Unmet Needs

This episode explores how to recognize our own unmet needs and wants, and then discusses the spiritual tools we’re experimenting with to resolve them. In the midst of COVID-19, so many of us are noticing an impulse to reach for soothing from outside things. Perhaps we want a sense of belonging or we’re anxious and want a way to check out. We feel the current of anxiety in the larger world and maybe also in our homes. We hope to offer solutions that will help you meet your needs and find peace.

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy,

Beautiful,

Imperfect life with spiritual tools,

What,

Principles and our own personal stories.

So we're not experts,

We're not religious,

We're definitely silly.

We're honest,

Real and willing to share.

So join us as we connect,

Bond and grow together.

Hello friends,

Welcome back to Pretty Spiritual podcast.

Hey.

Yay,

We're here-ish.

We're here-ish on the interwebs,

But we're together and it's so great.

We're so glad to be here.

So I'm Ella and I'm here with my best friends,

Lindsay.

Hi everybody,

I'm Lindsay Poney.

And Annie.

Hey,

I'm Annie.

And we are going to talk today about unmet needs.

So it's day,

Whatever the hell it is of shelter in place.

And we are living this life that's starting to maybe feel like the new normal.

But for so many of us,

However well or poorly we are adapting to this new way of life,

The experience of anxiety and even panic in the larger world around us and maybe in our homes and with our families,

Friends,

Partners.

So we're all feeling this current of panic or fear or anxiety.

And the logistics of shelter in place are also pretty overwhelming.

It's a lot to deal with and process on any given day.

And that might mean that we have fewer resources to really soothe and take care of ourselves because we're expending so much energy,

Whether we know it or not with fear,

Anxiety,

Overwhelm.

I hope I'm not alone in this,

But I am noticing that when I don't address those below the surface emotions of fear,

Anxiety,

Overwhelm,

Dread,

That I get a pretty overwhelming impulse to cover over them with things like cookies or TV or phone scrolling or okay cupid-ing.

That's a new one.

So I noticed myself reaching out quite unconsciously for these substitutes.

And it's not to say that they're bad.

I think it's perfectly acceptable and appropriate to reach for soothing.

But what I notice is that when I reach for these substitutes,

Rather than noticing what's really going on,

That I leave those unmet needs that are already asking for attention unaddressed.

And so I want to talk about how we can let ourselves have a very human experience of everything that's going on right now and still try to reach for things that actually help us feel soothed and well cared for.

And again,

I just want to say that personally,

I believe that if shame was going to work,

It would have worked by now.

I've been laying that stuff on pretty thick for years.

So if you don't have that experience,

Maybe you can trust that I did that experiment for all of us.

Let's put the shame away.

And whatever the habits that we're noticing while we're in quarantine,

Let's see what we can learn about ourselves from those behaviors.

I want to see if we can use our bad habits or inner demons or whatever you want to call those getting away from this impulses.

How can we let those lead us home to our true selves and our real needs and our belonging to life,

To ourselves,

To each other,

To this whole situation?

So simple,

So easy.

Maybe we don't even have to say anything.

What do you guys think?

All done?

Okay,

See you next week.

Just kidding.

Okay,

Annie,

Unmet needs,

Take it away.

Thank you,

Ella.

This is a great topic.

And in thinking about unmet needs and self-soothing,

I've been really feeling scared today specifically.

And usually when I feel scared,

Well,

There's big stuff going on.

Obviously,

We're in the middle of a global pandemic.

So there's this atmosphere of just general concern,

Fear,

And a lot of people are really suffering.

And then this morning I was reading some news and there was an article about a young man,

A young black man in Georgia,

And he was jogging and he was shot for being a black man running in a neighborhood.

And reading the article,

I just got so scared and so full of fear of like,

Wow,

What a wild experience that so many people have in this world.

And then that got subsumed by the second wave of the world's not a safe place.

And then thinking about what it means to be a woman in the world and just all this stuff just start kind of overwhelming me and getting,

And I was really scared and I could feel that panic feeling welling up in me.

And so I'm going to talk about what I did in the tools part,

But I just wanted to share of like,

When I originally wrote this,

It was really specifically talking about unmet needs of me not meeting my own needs as far as like taking care of myself in simple things.

Like I have this creative project I want to do,

I'm writing this book and I kept not doing it and doing other things like,

How can I help my wife?

How can I do this stuff?

How can I show up in this way?

