Our Integrity Is Calling. Loudly!

The love and honesty flowed during Saturday's Face-to-Face Satsang as members unpacked their egos and made major shifts into truth.

This work is rare with its emphasis on learning to embody truth and everybody struggles at times with it. But even at her toughest, Premasudha's love and humor shines through, helping even the bitterest medicine go down with ease.

This is self-realization work, traditionally the focus of Himalayan sages. But the need of the moment is for as many people as possible to move into truth and embody their eternal Natures; so as to bring back human respect, human warmth and sanity into our increasingly chaotic world.

We have the power to awaken and live in truth. Those at the satsang have chosen to do this in a safe and grounded way with Premasudha.

Small groups change the world!

Transcript

We're asking Amma for grace.

Asking the universe for grace.

Yeah.

To help us come closer to ourselves.

To help us love and accept ourselves.

You know,

Humans,

We're bumbling.

We're not meant to be perfect.

Let yourself be human,

Knowing that you're divine.

And may,

Over the course of your lives,

Your divinity become stronger and stronger.

Oh yeah,

Amma's grace.

Please help us,

Amma.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

So we're in the face-to-face,

That thing.

This is when I speak to everybody.

So,

And if we don't get a chance to finish today,

We'll continue tomorrow.

But there'll be even more people tomorrow.

So let's just begin.

Will one of you come forward to speak?

Oh,

Go ahead.

I'm sorry.

No,

No,

That's fine.

You can go ahead.

No,

You go.

I'm good.

All right.

Hi,

Pramasutha.

It's Franka.

Oh,

Franka.

Good for you.

Yeah.

We were just in contact today.

And thanks for the message.

And yeah,

I'm kind of bumbling with my being a human,

I think.

I try to control my journey.

And yeah,

That's what I felt after your message.

And I could see that um,

Yeah,

I don't know if you have something to advise.

But yeah,

It's just what's coming up.

I felt like my normal day to day just caught me and I kind of was stuck in there.

Yeah.

And I'm trying to like control and schedule when I have time for myself.

And good.

That's not gonna happen.

Yes.

Good.

Good.

So we go on the journey.

And we noticed that we're asleep,

We're going back to sleep.

And then we try to control right.

Now,

You guys,

You will stay awake.

When you really get that it's safer to be awake than asleep.

Truly,

When you get it,

You'll have no trouble staying awake.

Frank,

This is why I was talking about self compassion.

Is actually I feel very few people get me on this.

I feel very few people get me,

Which is a comedy.

It's just a comedy.

With you guys,

Because it's like I used to be so confused.

And now I'm clear,

But I feel like it's not always clear to you guys.

But anyway,

Yeah,

Franca,

That the house step is self compassion.

For just going back to sleep,

And then trying to control your journey.

When you see it,

Just seeing it will clear it.

Do you understand?

You actually don't have to fix you guys,

You don't have to fix.

It's like when you see the darkness,

You stop doing it.

You will stop doing it.

Like it might be a bit delayed.

But you're or you'll do it left.

Frank,

So you'll be less likely to try to control because you just know it doesn't work.

Just seeing you guys,

This is,

You know,

When the non dual people talk about self inquiry.

This is actually it when you say who am I really?

That lifts you up into witnessing your life and witnessing what you're doing.

Frank,

You the self compassion,

I actually think there's a hope that you could get it.

It's like I can feel a flicker in you that gets it.

You know what I'm talking about?

Yeah,

I can feel that there's something in you that gets the self compassion.

It's sort of like,

If all else fails,

You can always take refuge in self compassion.

It's what I did.

I mean,

I would also take refuge in the Buddha and everything.

But there was a society of self compassion.

And then I finally felt it.

And that's what,

Over time,

I would wish for you that you feel it.

And once you feel it,

You have experienced God.

That's God.

It is the soul in you,

The creator in you,

The alma in you that has compassion for you.

Your ego can't,

It doesn't believe in anything other than power and control.

Yeah,

It's like,

Are you a little bit scared of being lazy?

I'm asking you.

I got this thing about like,

Fear of being lazy about it.

Are you worried about that?

Um,

Well,

There's about being lazy about it,

You mean that it's like,

Takes time or?

No,

About being lazy about not having the will to.

I just got kind of a fear of being lazy about the journey.

Um,

No,

Actually not.

Maybe underneath.

Yeah,

I can.

I know it's a pattern of myself being like,

Sometimes,

Oh,

I can relax.

And yeah,

Well,

It's not interesting.

No,

And no one is asking me.

So oh,

Well,

Step back from it.

But no,

No,

No.

Since I've experienced this high heart opening,

No,

Actually,

No.

But it's good.

I was just wondering,

Yeah.

Um,

Just let me feel a little bit more.

I guess,

You know,

You're just in the journey,

And there's,

You just need time.

But I feel like the thing you need to hear from this one,

Thing you most need to hear is that you are accompanied on the journey.

Okay?

You have your soul with you.

I'm with you.

I'm with you,

Your guides.

You're never alone,

Ever.

And with any difficulties with your children,

You're never alone.

Please.

You know,

It doesn't matter how far along on the journey you are.

You're of great value.

And it's,

I remember once,

You know,

Asking Amma about,

You know,

About witnessing dreams and about,

You know,

I'd heard that when people are self-realized,

They could witness their dreams.

And it was sounding like,

You know,

Fairy tale land,

Someplace I really wanted to get to,

But I probably wouldn't get to,

You know.

And Amma looked at me,

She comes a little cross,

And she said,

You're,

You're already witnessing your dreams,

Meaning all of us are witnessing our dreams.

There's a lot of talk within the realm of spirituality,

And people,

People can say,

Oh,

When you're here,

It's like this,

And it sounds so romantic,

And you can't wait to get there,

And you think you'll never get there,

But you're there right now.

So that's what I'd say to you right now.

You're there right now.

It's all good.

Just remember,

You're never alone.

Okay?

No matter what it feels like.

Oh,

Yeah,

That helps.

I can feel this tingling in my heart.

It really,

Yeah.

Oh,

Good.

Yeah.

Yes.

That's good.

And your feedback helped all of us.

That's good.

Everybody gets permission to move into their heart.

This is so good.

Okay.

I've got to move quite quickly,

So I'm going to say bye.

Okay.

Thank you.

