as people who have spirituality and people who believe in God or whatever deity and divinity title you want to use,

As people who are light shiners,

It is our responsibility to come as close to unconditional as we can.

So when God is looking for us to reflect him,

This unconditional love,

We stumble significantly in this attempt to shine that light because we judge,

We set standards,

We change our minds.

We're impressed by this one over here and we're disgusted by that one over there.

So we have to be willing to pay attention because every relationship not only gives us a chance to shine our light,

But gives us a chance to assess these unconscious blocks to our light shining capability.

It gives us a chance to assess these unconscious blocks to our unconditional love.

So what does this all mean?

What are we supposed to do?

We've got all these people coming at us.

What are we supposed to do?

So what I'm encouraging you to do first of all,

Is to find value in every encounter.

So basically what I'm asking you or I'm encouraging you to do is to not be so quick to throw away these experiences and to find value in these encounters.

Because we do that,

Especially when we're dealing with strangers,

We only cross paths with them for a couple of seconds.

And so we have a tendency to just throw away that encounter or throw away that experience or even throw away the opportunity for an encounter because how many of us have made eye contact with someone just to quickly look away and scurry around them or to avoid them,

Take a different path.

So we have to find value in these encounters,

Whether it's with strangers,

Whether it's with people we don't like,

Because see,

We will value the encounters with the people that we love or the people that we really,

Really like,

But we are a little faster to throw away those negative encounters,

The people who make us uncomfortable,

The people who make us angry.

But the thing is we need to value all of those encounters and we need to not throw any of those experiences away because they all contribute to the path that we're walking and they all contribute to our growth.

Remember from part one,

We talked about your advancement is in the trial.

So even though it's great to interact with people who are like-minded and people who are easy to get along with,

Your real assessment is in those difficult relationships,

Those mirrors that are hard to look in because we all love the flattering mirror,

But the mirrors that are hard to look into,

That's an opportunity for us to move forward in our development.

So don't throw away any of the experiences,

Don't write anybody off because everybody you interact with,

Whether you know them or don't know them,

Whether you like them or don't like them,

All of those interactions contribute to your growth,

Contribute to the path that you walk.

Okay,

Jamila,

So how am I supposed to manage these relationships?

How am I supposed to manage these hoards of people that are coming in and out of my life?

So should I just be nice to everybody?

Should I just be kind?

Should I just be patient?

Well,

Yes,

Yes,

Absolutely.

Do all of those things.

But I think that's a little obvious,

Right?

Being able to be nice and being able to put your best foot forward,

That should be obvious.

So what I want to do is I want to give you the less obvious advice.

The best thing that you can do for any relationship is to keep developing yourself,

To stay focused on your connection to God.

That's kind of weird,

Right?

The best thing that you can do for other people is to focus on yourself.

Absolutely.

Now again,

In the last episode,

We distinguished the difference between being selfish and self-loving.

Being self-loving,

You maintain your connection to God,

You are focused on your purpose,

And you are shining the light of that purpose.

It's in being selfish that you disconnect from God and you arrogantly believe in your own perspective above anyone else's.

That's selfish.

We're talking about self-love or loving oneself.

So the best thing that you can do for any relationship is to continue loving yourself.

Because when you love yourself and you love your connection with God and you invest in your purpose and you continue to develop and you continue to maintain and strengthen that relationship with God,

That is the best thing that you can do when it comes to relating to others.

Because let me ask you,

Do you have the strength to be yourself in front of other people?

Now of course we have the strength to be ourselves and we're alone.

And we have somewhat of strength to be ourselves and we're around people that we've known for years and years and years.

But do you have the strength to be yourself at all times in front of other people?

For those of us who are Christian,

Are you brave enough to be that peculiar treasure?

Are you brave enough to be a demonstration of your beliefs and your principles in front of other people and not just fellow Christians?

And now your quick answer might be,

Well,

Yeah,

Sure.

I ain't scared of nobody.

That's your quick answer.

But let's walk through a couple of scenarios.

So as a person who considers themselves to be kind,

You've been developing your kindness as someone who's a Christian and you have this peculiar treasure of your perspective and your belief and your principles.

Do you show yourself?

Are you yourself in front of that coworker that everybody hates?

The one that everybody likes to get in a corner and gossip about.

Do you have the strength to be yourself and be able to see the God inside the person that is so thoroughly hated and to speak to that God inside that person?

Or do you pull back?