And it was really me avoiding this thing that I want to do,

That I'm scared to show up for and that I'm scared that I won't follow through on.

And then if I can blame it on me doing things for other people,

Then it's not ever really my fault for not doing the thing.

And so that was really the approach I was taking of thinking about unmet needs because I had all this discomfort welling up inside of me.

And it was because I was mad at me.

But then today this was such an on point topic because,

Wow,

Aside from that and aside from the fact that I can pause and say,

There's all this scary stuff happening and am I okay basically like,

Do you have a place to live?

Right now I do.

Am I having enough food and water?

Yeah,

I do.

Am I physically safe right at this moment?

I am.

But then my thinking can just take me out of that and be like,

No,

It's so dangerous.

And I also want to say,

I realized that I'm weaving together about 800 different sentences right now.

But I know that there's some people that don't have a safety net right now in this global pandemic and they don't know if they're going to have a safe place to stay.

And that's really up in the air.

And I just want you to know that our hearts go out to you and that we really hope that you have the resources to reach out and access any local support that's available to you because you deserve to have that stuff.

Thank you,

Annie.

Ms.

Pony,

Do you want to talk to us about unmet needs?

Yes.

Hello.

Thanks.

Thanks,

My sweet friends.

Everybody here,

Thank you so much.

I'm grateful to have this space for me to be able to really practice in.

I've said it before that this has felt like a,

When you go off to retreat and it's very controlled and you do the same thing every day and you get to really be mindful of what's going on.

And I,

You know,

We're talking a lot about safety and for me,

I'm getting my nervous system on board with,

I have not felt safe maybe ever.

I'm doing a lot of work in therapy to bring,

Like I was saying,

My nervous system online.

And this week I really sat with my home is safe,

You know,

And like my inner home is safe.

My,

You know,

This temple that I,

My inside is safe and I really haven't felt that way before.

I've still been living like my chaotic young childhood and that's no one's fault.

Those are conditions that happened and it's my responsibility now to recognize that I'm safe right now.

I'm safe enough right now and it is my fears and my,

The recognition of my unmet needs.

And for me,

It was not safe or okay to have needs.

There was not space for that.

It was a burden.

It was very clear that things were already too much.

And so I got into the habit of ignoring,

Pushing off and squelching any idea of me needing something or even wanting love,

Validation,

Care.

So because these are my old habitual conditions and it's no surprise that I've been living that way today.

And I'm really glad that being on this healing journey and coming back to learning about my spirit and what happened that I can recognize today that this is my strategy for taking care of myself and making myself safe,

Which is actually causing my problems today.

You taught,

You were,

Ella,

You were talking about like what our unmet needs are and using them as landmarks or,

You know,

To be able to reach down deeper inside and in looking at and doing insight and looking at what's been going on when I stuffed and act as though I don't have needs or that I don't have wants or that I feel like I can't exist in this world as I stuff that down,

I really become pressurized inside of me and I'm not recognizing it.

And my demons,

The ways that I act out,

They're actually a signal for me that I never wanted to look at and that I also considered was my family culture,

Which is also somewhat true because their baggage essentially has been passed on to me.

So what happens for me is that I really act out in aggression,

Right?

And what I'm,

How I get to use that as a landmark today for me is that when just like a child who needs love,

Validation to be seen,

To be heard when they don't get that,

You know,

They kind of act out,

Right?

And the way that I act out is I get really aggressive and I've started to realize that that's me inside trying to signal to my very own self,

Hey,

There's something going on here,

But because of before it's,

It's like all of this extra hurdles and things for me to get through that can be very distracting.

You know,

There's so much that I can blame it on.

So to really come back to this self and tell myself it's okay,

What is needed right here right now?

What if it's okay that you have needs and wants right now?

What would it be?

That's been kind of my beginning of how I even am able to get to know myself,

Get to be okay with having wants and needs and existing which has been a really just even getting an idea of this has felt like major progress for me.

So thank you so much,

Pony.

That was really amazing.

Okay.

Love you so much.

Yeah.

I'm just struck listening to you guys talk how beautiful needs are.

And I know for myself when I have needs,

They don't feel beautiful.

They feel like gross or messy or like too much.

But I think that needs are the glue that like holds us together inside ourselves and that connects us with other people.

I was just thinking like,

Wow,

These unmet needs are,

They're not just a pathway home for each of us,

But they're actually the thing that connects us to each other.