Now,

Cindy,

You had a sweet one.

How are you?

Good morning.

I'm well,

Thank you.

I'm off oxygen by 60% of the past week,

So I'm gradually coming off oxygen.

So I'm improving tremendously.

Oh,

That's thrilling,

Sweetie.

It's unexpectedly amazing.

It's a miracle.

Were the doctors surprised?

Yes.

They just step back and say,

You know what you're doing.

Do whatever it is.

Hey,

You guys.

J-Ma,

J-Ma,

Victory,

J-Ma,

There you go.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And thank you for getting back to me so quickly yesterday.

I thought about the situation a lot.

I feel like I'm on the surface of water and that my soul is about six inches down.

And we're in very close communication,

And we've been really in tune this week in that what I was doing was authentically me,

My soul.

Most of the time I was in tune.

I feel like when I think about my mom,

She does have dementia,

But what she's doing is an amplification of previous behavior patterns.

Yeah.

It's just worse.

And I feel like,

I feel the honorable thing to do is to be present as much as is safe.

And at first,

I'm sorry?

You do as you feel,

Cindy.

Yeah.

Well,

I'm telling you how I'm feeling.

Yeah.

Just that I noticed before I got sucked into reacting,

I witnessed what was happening and stepped back.

But I still have to honor my mom,

And I'm going to as much as is safe.

Did that make sense?

Sure.

Sure.

But I feel like this is a real sticking point for my awakening,

Is how I negotiate this situation.

Yeah.

Because you can do this,

But I'm kind of uncomfortable about this.

Okay.

Tell me.

In the sense of,

Well,

If you want to do it,

Go ahead.

Like,

My input to you is to step back.

So it's okay to disregard my input,

But then I don't want to talk about it again.

I understand that.

So I've stepped back by 90%.

And I'm just providing respite care for two hours on Sundays now.

What you're saying is stop completely.

Well,

Sweetie pie,

You complained about it to me.

Yeah,

I did.

Well,

So if you've done,

Yeah,

Like.

.

.

It was a problem.

I guess I'm not understanding.

Is it all or none?

Or can I do it by degree?

Well,

Sweetie pie,

I think you've already made up your mind that you're going to do it,

Which is fine.

So I think you should just pray about handling it.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you for clarifying that for me.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Like,

Yeah,

It's all good.

I can feel how strong-willed you are.

And that's good.

That's good.

Yeah,

So.

.

.

Yeah,

If you've decided to go ahead,

Then it will be your work with yourself internally.

Okay.

Yeah,

To,

You know,

Maybe you can go,

You could ask the Creator to rise in vibration,

Rise to a bigger understanding,

Rise to a more complete love.

Mm-hmm.

Rise to finding ways to not react to her.

Yes.

Yes.

Because I wasn't reactive.

I didn't.

I mean,

And it was different,

Because normally she can push my buttons.

So I think that is the way for me to go,

To show kindness,

But step back.

You know,

Step,

Show,

Well,

Yes,

I will find my way.

Yeah,

This woman isn't responsible for the way she talks.

She's not responsible.

So she,

You're just like dealing with a cranky one-year-old.

Yes,

I am.

That's how I look at it.

Exactly.

Okay.

Okay.

Like when I was raising my children.

Thank you for the reset.

That's it right there.

It's not my mom.

It's a child.

She's a child again.

Yeah.

And then remember the self-compassion.

Like,

Go to self-compassion for this woman whose mom was hard on her,

And now you're helping,

And sometimes you get triggered.

Self-compassion for that.

Okay.

Thank you.

Self-compassion for your humanity.

Okay,

Good.

So Cindy,

We got there,

You and I.

We bumbled with this,

And we got to a good solution.

Thank you.

We all bumble,

Like we all go together.

And Cindy,

That is thrilling about your lungs.

I'm like,

I'm going to keep a manual of all the people on the prayer page,

And like all the things that happened for them.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Like a little book about,

Yeah,

That's great,

And all my blessings to you.

Thank you,

Prima Sutta.

Oh,

Sweetie.

Okay,

Who's next?

Who's coming forward?

Do you want me to just call you?

I would like to say something,

Yeah?

Anne,

Is that you?

Is that you,

Anne?

Yeah,

And Franca,

Would you translate?

I would translate,

Anne wants to say.

Okay.

It's okay?

Okay,

Beautiful.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Okay.

Anne?

Anne had a really busy day.

She was organizing a lot of things,

And it kind of made her unsettled inside,

And she's not really sure about it,

Or like,

Yeah,

It's not feeling really good for her.

And she has thoughts that it's okay to have mistakes in this,

Doing all of this,

And her head is like reflecting on it,

But her body is not.

And her body is doing what?

Inside of the body,

There's like panic coming up.

It's unsettled.

This is good,

Sweetie.

You know,

Sometimes it just happens.

You just have to go,

Well,

I'm just clearing a level of fear and separation,

You know,

And walk around in it,

And do things to comfort yourself.

Like,

That kind of thing would happen to me a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah,

And it's just telling that she's really,

Really proud of herself,

Because she went to Ikea and bought a shelf.

She just put up herself,

So she's really,

Really proud of herself,

Yeah.

This is fantastic.

That's great.

That's great.

So,

Sometimes after we do something like that,

We will have a response.

Our ego gives a response of actually what we're clearing.

Like,

You're actually moving through fear when you do something like that.

You're becoming more embodied.

You're becoming more powerful,

Sweetie.

Do you understand?

Like,

You're stepping beyond your known reality.

This is fantastic.

This is exactly what would happen to me.

I would make steps,

Like new steps,

And I would get a fear response.

I would get all kinds of responses,

Yeah.

Just comfort yourself.

It's really good you raised it.

Don't worry about it too much.

And you are really moving,

Sweetie.

It's all good with you,

Okay?

Like,

The change that I've seen in you,

It's all good.

Fantastic.

Truly,

Yeah.

And the only knee-jerk thing I have for people is,

Like,

Get a pet,

You know,

Because we're so lonely and alienated.

And sometimes,

Like,

A dog going,

You know,

Or a cat licking us is just the thing we need.

So,

That's the only,

You know,

It reduces loneliness.

Good for us.

But all of us,

We can't all have pets,

And sometimes we travel and everything.

But it's something to think about.

Anyway,

And it's good.

It's good.

