Stepping Beyond Fear - Falling Into Love

During today’s Satsang, hearts opened.

Premasudha helped Trilochan see his fear of change by pointing out how we often listen to negative thoughts in our minds—we create storylines and follow them, ignoring the voice of our heart trying to tell us those thoughts are not true. If we can trust our true voice, fears can fall away. We no longer need them to feel alive.

Dharmadeva felt stuck in an old childhood pattern—a longing for his parents’ love. As he opened to Premasudha’s shower of unconditional love, his heart began to open. He came to understand that love is everywhere—that we are love. This realization frees us from attachment to the past.

Higher vibrations are beginning to bless us.

When Athiba shared her experience of a bear hug, everyone could feel it. Our greatest longing is to give birth to our true nature—but the ego tries to hold us back. The psychological rebirth into the soul energy is the death of the ego. Feeling that truth can make space for the soul to come in.

Transcript

Yeah,

So we're calling on Amma's grace,

The grace of the universe.

You know,

The grace,

The hilstrom that Bruno Gröning talks about,

It's all the same.

It's just love.

It's the infinite love that we're all made out of,

That the universe is made out of.

And it's us,

And so it's here for us,

Because it's us.

And may this penny drop in your hearts,

And it get louder and louder.

And the symphony of creation,

May you hear it more and more,

So you feel how precious you are,

And how precious all of life is.

And just coming into your heart more and more seamlessly,

Lodging in the heart,

Observing,

Learning to observe the voices in your head,

The talk in your head.

Step back from it into your heart,

Into a felt experience of this grace.

This is Premasutha's prayer for all of us,

All of us in this group,

And all of us all over the earth.

Yeah,

And so it is.

And may we feel Amma's divine love power more and more.

May we receive it,

So it is.

Trilla Chan,

You contacted me earlier and said that you wanted to speak,

So let's just jump in.

Thanks.

And we're holding the space for your dear,

Dear self,

Yeah,

In our house,

Yeah.

I mean,

Most important for me was,

I was not really sure if I'm allowed to speak,

But that was maybe a misunderstanding from my side.

And since I was not sure if I should speak up or not,

Now it's very clear I should.

Yeah,

Yeah,

You know,

You guys,

Misunderstandings happen,

So check with me,

Please,

Because actually Trilla Chan,

I never,

I kind of wondered why you weren't speaking up so much,

But anyway,

All good.

Must say,

The last weeks,

The last satsangs,

I enjoyed really being so peaceful and tranquil the whole time.

So I was,

Even I felt sometimes I could say something,

But I felt,

Hey,

It's maybe good for me to be quiet.

Okay,

Good.

But today it felt,

It felt different.

So since we had last contact one-to-one,

I think there were,

And the last one and a half years are quite intensive,

Honestly,

But I think the intensity is increasing to some level.

So what happened is the whole feeling of,

I call it the inner emptiness,

Inner sadness is there since a few months,

Right?

And it's sometimes a bit worse,

Sometimes stronger,

But this is there,

Quite intense.

And what happened in the last week maybe is I got additional internal pressure because,

You know,

With my partner who's living in Berlin and with my fear restriction,

It increased because this time she couldn't,

She had inner resistance to come down again,

Because we only know each other since she's visiting me,

Because we know each other since I have this new fear episode,

This anxiety disorder.

And this time she felt she cannot come,

She will not come.

And she had to listen to her own stuff,

Which I totally understand and respect.

And there was from her side,

No pressure on me,

Obviously,

Because she said,

I mean,

You have to do what you have to do.

But I put a lot of pressure on me because we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.

And we allocated the time that we can see each other in these days,

Now for five,

Six days,

Because the children are not there.

So anyway,

So it built up a lot of additional pressure.

And I tried to feel in,

You know,

Apparently I increased a little bit my radius of driving up to one hour.

I'm not fully feeling safe,

But at least I can do that,

Which is a positive thing.

And I traveled by train the first time last week,

Only three stations,

But at least the first time since one and a half years.

It's a positive thing,

Right?

But then this additional pressure came up.

And whenever I felt in,

It told me my inner voice,

I don't know what the voice was,

But I believe it's my inner guidance that you are not ready to drive to Berlin,

It's six hours,

And you can make only currently one hour,

Right?

But this whole internal pressure I build up,

Because I knew the whole relationship is on stake by that as well.

Because our future is most likely,

If so,

Is in Berlin only.

So it drove me into deeper sadness.

So I almost felt like there is a kind of inner depressive episode.

It was not that bad as in the past,

Because I had two,

Three episodes with depression.

But anyway,

So it was a spiral of,

Can I do that?

Can I not do that?

So it was quite intense.

Now I'm feeling currently better yesterday and today,

Surprisingly better,

Which is good.

