The Project Me Podcast - Episode 2

We are ever-expanding, infinitely powerful, creative creatures -- created in the likeness of our Creator. We can never get it wrong, and everything we need is already inside. So, what are we waiting for? The life we desire is awaiting us. Let's get started and have some fun while we're at it.

Transcript

Welcome to the Project Me Podcast,

Episode 2,

Following the Yellow Brick Road.

I'm Teresa Hubbard,

And I appreciate you being here.

Have you ever felt like a fish out of water?

I recently moved from Northern California back to my hometown in Oklahoma.

I was away for 23 years,

And I really loved living on the West Coast.

To me,

It was such a beautiful and adventure-filled place to live.

I could be on the coast,

In a redwood forest,

In the snow,

Or in wine country,

All in the same day if I really wanted to.

I don't think there was ever a weekend that went by that there was not some sort of festival to enjoy,

Whether it was art,

Music,

Local food,

Wine tasting,

Craft beer,

Garlic,

Pumpkins,

Butter,

Cheese,

Olive oil,

And every type of cultural or social theme I could imagine.

I don't know whether the milder climate and natural beauty had anything to do with it.

But for me,

Northern California is a place where it's hard to get bored,

And even harder not to fit in somewhere.

But suddenly it seemed,

Out of nowhere,

I started waking up with this feeling of uneasiness.

It laid heavy on my mind that my parents,

Although in relatively good health,

Were aging.

And I felt a pull to be closer to them again,

While we could still enjoy each other,

And not waiting till I needed to be there.

It felt like something inside of me was telling me I needed to go back home.

And that carried a deep sense of dread,

Because I loved my life in Northern California and didn't want to give it up.

And to make things worse,

One thing I learned from the pandemic is that I can pretty much do my job from anywhere without a hitch.

This revelation made it hard not to push away this feeling that I needed to go back home.

There was one night in particular that I woke up with such a strong feeling about this that I couldn't go back to sleep.

After tossing and turning for way too long,

I thought,

Well,

Okay,

I'll spend this time in meditation.

I think back on that time as my meditation from hell.

I propped up the pillows on the bed,

Crossed my legs in front of me,

And sat quietly in the dark stillness of the early morning.

But my thoughts raced through my mind like a freight train bound to jump off the tracks at any moment.

But I was determined.

After more than an hour of this hellish experience,

I finally gave in.

Apparently,

Meditation was not the right choice in that moment.

And when I did,

A thought washed over me.

You don't have to do anything,

Just be love.

What?

That sounded too easy.

And what does it really mean anyway?

What about the actual act of moving?

The decision and planning needed to unearth my entire life and move myself from the paradise I was living to the place I'd left 23 years ago,

Which was not exactly where I yearned to be.

So in that moment,

I vowed to myself,

My higher self,

That I would at least be open and willing to be willing to explore whatever might end up in my path without instantly discounting it.

Man,

This is where it got interesting.

I've heard other people's stories about how after having made a hard decision,

Miraculously,

Things just fall into place.

Stars align,

Path opens up before them.

Insert any overused cliche you like,

But dang it all,

That's exactly what it felt like for me.

One thing after another just seemed to drop into my lap that made moving back to my hometown way too easy for my preference.

And it wasn't that any of my friends and family back home had anything to do with it.

I didn't even share my idea with them because I didn't want to disappoint them if I decided not to actually go through with it.

So here I sit today in my new old hometown,

Sharing my fish out of water story after having made the big move almost two years ago now.

I often ponder to myself how I could feel so lost,

So sad,

So miserable after having the universe practically lay down before me the yellow brick road pointing me back here,

One might think I'd be feeling lit up spiritually,

Emboldened and empowered by the ease of my transition.

Well,

Not this fish out of water.

Being back here amongst family and friends I've known most of my life feels so strange.

These people are not the same as I remember them.

We don't seem to have much of anything in common.

Yeah,

The place is familiar but so different.

I've tortured myself these past 18 months questioning my own judgment.

Did I make the biggest mistake of my life?

Instead of the coast and vineyards,

I'm now living in a place where if I threw a rock in any direction,

I'd either hit a church or a cannabis dispensary.

And that's not much of a stretch.

Even with that ironic contrast as a backdrop,

I often wonder if there's anyone else here I can relate to.