And remember,

You're free to email me if you need to.

But you've caught it.

You've caught the wave,

I feel.

That's so good about the IKEA thing.

It's so weedy,

You guys,

Isn't it?

The journey.

I mean,

It's so weedy.

It's like doing these things.

It's not like a bolt of lightning,

You know.

It's like going to IKEA and putting the shelves up yourself.

Exactly.

For us women.

We women.

Yeah,

Probably guys,

Too.

But yeah,

Yay.

Good.

But is this,

Are we complete,

Anne?

Or did you need to speak more?

You're speaking German.

I need the English.

I know,

I know.

I'm just translating what you said before to Anne.

Oh,

I see.

Yeah,

You know.

You didn't get everything you said,

So.

Ich glaube,

Es ist rund.

Es ist okay.

Yeah,

Thank you.

Thank you,

Prima Suda.

So yes,

It's fine for her.

Okay,

Good.

This is a comedy,

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay,

Who else wants to come forward,

Please?

Hi,

Prima Suda.

This is Atiba.

Atiba,

Sweetie pie,

How are you?

Thank you for response.

I wasn't even expecting anything.

I thought maybe she doesn't write because your support is in silence.

And then I was glad that you did,

Actually,

That you wrote back to my report on the,

With the prayer list,

With the praying.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Well,

Actually,

Sweetie,

I forgot.

And then a few days later,

I thought Atiba wrote me and I don't think I responded.

So that's why I then.

Sometimes,

You guys,

If you don't hear from me,

Resend your email.

Sometimes I just forget.

Or I get so many sometimes.

But just resend it if you want an answer.

Yes.

So I guess I'm,

I'm clearing this,

This issue with the female power and with the female wounds.

Because often now,

The old sadness comes up,

You know,

When I write,

When I read something about,

For example,

Today,

I read something about women composers in old times,

They had to do it hidden,

You know,

They were not even allowed to write music and so on.

And if,

If I just come across the thing like that,

I feel like an old pain,

I could just start crying.

And so yeah,

It seems like and do you remember have still this pain in my left hip?

And yeah,

And I knew it was right.

No,

No,

I don't think so.

I mean,

Maybe I don't know if the English word for maybe,

But it's not.

It's not an inflammatory thing,

Let's say,

But maybe you have I don't know,

Maybe you just have one word in English for two diagnoses.

We have we have a word which sounds similar to arthritis,

But it's about deterioration of the joints,

Because of old age.

Yeah,

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh,

Yes,

Exactly.

So that I haven't checked on yet.

It's the person treating me the osteopath.

Yeah,

She thinks it's a muscle or tissue or ligament thing.

Okay.

And she she notices and I notice it myself also that the the fine muscles in this area are very tight.

So probably some emotions involved.

Yeah.

But just,

You know,

The,

The,

The,

The point of power.

It's like when you feel the sadness about the composers.

You could just feel it and see what happens.

But also,

It's to,

You know,

Feel what happened to us personally.

That caused you to turn away from your feminine understanding.

It's one of your it's,

It's hard for you to be too personal.

Yeah,

It's the thing that you still need.

You know what I mean?

It's the thing that's going to heal you.

Yeah,

I know what you are saying.

And I mean,

Let's say from my mind,

I,

I can see the connection immediately to my own story with not just my father.

But I mean,

Sometimes a movie comes up in my mind,

You know,

About some incidences during my studies.

And during my work,

It was not too bad.

But sometimes I experienced this being put down as a woman,

And also trespassing by men I didn't know,

I mean,

Just in public,

And attacks and so on.

It's not that I see the connection.

But it's true that it's difficult for me to feel it all the way to really,

I'm afraid of letting it all come up.

I'm too afraid not being being able to handle it when when I allow it.

Because you're scared of not being able to handle it.

Exactly.

You,

You can't heal.

Like it stops you from healing.

You can handle it.

It's your ego that can't handle it.

You can handle it.

That's,

It is what a premature did ad nauseum.

I felt all this stuff.

Sweetie,

You're not you're tough.

A tipa.

A tipa went off to law school with anorexia.

And she went to law school and faced it.

You are taught but during anorexia,

I couldn't really study.

But you're right.

I mean,

I didn't quit.

I went on to the end.

And the student did like,

You just you these,

These feelings,

They'll,

They'll kill your ego to feel them.

That's why it's like,

If there was enough safety,

If you could find someone who gave you enough safety,

Because even with us,

What we'll do is we'll start getting close to it.

And then you will disconnect,

You will not come to satsangs for a bit.

I've noticed it's actually why backed off.

I've really backed off because I,

Because that's what you did.

And it would always be a good excuse or whatever.

But it's like a tipa.

The thing that's going to stop your pain is being able to find out that you can go through these things.

You can feel it right to the end.

Yes.

And part of it is exactly what you're saying.

I don't have the experience of feeling safe enough with anybody,

You know,

I never had.

I know.

I know.

But,

You know,

It's like Saskia talking about how the moving into truth just like with this woman,

This Arab woman,

Or Iranian woman who's on death row,

And it's like,

She's talking to her teacher,

Who is in a walking advertisement for it's safe to walk into truth.

It's sort of like,

What do you want to emphasize?

Because you have had a teacher for like a decade or more,

Who's done this work,

Who would be so wanting to help you,

It just gave up.

It stopped chasing you.

Because I got too many white hairs.

You're not a bad girl.

It's okay,

Sweetie.

It's like,

Women can do this long into old age.

So don't worry,

You still have time.

I mean,

I mean,

I mean,

If I and it's okay,

If you don't accept what I'm going to say.

But if I knew I could really let myself go with somebody without being afraid of being criticized and pushed back,

You know,

And that's,

I just can't let go.

Right?

No.

So I would go,

I would focus on self compassion for this woman who's surrounded really by loving teachers.

And who can't let go,

I would just have a lot of focus on endless self compassion,

Sweetie.

It's not fixable.

You can't fix it.

The part of you that would fix it,

The ego,

It'd be the ego that would try to fix it.

And it's the ego that won't let go.

Do you see?

You've just been sort of checkmated by your ego,

And you've believed it.

And that great empathy,

Like,

I know what it's like.

I mean,

I'm so afraid of being left alone and and being criticized both of it.

And so far,

I haven't been able to come over that.

And I don't know.