Even surprisingly,

It happened today that it came more from her side than from my,

That we're currently stopping a bit contact and to see really what it does,

How she feels about the whole situation.

Because it's a major thing for us,

Right?

And so we're currently in the contact stop since today.

And on the one hand,

It's painful.

On the other hand,

I feel a bit numbed out,

Because I knew this might come at some point.

And I had intensive,

Sad and almost depressive days in the last day.

So I don't know,

Maybe I can't feel the deep pain so much currently,

Or I just protect myself of feeling the deep pain.

Anyway,

That's what is currently happening.

I also reached out to Amma through one of the Swamis and asked her a question how to deal with that whole situation,

Because I'm so fed up with this fear limitation.

No answer yet.

I reached out to two new therapists,

Holistic,

Because the other one I stopped since six,

Seven weeks ago.

Actually,

When we spoke last time,

I stopped her.

Yeah,

So you know,

The pressure is high,

Because I'm really fed up with the whole situation.

So that's currently my situation on top.

Obviously,

At some point,

I have to move out of my house,

Because it will be sold,

And it's not yet clear when.

And I might have to see how I change my whole job situation,

If I do another job on the side,

Or really build it stronger and because currently it's not funding me fully.

It's funding me fully now,

But once I move out,

I have higher rent.

So that's from many different sides.

I don't want to make it too long.

It's an intensive period.

And I know my faith in Amma,

In God is not yet strong enough,

For example,

To drive up to Berlin.

I was expecting,

You know,

I was thinking,

Hey,

Maybe my faith is so strong,

I can only fall into God's hand.

But my faith is not strong enough.

There's so much fear,

What could happen if I drive up there and lose my mind,

Lose control.

You know,

What I think Ruth Ann last week said,

When you're so free falling in this dream in her night,

Not in the dream in her night,

I could so much resonate with that,

Because that's my fear.

I lose myself fully,

I lose my mind.

And then I'm six hours away,

Or in the traffic jam on a big highway,

Whatever.

And this is such a deep feeling.

I cannot risk that at the moment.

I feel I cannot.

And my faith is not strong enough in God and Amma.

I could talk much more,

But I think that's it for the moment.

Maybe to add one more thing,

I shared quickly,

I'm in contact with two new therapists,

One I met one time and one I will meet tomorrow.

And I wonder,

I mean,

I believe strongly it makes sense and then choose one of them.

But then obviously my thoughts come up what you always shared with me.

Am I in fixing mode?

Or is there another way how to deal with that?

But I'm so fed up with that limitation.

So I think I need,

I want external help to support me on the journey.

The one is quite spiritual,

She's Amma devotee,

Which is good.

The other one is quite different way.

You know,

You're listening to voices that aren't accurate in your head.

So when you listen to the voice of saying that,

Oh,

You're not ready to drive to Berlin,

You're actually listening to negative voices that are speaking in a reasonable way.

There's actually nothing stopping you from driving except your head.

And,

You know,

You keep seeking outside yourself.

And,

You know,

Like for people to help you.

But Trilla Chan,

You actually didn't listen to what I was really saying to you,

You know,

Dear one.

You were kind of unwilling to do it.

What I was saying would help.

It's like you're so captivated by the storyline about your fear that's coming from negative energies that are not helpful.

Yeah,

It's actually bullshit.

Absolute bullshit.

And,

You know,

Underneath,

You're just hypnotized by it and you're beginning to experience the cost of continuing this way.

So,

You could lose this relationship.

Yeah.

Sweetie,

There's nothing stopping you.

You've just made a big storyline.

You're filming a movie about your fear and you're hypnotized by it.

Absolutely.

And Prama Sutta couldn't reach you to come out of this hypnosis.

Yeah,

And you know this underneath.

So,

How do you feel about what I'm saying?

And it's an important time for you,

Trilla Chan,

So speak to me as deeply as you can.

At the moment,

I don't know really what I feel.

As I said,

I'm a little bit numbed out.

I think today,

But I can immediately tell you what I wanted to say to you,

But I don't know if it's a feeling.

I felt,

On the one hand,

It makes so much sense what you're saying,

But I'm so deeply hypnotized and that fear of the fear,

That fear of losing control,

Losing my mind is so intense.

It feels impossible for me to do that jump.

And I was asking and sitting in front of the altar several times the last week,

Also sometimes for an hour,

One and a half.

I did what I could in front of Amma's altar and I got the same answers.

Obviously,

I know they're coming from the fear,

From the ego or negative energy is what you call them,

But they're so strong.

Love's stronger.

This stuff,

Lots of times we can't face it directly.

So,

You keep trying to face your fear,

But lots of times we have to just kind of unplug the whole thing and just go,

Well,

This is how it is.