It's wow,

That's a novel way for me to think about my unmet needs because usually they just feel like too much over the top,

Messy,

Out of control,

Dangerous even.

And I also grew up in a household where it was pretty clear that it wasn't okay to have big emotional needs.

And I did have those.

I also grew up in a home where the kind of core belief that was pervasive was something like you have to suffer to earn your keep or you'll be rewarded for suffering,

That being alive is suffering and you have to like suffer audibly to be able to deserve to be here.

That has not been a great way for me to live my life.

And so I'm getting to notice all the ways that I sacrifice my own needs to try to find this belonging that sets me up in this cycle of emotional debt with other people where I'm worth less than they are.

My wellbeing is worth less.

My emotional state is worth less.

My physical wellness is worth less.

And I've been having this difficult and also helpful experience with my mom who is in her 70s.

And she has decided to paint the outside of the house all by herself.

And this has been going on for weeks.

And I'm not able to help her physically.

I'm in poor shape and I've also got things that are pressing responsibilities in my own life and my conditioning is to abandon my own needs and my own responsibilities to rescue her.

And she's definitely pulling for rescuing in habitual ways.

She's doing a lot of like suffering loudly kind of at me and my dad.

And I have,

You know,

The first week I was saying stuff like maybe you should take a break.

And then she argued so much that I stopped saying words and only made faces for about another week.

And now I'm just not engaging.

And it's so hard every time.

It feels like I'm getting pulled on in this direction that if I say no,

Then I'm bad and I lose my belonging and I lose my place in the shape of things.

And what I'm actually finding is that when I sacrifice my own needs to take care of somebody else's needs that they're not able to take care of,

What happens for me is that the needs go from being this kind of like gentle pull at my sleeve to being this like raging beast inside of me.

I have gotten to see how when I don't attend to my own needs and responsibilities,

I cause harm to myself and to other people.

And I act out just like Lindsay was saying.

Yeah,

When we get to the tools section,

I would like to talk more about my experience of what it's like when I don't meet my needs and the kind of messages I'm sending myself by not doing that.

And then also how we can shift that narrative and what positive affirmations and trust we build in ourselves when we do actually start meeting our own needs and taking responsibility for them.

Oh my gosh,

Tools.

We need tools so badly.

So let's talk in the tools section about the tools we can use to help us be interested in or curious about what our true needs are.

And also how can we start to meet those needs and give ourselves the soothing and attention that we've been needing so desperately.

Annie,

You're up first.

Thank you,

Ella.

I've loved what you were saying about the tug of someone else's need and how when I attend to that before I attend to what's true for me,

Then I get resentful and then I'm trying to blame the other person.

That's just me.

I'm not.

I'm late.

Yeah.

And I've spent such an interesting practice to say,

How do I honestly attend to how to take care of myself in a kind and loving way that's not for me selfish,

But also not be pulled into somebody else's need that isn't in my capacity or is actually none of my business.

And it's such the practice.

One day at a time.

So it's so nice talking about this.

And I have this four part tool.

I wrote it out.

It helps me to write things.

Wow.

Thanks.

Yeah.

So the first part is this is talking specifically,

It's sort of a melding of the two unmet needs I had.

One was talking about that overarching fear of things I can't control,

Systemic racism,

Global pandemic,

Fear for safety,

Those types of things merged.

Then the counterexample I gave of just my own unmet needs of me not tending to this calling that I have,

Which is to write this book and the way I had been ignoring myself.

So this tool kind of works for both of these really extremes.

Like once this micro of my life and the others,

This very macro global situation.

So the first one was acknowledge it.

So this morning when I was just filled with all this fear,

Like it was taking over me and I just pause and I could feel the urge to run away from it.

And I was like,

I better go make another cup of coffee.

That was honestly my first thought.

It will get it done.

I will just,

Everything's fine if I drink another cup of coffee.

And I just stopped in the hallway and I was like,

Wow,

I'm really scared.

And yeah,

I'm scared.

And I went in the bedroom and I shut the door and I laid on the floor and I cried holding Ruby the dog.

And I was like,

Okay,

I'm just,

I'm really scared.

All right.

So then I had that.

And then the second part,

So that was acknowledge the second part of the step was to tell somebody else.

So I went out and he told my wife and he said,

Hey,

I want you to know right now I'm feel really scared and I feel like the world is an unsafe place.