You know,

You know,

What happens is we then we get criticized and left alone.

Because we're scared of being criticized and left alone.

Yes,

Exactly.

Right?

I don't know how to get out of this vicious circle.

So it's just seeing it and realize how trapped you are.

And just talk to Ama and,

You know,

I would do this self compassion because I was so infeasible like this.

Yes,

Like a shaman and therapist,

Tell me I was too resistant for them to work with.

Like I know the territory you're speaking from.

It's not foreign to Prima Sudha.

When you talk to Franka,

It even before she answered,

I felt the what you were talking about.

First,

I thought I don't understand,

I don't get it.

But then I felt the tingling all over my body,

About this presence,

This divine presence.

And,

And then I remembered,

I mean,

It's not hasn't been often until now.

But I have these moments,

Fortunately,

Once in a while,

I have these moments that I,

I feel this unconditional love being loved,

You know,

Not in me that I can love unconditionally,

But that I'm held in love.

And I noticed it,

Mostly when I'm at the end of the rope,

You know,

When I don't know what to do anymore.

And I'm criticizing myself and I feel I'm doing it all wrong.

And then sometimes I pull a card from Ama's deck.

And then I pulled the card,

Ama is with you.

And then it was,

It was really a consolation because I did not know what to do anymore,

No.

You know,

If you have had those experiences of,

You know,

Being embraced by the divine,

That's it.

You know,

If you know what that's like,

Then that's it,

Like you're a success.

Really?

Yeah,

Thank you very much.

I mean,

That helped me when your answer to Frank,

I helped me immediately,

Not immediately,

But after a while,

Because then I,

I recognize these moments.

They,

As I said,

They,

They are,

They do not have happened so often yet,

But sometimes they happen.

And then I really,

Yes.

Just over time,

Your soul just makes them more possible.

You guys,

Your soul enlightens you.

Your soul does it.

So if you've made that breakthrough,

That breakthrough is just over time going to get bigger.

I promise.

Thank you.

Yeah,

That's really helpful because that I know it from my experience.

And yeah,

It's really,

It's really what you said.

If nothing works,

Then take refuge to that,

You know,

Because there's nothing I can do.

I cannot,

Cannot be.

Take refuge in Amma or the Buddha or self-compassion,

You know.

Yeah.

It's just,

It's actually the important thing is just keep heading that way in some way,

Even if you're taking refuge and desperate.

I had a lot of,

A lot of times like that,

You guys.

Yeah.

I mean,

The whole reason why this one sets up a group is to support you,

Because it was so lonesome for this one.

So I like,

I get it.

Yes.

But you're doing it.

And then,

Then I'm,

Then I'm really,

It calms me down.

Also the nervous system has calmed down because then I get the sense that it's independent from what this person cannot do.

You know,

It's difficult to explain,

But when these moments come,

I feel it doesn't,

It doesn't even really make a difference if this person does it right or wrong.

It's,

It doesn't,

It doesn't.

Yes.

And it's all,

It's all quiet,

Then quiet in a way of silent and quiet.

Yeah.

That is it.

That's the big compassion.

Yep.

So thank you very much.

That's so helpful to,

To be reminded and gives me hope because now I know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

And to help you see that you're already doing it.

That's good.

That's it.

Okay.

Good.

You got it.

Thank you.

We're all going to be levitating.

Very good.

Okay.

Next.

Are you all shy or what?

Deanna,

Is that you getting ready to come forward?

Hi,

Pramasona.

Sweetwin,

How are you?

Today,

I'm not feeling great,

But I,

Yesterday,

I recognize it as an experience.

Yeah.

And I feel like I'm on these big,

Big,

Big swings right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so I'm feeling,

Today,

I'm feeling angry that it's like that.

I guess that's what I feel.

I'm feeling angry that it's like that because,

You know,

I get these glimpses of my true self and that's where I want to be because I,

It's so lovely to be able to be in flow with love and to be able to allow Amma's grace to just move in my life and to be in that space of surrender.

It's so,

It's so beautiful that it's hard to,

You know,

When you are like slammed back down into your self,

Your personality self,

Right?

And so I'm just like,

Ugh,

I just don't want to be here.

So I'm,

And I'm self-compassion.

I know that's like,

That's the theme of it.

So I'm just trying to be compassionate for myself.

But I want to acknowledge that I'm like,

I'm angry about the process too of just like,

It's just a lot.

It's these big swings are,

I've told you before,

Like,

I'm really glad that I live alone.

Cause I,

If I,

Anybody witnessed like how,

You know,

How crazy it is.

Like I just,

I can see why,

You know,

Your friends like locked you up,

You know,

Like,

It's like crazy,

You know,

It's crazy.

Like I was in my living room two days ago,

Like wailing,

Like I was like giving birth,

Even though I'm not,

I have,

I'm I haven't had a child in this life,

But like,

That's what it felt like.

That's what I was doing.

You know,

It was just like making these like guttural noises.

And I'm like,

Is this,

I don't know.

I'm just trying to allow whatever comes to come,

But it feels wild.

And I'm mad about that.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

That's so you,

You know,

You're this wild Celtic woman and you're just,

You know,

Sometimes you get mad about it.

It's kind of your,

You know,

Your genius is in there.

Really your,

Your great intelligence is in there.

And so it's just part of the package.

I,

I think you,

It's this part that's mad at you or mad at it,

That I,

I so would love this part to come off you,

That you could just,

You know,

Off your shoulders,

If somehow your journey could come off your shoulders so that you could just,

You know,

Be it more without the editor,

The editor,

The part that's mad about it,

You know,

Like that just makes things so much harder.

If you're mad about it,

As you're going through these periods,

It just feels like a tremendous load.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

Okay,

Good.

I'm reaching something here that I wanted to reach.

Good.

Good.

Yeah.

That's it.

Good.

You're receiving love.

I can feel it.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And you really need it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

You really need,

You try so hard.

You do so much good.

And there's this part of you that's just,

I don't know,

It's just cranky.

It's just intolerant,

Right?

Like this intolerant monitor or whatever.

Yeah.

Right.

This is why I said to you,

I wanted you to like write to me like I'm your friend.

It's like,

You need to get how much I love you.

You don't,

There's no rush.

But it's like,

If you get how much Premasuda loves you,

This would cure this stuff.

You wouldn't do it.