I'm unable to drive,

But I'm going to think about other things.

Now,

I know that you will say that's impossible because you're wanting this relationship and everything,

But man,

You know what really is operating underneath?

You've got a big fear of change operating.

Now,

Supposing you lose this relationship,

You could feel the deep sorrow that results from having this fear of change because you can be frightened of change all you like,

But change is going to happen.

Do you see?

So,

If you're scared of change and you're holding on to this storyline,

You will get the cost of doing this,

And my concern for you is that you could get scareder.

It's like,

Oh,

My God.

Prima Sudha,

I mean,

I was surrounded by negative energies.

Absolutely.

Hoodwinked.

They had me running through Vancouver.

Really,

There was one day that I was being chased by negative voices telling me that I had to get off the planet,

And I ran for most of the day.

Really.

That's how caught in terror I was.

So,

You know,

You're talking to a veteran of this kind of thing,

You know?

Yeah.

So,

I have enormous compassion beyond anything that you could imagine.

The compassion for what it's like being caught in this and how true it seems.

And I had everybody around me was affirming that it was true,

That I was,

You know,

Useless,

A mess,

All of this.

And it was just finally where it was like this,

From deep within me,

It emerged this,

Up with this,

I will not put.

It was like a really deep thing coming,

Going,

We're not doing this anymore.

It came from almost beyond me.

Do you understand?

Right.

Right.

And I could have gone around,

There were many therapists around me who really wanted to help fix me.

And they all believed my storyline and everything.

And so,

I just knew it was going to be useless.

And that actually,

I would get worse with it.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

I think you're really listening to negative voices.

And I think you don't realize this.

That it's kind of,

You know,

All demons are,

Are subtle parts of our own egos.

Do you understand?

They're no real demons.

It's just our subtle egos working in an energetic way.

And they'll tell us all kinds of very small-minded things.

I mean,

If your ego can corner you into fear,

It will be happy.

But Trilogy,

It's bullshit.

You are,

You know,

There's nothing stopping you.

There's nothing stopping you from driving except your imagination that's being with these voices that are exaggerating.

And you've got a good imagination.

And you're going to have to use it in a different way.

Like,

All the stuff I've said to do,

You know,

Come back to your heart,

Come back to your body.

You know,

If you're numb,

Just notice it.

But,

You know,

In the work we did where I was,

You were beginning to move into your body,

You know,

Part of you,

Like your ego,

This is deaf to your ego to do,

To do,

Move more into full presence.

And your ego was like,

Really pushing you away from doing it.

And I think that's part of why you felt that I'd said that you couldn't speak,

Because your ego is terrified that this is going to be unraveled,

And it's going to lose power.

And I have such compassion for you,

Man.

And it's solvable.

It really is.

I believe in that strongly.

I believe in that.

But not the way you're doing it.

I mean,

Look at the results of what you've been doing.

Yeah.

Well,

It's getting better a little.

You know,

It's getting a little better,

But this voice that's saying you're not ready,

That's just,

That is just such shit.

I mean,

If I had a woman I loved,

I'd bloody well get in the car and risk a nervous breakdown.

I would just drive.

Truly.

My problem is that fear of a nervous,

Not even a nervous breakdown,

Of really being stuck and not being able to do anything before even I reach Berlin.

You know,

That fear of losing my mind,

Losing everything.

Maybe you would.

Maybe you'd have Sokol,

A therapist.

Like,

Just deal.

I mean it.

You know,

Prima Suda,

I was on the freeway.

This is when I was crippled with the hips and my wheelchair fell off my truck and there was no side,

There was no shoulder.

I had to like walk and holding onto the wall with all these cars,

Move my wheelchair back.

I mean,

It was horrendous.

I was almost hit several times.

Nobody stopped.

Nobody could stop.

And,

You know,

That helped me.

I went,

Wow,

I'm a crippled woman and I'm still retrieving my wheelchair on a,

You know,

On a freeway and I'm okay about it.

And it was like a badge of honour.

Really?

Come on,

You're a big,

Powerful man.

I mean,

This is ridiculous,

This fear.

It's just ridiculous.

It is.

I know it is.

Yeah,

But you love it.

This is it.

You love it.

Like,

This is like Amma talks about,

We've got,

Like,

We love our dark babies,

Our babies of pain.

We take better care of them than we take care of the babies of love.

Really?

And you've been devoting your care to this pain baby and it's just such bullshit.

I mean,

You're just such a strong,

Handsome guy.

It's like,

Oh my God.

You know,

It's like somebody,

It's like a Olympic runner saying that they can't walk.

It's like,

What?

Yeah.

It's just,

It's ridiculous.

And the thing is,

If you can have lots of pain therapists that will keep,

They'll entertain it,

Maybe because they haven't experienced fear like you have,

So they don't know about it,

But also it's,

They have to earn their livings.

