Creating Positive Relationships

In episode 43 of Pretty Spiritual Podcast, we’re talking about spirituality in love relationships. It’s only in really intimate relationships that we are seen in all our moods and aspects. In other words, there’s no hiding the parts of ourselves that we’d rather other people not see. So join the fun as we share the relationship building tools that help us be our best selves in romantic partnerships. Loving someone can be hard, but spiritual tools can help make it simpler and more rewarding! xo

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy,

Beautiful,

Imperfect life with spiritual tools,

Principles,

And our own personal stories.

So we're not experts,

We're not religious,

We're definitely silly.

We're honest,

Real,

And willing to share.

So join us as we connect,

Bond,

And grow together.

Hey,

Everybody.

Hi,

Everyone.

Welcome back.

So glad to be here.

We are Pretty Spiritual podcast.

I'm Annie and to my right is Ella.

Hi,

I'm Ella.

And to my left right now is Pony.

Lindsay Pony,

Aka Pony Pones,

Pony Pone Pones.

Pretty Pony.

Pony time.

So many owners.

Good luck trying to figure out who I am.

I'm having a hard time.

Today,

We are going to talk about a topic we've put off for a little while,

But now we're feeling,

I think,

Super excited.

I'm having a hard time.

And we're going to talk about spiritual tools for romantic relationships.

Ooh,

We.

Ooh.

Oh,

Boy.

Ooh.

So relationships are the ultimate place to practice our spiritual tools.

I think at least for me,

That's true.

And what a wonderful gift love is intimacy,

Both physical and emotional,

Creates this sweet world between two people,

Sometimes between three people,

Sometimes between more.

You you do whatever kind of relationship feels good for you.

That said,

We are out close and personal with our partners,

Our romantic partners,

So that our true natures and our biggest character defects really can crop up with a romantic relationship,

Especially when you live with the other person.

There's no place to hide or only show our preferred self.

Right.

The the one that we think is the best or the most lovable or the most attractive.

Like when we're living with someone or we spend a lot of time with them,

There's a whole package that comes with it.

So we can't just come out on a Friday night dolled up,

Ready to be sweet and darling,

Smart and sassy.

Instead in these romantic relationships,

We're all the parts of ourselves.

Fabulous,

Angry,

Puddle like,

Traumatized,

Joyful,

Fearful,

Anxious,

Jealous,

Happy,

Selfish,

Self pitting,

Generous,

You name it.

It's all of it.

Over time,

It all comes up and out.

So today we're going to talk about the spiritual tools that we use to grow personally,

To be better partners and the tools that we use in the relationship so that our romantic relationships can blossom and grow.

No big whoop.

No big deal.

We'll figure it all out.

30 minutes.

30 minutes.

We'll put a bell on it.

Obviously this is a series of one of 10,

000 more tools for relationships.

Yeah.

Well,

And the cool thing about these is as we do them,

We learn more stuff and in a month we have different tools again.

So it's always going to be dynamic and changing.

So Ella,

Why don't you talk with us about what it looks like to use spiritual tools in your romantic relationship?

Cool.

Actually,

I think I'm going to start by talking about what it's like when I don't use spiritual tools in my romantic relationship so that when we get to the tools part,

I can share how it's different when I pick those up.

But my habit in romantic relationships is to try to get my partner to provide for all of my needs.

So to just go to one person to be my everything.

The first time I fell in love,

I just lost myself entirely.

It was like this person became the thing of supreme importance in my life and I made everything about being with him.

And so the person I was got really one dimensional and I wasn't this person who had like a full happy,

Healthy life outside of my relationship.

I was like this person who only existed to be in a relationship with this other person.

And what that shows me about myself is that I don't naturally know how to be in a healthy partnership.

Like it's a thing that I have to learn.

And I know that some people not like come into the world with knowing how to do that.

I have to say that when I encounter people like that,

It's like seeing a unicorn,

You know,

I remember they're beautiful.