You wouldn't,

You wouldn't be so pissed off about stuff.

You would just be more like,

I'm this golden child doing the work of the universe here in human form.

And I've got this team with me.

Premasuda's team,

You know.

Ama's,

You know,

It's all Ama,

But it's like we're,

You guys are Premasuda's team,

You know,

For like,

You know,

Whatever we got,

Guerrilla warfare,

Whatever we got here,

You know,

The love,

Guerrilla loving,

Right?

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Oh,

Sweetie,

You got such a beautiful heart.

And you're so devoted.

You're so devoted.

And you love those kids.

And you focus on sharing love,

Being love all the time.

I know you do.

You know?

Yeah.

I guess,

You know,

Actually,

I want to say to you,

You don't have to try so hard.

It's like you could be,

You could let yourself be a bit of a,

I don't know how to say it.

It's like be a bit of a badass sometimes,

Like be a bit of a jerk sometimes.

It's all right.

You don't have to be quite so perfectly loving,

You know?

Yeah,

You could sort of even if,

You know,

I almost feel like,

You know,

If I say something hate,

Supposing a hating thought comes up,

It's like you just watch the hating thought,

Oh,

There's hate.

Not like,

Oh,

It's hate.

Oh,

It's hate.

But just,

Here's hate.

And part of me wants to roll in it.

Part of me wants to circle with hating this person.

But I know that's not the way I'm supposed to go.

So okay,

I'll give it to you.

Like,

There's room for that.

You know?

Yeah.

There's even room for going,

I'm gonna just circulate in this hate and doing that for an hour,

You know,

Till you get so sick of it that you give over.

It's,

Yeah,

A little,

You need a little more room.

This psychic girdle that you've been wearing,

This psychic girdle,

It's,

I'm wanting to melt it,

This love to melt it.

It's too,

Too tight with you.

You guys,

The reason Pramasutra has such faith in humanity is because I allowed my humanity,

I mean,

I sometimes got lost in hate and anger,

And I still found a way to surface.

You see what I mean?

Pramasutra was not perfect,

But she actually turned out to be perfect.

Do you see what I mean?

Because I've got somewhere on the journey.

Do you see what I mean?

But it was by being kind of gentle with all my faults.

A little,

This psychic girdle,

I'm melting it with love,

Sweetie.

It's too tight for you.

Thank you.

Right.

Yeah.

If you just get intellectually that Pramasutra over time is wanting you to get how deeply Pramasutra loves you.

Yeah.

Loves and respects you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

And you know me,

It's like,

I can give you a smack of correction and love you really deeply,

Right?

But sometimes you guys,

Your egos go,

Okay,

I really want to study with you,

Pramasutra,

But you can't criticize me because I'll just get feelings.

Right.

Which is a kind of like blackmail.

I'm not saying you do that.

And I'm not saying you do that.

But all of you guys are,

You're all like sensitive little kids too.

I'm working with your injured child.

I see your injured child so much.

And you know,

Amma,

Like she just hugs us.

She doesn't talk.

She hugs us.

That's the best way.

We're not all in the same room.

But are you feeling better?

You've come down to the ground a bit and you're feeling better,

I think.

Is that true?

That's true.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

And the other thing is,

You know,

If you get really kind of desperately feeling like you're going crazy and everything,

You can just phone me and say,

Look,

I'm feeling like I'm absolutely going bananas.

And we'll talk for five minutes and you'll be through it.

Or 10 minutes.

Just know that you've got that safety hatch if you need it.

Thank you.

Right.

Right.

Thank you for saying that.

I've been,

What came up is that I've been feeling as I go through it that I just need to like shut up and bear it.

You know what I mean?

Like,

Just don't complain.

Like,

Just do it.

You know,

So I appreciate that.

That's much more loving.

So thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Sweetie,

It's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just just bumble into it.

It's all good.

We'll bumble into it.

Okay.

Great.

Okay.

Thank you.

Oh,

Today.

Can you can you unmute yourself?

Oh,

Can you?

Yeah,

There you are.

We're on.

We're Hello.

You're from timer,

Right?

I am.

So you're from Insight Timer.

Yeah.

Yes.

We're doing face to face satsang today,

Which is a personal talk with each everybody in the in the group.

Yes.

Is it okay if I join?

I received the invitation.

Yeah.

Great.

So open.

I've been talking through insight timer and she'd write a review and I'd write to her.

So I'm happy you've joined.

There's a couple of other timer people.

Oh,

So it's good.

Yeah.

Very good.

Is there anything you you want to talk about at all today?

Well,

We're here.

Well,

First,

Accept my apology for joining late.

I was confused about the time.

So I do apologize for that.

Yeah,

I'm usually very strict about time.

So but I saw you and I,

I thought I'd let you go.

So thank you so much.

Come on time.

Okay,

Because it's important.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well,

I haven't been since I haven't heard some of the direction and the content or topic that you guys are discussing.

Is this just any,

Any thing that I'm thinking of or on my mind?

Yeah,

Any spiritual question,

Any,

Anything about anything you need help with.

But if you don't want to speak this time,

That's okay,

Too.

I mean,

You've just jumped in.

So do you want to hear some other people first?

Well,

No,

I'm fine to go ahead.

I know you and I had been discussing just a little bit.

We are written communication about sort of that feeling of,

Of losing spaciousness or the sense of spaciousness when you've perhaps been choosing actions that that aren't for your best interests and kind of shut down that spacious feeling.

And I think I referred to it.

It's kind of an energy collapse.

You know,

I'll feel like I'm floating within and without and there's lots of spaciousness around and within me.

And then sometimes there's just usually from an external,

I guess,

Sensation or experience kind of that feeling,

Oh,

That just all collapsed.

Where did all that spaciousness go?

And I've gotten to where I can at least,

You know,

Generally be aware of when it's happening.

But you,

You responded with something that I found very interesting and I'd love to hear more about.

You said that's a piece of integration.

That sensation of the collapse and then the,

You know,

Going back to a sense of spaciousness is a part of integrating awakening.

And I would love to hear more about that.

Okay.

There are two things.

One is sometimes,

You know,

If we're feeling really spacious and then we do something that we know isn't the best thing to do,

But we just do it out of habit.

We might,

I don't know,

Spend people time with people who don't see us in our truth.