Right.

So,

It is ridiculous.

I want you,

Like,

This to go in your head.

Premasutha's voice going,

Don't be ridiculous.

You know,

Sweetie,

It's,

It's obviously what is something you came in to solve,

But I'll tell you,

You know,

Premasutha was,

You know,

When I decided to go to England as a journalist,

I was 25 and I wasn't particularly well qualified as a journalist and I was going to,

You know,

England and I was terrified on the plane.

My hair was standing up and,

You know,

When I got to London,

The plane landed and I was on solid ground and I just proceeded and looked for a job and got a job and sorry,

I'm not,

I'm not going along with this fear story at all.

It's ridiculous.

Absolutely.

And take a train.

You're worried about driving and even if you're scared,

Then watch yourself be scared because you could lose this relationship,

You know.

I know.

Yeah.

I'm very much aware and it's painful as hell,

But the train is even worse for me than driving.

Yeah.

Because I'm totally out of control.

At least with my car,

I can,

I can go into escape mode,

Right?

Yeah,

But you're kind of out of control right now with this fear story.

You're not in control at all.

You're being controlled by your ego voices telling you this fear story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

You know,

Huge blessings and,

You know,

You know,

You know,

Premasutha had her crosses too.

So we,

You know,

It took me some time to figure out my life.

So I have no judgment.

Believe me.

When I look at my life,

It's like,

Oh my God.

So I have absolutely no judgment,

But I'm going to speak increasingly bluntly to you.

Yeah.

I know I will integrate the fears and I wouldn't use the word fix.

Normally I would say fix,

But I know it will work.

But the only thing I don't know when.

When you decide,

Buddy,

When you decide.

Yep.

Okay,

Good.

Thank you.

This has been very helpful for this satsang,

Sweet one.

And,

You know,

Huge compassion for,

For what it's like when we get locked in our fear stories.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you're such a big,

Strong,

Handsome guy,

You know.

Thank you for that.

But it doesn't help me anything at the moment.

I know.

I know.

It doesn't help anything.

No,

It's actually,

You,

You have to help yourself.

This is what you're trying to avoid.

You're the one.

Yeah.

Can I say one last thing or.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

You said,

I think it's an interesting topic,

Maybe for others as well.

As you said,

I'm one of the root causes is the fear of change,

Right?

Yeah.

If I look back of on my,

On the one hand,

I understand it a little bit,

But if I look back at my life,

There's constant change the last 15,

20 years.

That's the crazy thing.

You know,

My life,

I was so often in Amrita Puri in India on and off new jobs constantly.

In between,

Obviously there was fear sometimes raising its foot and I had a little bit troubles.

And all that.

But at the moment,

I don't understand yet where the fear of change is coming in,

To be honest.

Yeah,

No,

I know,

Because it's much deeper than the shallow place that you're playing.

Really,

What you're doing is very shallow.

And the fear that I'm talking about and the clarity that I'm speaking from is coming from a much deeper spot.

And,

You know,

Sorrow took premisuda down to this level that I'm speaking.

Like the sorrow of my own fears of changing.

And,

You know,

Sometimes if we've got to,

If we're really stubborn this way,

We can set up catastrophic situation just through being very,

Very stubborn.

You can see it sometimes when the government,

When the government's like refused to see reality in the face,

Or sometimes a really famous person,

You can see where they're just refusing to allow change.

So,

As I said,

Trilla Chan,

You'll get change.

You can be refusing to change at a deep level and you will get superficial change happening all over.

But the fear of change is really fear of leaving the ego and allowing the soul to solve things.

You're really just scared of the love in your heart,

Man.

That's what all this is about.

Everybody is,

Except a self-realized person,

Is scared of the love in their heart.

That is what their life problems are.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Bless your dear heart,

Man.

Yeah.

You know,

Western,

Our culture is shallow,

You know,

And in the Indians,

You know,

They think we're shallow.

Well,

We are.

The focus on materialism makes for shallow.

So,

It can be challenging for us to drop down into the depth,

And that's where serious illness can really help,

Because it takes people down into the depth.

And not to invite that at all,

But it does.

I'll tell you,

If you have a really serious illness,

It makes things very clear in a way that,

You know,

Isn't the normal.

Yeah.

Or a serious addiction,

You know,

That brings a person to the point of death,

And they come out of it,

They come out with real depth.

And a knowledge of the soul energy,

Because it's the soul energy that takes us out of these things.

Yeah.

And may it get easier and easier to listen,

And Trlutján,

You try so hard.

I know.

I know you do.

You do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've got a heart of gold in there.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah,

You do.

Thank you.

Thank you for this.

It's really helped the group.

Thank you.