I'm like,

Confuse it.

Like is that supposed to be here?

There was one couple who when I was living at Tosahara came separately to do their first practice period.

So they like gave each other the space to like have this own separate experience.

They're both like lovely human beings and they're lovely human beings together.

And I remember hearing about that and thinking like,

God,

That's so boring.

You know,

Like how boring must it be to be like in a healthy relationship with someone?

And I was like really grossed out by it.

But what it shows me is that my habit in relationship is to give myself up totally.

It's to lose track of my own needs and preferences and to do that to quote unquote take care of my partner.

But what ends up happening is that I lose sight of myself and then I have all these unmet needs that come out in like sideways.

And I end up feeling really resentful about having given up all these parts of myself.

And I didn't know I was really doing that until this first relationship ended.

And I felt like the rug got pulled out from underneath me and like everything fell apart.

I had no idea who I was anymore.

And I had to kind of like find myself from scratch.

Not a fun place to be.

What it looks like for me now is that I am coming up against all these really old habits which are to like deny my needs or try to not have needs.

Or if I do have needs to be really like indirect and sneaky about how I get them met instead of clearly indirectly asking for what I need.

That my habit is that it's not,

I'm not allowed to talk about how something feels to me clearly or directly that my habit is to demonstrate that information in a really indirect way by getting like scornful and resentful or just completely shutting down.

And then the feedback I've been getting from my partner is that that's really confusing.

And so those are all my relationship habits.

The way that tools are helping me is to learn how to take ownership of my own needs and feelings in a way that invites my partner to be on that journey with me.

And if my partner isn't interested in being on that journey with me,

It's a way that I can take full responsibility for my life and my needs outside of the relationship.

So there's lots to look forward to in the tools section.

Sweet.

Thank you,

Ella.

Pony,

What about you?

Well,

It's really a miracle that I have someone in a relationship with me right now.

I will start there.

It's not only is a miracle that I have someone,

But I have the most healthy,

The most different relationship that I've ever witnessed in my life today.

And that really is a miracle.

And it's a miracle because for better for worse,

My partner is really,

Really patient.

And I know that sometimes because I know him so well,

We share so intimately.

I know sometimes I think he's actually afraid that he's too patient.

So that's real and scary.

I guess what I was going to talk about as far as the relationship goes and some of the pitfalls that I've had recently in my relationship is that I notice I am trying to use this relationship as certainty,

As certainty for safety,

As certainty that the future is going to look some way.

It really feels like a booby trap.

I can see that that's happening and I can see my want and need and desire for like ultimate certainty of safety and that I'm going to be okay if this person is with me and if we stay together,

Then things are going to be fine.

And when I start to hear that or see that or see the ways that I'm like,

Well,

Where do you see us in five years?

Where do you see us in 10 years?

I get to hear and see that I'm really afraid.

Recently I've been noticing that with my partner,

I was like kind of demanding that he explain to me exactly where he thinks his life is going and where I am in the picture of that.

And I'm talking about certainty and how desperate I am for certainty and how I put that onto my partner that if he kind of gets into this untalked about contract about how if we're together then life is going to be okay or fine or I'm going to be okay or fine or worthy,

That has seemed like my goal in a way.

Some of the other unwritten contracts that I've had with my partner that he knew nothing about but I was trying to get him to co-sign without ever talking about the details.

I'm familiar with the concept.

Some of the underlying things that go on for me that I look at and I see are I really want to be right.

I don't believe that this person and myself are on the same team.

We're at odds.

I need to be right.

This person isn't on the same team as me and I need to fight to get this person to see my way and agree with me and for us to have this shared reality that matches up completely.

Those are in the ways before tools and awareness.

The relationship was having a really hard time.

I'd also like to say that we went to therapy for nine months probably in like our second year every Saturday for a solid nine months before we quote unquote graduated.

There have been a lot of little things that have been required and needed and I'll talk more about that in the tools section about how demanding certainty from a partner and the specific,

I like to call them broken core beliefs that are going on beneath,

How that directs my relationship.