And I realized that I'm kind of caught in something,

But I just need to say that out loud.

She's like,

Oh,

Thank you.

You know,

She gave me a hug.

So it's like I took it outside of my brain.

So that was the second part.

And then the third part,

And this is something I want to give a shout out to Mary,

Who's in our pretty spiritual podcast Facebook group,

Where we share all these amazing tools and Mary S shared this tool,

Which was a journal of tools.

So she has writes a journal just filled with tools.

So when she's overwhelmed,

She can open up her journal and look,

And she just has tools resource for her.

So smart.

I was so smart.

So that one I just plugged in there.

That was what I did today.

But I was like,

Gosh,

That would be smart if I did it little by little here.

So for me,

The thing that would have been the first thing on my list in my journal tools was to pray.

That's like,

Gosh,

None of this.

I can't do anything about any of this right now.

I'm,

This is out of my pay grade.

And so I just said a prayer and I was like,

I just need some help.

And I need some guidance.

And it that coupled with acknowledging that I was scared,

Letting myself cry,

Telling somebody else,

And then bringing my higher power into it.

Then the next part is,

This is where my solution kind of come into play.

And it was like,

Oh,

How can I be of service?

So in the situation with the global scale,

Like this young man who was shot like that just so heartbreaking.

And I was like,

Instead of me just being sad and crying on the floor,

I can actually call local representatives here in California and say how I feel about things like this and urge my community to take action in a way that prevents things like this happening here.

Like,

What's the action I can do?

So that's for me,

An act of service instead of me just having this kind of self-centered fear of like,

That makes me sad.

I don't have any control.

And then the other part of writing this book,

I've been talking to my spiritual mentor about it and I just kept being like,

I'm selfish to want to write this book.

This is,

It's not because it's,

You know,

It's a novel and it's fun and it's not like changing the world or any like,

I was like,

It's not helping anybody.

And she's like,

Annie,

If you're being called to write it,

That's God,

That's your higher power,

Like pushing through you to create something like who are you to judge it even before you do it.

And so I just having this thought of this step four of this,

Of this be of service is like the unmet need that impulse inside that's like,

Take action,

Write the thing.

Like,

What if that's my higher power talking to me?

And every time I ignore it,

I'm kind of ignoring my higher power,

You know,

And,

And myself,

Which is the unmet need.

But then that discomfort comes in where I'm mad at somebody else or I'm scared of the world.

And so the yeah,

I guess step four is listen to God and take action.

And I don't want to scare anybody away by saying the word God.

So I just mean that,

Like that call inside of you that's loud.

That's like,

Hey,

Do this thing.

Annie,

Write this book.

And I'm like,

You shut up.

That doesn't matter.

Go take care of somebody else and do something that's going to count.

You know,

And it's like,

What if the the action really is listening to that.

So those are two total polar opposites,

But it's kind of the same tool for two things.

And that's all.

So great,

Annie.

Loved it.

Thank you,

Annie.

Those were such great tools.

Miss pony,

Do you have some tools for us to?

Maybe it's a tool.

Okay,

Let's find out.

These are definitely tools that I use for myself.

As I was describing earlier,

Rewriting and making new pathways for myself to be able to allow for wants or desires or needs.

It's been really personal.

So that's really all I can talk to as my experience.

So I highly suggest meditation.

You know,

I just want to put a quick plug in for there because if I don't have some kind of practice,

Even if that's like a three minute practice in the morning for me to sit and listen to the environment of my mind,

It's going to be difficult for me to really learn to get to know myself because my mind's a go in,

You know,

And I really for me to touch in deeper to this whole other like city and universe in this space,

This heart space.

You know,

My home,

Like this home that I reside in that,

Yeah,

You know,

I really want to tie everything up with Bo and all I really have are like a bunch of experiences that have been like weaving this tapestry for me to like,

Get closer to seeing that all of the ways that I feel like I can get love and validation from other people is by considering them first,

You know,

So like pushing,

Shoving my wants,

My needs,

Pushing them away.

And if I consider whoever,

Then then eventually I'll get,

I'll get the love and attention that I need.

And so how all of this comes back around is,

The longer I sit with myself,

The more that I keep looking at myself,

The more that I allow to listen to myself of what's going on and especially for me to look at the darker sides,

You know,

The shadow sides of like,

Wow,

I'm really aggressive with my tone when I'm trying to like manipulate and get someone to essentially love and validate me,

Which is what I'm trying to do if I really,

Really look at it.