Okay.

I think I would like to say something as well.

I'm happy that you're speaking,

Yes.

So,

Hi everybody.

Thanks for this opportunity.

So,

I was inspired already by,

I think,

A meeting we had two weeks ago.

It really resonated with me.

I had one moment during an event,

A spiritual event,

When I would just wake up,

Do the morning routine,

Like just some chanting,

Some meditation,

And I felt a strange kind of peace,

Like some kind of,

On one hand,

Emptiness,

Like not feeling that I needed to do anything,

Although there were plenty of things to do,

But more than I could,

More the option than the obligation,

Which is not normal for me,

As I normally run through life handled by obligations.

So,

This was,

Yeah,

Two weeks ago.

Now,

I'm back in my normal routine,

And since then,

It has really been going up and down very seriously.

I'm living now like close to my,

Or like with and close to my closest family,

Like father,

Mother,

Grandparents,

And I have not been doing that in 10 years,

So now it's really like bing,

Bing,

Bing,

Bing,

Bing,

Wherever I go.

It's sometimes good moments,

But a lot of difficult moments as well,

And it's kind of on all levels.

It's on the physical level,

Like my body,

My health,

My routines,

On the mental level,

How I deal psychologically with everything,

And even on the spiritual level,

As just for example,

My mom is a very strict Christian,

And obviously she does not approve of anything I'm doing in this sense,

And yeah,

So there's like really a lot going on,

A lot of confusion sometimes.

I feel I'm headed in the right direction,

But right now,

It's really going up and down,

Even in the,

I think I told you in our last session,

Premasura,

Like for me,

It's an evening,

One day in the morning,

I feel very good and nice,

And towards the afternoon,

Evening,

It really goes,

The pendulum,

It really goes down to the dark side,

And I experience a lot of difficult feelings.

I try to,

Same,

Like I try to remember myself,

But sometimes like,

Yeah,

It's pretty strong,

And it's,

Yeah,

Maybe that it helps myself,

Maybe it helps somebody else,

That just,

I'm amazed on how in a single day,

Like it can go,

You can be so,

Feel so open and happy and loving,

And then the same day,

Like really closed,

I cannot see anybody really,

Really aggressive,

Easy to irritate,

And yeah,

I just wanted to share that.

Right,

So you're saying this,

Like two weeks when you spoke,

That you had woken up in the morning,

And you felt like a lightness,

That you could just do more what you felt like,

And,

Right,

And then it's gotten more intense since then.

Yeah.

Right,

So that lightness was a sign of spring,

That's your soul wanting to be born.

I mean,

This is what's really bothering you,

Your soul,

Your soul's really wanting you to make room for it,

Like to be born,

So that you're more of a soul-based personality,

And we go through these rigors of birth,

And part of you doesn't trust Premasuddha enough to to hear what I'm saying,

But it's okay,

It's okay,

It's like,

You don't know me that well,

And you are not,

Premasuddha's a veteran of this process,

So she really understands what she's talking about,

But you're like a woman before she gives birth,

And she's like,

Wow,

This is weird.

Okay,

Right,

So that's really what you're in.

Right,

And I said that to you a couple of months ago,

And you went off for a while,

But then now you're coming back,

And it's good,

It's good,

Because I really want to accompany you energetically as you do this.

How do you feel about what I just said?

Honest,

Be very honest.

I think it's,

Yeah,

Nice,

But it is true,

There's like the same part of me that just is like,

All right,

But doesn't believe really that there's a help or solution available,

Something like that.

Right,

Okay,

Good,

Good,

Good.

Honesty is good,

It's all good,

I know you don't,

And so this is also why you're having trouble giving birth.

Yeah,

Yeah,

And you know,

You don't have to formally allow Prama Sutta to help you,

It's just like,

It's almost like just the breeze of Prama Sutta's unconditional love is reaching you a little bit.

It can't help it,

Really,

It can't help it.

I mean,

Even if you were a rock,

It would still reach you,

Because it's everything's love.

Okay,

You're just in birth pangs,

And you know,

The negativity that you're in,

In transition,

A woman will go from,

Oh,

Just before she gives birth,

She goes through intense contractions,

Intense expansion,

Contraction,

Expansion,

Contraction,

Expansion,

Contraction.

You understand?

Yes.

This is kind of what you're in,

But you're fooled by the negativity.

It's like,

You know,

There's a reason for this negativity.

It's in your belief system,

And it's coming up to be cleared.

And it's like,

When you go conscious on this negativity more,

It will be easier for you to be born.

You're believing it.

You know,

There's a reason why you are getting these negative things.

It's like,

What is it?

Like,

Yeah,

I can feel the stuckness.

Yeah,

It's a stuckness in the past.

Yeah.

