Walking Each Other Home

Through mindfulness practices, focusing on antiracism, we increase our emotional resilience, recognize our biases, and make real our common humanity. "Walking Each Other Home" is a guided embodied meditation practice.

Redorded - Jan 26, 2023

Transcript

Good morning or good afternoon or good evening.

I'm Reverend Kelly Isla,

Co-founder of Project Sanctus,

And welcome to Walking Each Other Home.

This is our weekly anti-racism embodied,

Mindful,

Mindfully embodied practice.

And each week is a little bit different of a focus,

But it's always a practice that is embodied,

Meaning it's really focused on the body because the body is largely in our culture has been,

We've kind of ignored it.

We've learned to cut ourselves off at the neck.

We've just,

I can think my way out of something.

I can talk my way through.

If I pull apart some pain or woundedness or belief system,

If I tear it apart cognitively,

Then I'll understand.

And then I can do something different,

Which there is an element of that in the world of doing the work for anti-racism.

There is certainly learning that goes on.

And yet the largest piece is for me,

Is really the embodied practice so that I come into where the body holds all the trauma.

So where do I come into my body?

Am I willing to sort of scan and find the places of tenderness and do my own healing work?

And it's not just a me prospect,

Right?

It's a we.

We do this together.

And so when I am aware of what's going on in my body,

The good,

The bad and the ugly,

It informs how I show up in the world.

It informs how I show up with you,

Whether individually,

Collectively,

Someone I love very deeply,

A stranger,

Because we bring all of ourselves into our world,

Into our connections,

Into our spaces.

Even if I'm alone,

I bring all of me into the space.

And so a mindfulness practice allows me to know more of me and therefore more of you.

And unless and until I know more of you and connect with you,

It's not about agreeing or disagreeing with you,

But just knowing,

Connecting,

Then I don't see a world of love,

Justice and liberation for all,

Which is what we talk about at Project Sanctus.

Our focus is all on love,

Justice and liberation for all.

So that takes work.

Liberation is work.

Liberation is not just,

Oh,

Okay,

We're all going to be liberated,

An idea that may come someday.

I confess that I personally don't think it will happen,

I don't think it will happen in my lifetime,

And it doesn't stop me from doing the work that I do,

Because we all need to be doing it.

If there's a world we want,

We all need to be doing it.

So today,

I actually wanted to focus on the idea of self-love.

It's an interesting,

I just want to say a few things about it and then move into a practice,

But self-love has been held very much as,

Oh,

We need to love ourselves,

We need to love ourselves.

You can't love someone else until you love yourself.

Self-love also is not just the thoughts we have about ourselves.

For instance,

I have thoughts about myself,

Of my own senses of inadequacies or unworthiness.

We say that self-love is,

Well,

I need to pay attention to those,

I need to heal those beliefs or transform them.

The feelings that go,

That I feel vulnerable and I feel afraid and I feel uncertain when it comes to self-love.

I can remember years and years ago,

The big thing,

And it may still be a big thing,

Was to go to a mirror and look at yourself and say,

Affirmations to yourself in a mirror.

That never actually worked for me.

The reason is that it was not getting to what is self-love?

Really,

What is it?

In this world of perfectionism,

In our white-bodied world of scarcity,

Separation,

And supremacy,

Self-love has really actually become a weapon.

It goes along with perfectionism,

That there's a way to do it.

It still moves us into a place of individualism.

I got to do me first.

Yes,

I got to do me,

And I got to do us.

It's both end.

Self-love also has a lot of things that we can do.

Self-love,

It also carries with it that there's a right way to do it.

It's unconscious,

Largely.

It comes in our culture as,

And we have a culture that objectifies the body,

And we have a culture that commodifies the self,

Little s self,

Big S self,

Self,

Self,

Self.

We actually lose sight of self-love.

Self-love has become in our toxic culture of well-being,

Striving for perfection,

And striving for validation,

And striving to,

If I self-love enough,

Then X,

Y,

Z will happen.

I want to focus this morning on our mindfulness practice on what self-love really is.

I'm not picking on anyone.

I'm not denigrating anyone.

I'm putting the how self-love has become really a weapon of scarcity,

That if I were doing self-love correctly,

I'd be able to love someone else.

I have to do this first for me,

And then maybe for you,

Which keeps us separated,

Which keeps that rugged individualism alive and well.

I want us to think for a minute about it from a little bit different perspective,

First of all,

Including we,

And that self-love is standing up for ourself,

Even in those times,

And especially those times where we make people uncomfortable,

Where we disappoint someone,

When we are countering our culture.

Self-love is really an act of rejecting society's standards of who we're supposed to be.

It's about recovering our body,

Mind,

And soul from that toxic culture of perfectionism.

If we embody a radical self-love that goes beyond anyone's notion of perfect or normal or deserving,

Then it just is.

Self-love just simply is.

It's nothing to work towards.

There's not a lot of doing if we really are embodying self-love.

I'm putting forward the idea of self-love today in our time as we're remembering who we are,

Who we want to.

.

.

Not just who we are,

But who we are to one another,

Because it's a me and a we.

It's giving ourselves permission to rest,

To receive.

There's so many unexamined,

Unconscious assumptions around self-love and that we are needing to divest ourselves from.

We're going to go into what does self-love look like,

And what does it feel like,

And do we know what it is?

Can we call forward what we believe?

Can we call forward what we've unconsciously been holding about it and move to a different place?

In all of our practices,

We start by settling ourselves,

Settling the body.

We inhale and we exhale.

You might be sitting.

You might be standing.