Or we,

We,

I don't know,

Sit down and watch television for 24 hours or whatever.

There's stuff we do that we actually know better.

And we might feel a collapse after that.

And it could be then,

You know,

Don't do these things.

This is going the wrong way.

Okay.

The other one is that this group is very big on integration.

Like this is what everybody's learned to do.

They take some steps into truth.

And then the ego rattles the cage.

And often we feel uncomfortable physically.

I used to get that collapse.

Oh,

That's why I responded.

I would get totally this collapse.

And I would feel like I was living in a one room hut.

There's no room.

And then I'd have to work with this self compassion.

You know,

Bringing love in.

But then I noticed that after these experience,

I was bigger.

When I came back to that feeling of spaciousness,

The spaciousness had gotten bigger.

And deeper,

Deeper,

Actually hope that's what this is why your soul has brought you here to the group,

I'm feeling it.

Your soul is really wanting to take you deeper,

To help you understand more how to walk the deeper journey.

It's like you have actually some very deep experiences,

But you don't sort of fight.

It's like your head hasn't got you haven't got your head around them.

Yeah.

Does any of this make sense?

Or is it just adding to the confusion?

No,

It does make sense.

It does make sense.

And could you speak to what that period of integration was like for you personally?

There were many,

Many periods of integration,

I must have integrated 100 times.

It would have different forms.

I remember a couple of times it just felt the whole ceiling was collapsing in on me.

But there would be anything like a feeling of this deep contraction,

Like I was,

You know,

Three feet tall,

Sometimes,

I would sometimes feel three feet tall.

It was just like,

I used to think this is Alice in Wonderland.

That's why it was written,

Because this is what transformation is like.

I would,

At times I would feel I remember once,

Feeling like I weighed 300,

400 pounds.

It was just the weight of the world was on me.

And I walked like a hunched over person.

I was so,

So much pressure was coming in on me.

Yeah.

But the main thing is,

And the thing that I feel you're to get is,

Yeah,

It's a level of heart development that your soul wants you to get some help with.

That's why you're here in the group,

Is deeper heart development,

Deeper comprehension.

You see,

Sweetie Pie,

This work is really practical with the integration.

I mean,

It's like I spent four decades studying with masters,

And my focus is helping people embody it as quickly as possible.

And this is what is not common.

So,

It's actually another,

You have to learn,

It's like a slightly different spiritual walk.

But you will see incredible changes that you,

You boggle your mind.

Yeah,

I promise you,

I can feel it.

Yeah.

Do you feel like the,

That embodiment,

Yeah,

The embodiment aspect of integration,

That's sort of the head to heart meaning,

Correct?

Is that what you mean by embodiment?

Yeah,

So funny.

Okay,

You're saying the embodiment aspect of integration.

So,

Listen,

This is a very loving group.

And everybody,

Nobody knew anything when they joined.

And this is how people used to talk when they first joined.

They say things like this.

So,

You're right.

You're right.

But really,

What it is,

Is your cells are going to learn how to receive love.

The cells of your body.

What's going to happen is the alienation is going to drop off the cells of your body,

And you're going to receive love.

And you're going to go,

Oh,

Oh,

Thank God.

But you don't have to take my word for it.

You'll just find out.

You will.

Thank you.

You will.

Yeah,

Sweetie.

So,

How does that feel to you when I say this,

Honest?

Um,

It feels,

It feels very on point.

I'm very aware right now of,

Um,

I guess,

For lack of a better word,

Concepts or,

Um,

Yeah,

Going from head to heart,

You know.

I,

I can,

I can feel that experience,

Not every single time,

But there's certainly some concepts,

Um,

Specifically,

Like,

Since I've been through cancer,

There's a lot of concepts about authenticity and allowing others and things like that,

That have gone from head to heart.

And yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got a lot of light,

Sweetie.

And you're going to experience it.

If you,

If you just come for some,

Come for enough of these that you give it a chance.

Because I'll tell you,

This is,

This one's particular gift is to help people embody it.

Yeah,

It is.

I think the group would all,

You'd all say that,

Right?

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just,

It's true.

And,

Um,

So I'm very,

Um,

You know,

It's,

Um,

It's just a bit like a surgeon sometimes.

I'm,

I can be quite tactless in a way,

But it's very truthful.

Yeah.

And it will help you sink into yourself.

Even just this,

You may notice a difference.

You're really worth my energy.

Hope you are.

Okay.

You are really worth my energy and attention.

And I really want you to get that.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

Good.

Okay.

Good.

Okay.

Good.

It's good.

That's going,

That's going deep.

It's good.

It's good.

Good.

Yep.

I want to say that's half the battle in a way.

It's kind of like when you just getting that is 50% of the work that needs to be done.

Right.

You're worth it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see a lot of light.

Yeah.

Okay,

Sweet one.

I'm going to move along because I have to speak to everybody.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

And you guys,

It's,

It's now an hour.

So if it goes on for too long,

You guys can just leave.

Okay.

As if I'm working,

You know,

You don't,

Don't feel you have to stay if,

If it's going on too long,

But I'll,

I just want to work with as many people as possible.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Good.

Okay.

Who's next?

Okay.

Saskia,

You can come forward.

Special treat.

You're catching me by surprise.

Hi.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm,

I'm actually good.

I must say,

I had a really nice experience this week or last week on a walk.

I kind of found my way back to music.

I grew up with a lot of music and you know,

I started listening to a musical called Miss Saigon.

And it's about a woman in Vietnam during the Vietnam war.

And it's very sad.

And every morning I woke up with a song in my head.

So I would just listen to it sometimes excessively.

And I was walking the dog and listen to one song and got a bit sad.

And then somebody took me by the hand.

I feel it was my soul inside,

Not,

Not a real person.

Well,

You know,

It felt real and said to me,

Look,

Look,

You're here.

And all of a sudden it really was like a curtain lifted.

And I understood,

Yes,

I'm not in Vietnam.

I'm here and I'm with a husband and kids in this place.

It,

It kind of really dawned on me and it was,

My heart really opened and this,

This thing wrapped around me.

It felt,

You know,

Everything was all of a sudden lighter and brighter.

Yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

It's an example of coming out of your head into your heart.

That is an example of embodying.

And Saskia just followed it,

Even though it's a bit weird to have somebody,

A spirit holding your hand or yeah,

That's it.