The relationship I'm having with myself is the relationship that I'm co-creating with my partner and how they can be broken or how we can mend them,

How we can start to co-create together and it really isn't about the relationship,

It's about myself.

Pony,

Thank you so much.

Thanks for being with me and letting me be clunky and really unsure and very mistrusting and this relationship here is like the foundation of how I even get to go into my other even relationship.

I really thank you ladies.

Most special little pony makes it so easy to love her.

You're so lovable.

Oh my God.

You're so wonderful.

Annie,

I can't wait to hear about your relationship.

I know it's amazing because I get to see it all the time.

On New Year's Day,

My wife and I had two couples over and all four of the people are in their 70s and they all have strong spiritual programs that I really respect and am interested in and I asked them this question.

I said,

What are the spiritual tools that you use in your romantic relationships?

We had this wonderful conversation and the takeaway,

One of the couples has been together for over 50 years and the other couple,

One of them is a widow and they've been together more recently.

The same takeaway was conflict is really normal and this constant reaching for growth in themselves is how their relationship stays healthy and then the thing that I've been thinking about and that my wife and I talk about is when the other person is dynamic,

Then there's space for the relationship to continue and grow.

So I am always trying to grow,

But my wife is this dynamic person.

So as I change,

She's not the same exact wife that I was in a relationship with six months ago.

Like she is shifting and moving to accommodate and make room for the ways that I grow and same with her on my end and it's really neat and I feel like we do that in our friendships and so that's just something I was thinking about.

But being married,

It's the best thing I've done beyond living a life free from alcohol.

I never thought I'd get married.

I remember being in sixth grade and saying,

I'm never getting married.

I just thought it seemed so,

Ella said this,

It seems so boring.

I was like,

So mundane.

I'm obviously a total rock star.

There's no way I could live such a pedestrian lifestyle.

But I just,

I didn't know all the wonders that I could have just in this,

In these simple things,

I guess.

And I never dreamed that if I married,

It would be to a woman,

But then I guess I don't know everything.

When I was sober,

I started dating women and I was like,

Why not?

You know,

And that paved the way for me to be open to meeting my wife.

And then when I met her,

The romance unfolded in this really clear and simple way.

And I'm just sharing all this backstory of our relationship and myself,

Because as we met and the way that unfolded,

It was so different than any relationship I'd had before.

I wasn't getting advice from people.

I wasn't asking if it was the right thing or not.

It just felt clear and almost like divinely guided.

Like I just knew what to do without having to have people tell me what to do.

And so from the beginning,

It has felt like there's this been a spiritual element to this relationship,

At least for me,

And that I was kind of open with my heart in a way that I had never been in a relationship before.

And within a month of meeting her,

I was like,

I want to marry this person,

Which was crazy because I'd never had that idea in my head.

I didn't tell her that because I didn't.

I wanted to play it cool.

But all of that I share because from the start,

I put everything that I have into making this relationship work.

And for me,

It was really hard work being in a relationship like this because it was counterintuitive to everything I'd done before.

I've always been very independent in a relationship and almost withholding,

Not in a mean way emotionally,

But in a way of like,

This is me and that's you.

And it's always only ever going to be me by myself.

And if we're together right now,

That's really great,

But we probably won't be forever.

So always my plan is to think of how I'm going to go about taking care of myself.

And so being in this relationship,

It was like I had to put down that independence in a way that wasn't codependent,

But more in a way that I was surrendering into having part of my life be part of a partnership.

And that was really scary.

I also didn't know how to speak up and engage in normal healthy conflict.

It was just really uncomfortable for me,

Especially when we moved in.

It was just such crazy transitions for me physically and emotionally to share space in this way and also share my life.

Like she wanted to have dinner together every night.

I was like,

Why are you trying to take over my life?

It's stifling.

And now it's this really sweet thing,

But it was just felt like I was losing who I thought I was.