It's hard sometimes to be around our parents,

And then if they don't approve of us.

Yep.

You know,

The universe is behind you,

And is behind you on this process,

And you will be brought through it.

You're a really sincere seeker,

Dharmadeva.

You are.

It would be really kind of impossible for you not to find a way to get born over the next while.

You see?

Like,

Yeah.

Like,

Right.

Okay,

Thank you.

Okay,

Thank you.

Okay,

There.

Okay,

There.

You're letting yourself be loved.

You are accepting your self-worth.

You're putting your whole life on the line,

And put up with a lot of flat.

Okay,

When you do this,

You will get results,

Truly.

And even if one's an imperfect seeker that Pramasutra was,

I was very good about putting my life on the line.

You know,

Not having plan B.

And you don't have plan B.

Well,

That is the best thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

It's like,

You know,

It's a slam dunk.

It's just a matter of how much time it takes.

And if you can watch the negativity a little bit more,

Watch it.

It's an old stuck place of part of you where you think you,

You know,

From the child who needed his parents,

You know,

As a child,

But as an adult,

You don't.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

It's that's sort of really important in a way that you get this.

It's like,

That will help your love flow as you realize that this deep level where you stuck,

I can feel it.

You're,

Yeah,

You don't need them.

Yeah.

You don't need them to validate you or anything.

That's it.

Okay,

Good.

That's why it's important that you accepted Pramasutra's validation today.

It's kind of like,

Well,

You can get it from Pramasutra.

Really?

Actually,

Actually feel good.

Yeah,

This is how it works.

Oh,

Bless your dear heart.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh,

Thank you.

Oh,

My God.

And,

You know,

You know,

Let me know if you email or whatever,

If you know,

Just as you wish,

Whatever,

Whatever.

And there's no obligation.

But I just want you to feel received.

So,

It's like feel received without any obligation.

So,

Whatever you need,

Whenever it's,

You know,

I love being a midwife,

Like this work midwives people.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

It's a joke because it's,

It's the reason it works so well is Pramasutra had such a rapscallion life.

And it,

Do you know what I mean?

I have no,

Oh,

I don't know how to say this.

It's like,

I don't have an idea of the proper way to move into truth.

However,

Somebody does it.

It's all good.

You know,

I have very few rules apart from.

Yeah,

I don't know how to say it.

It's.

I don't know,

Pramasutra has walked so much on the wild side and still has come into peace.

So,

If Pramasutra can do it,

Any of us can do it.

That's what,

That's what I like.

You guys,

There is no barrier,

None.

We're all,

We're all like,

You know,

Bumbling.

We all bumble over our egos.

It's okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Receiving the love,

You know,

Your heart,

Your heart's opening.

So,

This is what you needed,

Your heart to open to yourself.

This is it.

And this is where somebody,

You know,

We can receive the love coming from somebody and our heart opens to ourselves.

Yeah.

Another,

Thank you.

Thank you.

Another wonderful help for the satsang.

This is,

All of you guys,

This is all what everybody needs to understand is how loved they are,

How loved we are.

Yeah.

And we can have our true natures.

Yeah.

Right.

Jai Ma.

This is so,

So it is.

It is.

Yeah.

Everybody's happy.

I've got these,

These beatific,

Saintly faces looking at me,

All satsang full of like,

Yeah,

It's very,

Very beautiful.

Oh,

Dear.

Oh,

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Michelle,

Are you wanting to speak,

Sweet one?

Um,

Not particularly.

I just,

Um,

I was just interested about the little connective tissue issue that I have.

But,

Um,

It doesn't really matter.

It's not a big thing.

Okay.

Okay.

Your face looks very beautiful.

Yeah.

Okay.

Is somebody else want to come forward?

Might as well.

It's the day for diving into the new reality.

Hi,

Prima Sudha.

This is Atiba speaking.

Good.

Glad you're speaking.

Yes.

Yeah.

So,

Uh,

I had a little,

A kind of a similar experience like the pendulum today.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

Um,

First I had a meeting,

Which was really like a miracle to me in that,

That a big guy,

Like a Turkish or Arab man was on an e-scooter on the sidewalk,

Really rushing next to me.

I mean,

A really endangering me.

And then I met him at the traffic lights and I don't know how it happened,

But it seemed like I spoke in such a way,

You know,

In a gentle,

Soft and innocent way.

It seems like his response was amazing.

I've never experienced a thing like that.

He was,

I mean,

I just mentioned that he said,

I saw you.

I said,

Yes,

I know you saw me,

But I couldn't hear you.

And I could just step aside and you would rush into my back.

You know,

I just said,

It's so dangerous.

I mean,

If I wanted to go to the shop,

For example,

You know,

You would be right in my back with the,

With this speed.

And it seemed like I touched something in him.