That's it.

Fantastic.

Saskia,

That is what you needed to do.

I mean,

This is the kind of thing you need to do.

This is great.

Coming out of your head into your body and your heart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The music really helped me.

The music helped me a lot there.

Well,

Whatever,

Whatever,

Whatever it is,

Right.

Yeah.

And I did,

I think it's funny.

You know,

My elementary school teacher is coming out.

I made like cards.

I took all your emails and put them on cards and I'm pulling a card every day.

So I'm kind of the good and the bad things.

I'm kind of reminding them that that was also,

I don't know,

It sounds funny,

But that also helps me a lot.

Yeah.

But so I'm actually good.

It doesn't sound funny.

There's a surrender in doing that.

This is in the willingness.

You're,

You're,

You're paddling your canoe.

That's it.

That's the kind of stuff I used to do.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You see,

It's not so hard.

It's great.

That's it.

Saskia.

Yeah.

Jayma.

Good.

Thank you.

Good work.

Good work.

Okay.

I'm going to move along.

Yeah.

Look,

You're getting kudos from everybody.

Shel,

You're making,

There's lots of movement.

Have you got something you're wanting to say?

How are you?

I'm great.

I'm having a lovely time.

I'm thoroughly enjoying being part of your group.

I'm a poet.

So you guys spark all sorts of poetry in me.

Um I've written about five poems since being part of the group and I think I've only come to six meetings.

So that's pretty good.

That's fantastic.

Um I think you're all terrific and fantastic and every single one of you are heroes.

Oh my goodness.

Every single one of you.

I'm like,

I'm sitting here gobsmacked thinking,

Isn't she great?

Oh my goodness.

Look at that.

Did you hear what she just said?

Oh my.

Yeah.

So,

I'm having a grand time.

What I think about all of you guys.

Yeah.

Really.

Yeah.

That's it.

Aren't they great?

You too.

Aren't they?

So,

You know,

When you see me wiggling and all that Pramasutra,

That's just me going,

Oh my goodness,

That's so good.

I'm at the edge of my seat.

I know.

I know.

You've got a like a big life force.

That's what I see.

Me?

That's what the wiggling.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You.

You've got a really big life force.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got that.

And it's hard to contain it.

And.

Yes.

It's not right.

I know.

I can tell.

So,

Listen.

It's all good.

I like your wiggles.

It it reminds me.

It reminds me of me really.

You know?

It's like.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you're so exuberant about the spiritual journey.

It's like yay.

Yay.

I am.

Because yay.

And seeing their beauty.

I know.

And seeing their beauty.

That's fantastic.

Yay.

Yeah.

This warms up the world.

It's all good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All good.

All good.

I'd say the the biggest thing that I appreciate from you Pramasutra was the gift of the prayer.

It has.

Oh yes.

Yes.

Intellectually,

I tried to understand the difference between mercy and compassion.

I came to the realization that perhaps there there is a difference because you don't need compassion to get mercy.

So,

At the times when I feel like I can't actually give myself compassion,

I can always give myself mercy.

I can always ask for mercy.

And I know it's always there.

So,

That's something special.

That's it.

I think that's why that they use that word.