So in this secure relationship,

I also see how in the past and even now,

If I get really uncomfortable,

My idea is always the runaway.

I'm like,

I'll just go move in with my parents.

She makes me so mad.

I'm 41.

You know,

I'm probably not going to move out and go live with my parents.

But it's like that's the go to in the back of my mind is the runaway.

So what's changed for me over time has been emotional healing.

It's made room for new ways of being.

It's allowed me to put down my codependent fear of conflict that has been the biggest one.

And now I'm in this relationship.

It's safe.

It's secure.

It's sexy.

It's sweet.

I'm married and I'm going to talk about my tools for staying present and loving in our tools section,

Which surprises now.

Yay.

And we're going to have Ella share her tools with us.

Oh,

Sweet.

I'm so glad we're doing this episode.

It's really sweet.

I have different I would use a different adjective probably than that.

But I'm like,

I hate this.

I kind of do too.

I'm like,

Good for you to people over there.

Oh,

That's just okay.

I'm alone.

But I love that about this podcast because we all have our own experience and we just talk about it.

It's great because all the things I'm about to say are the things that I need to be reminded of even though so great how I get to hear the solution in my own voice.

Buckle up.

I want to argue,

But hey,

The way I would say it now to myself is that my habit in relationships is that when it's painful,

I try to fix the pain by fixing the relationship.

And what that is,

Is going toward the source of pain for relief.

And what happens when I go toward the source of pain for relief is that I get more pain.

So when there's difficulty or pain in my relationship and I go into trying to fix,

Make sense of,

Understand,

Figure out that,

I get more pain most of the time.

I'd say like 95% of the time.

And so my tool,

The kind of like overarching tool for relationship difficulty is to dive into the other parts of my life and inhabit those as fully as possible.

And then trust that when I come back to the relationship that there'll be new information there.

There'll be some other perspective or attitude that wouldn't have been available to me if I was just like fully intoxicated by trying to manage my romantic relationship.

And a corollary of that,

Which is really helpful for me as a kind of spiritual attitude is to practice believing that if I'm meant to be with this person,

That there's nothing I can do to mess it up.

And if we're not meant to be together,

Then there's nothing I can do to make us be together.

That is so relaxing to me.

Like it's scary to imagine not being together.

And there's room for that as a possibility also.

So that's the kind of overarching tool.

I wanted to tell a story about a fight that we had where mid fight,

I had this kind of spiritual experience and my partner and I were fighting and I had asked for something in our relationship that made him,

That really triggered him and made him angry.

So he was upset and pretty hijacked and I was getting upset and I was getting hijacked.

And I had this moment where I could kind of see what was happening between us.

And it was like,

Oh,

He's hardening his perspective around this little like tender nugget.

And in reaction to him doing that,

I'm hardening around the parts of myself that I think I need to protect.

And I had this like really clear view into two solid objects smashing into each other causes a lot of damage.

And there was like suddenly this awareness that if I could let go of trying to protect myself,

That he could crash into,

You know,

Like if I became a cloud,

A solid object can crash into a cloud without causing damage.

There was just this kind of like letting go around the parts that felt so tender and needed so much protection.

And what ended up happening as a result of that is he raged a little bit and he crashed and I was there and I saw where he was coming from and I saw how much he was hurting.

And then he said something,

Which is his experience of what I had asked him to do was that he saw his parents do that thing and then they broke up.

And so all of a sudden I had this perspective into all of this fear and pain that was kind of underneath his big reactions.

And it opened the way for this really kind of like tender understanding that wouldn't have been an option if we were solid objects crashing into each other.

What I've noticed in not just romantic relationships,

But all relationships is that it feels really scary to be vulnerable and to put down the trying to protect ourselves,

But that when I do that,

There is an opening for like true tender intimacy.

And sometimes that's not what happens.

Sometimes I get hurt,

You know,

Sometimes I really do get hurt.