Do you maybe not engage in the gossip,

But you don't offer anything encouraging to the person that's being gossiped about?

Do you have the strength to be yourself in front of others?

Or do you hide parts of yourself so that you can get along,

So that you don't rock the boat or goodness,

Especially for someone that you're romantically interested in,

Do you hide parts of yourself so that you can continue to be liked or continue to maintain their attention?

I'm asking you these questions so that we can be honest with ourselves about our strength because it does get challenged.

And we do have those moments.

Like I said,

We all walk around saying,

I ain't scared of nobody.

I don't care what people think of me.

We all say that until we meet that person that we do care about their opinion.

And we meet that person that does make us a little uncomfortable and we shrink.

It's within our nature.

And so I'm just bringing this to your attention so that we become aware of the level of strength that we truly have in being ourselves and all the room we have to grow in that strength.

So when we get around other people and we shrink ourselves or we hide ourselves or we minimize ourselves in these relationships for the sake of gaining or maintaining the relationship,

When we shrink ourselves for the sake of gaining or maintaining a relationship,

We are doing that person a great disservice because not only are they a mirror to us,

They're supposed to be a mirror to them.

And how can you be an appropriate mirror if you're hiding who you are?

There is a reason.

There are no accidents.

I think we can all agree at this point.

There are no accidents.

There's no accidents in who you meet and in who you run across.

So there's a reason why God put this person in front of you,

Whether it again,

Whether it's for that few minutes or for a lifetime.

There is a reason why God put that person in front of you because God knew who you were.

God knows who they are.

And the two of y'all need to interact with your real selves.

So if you hide your real self,

If you hide who you are,

If you hide your principles,

If you hide your beliefs,

If you minimize that light that's shining through you because you're afraid it's going to blind them,

Then you are doing them a great disservice because they need to see what you got.

They need to see your light.

They need to experience your light.

But we second guess the situation.

We second guess ourselves and we minimize and mitigate.

When God knows us,

God knows them and God knows what he's doing.

Can we all agree?

And so there should be no fear.

You should show the most of yourself and the best of yourself because God knows what he's doing when he puts you in front of them and puts them in front of you.

You're meant to be mirrors to each other.

There's meant to be a growth opportunity for everybody involved.

Now let me ask you this next question.

Do you stop your growth,

Stop your growth when you get into relationships that you like?

Okay.

Now,

Again,

We,

We gotta be honest with ourselves because we have all done this,

Especially when it comes to a romantic partner.

How many times,

And let's just,

Just,

Just ask yourself,

Just ask yourself.

We have this tendency to morph into who we think the other person wants to see.

Right?

We,

We,

I don't know,

We just go goofy.

We're going along in life.

We are who we are.

We're developing who we are and we get around somebody that we really like and we decide that whoever it is that we are isn't enough or isn't right or we,

We,

We criticize.

I don't know what it is we do,

But then we morph into who we think the other person wants us to be.

And so,

So that they can keep liking us so they can keep giving us attention.

And of course that is a big mistake because we end up throwing ourselves out of balance.

And so that's what I'm saying.

Do you stop your growth when you get around the relationships that you like?

Because when that happens,

You do a great disservice to yourself because you stop being you and you start being whoever you think they want.

But again,

We got to trust God.

God knows what they need to see.

God knows what you need to see.

So stop being fearful and put,

And present yourself as yourself.

So maintaining that self-development,

Maintaining who we are,

Maintaining our connection to God is vital when we are stewards of these relationships.

But why,

Why,

Why is self-development so vital?

What does this self-development,

What does this growth even mean to us?

Well,

For one,

In that growth,

In that development,

We stay connected to God,

God as our source,

As our unlimited,

Unfailing source.

But sometimes when we get into certain relationships and we're not careful of ourselves and we're not aware of ourselves,

We will unplug from God and try to plug into that other person.

We will quickly disconnect from God,

Disconnect from that eternal,

Unfailing,

Perfect source and plug ourselves into the other person,

Making them our source.

But the thing is that other person is just as flawed and just as human as you are.

And so when you unplug from God and plug into them,

You end up draining them and frustrating yourself.

So this self-development is vital because it helps us to stay connected to God as our unfailing,

Unlimited,

Perfect source.

The second reason why the self-development is so vital is because it keeps us focused on our purpose.

Now be honest,

How many of you have been so confident about what God is doing in your life and so confident about the path that he has you on and you're just excited and you've got this vision and you've got this clear path and you know what you need to do next and then here comes somebody cute.