You know,

Remember the prayer of Jesus what is the how does it go again well I changed the first word but on the in breath it's whatever deity or power and on the out breath is have mercy on me right and so I will say Jesus have mercy on me lord have mercy on me have mercy on me the universe have mercy on me yeah everything all of it I mean I don't I mean I'll count on my little fingers if I'm having fun with it just to see how many I can get I can do 144 counting on my fingers so I'll do that many and I'll change it all the time so you know it won't just be the first deity it'll be as many as I can think of honestly from Masuda oh fantastic that's so great good for you anytime yeah what a blessing that's just adorable like it's just adorable just keep going you're on the right track woman you're certainly on the right track thank you Laura how are you doing sweet one hi friend Masuda hello sweet one how are you that's so funny I just was listening to recording yesterday and thought everyone in the south and there's a warrior there were warriors and heroes I'm a little discombobulated and I I'm having trouble coming to thought because I feel like I'm not doing the journey anymore but being carried by the tide and um I just keep saying my mantra and as resistant as I was the Jesus prayer I say sheba sheba have mercy on me cool whatever yeah so I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm peaceful and happy about it is that yeah the sheba sheba there's something that feels really good about you saying sheba sheba have mercy upon me I don't know why it feels so good but it just does the sheba is everything right right um feels good the hospital was a big step back from Masuda and I feel like I can't get my feet on the ground since but I guess that's a good thing because I have to let Amma do it I don't know what to say yeah all right there's a lot of love coming to you there's a lot you know just like with the others that you're you're accompanied yeah you got no you're yeah right yeah sweetie yeah I'm not doing what I was doing before I'm not doing sadhana or seva like I was doing before um I feel like I'm not doing enough because I can't right our egos do that I think you've done enough sadhana seva for a lifetime myself so really you've done more than premisuda really you've done more seva than premisuda I needed it I don't know I think you're you're good sweetie I mean you you know just this this doesn't matter that you you know you feel that way but it's just your ego that feels that way it's like you're beautiful it's like yeah and you're deeply understood you're so deeply understand why you have to walk through this and you've got so much love coming to you Laura I mean just you've got this heart of gold it's like people always come out of the woodwork to help you out it's like there's a reason why they do that because you've got a good heart sweetie yeah and that she yeah yeah they you know like attracts like I mean you wouldn't be getting this if you didn't this is what you inspire from people yeah right I feel that how loved I feel all the love and it's yeah yeah I feel so loved being loved anyway being loved anyway yeah that's right embrace yourself exactly where you are I'm getting a lot of chance to do that you know I think humor is God if you can crack a joke sweetie oh my gosh you know something about the creator you know if you're in this kind of difficult thing you can laugh if we can't laugh about it what's the point right well that's it that's it I mean but laughing about it really it's it's the creator you know it's like your soul it's your soul energy helps you to laugh about it it's good if you can laugh sweetie it's you've got nothing to apologize for at all this you're handling all of this I think with incredible grace I just have this great feeling about Shiva Shiva have mercy upon me it just feels like a slam dunk just what you so need so just keep doing it I think that's beautiful and it it's got this ring Shiva Shiva have mercy upon me Shiva Shiva I don't know you'll like it as I'm as I'm watching yes yeah I just yeah yeah thank you okay many blessings many blessings yeah huge love Karan sweetie how are you doing um I feel like so I feel there's I'm noticing like I feel like I'm creating the abandonment again and then I want to like control it and then I and then I remember oh I can't fix it it's not to be fixed or controlled and then I like from there I kind of I uh I just like ask like asking I'm not like I don't really like I still want to do things like I want to fix it I want to change it I'm like I can't have it again but then I think that's the problem yeah sweetie pie listen sweetie it's like it's really simple in a way it's really simple but it's you have to grow up you have to realize that you are long grown up and you're responsible for your choices and nothing can take that away it doesn't matter how many games you play nothing can take that away when if you're what if you're 60 and it's still the same you're still responsible for that choice you're responsible for your choices you're you're stuck in being a little girl trying to smile and charm the monster so it doesn't eat you up and this is what you keep doing with me it's what you keep doing with life and it's like it's never going to work you have to grow up and face your life and make what choices you choose really get down to how you want to live your life you just have to be done overnight it could take you a whole year to actually get this deeper understanding but sweetie you have to grow up I mean you're just like this six-year-old diggling and you know like in faith of the monster who you think's gonna eat you up does any of this make sense to you it does it does because I feel this fakeness of the like it feels like a bobble head like this just and then I always go there like it's just you always go there and I'm like oh let's pretend everything's okay let me do whatever I can let me scramble but it's all the wrong scramblings like yeah you're an intelligent woman sweetie and and so also this is what you've done in the past too you will go along and go yeah that's true but you will just then keep doing it yeah yeah like I'm kind of like what's going to dislodge this woman because sweetie pie is not going to work with this work like this is real high level really high level self-realization work it it cannot it won't it won't work it's either you're gonna find that you know in the in the next year or so the that you have to get what I'm talking about or it's it's just not gonna work because we're going in different directions yeah this is very friendly work and so you know it is really high level and sometimes when people have got like wounding and everything they come for comfort and um sure some of that's okay but not if that's all of it and the main message my work is is resisted which is sweetie pie what you do basically I have to say you come for comfort and resist the actual training and it's like you're so desperate for some warmth and safety okay I have such empathy you are so desperate for it and you you know it is safe to evolve but not everybody wants to like I want I I don't know what to say because I want it but then there's that I don't know how to move through the not wanting and then I think like I keep thinking I just keep trying to go to the fake yeah well it's just all of that's okay it's just the choice is just it's not a fix thing or to do thing it's kind of like it's just staring you in the face you you're just going to have to make some deep choices and but sweetie pie the choices are made deep inside you I think this is it you think the power is outside you but these choices are made deep inside you and then you experience the outcome of your choice in life okay yeah but they're deep inside you and they you make them alone in a way it's between you and God and you've been not wanting to face this not feeling able to face it actually yeah so you've got you've got the hard side of premisuda that's what you've got that's what you've had because that's the only thing that I can do to help wake you up otherwise we just go along in this Corinne fairyland I can't I can't allow that you yeah I don't want that either no so just let's give it like let's just give it time but think about what I said because you know it's not really gonna really I think you know you're you're you're pretending to be a little stupid in a way like this is self-realization work right you know you're like a kid who's who's walked into a PhD class and they've got their like primary reader going okay I'm joining and it's like a it's a PhD class yeah yeah I mean there's other spiritual groups that would be less demanding if that's what you want yeah no that's not what I want yeah I think you're gonna have to really get down to what you want because you can't come to this one and not do it yeah yeah as you tell me oh yeah you really want it and everything and I'm like yeah I've had a lot of years doing this I've listened to a lot of people it's like yeah it's hard to fool granny yes yeah it's okay sweetie you've had absolutely no training for integrity I get it I haven't so how are you feeling right now um I'm feeling tingles uh in the upper like this area this area yeah but in my heart uh there's like what is it it feels like a stuck thing yeah yeah and what does it it is and what is it like tell me more about it um it feels like uh like it feels like it's like a blocking like like maybe like a boulder kind of blocking like you know in the cave and then something's like blocking the entrance right right that's very accurate so yeah so what I was is it cold hot numb um it's cold but like it's not hot it's like cold and like severe feeling like and severe yeah severe like it's not a good feeling it's like a sharp kind of feeling yeah yeah right right so it is your heart's blocked this is and it's it's severe and it's where you're severe with yourself and also when you you know you get severity say for me too because if your your heart's blocked and you weren't wanting to deal with it right so you can just see so this this thing you're feeling is why your life is the way it is and the only thing that's going to alter it is a change in you do you know like you going to ama going to god even if you feel totally hopeless and that it's never going to change just take all those feelings to to ama just embrace yourself with it all it's where you are it's where you've been for kind of as long as I've known you but it's good because it's maybe you're more willing to face this this is good and what you're talking about everybody in the group knows within themselves it's not just you okay truly we will all know it in ourselves you it's not it's all good it's just whether people have the courage or not to actually deal with this it's okay just be with it keep a journal be with all your feelings come to satsangs and see how it goes okay remember it's already happened ama is the mother of the universe say the ceaseless prayer oh divine mother have mercy upon or shiva shiva have mercy upon just keep it going okay there's no reason you know karen the it's like the only person that can save you is you and the way you save you is by keeping the prayer going keeping going trying your hardest doing your best what else can you do yeah sweetie i think premasuddha lost her sanity you know that was pretty hard too like this isn't the hardest thing that you're facing it is kind of what the journey's like nobody can do it for you yeah yeah really sweetie how long have i known you in five years it's five years of i'm scared i'm scared it's like okay do you want 20 years oh and still be doing this well this way like come on use noodle bring your bring your dispassionate and come on think about this stuff i want you to really think about this stuff yeah okay well you guys it's 11 35 here so i think we'll just finish and the other people have been will speak more tomorrow we'll get see you tomorrow with the talking i will have our one-on-one tomorrow yeah yeah blessings and corinne listen everybody here knows what this feels like what you're struggling with really i i feel like you don't believe this but i'll tell you they do yeah really they do come on yeah can you give her a sign that you know this yeah like yeah right like yeah okay yeah good okay yeah yeah you're one of us you're one of the human race sweetie it's okay i can see the hearts thank you yeah yeah okay okay sweet one okay bye everyone bye