But it takes like a totally different way of seeing for me to even get there.

And that's been the spiritual path for me in this journey and this really big piece for me to see that my way of coping and living was to not allow myself to exist,

To have wants,

To have needs.

So a way that I have been really helping myself to see this is when there's a part of me that I notice is really tensed up and like,

No,

Not that.

That is like the area where I've started to shine a light on.

Like I was so good at listening to the no,

Not that and like pushing it away that now when I hear that,

I bring in compassion and I bring in acceptance and I bring in acknowledgement.

So those are three words that for a long time didn't mean anything to me and I really didn't know how to be compassionate with myself.

And I get really tender just talking about it because I really,

That's where like my aggressive side came from that like if I just like kill this desire or this need,

Then like I'll be worthy or lovable or okay.

And it's actually what was causing the whole problem.

So when I bring in like compassion for me to see this side of why this was here,

What this strategy was,

And then acceptance too.

Because again,

I try with my old strategy of like,

Well,

No,

Not that,

Like I even apply more no,

Not that to the thing that I'm like trying to have compassion and acceptance and acknowledgement of.

So I bring those three things back again to even like widen the scope bigger.

And what has happened for me when I start to do that,

And again,

With the aggressiveness being like the pathway and the doorway,

Like the part that really hurts the most,

Usually like that shadow side of me for me to go there and really start untangling and then bringing in compassion and allowing it to be there.

And then also being accepting and acknowledging and saying,

You know what,

I see you.

And that this has been like the clutch piece for me is I take care of children.

And it's really hard.

And I really see like,

How in moments,

I can see how I would be like,

No,

Not that like you're crying right now.

There's really not space for that right now.

You know?

And so what I do for that two year old is like,

Get down really low to them,

You know,

So they can see me and so we look like the same size and I say,

Hey,

I Hey,

I see you.

Oh,

Oh,

I see you.

You know,

I'm like,

Hey,

What what's going on?

I hear you.

You know,

I hear you.

What do you need?

What do you need?

Because I've been doing that again,

And having like this other understanding of this part of myself,

It like helped me to form this picture that that is also what I have to do for myself.

So that's another when I bring in the compassion and the awareness and the acceptance.

I also I get really curious and I get down with that aggressive piece or whatever piece is causing problems and I'm like,

I see you.

I see you.

I hear you.

What do you need right now?

You can be here.

You can like totally be here.

And then of course,

Like the fear or all the old pain,

Like it can be really layered and like really intense.

And that's when I just like hold my heart and I'm like,

Totally,

Totally,

You know,

Just really taking care of myself.

And that's really like the piece,

Right?

Like the piece of showing up for myself in ways that I was so desperate,

Whether it was from like a younger self or like just this part of me,

Like in my bones,

Even like generationally of like from my mother or my grandmother,

Things that have been passed down,

Like it feels that deep.

So that's all I can say about all of that in this amount of time.

Pony,

Thank you.

I was just tearing up as you were talking,

Especially the part where you just said,

I hear you,

I see you.

Because I think that my unmet needs are usually like the most basic human needs.

And they're usually things like feeling accepted and loved and feeling seen and heard.

And it's so tender,

Like those really deep human needs.

And I just want to say thanks for sharing your heart with us.

So you really felt it.

I love you.

I love you all.

And so sweet that you get to do that for like,

Oh,

It's the worst.

A child who's had,

I don't think it's fair that the first existential crisis happens when we're like two years old.

That's what Lindsay has helped me understand.

I'm like,

That is a flaw in our design.

That's too much for a two year old.

It is.

Too much.

Too much for an adult.

No doubt.

It's too much period.

I've been using this affirmation.

It's kind of about love and relationships.

But what it's really about is how I,

The way that I take care of myself today.

And if I do that with a particular attitude,

That what the only possible outcome is that I'm opening myself to love in abundance.

I'll put this affirmation on our tools page,

But there's one line that says it's talking about the attitude with which I take care of myself to regard everything in my life as a gift and believe that I am owed nothing.

I was,

I have been taking long walks with the dog and I was taking a walk with her after reading that.

And I was just kind of in this place where,

You know,

I was walking and I was seeing like,

Oh,

The trees are a gift and it was hot.

I get underneath a big oak tree and I'd be like,

The shade is a gift.

