Carolyn Died

Your spiritual best friends discuss a beloved's passing. We ponder our own aging and death. We get real, we get silly, and attempt to be pretty spiritual while talking about death and dying.

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy,

Full,

Imperfect life with spiritual tools,

What principles in our own personal stories.

So we're not experts,

We're not religious,

We're definitely silly.

We're honest,

Real and willing to share.

So join us as we connect,

Bond and grow together.

Hey everyone and welcome back.

Hey-o.

Missed ya.

We are going to the dark side.

Perhaps hell.

We haven't figured out how to work sound effects yet,

So these are mouth sound effects.

So get ready for my doo-bop.

So we're going to talk about death and dying and people getting sick and what that looks like and if there are any tools for how to just navigate this spiritual way,

Maybe,

Perhaps.

I'm already so uncomfortable.

I'm already guessing my demise.

Definitely a bike accident.

Who else?

How do you think he might go Ella?

Easy out like that.

This is,

I'm going to redirect.

Yeah,

Thank you.

It's a 404 redirect,

Okay?

Well,

I feel it is incredibly spiritual to look at and talk about these things,

Our mortality.

And as an avid cyclist,

I can say every day that I get on my bike,

I'm like,

Well,

If this is the way that I'm going to go,

It's the way that I would rather go.

No.

Do I want to die?

No.

Do I want to be maimed?

Absolutely not.

If I must die- Because I'll maim ya.

You know,

I could be in so much fear that I just don't ride my bicycle because I'm going to die by a car perhaps or I can love the freedom that I get from my bike and live this life to the fullest and get on and go.

And for me,

I think a lot about then dying is like,

I don't want to think about how I'm going to die.

I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to act as though I am alive and deteriorating right now as we speak.

And I think that's,

We all run through the days with our like to-do lists and are very busy instead of this one precious life that we have today.

And one of the spiritual teachers that I really love talked about death being the greatest teacher.

And that's what I'm kind of hopeful to talk about today.

So real.

It's the ultimate thing we're all avoiding.

So actually the reason that I started practicing Buddhism is because I had a near-death experience and I was so afraid.

I remember feeling my body start to shut down and this kind of like animal instinct like body intelligence kicked in.

What parts of my body were moving in ways that like I wasn't,

It just went into like survival mode and it wasn't conscious.

It was totally just physically embodied and it was so terrifying.

And I remember after that experience thinking,

I don't want to be afraid when I die.

And I thought this was like a pretty morbid way to approach spirituality.

But when I brought it up with other people in this Buddhist community,

I was fairly reassured,

Which is cool because I didn't know that that was a kind of acceptable way to back into a spiritual practice.

Like I thought that spiritual practice how to be motivated by like saving the world or like helping everyone.

And actually it was okay for me to want,

For me to feel like totally inspired to commit myself to spiritual practice because I had this like terrifying experience and I wanted to find a way to be comfortable with what was happening even if it was death.

And I can also say that like historically in Buddhism there has been a lot of meditation around death that in the good old days,

People,

Buddhists would go to charnel grounds and watch bodies decomposing and meditate on them.

That's not morbid.

I'm not sure what is.

So I found my niche,

You know,

Found my brand.

Yeah.

So I guess that's what I have to say about death.

Annie?

Annie LeBlanc I think there's so much I have no idea.

I would just preface this by saying I have no idea about death.

I really don't know what I even think about it.

And I love it that you brought up this topic,

Lindsay.

And I know that it's timely because there's someone that you love and care about who is nearing the end of her life.

And hopefully it's okay that we're talking about I'm talking about this right now on the podcast.

And I had an opportunity to accompany Lindsay to visit this woman as she's in the last few days of her life in the hospital.

And to me,

This is really special because the concept of death before I didn't know how to broach it and so I just didn't ever and I would kind of pretend it wasn't happening or if it happened,

I would just wouldn't address it.

And being around people who are living with a more open heart,

I have more opportunities to show up and see all parts of life.

So to this woman now is what now I would say is the end stage of her life,

But I have no idea what's going to happen next.

Maybe it's this transition into something different and beautiful.

All I know is what I can see right here and now but as my heart's opening to more of a concept of spirituality,

I really constantly get the understanding that I have no idea what all is out there and what levels of existence might be or not be.

And so I just know that her bodily earthly vessel isn't serving her anymore.

But we all got to be there together in the room and it was so sweet to me to be able to share,

To witness this woman and to witness Lindsay loving this woman.

And so to me that that's just what I've been thinking about.

I'm grateful that I have friends that I can show up with and show up for.

And until I had some spiritual tools,

That's not something that I was able to do.

I could show up in other ways,

But it wasn't I couldn't show up in such a vulnerable way,

Because it was too scary and uncomfortable and weird.