But if the person I'm in a relationship with isn't my whole life,

I can sustain being hurt and still be okay.

You know,

Like I can be hurt in this one part of my life and still have this full life to attend to in other places.

And so the things that I try to work on in my relationship now,

Which are kind of an expression of these tools is I look at how I cannot take my moods and kind of emotional fortune telling,

Crazy brain extrapolation.

So if like my partner says something to me in a tone that I don't love,

Then my brain does all sorts of stuff with that.

And it's like,

Okay,

I see you doing that.

How can I not take that so seriously?

Or I'm pissed because I cleaned the kitchen and I walk in in the morning not feeling well,

And it's a disaster.

And I'm like really serious about like,

I'm oppressed.

I'm a victim.

I'm a martyr.

You know,

How can I not take that so seriously?

And then I look at where I'm pulling to be rescued.

And I own it.

I talk about it.

And I look for other places where I can get my needs met and where I can get healthy self-esteem,

Where I can find integrity that are outside of my relationship.

And I try,

Even though I always want to argue with this,

To take 100% responsibility for everything in my life,

Even though I'm like,

That is ridiculous.

That's way too much.

Definitely your fault.

Yeah.

The last thing I want to say is that like Annie and Lindsay were talking about,

I have gratitude for this relationship because it exposes me in ways that I wouldn't otherwise have access to.

So there are these parts of myself that are necessarily exposed because my partner and I live together and you know,

Like he gets to see everything.

And so he gets to see and respond or react to the full picture.

And there are parts of myself that get brought up in the course of that process that I wouldn't otherwise get to see or work on.

And it's so uncomfortable to be called on to take ownership for those really messy,

Broken,

Dysfunctional,

Whatever they are,

Parts of ourselves.

And it's also a huge privilege.

I usually don't have the perspective to be grateful for that,

Like in the middle of a fight.

But I like to come back to that and it's an attitude that helps me cherish the relationship I have today and kind of just hold it in an open palm.

It's like not mine to squeeze and manage and crush and hold on to.

It's there today.

So I get to embrace it and be grateful for it in whatever way I can.

Thank you,

Ella.

What about you,

Pony?

Well,

I just wanted to preface with,

I liked how we talked about relationships are always dynamic and changing,

Knowing that nobody is a prisoner here.

No one's going to be a savior here.

This person is not a trophy.

This person's not my salvation.

There's freedom here.

And every day I get to ask myself,

Like honestly and with choice,

Is this working?

Is this something we want to be doing?

I think there's so much freedom in the idea that I have so much choice and so much freedom and I don't have to make this work.

And it becomes really relieving and kind of pressure free.

And that also helps me to not take things so seriously,

All of the ways that my mind can take one little tone or scoff or a question.

Often my partner will ask me a question and I will just,

For whatever reason,

I take it as an attack.

I think one of the greatest tools that my partner has taught me is that we model what we want from our partners.

And so it's like taking 100% responsibility or quote unquote the high road is really acting exactly how I want my partner to act.

I get what I'm getting from myself.

What it all comes down to,

The relationship that I'm in is often a mirror of the relationship I'm having with myself.

So if I have tons of mistrust and I'm aggressive and I don't believe the other person,

That's really what's going on inside of me and I'm putting that onto my partner.

And so if I can model what I really want,

Which oftentimes the biggest tool for me is to soften and be vulnerable instead of armoring.

The first step to that is I have to notice that I've gotten really bristled and I feel like I need to protect myself and that I can't share with what's really going on.

And if I can catch that moment and I can do a really big deep belly breath and relax and then here are some sentences that can help me get into,

We are shoulder to shoulder,

Not toe to toe.

This is a loving relationship.

This is a person that I trust.

That's really hard for me because I have so much mistrust of self that I can't look at that person and trust them.

So this is all again,

Very,

These core beliefs that we have inside these very personal experiences that we have to get to know about ourselves takes time.