He was,

He was so sweet.

I couldn't believe it.

He said,

That's the kind of communication he's looking for.

That's normally he is being yelled at.

And he,

He gave me a hug,

You know,

I can't Wow.

I really,

I was so stunned.

It felt like a miracle,

You know,

Really like,

Like a new avenue in a way.

Yeah.

This is the baby crowning.

This is the baby of this new understanding and new vibration of you getting your humanity,

Making room for humanity,

Loving humanity.

Even if you don't always think kind thoughts about humanity,

You're,

You're,

You're beginning to vibrate at this new level and Premasudha is like,

Yay,

Atiba,

It's fantastic.

Truly.

That was so beautiful.

And on my way back,

I had a little setback,

You know,

I don't want to diminish the first meeting,

But as the speaker before what was named Amadeva or something like,

You know,

A bit up and down,

You know,

And it was not,

It was not really a bad thing,

But then my ego came up,

You know,

With a woman,

A woman was dealing with her phone and the route was narrow and she had a dog and I just could not pass,

You know,

And I did not say it very unfriendly,

But I said,

Oh,

It would be great if you moved in a way that I can pass by you,

You know,

And then she was so pissed and the dog was all over me and I thought that was so disrespectful in a way,

But then she said that I had been disrespectful by even saying that something to her at all,

You know,

And then I was wondering afterwards,

I just felt the feelings when I was back and then I felt the,

That it had been an ego trip by my side also,

Because it was not a big deal,

You know,

And then,

Well,

Yeah,

I felt maybe she was mirroring something,

Because even before I had to move from one side of the sidewalk to another,

Because nobody made room for me and then I thought,

Oh my God,

That's an old stuff,

You know,

Maybe not vibrating,

Not respecting myself or something.

Yeah.

There's,

You know,

Pramodhita would say in something like that,

Oh,

You know,

I'd even go,

Sweet one,

Can I just get past you?

Like,

I was just,

You know,

Like,

Yes,

In a more friendly way,

Right?

Yeah.

Yes.

Okay.

And a couple of things,

You know,

Motipa,

I know it's very hard for you to,

Like,

You know,

When I say about the baby crying,

A baby crowning,

So Pramodhita is actually really,

Really validating this birth that wants to happen with you.

And,

You know,

It is so hard for you to meet Pramodhita in this.

It's just so interesting working with you over the years,

Because it's like,

It's kind of like,

It's your worst nightmare.

It's like,

You want this,

And yet on another level,

It,

It's like your worst nightmare.

Yeah.

So you're very,

Pramodhita finds you very skittish.

What is this,

Skittish?

I don't know the word.

Does a German person know the word for skittish,

That they could translate?

Do you understand,

Motipa?

You would have trouble with this word,

You know.

It's like a racehorse that's,

You know,

They're high strung,

They're,

They get spooked easily,

They,

Skittish,

They,

They might suddenly run off with the rider.

Right.

Yeah.

And even when Pramodhita does this,

Like,

Speak so directly to you,

Part of you is deaf to it.

Like,

Part of you wants to stay deaf to what Pramodhita brings to you.

And yet,

It is the thing that you keep coming back for over and over again,

Over the years,

Over and over again.

And if you look,

A great deal of your progress,

Like,

It's all Amma.

So Pramodhita is not taking personal thing.

But it is this very human way that Pramodhita embodies that actually gets through to you,

Where a lot of your trainings,

You would have missed it entirely.

And at the same time,

You're skittish,

And you keep rejecting it over and over and over.

What I feel is a defense mechanism inside,

Which I do not really understand.

I understand that I'm afraid of love,

That I do,

I feel it.

And I feel the defense inside of my heart.

I don't know how to get it out of the way,

But I'm aware of it.

Stop,

Stop,

Stop.

Satsang.

What did she just say?

That I don't know how to get it out of the way.

Yes.

Unloving.

You see,

Trying to fix.

Yes.

Sweetie,

I'm not going after you personally.

I am actually trying to midwife you into this incredible energy that is your true nature.

Yes.

I know.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's what's so great.

That's what's so great is you really do know this.

I know.

I do.

I know you do.

That's what's so great.

Happy,

Happy.

That's actually half the battle.

That's sort of 75% of it.

Right.

And you're getting very,

Very tired of being like this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you're getting the bear hug from the guys,

Like showing you what life can be like.

Yes.

But also,

This is kind of what I talk about,

That actually working with people,

It's like actually working with the men is lots of times it's easier.

Working with the women,

It's kind of like this defensiveness,

But not always.

And I'm not dissing you guys,

But I'm wanting also the women to really realize how defended to our truth we have been,

And that it takes effort to step beyond it.

It took enormous effort for Primasuta to step beyond her running away from her own true nature.