Guarantee you're going to start asking some questions.

You're going to be like,

Well,

Lord,

Do I need to go now?

Is it really in the plan for me to change cities?

Is it really in the plan for me to leave this job and go over here?

Because somebody cute just showed up.

Somebody I like just showed up.

So can we adjust the plan?

And again,

You end up unplugging from your purpose and you're ready to plug into this person who's cute.

So that self-development is vital.

It's vital.

It keeps us focused on our purpose.

And the third reason why that self-development is vital,

Maintaining it,

Is that it is our joy and our peace.

Now I'm not talking about that emotional joy.

I'm not talking about the physical sensation of peace.

I'm talking about,

You know,

Our joy and our peace is in the Lord and the Lord is developing us.

We are connected to God and God is lining us up with our purpose.

Every experience that we have in our life is lining us up with our purpose,

Building us,

Building our character,

Everything that we talked about in part one.

So that self-development is your joy and your peace.

And we reflect that because it is the life that we were born to live.

So when I say joy and peace,

I'm talking about that's our actual normal.

And that normal is different for each and every person,

But it's that life that you were born to leave.

It's the life that you were built for.

We reflect according to how we're built.

You cannot reflect adequately any other way.

So when you abandon your growth,

You abandon your joy and your peace.

So I say all of this to say that the stewardship of relationships is about responsibility.

Our ability to successfully manage these relationships is a reflection of the wisdom and the understanding that we have in our self-development and in our connection to God.

And I want everybody to remember,

We never graduate from God.

We never get to a point in our existence where we can say,

Okay,

God,

I've learned enough.

I'm going to go ahead out here on my own.

No,

God is our eternal source.

We unplug from God,

We drain out,

We fail.

God is our eternal source.

We never graduate from God and we will spend the entirety of our lives developing.

There will never be a time in our life where we can stop developing,

Say,

All right,

I'm at the top of what I'm going to know.

I can go on and coast through the rest of my existence.

Not a chance.

Not a chance.

Cause there's always going to be something that you're going to grow from.

There's always going to be some experience that you're going to learn from.

There's always going to be some other opportunity where you need an elevated perspective.

That's always going to happen.

So we're always going to develop.

We're always going to need God for the entirety of our lives.

So as long as we don't abandon God and we don't abandon ourselves,

We will be able to meaningfully handle and be good stewards of these relationships.

So thank you so much for tuning in.

Again,

My name is Jamila Perry and this podcast is called Help My Unbelief.

Thank you so much and I will see you next episode.

Reviews

Thank you 🙏🏼 wonderful!!!

Thank you Ms. Jamila. Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Your insight is always a blessing to me.

So insightful, thank you Jamila!

What in the heck??!! Talk about no coincidences. I was meant to find you today. Thank you for this. Now I’m going to go and listen to part 1. I’ve always loved/related to the verse in the Bible “help my unbelief” because it just resonated with me. I’m just sitting here in awe of how God always leads me to whatever it is that I need. And it’s always going to bring me back to Him. Blessings to you for your obedience 🙏

Wonderful! Thank you!

Excellent insight.
Going now in search of more of her message.

Love your podcasts! Thank you! 🌷🙏❤️

I love you Jamila! I really do. I love your messages so much. As a newbie to Christianity and growing up in a sceptical anti-religious family I just really appreciate your perspective, the way you apply God to every aspect of daily life. Your confidence in your faith is just what I need to encourage me and help me understand God better. So inspirational! It is really helping me on my journey and also your podcasts are great stimulus for journaling. I’m so grateful for the time you have taken to bless us with these podcasts. And excited to keep following you. You’re my gal! THANK YOU!!

PS: I just listened to this one again and I had to smile with embarrassment when I realised that I have been evaluating my husband based on what he can give me. Gah! This was just the honest realisation that I needed. And now I will start to think more about what I can offer/do to serve others and my relationships. 😁🙏

Very insightful talk❣️ Bookmarking and coming back to this. Thank you🙏

I reflect on Jamila’s words following my second listen to her talk. The value here is to know that each of us exist as a unique entity, and to sell ourselves (virtues) to please or experience another is a disservice, counterproductive, and an obstruction to living the best life.

Wonderfully insightful, thank you so much

Thank you for the interesting insights on this podcast Jamilla

Learnt a lot from this talk. Looking forward to more talks from your podcast.

Great Talk Thank you