Some sentences that I like that help me get into the place of relaxing,

Calming down,

Not fighting are,

You may be right.

I love that sentence.

That's a good one.

You may be right.

Even if I don't say that to them like a jerky,

Like you may be right.

I was just going to say that's how I usually say it and it doesn't.

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

If I say it in my head,

Because oftentimes what's going on for me is I'm like,

You're wrong.

You are wrong and I have to prove to you how I am right right now.

But if I say in my head and kind of lay the groundwork and the foundation of you may be right,

It changes the tone of like,

Maybe this person is right.

I have not considered that because I've been standing in the aggressive stance of I am right.

I must prove it.

I must get you to get onto my shared reality of how I am right.

And that's really not co-creation.

And I really like being willing to compromise,

Remembering I don't need this person to sign up and come and be in some shared reality that we get to have very different views and personalities and descriptions and see something completely different and still come together and co-create like a beautiful,

Happy existence.

If we choose to do that today at any time anyone can leave really helps me because the more that I need that certainty of like,

We must be together.

And if we're together and I see us together in five years,

Then I'm going to be okay.

That just sets a stage that already feels so heightened and not,

It just makes things seem like so much more big and important than they are.

And if it's like,

I don't know if we're going to be together tomorrow.

I like for so many reasons of like death and sickness and stuff like that,

But like also there's choice here.

And I love this person so much that no matter what,

I will absolutely let them go.

It can be really relaxing.

So thank you.

Thank you,

Ponies.

When you said co-creator,

I was picturing this tapestry that you're weaving together of these two experiences that are so unique.

I loved how you were talking about not being trapped.

And that's always something I forget because before I had a spiritual life,

I always felt like a victim of my circumstances.

And now as a spiritual person and a person of integrity and self-worth,

I'm not a victim.

And when I remember that,

I feel so much lighter and more free.

I love the way that you talk about,

We don't know what's going to happen.

And one of the things that we do as a spiritual tool,

My wife and I,

Is we talk about what could happen.

So we talk about what it would look like if one of us died,

What we would do in the situation that one of us became really attracted to another person because we've seen infidelity really rock other people's relationships and sideline some people.

And so we're like,

Oh,

This is a reality of what happens in long-term relationships.

How can we talk about it before it happens?

And we set up structures and put them in place.

And of course,

They would always adapt.

But it makes me feel safe to know,

Oh,

We've talked about what happens if she dies.

What would we do right now?

And we would talk about that again in a year or a couple of years and vice versa so that it just makes me feel safe to talk about stuff like that.

That's amazing.

Because it's not like I'm trying to control it.

But it does give me a sense of these are things that might happen.

And then I'm not living in this bubble of I'm always going to be 41.

We're always going to be in good health.

We're always going to be insanely attracted to each other.

Like stuff shifts and changes as time goes on.

So some of the tools that I have,

The first one is be really nice to each other.

You can look however you want.

But what we do,

It's just like really playful and silly.

And one of them is each night we tell each other good night and we love each other.

And we do this little ritual right now.

It probably will change.

But we have two dogs that have passed away.

One is named Scooter and one was named Georgia.

And then we have a dog Ruby that's still alive.

So we say good night Scoots,

Good night Georgia,

Like wherever they are in the cosmos.

We say good night Ruby,

Because she sleeps on a pad by the foot of our bed.

And then I say good night wife.

And she goes good night wife.

And then we go good night family or whatever little silly thing.

But it's just this like sweet,

Sweet I love you.

We thank each other all the time.

And we cheered for each other all the time.

And for me that's a spiritual tool of gratitude and showing gratitude to the other person.

And I give it and I get it back.

Prayer is a spiritual tool for me.

So sometimes my wife will get mad at me about something and I don't think that it's worthy of ire.

But clearly it matters to her.

So if I want to respond,

Sometimes I can feel myself reacting with anger.

Or conversely I can feel myself checking out like clouding over.

If someone gets angry sometimes my nervous system's response is to shut down and to kind of check out.