Religion,

Family values and politics are big issues here.

And that doesn't sound too bad.

These are big issues for me too.

But the people here don't see it the way I do at all.

My gosh,

Is there anyone else in this town I can relate to?

Is there anyone else in this town with an open mind about these things?

And let's not even get started with the environment.

Come on,

Has anyone else here ever read a book that was not entitled Holy Bible?

And I'm not knocking the Bible.

But I do feel like I want to grab a bullhorn so that I can shout in the ears of these people that life doesn't have to be so hard,

So fear-based,

So divisive,

And so judgmental.

Okay,

I know you heard it right.

Man,

It took me a while,

Nearly two years,

But I'm finally starting to see it for myself.

As A Course in Miracles says,

What we see inwardly is our perception that we project onto the world around us.

It's not anyone,

Anything,

Or even this place that's making me miserable.

What's making me miserable is me.

From the text of A Course in Miracles,

Chapter 12,

Section 2,

We learn that when we deny the truth about ourselves and others,

We suffer.

But what is the truth?

If I could sum up my understanding of the Course in one sentence,

It would be that we are all,

Each of us,

Creations of the infinite,

What I call God,

Endowed with God's divine power to create as God creates.

I mean,

Really?

With God,

Why am I choosing not to enjoy all the good that is available to me in every moment?

And the key that makes it all come together is recognizing this God nature in every other person and experience out there.

My suffering is optional.

If we withdraw our power and attention from our untrue thoughts,

Suffering stops.

And this doesn't necessarily mean our circumstances miraculously change in a moment,

But our perception does.

As the old saying goes,

What we resist persists,

But what we accept transforms.

And you may be thinking,

Well,

How trite,

How,

Maybe even how insensitive of me to say this.

I mean,

After all,

Many of us are currently dealing with very challenging life experiences.

I mean,

My story,

It really is not about one of those very challenging life experiences,

Yet I've been suffering for nearly two years by what I've been projecting onto my new old hometown and all the people and events in it.

Yet the spiritual truths offered in the course are not only true,

They are amazingly simple,

Not easy,

But simple.

In section two of chapter 12,

Jesus speaks directly to us,

Reminding us,

Like little children,

We are hiding our fears under the covers and refusing to open our eyes and look at them.

We are told we must take off the covers and look at what we're afraid of.

Only with this willingness can we remember the truth.

We've been given the Holy Spirit,

The voice for God that takes our burden of fear and offers us the ability to see differently.

This is the miracle.

So when I finally realized the suffering I was feeling by putting my power on all the negative stuff I perceived around me,

I was reminded that this was my choice and I can choose differently.

And this can be a bit tricky at times.

Choosing to think differently is not sticking my head in the sand or psyching myself out,

Or even repeating mantras to myself that I can't believe in the moment,

But nonetheless,

I did make the choice to see differently.

And slowly,

Skeptically,

I started actively looking for the good.

And boy,

Did I find it.

Many of those churches I could throw a rock at from wherever I'm standing at any given time are open and affirming,

Working together to interpret the Bible's teachings from a loving,

Inclusive perspective.

And to my great surprise,

I found several organizations here that are coming together to bring equality and social justice to our town.

I feel chills just acknowledging this.

So much good all around me that I chose not to even see before.

And no,

My new old hometown has not,

For me,

Become the beautiful adventure-filled place I recently moved from.

But it's blossoming into a place that feels transformative,

Unifying,

And spilling over with passion and love.

And I love feeling that I'm a part of it.

And as far as adventure and fun-filled activities,

I'm finding those opportunities as well.

I'm meeting lots of really cool people.

I also enjoy watching the old downtown here transform from a nine-to-five workweek location to a thriving playground for after-hours food,

Fun,

And socialization.

And there's no better place to find a good old backyard barbecue.

Now,

Don't get me wrong,

It's not a one-and-done shift.

But I know where my bread is buttered.

When I'm feeling those painful feelings,

I get to acknowledge them,

Even wallowing them for a while if I want.

And then,

When I'm ready,

I get to turn my attention onto the truth.

As the course introduction teaches us,

The aim is to remove the blocks to the awareness of love's presence,

Which is our natural inheritance.

Herein lies the peace of God.

Thanks for tuning in today.

Until next time,

Stay curious and follow that yearning within.

That will lead you back to where your power lies.