And I would think the oak tree and,

And as I kept walking,

I would notice these other things like these more kind of internal experiences like loss and heartbreak.

And I'm like,

Oh,

That's a gift.

It's opening my heart up today or pain,

Physical pain.

I'm like,

That's a gift.

It's making me more compassionate to myself and others about suffering.

And then I,

I kind of came out of these more kind of secluded streets onto this bigger street.

And there were a lot of people.

And so I was like,

Oh,

It's a gift.

It's a gift.

It's a gift.

And I was getting out of the way and six feet want to protect each other.

And then there was this guy behind me with two dogs and he was like coming up fast behind me.

And I'm like,

This dude is not giving me six feet.

And I was getting kind of pissed and he was coming up fast and I turned down this street to like,

Like,

Okay,

You're in a hurry.

You got to like do it,

You know?

And then I turned around to see what his issue was now.

And it turned out he wanted to go down that street.

And so he just like barged past me like really close up.

And I got so activated and I was standing there realizing,

Oh,

That's what my like,

I got angry and aggressive and judgmental.

And I was like,

Oh,

That's my experience of feeling like I'm owed something by somebody and then not delivering it.

And if I'm owed nothing,

Okay,

That's different.

And so I just kind of stood there and I did like quick rein practice with myself and it was so helpful just to like,

Oh,

I'm afraid this is fear and that's okay,

It makes sense.

And then I could really feel it in my body and nourish the part of myself that was afraid.

What I love so much about what happens for me when I show up and meet my needs is that I create an atmosphere of trust and safety inside myself like Lindsay was talking about.

And when I don't meet my needs,

What happens just like both of you guys were kind of alluding to is that it gets pressurized.

And at a certain point,

The pressure builds and builds and builds until it breaks.

And then the needs come out sideways.

You know,

They're like oozing out of me and I can't control anything about that.

I harm people,

I harm myself trying to avoid my needs and kind of cover over them.

The self trust that comes from meeting my own needs is such a gift.

It has also helped me so much to see what changes in my life when I adopt a different perspective about my needs,

Myself,

My situation.

I've been getting so much help from making contact with the sensations in my body.

And if you are accustomed to living in your head and not visiting your body very much,

I relate.

And it can be really scary to come into our bodies at first.

And I think the reason it was so scary for me is because I had literally decades of unmet needs that were like,

Had been demanding my attention and not getting it.

And so by the time I finally was like making contact,

They were pissed.

They were like,

Where the hell have you been for the last 25 years?

You know,

And I'm like,

I don't know,

I'm leaving again.

Over time,

Like Lindsay was saying with meditation,

And like coming home to our alive bodies and the way it feels in here,

We can change that atmosphere to one of safety and care and trust and tolerance.

And then what happens,

For me at least,

Is the things that I'm afraid of.

Yes,

There are these like bigger global concerns right now that cause fear.

And I believe that if my physical safety were threatened right now,

Say by Coronavirus,

That those that experience and those tools would aid me in meeting whatever that would be like.

And in the smaller everyday ways,

It's like,

When we're afraid to tell the truth to someone or afraid to own our needs with another person,

What's really happening isn't like we're afraid they're gonna affect our physical safety,

What we're really afraid of is they are going to react in such a way that causes a sensation inside our bodies and maybe causes thoughts inside our brains,

You know,

And it's like,

Oh,

I'm scared of like a literal set of physical sensations.

Like that's how they could like harm me is by like me having feelings inside my body.

And it's like,

Once you're not afraid of that,

It's like the whole world is possible.

You know what I mean?

Like,

Anyway,

And so that is something that I really like to remind myself when I get afraid to own my needs with other people is that I get to tell the truth,

What's true for me and people get to make of that whatever they will and then I get to be responsible for like meeting and tending to and caring for whatever comes up for me and that's not terrifying anymore.

It just feels appropriate and that is such a miracle for someone who abandoned herself on purpose for years and years and years.

Wow.

Okay.

This was a totally different episode than it was last week when we recorded it.

So hopefully it's been helpful to someone.

Reviews

I’ve listened to this now at least 6 times...shame led my life for too long and I’m still learning how to recognize it. Sometimes I feel so conditioned that I don’t even know what my needs are. Listening to myself is hard. Others’ needs have been identifying my self-worth. Thank you 🙏

Really vulnerable and wonderful. thank you beautiful ladies, I really appreciate and value all that you share. So much love to you, stay safe xxx💕