And and now I can do stuff that's kind of uncomfortable and makes me but it wasn't uncomfortable.

It just felt really beautiful and sweet.

So that's all.

Thanks for talking about death Lindsay.

I was just taking notice at the beginning of the podcast.

I was like really serious about my question.

I'm like,

Okay,

So how would each one of us go?

You know,

And the gals looked at me like Annie completely redirected the question.

Ella's like doing the whole not,

Not,

Not thing.

And is exactly why I wanted to have this conversation.

It makes a lot of sense questioning our own mortality and not wanting to.

This is where some of the tools that I'm going to talk about come in right now.

Like directives,

Which are really important.

And there's a fivewishes.

Org.

So it's a living will it's $5 and it's available.

It's works in 48 of the states.

So you need to check and see you might have to move.

Quick before you die.

And what they want is like aging with dignity.

It's a nonprofit that helps improve end of life care by making medical decisions in advance of serious illness.

Right?

So here we are,

We're like younger,

We're healthy as far as we know.

And but these are uncomfortable questions.

And some of the questions on fivewishes that it asks you is,

And you fill this out,

The person I want to make care decisions for me when I can't wish number two,

The kind of medical treatment I want or don't want,

Wish number three,

How comfortable I want to be wish number four,

How I want people to treat me wish number five,

What I want my loved ones to know.

So this is a really straightforward I'm going to do this.

I'm hopeful that anyone that's too afraid to do this or needs help,

You know,

Feel free to email us at prettyspiritualpodcast.

Gmail.

Com or slide into our DMS on Insta at pretty spiritual podcast.

Yeah,

That some of the one of the greatest tool that I ever use is not being alone,

You know,

And so right now,

You know,

Maybe you're just starting to seek and you're realizing that isolation is not working.

And so how to connect,

Right?

It seems like we're all kind of seeking right now.

So there's a few ways for you to connect with us.

I'd be happy to walk you through any of this.

Like,

We could do it together since I'm going to do this.

And also,

I guess just if you're struggling with someone dying or someone being sick,

I have some friends who you know,

Their parents have Alzheimer's and they're having to care for them and just the heaviness and what that looks like and doing that alone.

I just want to share that there are support groups,

Especially if someone's dying in the middle,

There are support groups for that.

Like,

I highly recommend not doing this alone because a lot of the human questions or habits or things that come up from people I've been talking with,

You know,

Of like blame,

Denial,

Anger,

Instead of just living in that being truth,

We can come together and share and recognize this is all very human.

And it's uncomfortable.

And it's scary.

And like,

What can I learn from this moment and dedicating this,

Our episode here right now to Carolyn is she's in her last days and like,

Just what I keep coming back to from her is like,

What can I learn from this woman?

You know,

What do I get to learn from her?

And there's so much right.

But my natural inclination is to like think about how all the ways I didn't show up for this person or how it could have been better,

Right.

But how can I analyze and get into action and really honor her memory of who she was and what I got to learn from her and the things that she didn't know that she taught me along the way,

Especially at the end.

So great.

I love it.

I was thinking about what you said about us not wanting to talk about the ways that we might die,

And how it ties into this bigger disconnect of understanding that death happens and it's a part of life,

But it doesn't impact me.

I just don't think about it.

It's not gonna happen.

I used to feel that way about agent.

I was just thinking that.

Yeah.

When you did your introduction,

I'm like,

This will be the perfect segue to a vanity episode.

I've got it covered.

Thank you,

Ella.

Nice.

I love that this is dedicated to Carolyn and the things that we get to learn from people.

We're gonna have to cut this section out because I'm going to pause and breathe through a section.

It's okay.

Step zero.

Annie's demonstrating what it looks like to pick up the spiritual thoughts right now.

Oh,

Step zero.

Pass for a minute.

Okay,

Wait.

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

I love you.

You're doing so good.

I love you.

When I was younger,

And by younger,

I do mean in my 20s and 30s.

Like every 20 or 30 something year old really was arrogant and didn't think the death applied to me.

And it was because I hadn't had the privilege of not having it really wreak havoc on my life yet.

Or if it did,

I was disconnected enough that it didn't hurt too bad.

As I get more present in my life and see people pass away,

The sweetness of life is so tangible.

And I think about it all the time and not in a morbid way.

And I don't think about how I might die.

You're welcome.

But I do really hold in my head and it's actually part of my morning prayer meditation of a gratitude for being alive,

But with it and the other half of it is this knowledge that and I don't do that in a morbid way,

Appreciation for how long life feels sometimes,

But also that I don't know when that's going to change.

And I've had the privilege of seeing that change really quickly for some people and not that I'm that that's joyful in any way,

But it's just this precious knowledge that it can flip so fast and I don't know when.