So I use the serenity prayer.

For me that's a tool of getting back in the present and not going up into the electric storm of my brain.

It's just higher power.

Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

And I can say it while she's talking.

Just say it right there.

Yeah,

In my mind.

Yeah.

She's all talking.

I just shout over her.

Excuse me.

I'd like a personal quorum right now.

Face push her.

I have a prayer to say.

I got to get spiritual real quick,

Babe.

Sorry you're upset.

If I do that thing where I kind of cloud over my nervous system gets in scared mode,

I can notice it happening and I can ask my hair power to relieve me of fear and show me the next right action.

So usually this means owning my part,

Like some sort of self responsibility if I actually there is a good reason she's upset with me and also seeing how I can be of service.

And Pony I love that you gave a script and this is a sentence that works for me.

I can say I see how I upset you in X way.

How can I help you now?

You know and it's like it gives me a way to be present in a solution instead of trying to prove to her why she's wrong or I'm right.

And if there's no responsibility for me to take,

I can just say I love you.

How can I help you?

You know,

And this I love this phrase.

A friend gave it to me.

I can listen to her with all of my might.

I love that.

I just picture myself like listening like,

Oh listening so hard.

So that's hard for me because I like to hear the story in my head more than I like to hear what's coming out of her mouth when we're both heated.

So if I just like listen to her with all my might and like Ella was sharing of that vulnerable part that people start to try to protect.

Like when I'm listening with all my might,

I am more apt to see the thing that she's really upset about than whatever the thing is that's on the surface.

I hold her hand in public all the time,

You know,

Or if we're just sitting on the couch,

I use terms of endearment and I touch her,

You know,

Just like I like to physically express love.

And I think that's for me,

That's a spiritual tool,

Just like showing my love.

When my wife and I are fighting,

I try not to complain about her on the phone to my friends or just tell them why I'm right and she's wrong.

I try to use writing and then feedback from friends who are also on a spiritual path to find a spiritual solution because what I'm just calling to tell why I'm right and they're wrong,

I get stuck in that and then I don't get a place to grow.

So those are my tools.

And I think most of all,

It just goes back to what I was sharing about lunch with my friends on New Year's Day of like we are all dynamic and if I can keep growing and I can let my partner keep growing.

And so then there's periods where I'm going to be clunky or she's going to be clunky,

But it's like we can keep coming back to the fact that we're this team that's growing together and I can just use my spiritual tools and like my spiritual connection to my higher power to lean on for support when it's confusing,

Then it's real sweet.

So that's all I have to say about that.

We would love to hear what kind of spiritual tools work for you in your romantic relationships.

Where can people find us Pony?

You can find us all over the interwebs.

All over.

Just quickly at www.

Prettyspiritualpodcast.

Com.

Check us out.

Please go there.

It's a great website.

So many resources,

So many tools,

So many things to see there.

You may also go and check us out on our amazing Instagram at Pretty Spiritual Podcast on Instagram.

Hey,

There's a lot going on there.

We're really partying hard.

We are partying hard.

We are partying hard on Instagram.

Come and find us over there.

And Ella,

What are we talking about next week?

Well,

You're in luck because what we are talking about next week is the anxiety tornado of overwhelm.

Oh,

Ripping through our lives and relationships.

Very relaxing.

I'm getting overwhelmed just thinking about it.

Can't wait to see you then.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Reviews

Some fantastic tools here. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

Excellent tips!

What are my core beliefs?
Trying to fix the pain by fixing the relationship.
I love this person so much that I will let them go. 😭😭😭 thank you my wonderful spiritual friends. This brought up so much for me ❤️
Riding those waves 🌊

Relevant and inspirational thank you ladies🙏

Such a useful chat. I'm not in a romantic relationship at the moment, but very open to one. I've never been in a spiritually open relationship, it sounds so freeing and beautiful... Thank you beautiful ladies, much love to you all 💙x

Thank you very much 🙏