You can be lying down as you're listening.

But move your body.

Maybe you need to just nudge your body around until you really feel comfortable and you have a sense that the body's a little bit more at rest than just a few minutes ago.

Move the body around the shoulders,

The hips,

The legs.

It doesn't have to be a lot,

But you move it until you find.

.

.

And you pause,

Breathing,

But just shift a little bit until you have a sense of the alignment of your spine,

That it's not a little crooked or a little off,

Or you're not bent a certain way.

I mean,

Our spines may be crooked just naturally,

But where you have a sense and you're experiencing alignment of your spine,

And you can settle into that.

You can settle into being a little bit more grounded.

Some of you may want to close your eyes.

For others,

You may want to just leave your eyes open,

But gaze slightly about a foot,

18 inches in front of you as a way to connect with your surroundings.

For some,

That's how we have a sense of settled and centered and grounded is connecting to our surroundings.

Inhale,

Exhale.

And let's take,

Do what I call a collective act of solidarity,

Which is three deep breaths.

And we do that together,

Acknowledging that sacred relationship between the body and the breath.

So three big inhale and a big exhale.

Maybe you want to put one hand on your chest as we move into our compassion-based practice.

Our focus is self-love and yet that's compassion,

A compassionate action.

And with your hand on your chest,

You can feel the rising and falling of your lungs.

And with every breath,

Maybe feeling a little bit more connected to the body and a little more connected to where the body meets the earth.

And just continue to breathe at your own natural rhythm.

See if you can relax the shoulders a little bit more.

Let go of what you've been holding there.

I know on my own shoulders,

I carry a lot.

Bring your attention to the muscles of your face.

And with each inhale and exhale,

Tune into the muscles of your face.

They hold so much emotion.

Maybe stretch the jaw to release,

Relax,

And become aware of the different masks that we wear.

Perhaps we've been conditioned to carry those with us to protect ourselves.

So bring some relaxation to the face,

To the mask.

And let's come back to the idea of self-love.

And when you hear the word self-love,

What thoughts emerge?

What feelings do you have?

For some,

They may feel peace around that.

Some may feel frustrated or resistant.

Some hear the word self-love and feel a smile.

But we want to move the idea,

The words out of the head and into the body.

And when you hear self-love,

Where in the body do you have a sense of that?

And is it,

What kind of energy is it?

What kind of vibration?

I know for me,

I feel some of my chest contracting.

What I was taught and I was conditioned to understand self-love as necessary and yet something I would never attain.

And that may not be your experience,

But I was to keep trying.

I was repeatedly told that to love another,

I had to love myself,

Which is a giant paradox,

Which adds more tension already to something where I have a sense of inadequacy,

Where I have a sense of not enoughness.

That if I practiced enough self-love,

My body would look different.

If I practiced enough self-love,

My relationships would be different.

If I practiced enough self-love,

You might see me as worthy,

Or I would believe that you think I'm worthy or deserving.

Often self-love is taught as a destination,

Something to get to.

And if I'm doing it right,

Then I'm worthy.

So again,

Scan the body.

What I'm saying may not resonate for you,

But I would encourage you to,

If you're resisting it,

As you're hearing it,

Maybe there is something in there for you.

Might be very old,

But scan through your body.

Where do you,

Does the word self-love land and how?

And if you find a place within the body,

Breathing,

Let us not forget to follow the natural rhythm of the breath.

If you find a place within yourself that feels a little uncertain or questioning about self-love,

I want you to remember that love is who you've always been.

Whole is how we were born.

And this is not a thinking practice.

As you hear me say the words,

Love is who you've always been,

Whole is how we were born.

Where does that land in the body?

Is there any place within your feet,

Your hips,

Your stomach,

Your shoulders,

That might be resisting that idea?

Because being our authentic messy,

Imperfect selves is enough.

Being messy.

We are messy.

We are imperfect.

And all of that is welcome at the table.

Self-love is reclaiming my wild and odd and curious and so creative little girl that was different than the beauty standards and the cultural standards of the world I grew up in.

So self-love is reclaiming that and being that nerdy,

Creative,

You know,

Sometimes loud,

Sometimes very quiet,

Wild little girl.

Self-love is often a really a desire to be seen and loved.

Underneath it can very often run the idea,

The unconscious,

Unexamined assumption that if I practice self-love well enough,

Then you can see me and you will love me too.

And radical self-love is calling our power back,

Remembering who we are and remembering who we are to one another.

You're already loved.

You already belong.

There's nothing you need to do.

Self-love will disappoint another person.

Self-love will counter our cultural norms of objectifying the body.

The practice of self-love will counter the cultural belief that a body has to look a certain way to be healthy,

That a relationship has to look a certain way to be quote-unquote normal or acceptable.

Self-love is countering our cultural belief that my good takes away from your good.

Radical self-love just is.

Self-love is dignity.

Dignity is the,

We've done,

I've done the best I can do today and yesterday's best looks different than tomorrow's best.

There's no such thing as perfection.

So take a deep breath,

Remembering that self-love takes care of everyone.

While we live in a world of scarcity that can limit our imagination,

That can limit how we show up,

That can limit how we treat each other,

Dignity will unleash that.

Self-love unleashes that so that we take care of everyone.

Let's take a few deep breaths.

And so the question I leave you with is,

Do you know what radical love looks like?

Do you know what radical self-love looks like?

And do you know what it feels like?

That's the question to carry with you.

And if not,

Then do a little exploration.

I want to thank you for joining us today as we walk each other home with love,

Justice,

And liberation for all.