So I think that death in the way that being alive is such a gift a lot.

And then I see the people that I that are not here and like in a the same human body that I know them as but I'll see them everywhere like in thoughts or things that other people say,

Or like,

Oh,

Beautiful sunset or something.

And now I just sound like card.

That's all I can create a sympathy card.

That's all if only Hallmark were that.

I love how we you guys are gonna this is foreshadowing ready.

We're all gonna die.

That to foreshadow,

We all arrived at the same place,

Which is how can we take like that big lesson,

Remembering how precious our life is from the experience of death.

I was thinking about when my mom almost died,

She was in the ICU for like six weeks ago.

She was at the time dying of chemotoxicity.

And I didn't really know how to deal with that.

So how I dealt with it was I just got pretty wasted every time I went to the hospital.

And there was one time I'm like,

I want to say evening,

But who even knows when she wants she was she wanted to talk with me about executing her DNR.

I do not resuscitate thanks Annie medical directive.

So I got really angry.

I think I yelled at her and I kind of started crying and I ran out and very dramatic mascara in a stairwell like it's gonna be the name of my memoir.

I'm pretty sure just couldn't you know,

And I don't think it's a coincidence that I got into rehab not too long after that,

Like there was there was some very real impact that those experiences had on my concern for life.

I don't know if I would have gotten there so quickly without those experiences.

And I was thinking about that day when we went to be with Carolyn and just to see our friend and in that place made me feel really tender.

There was definitely some feelings that wanted to come out.

And I really think the greatest and also the most difficult thing for us to do as human beings just like Annie was saying to appreciate this wildlife we have that we don't get to control that we don't get to manage or organize or confine in any way.

We don't get to make it look like how we want it to look.

In my experience,

That's never more true than in terms of like a human body.

Like it's the wilderness.

I seriously think about it like that.

And and when I do it's like no wonder none of us want to be here.

Like who knows what kind of like scary animals there are waiting to like eat us for dinner like your cat.

So when I think about it that way,

It makes a lot of sense to me why I didn't want to be in my body and how checking out made it so that I didn't have to be with the the fear or the discomfort or the all the big feelings that come up when when death is the topic and it's something that your heart is connecting to,

You know,

And I am grateful,

You know,

Like I remember hearing people talk about gratitude for showing up to watch someone die.

And I thought they were crazy.

I was like,

This person has lost his mind.

He was I heard him talking about how he showed up for his sister while she was dying of cancer.

And I was like,

Are you are you drunk?

And now I get it.

It's like what the rest of us get to take away from it is a moment to like really be here and to appreciate the the fullness and the richness and the like ultimately how fragile it all is,

You know,

And I'm getting into Hallmark territory too now.

So I'm gonna cut myself off right there.

Well,

The cards aren't a billion dollar business for no reason babies.

Yeah.

I'm so grateful to my dear friends who have accompanied me to the hospital and who I get to walk this path with and sometimes when I forget they help remind me and yeah,

To anyone who's hurting out there feels alone.

Feel free to drop us a line.

We really want to hear from you.

So bad.

We are waiting and I just encourage you to look to the Grim Reaper today as your friend.

What would you like to say to him or her?

Sorry that the uncomfortable talking and questions got to a breaking point for me.

I guess that's what happens.

Thanks,

Everybody.

We'll see you next time.

And what are we going to be talking about?

Oh,

It's so clear that if we're gonna just jump to death,

Obviously we have to move over to modified aging.

Oh,

I really like how you put that.

Vanity.

What else to say?

It's gonna be Botox and lipstick and teeth whiteners and sagging and sagging flesh.

So with cellulite.

Oh yeah,

Cellulite is definitely- Saddle bags.

What is that?

Acceptance.

I'll show you mine.

No,

Annie acceptance.

Oh,

Wow,

Annie.

I love that you guys.

She's like,

Oh,

Sorry.

Whoa,

That was amazing.

Oh,

I'm so excited for next week.

Snack some acceptance in.

Okay,

Fine,

Acceptance.

Came for the vanity,

Stayed for the sanity,

Baby.

Ooh,

La la.

I'm not gonna top that.

That's it.

The end.

Bye.

Reviews

Very honest and beautiful... And funny! Thank you ladies 💜x

Thank you for recognizing the sweetness of everyday life and reminding us to be grateful. 🙏🏼

Actually fun to hear:)

That was great girls thanks 🙏🏻

I finally got to listen to you. Usually it’s too long for my morning time.
Thank you for being you.
😉

Crazy fun, good and real!! Who are you girls? I am a 63 yr. old girl and I am right there with you! I appreciate the topic and your trifecta approach to sharing about it. Thank you.🙏🌟🌸

Fantastic love you gals. Thank you