But I'm coming back,

Atiba.

Yeah,

It's just a defensiveness,

And it's exhausting.

So,

Yeah.

You know,

It's like you're trying to give birth using your head,

And it's much better than it used to be,

But it's not solvable there at all.

No.

No.

No.

Okay.

This is so great.

I feel the pain and the fear in my heart,

And this defensiveness.

Something starts to open,

And I feel some pain right now.

Right.

And we know that pain is no good.

Sadness.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's just,

Yeah.

It's this level that,

You know,

This is why,

You know,

In spiritual training,

People can go,

If they're hiding behind this level of defensiveness,

They can spend,

They can go to 20 million retreats,

And it's not going to do any good.

They'll just get the,

You know,

The lingo.

They'll be able to speak the lingo of the spiritual journey.

Yeah.

Right.

But you're really interested in transcending.

The deepest part of you is really interested in transcending the earth plane,

And so there's movement.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

This is good.

And what happens between us is the premisuda starts getting fierce in face of this ongoing,

I find it the stupidity,

I have to say,

The stupidity of these defenses,

And then that,

Then,

You know,

You're like an orchid.

So,

It's like the orchid part of you is going,

Oh,

This is too harsh.

Yeah.

But we can just embrace this.

Right.

You're beautiful.

You're going to be giving birth.

You are giving birth.

And this baby is like much more the fifth dimension.

It's much more warmth,

Compassion.

So,

What you did,

I have to spell it out,

You know,

So I said,

You know,

You were giving birth,

And I,

You know,

The baby's crowning,

And I wrote to you,

And I said,

Do you want to talk about this?

Do you want to talk about this?

And you said,

No,

No,

No.

And then you sent me an email with that some other teacher had posed a question to you in in another retreat.

And what did I feel about this?

And did I feel you'd want to,

That I needed,

That you needed to speak to me?

So,

The whole question was,

You know,

Running away from actually the baby's crowning,

And it was giving your power away.

You were asking me,

From like being an expert,

And it's like,

I just wanted to join with you,

Woman to woman,

Of,

Ah,

Let's,

Let's do,

Let's,

Let me be with you while you give birth.

You see?

Does this make any sense to you,

Intellectually,

What I'm saying?

It's touching my heart.

It's touching my heart when you are saying woman to woman,

Being together in the birth.

It reaches,

Reaches my heart.

Yeah.

Sweet,

That's all I've ever wanted,

Is just kind of to be woman to woman.

And this,

This humanity,

You know,

Your feminine nature,

And your humanity is the thing that was most challenging,

The scariest thing for you.

And it's,

It is a triumph that we can speak like this,

You and I.

Truly,

It is a triumph of the human spirit,

Your human spirit,

That we can do this.

Yeah.

And this is really helping everybody out of their heads more.

Right.

Very,

Very beautiful.

Sweet one.

Oh,

My goodness.

How are you feeling right now?

I'm really very touched.

Yeah,

It's,

It's really a longing to be with a,

To be together with a woman,

You know,

Like a wise woman,

And sharing and joining and growing together or giving birth together or something.

And this is going to like,

This is birthing your wise woman nature.

And so all the teachers that you've seen you,

You're going to be coming more and more like that yourself.

Right.

And that's what helps the world.

This is what we're so scared of.

It's just like,

Oh,

My goodness.

It's like cloud cuckoo lander.

Oh,

That's wonderful.

I feel like your,

Your capillaries,

It's like your blood is going to feel warmer,

Even like as if your capillaries are going to be releasing some tension,

And even your blood flow will be better.

Do you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

You too,

Atiba,

You're one with all of the world.

You're one of us,

You're included,

You're embraced.

Yeah.

And aren't our egos so tricky,

You know?

But we can watch our ridiculous egos,

You know?

It's just,

Oh,

My goodness.

Wow.

You know,

This is pretty rare,

From as soon as feeling on the earth that we could be like this.

And,

You know,

It's again,

It's a triumph.

It's a triumph.

We're letting this love in.

Yeah.

Well,

You guys,

Is there,

Are you,

Are you okay,

Atiba?

Is there anything else you need to know?

Thanks a lot.

Oh,

Thank you.

Again,

It really helped the group.

Right.

Okay,

Last call for any question.

If somebody who's desperate,

Like to say something before we finish.

There's room for whatever needs to happen.

Okay.

Well,

This has been an absolute,

Absolute joy.

Like,

Like,

What a wonder.

Just thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you,

You guys.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Reviews

🩷🩷🩷 I am beyond grateful for you and the Satsang. I’m learning to open my heart and allow the love to flow within me. I am able to see the wall/the ego of false safety I’ve been hiding behind and wow, it sure feels great! Thank you again and again and blessings to you all! ☺️