Greatness Cracks Open Our Shells

We are divine Beings. That's why we might secretly feel greatness within us. Indeed, our true eternal Nature has infinite capacities. When we follow through with our soul task this life, we tap into these enhanced abilities that are beyond the usual human capacities.

Yet, to live this way, we have to learn to grow beyond our conditioned egos!

Here is the conflict. Many of us live inside the shell of our conditioning until something happens in our lives that awakens us to the sense of there being more.

When our shells are breaking and our souls are on the move, we might experience an upsurge of strong emotions. If we just allow this material to surface, even if it is unsettling, our souls sprout. Our eternal energy begins to be woven into our human lives, bringing fulfillment, and inevitably, helping our society in wonderful ways.

This is the reason behind these Awareness Satsangs, to support this process as members find their freedom to live in truth.
Brave souls, all of them!

Transcript

So blessings everyone.

Before we start let's go inside and ask for grace.

Ask the creator for grace.

Skoma for grace.

Grace is in the air that we breathe.

It's all around us.

And the more we open to it the more we have loving intentions for our lives and for everyone around us.

The more we want to bring light into this world the more the universe just fills us with grace so that we can do that.

Right.

Remember you're loved so much more than you can imagine.

Remember we're the beloved children.

You think of yourself as a child you know babies and the care that babies need and the love they need and somebody gives it to them.

And the baby might not even realize the amount of care that's being given to the baby or the child.

You might not even realize it so that's a bit like we don't realize how much we're loved.

But we can open up to feel it and this is what these satsangs are about to help.

There's a word to help your bodies,

The cells of your bodies be recalibrated,

Open,

Open,

Open to this love.

Yeah,

Oh I can feel it.

The cells of your body,

You really want this you guys.

For the cells of your body to be able to receive love.

Well it's such a miracle day to day.

Let's just make a quantum leap.

Why not?

Let's just do it.

Open up.

Okay.

Let's say yes.

Right.

Okay.

Good.

That's good.

And remember don't be scared to feel.

Feel feelings or emotions.

Don't be scared to because what keeps us in the shell of alienation is we we push down our feelings and emotions.

So just embrace everything.

And you'll be able to let more love in.

Okay.

Bless you.

Dear,

Dear hearts.

Okay.

Is there anybody with a pressing question or comment or wanting to share?

Oh,

Michael.

Yes.

Please go ahead.

Hi,

Prapasutha.

Hi,

Everybody.

You know,

I just want to report on,

You know,

You talked a couple of weeks about a couple of so I chose I chose fear.

Okay.

And,

You know,

I guess as expected,

It's a rearing its ugly head.

Right.

And it's got to do with the,

You know,

The job notice,

Which,

Which I now got.

But that that didn't really create the fear.

What was interesting.

There was about 70,

70 faculty members that were at a meeting yesterday,

And they were all being let go.

Wow.

Yeah,

Yeah,

It's,

It's,

It's pretty extensive.

But there's a lot of there's,

There's a lot of suspicion.

There's something wrong with the process.

So,

You know,

You know,

I just spoke out at the meeting,

Which,

You know,

I guess when I get mad,

I get I get a bit vocal,

I don't think I went too much over the edge.

But they could certainly see that I was not,

You know,

I was not exactly a compliant member,

Or a compliant member of the group.

Yeah,

So it's almost like,

And then I continued,

We went into a union meeting.

And,

You know,

Anyway,

So,

Long story short,

In what occurred to me,

Is it's actually not the layoff.

It's sticking up for myself and being very vocal.

So this morning,

I started writing a letter,

Actually,

To the Premier of BC,

A whistleblower letter,

Because like I say,

There's a lot of stuff that is not,

It's just not kosher.

Yeah.

And I'm feeling I'm feeling nervous.

Because of,

You know,

I'm just,

You know,

I'm figure,

I've just got to say what I got to say.

And one side of me is,

You know,

Pretty pissed off.

And the other side,

Just afraid to,

You know,

Express that.

And also,

In a way,

That's diplomatic enough that it actually gets anywhere,

Because,

You know,

Who knows,

Right,

Or like that goes.

And so I,

You know,

I haven't made any friends in the administration of the university.

So,

You know,

And their whole process is very suspect.

So I just wanted to know,

What's your question?

What's your question,

Though?

Like,

What's the well,

It's an observation that it was speaking the speaking out and exposing myself,

Rather than the actual layoff notice.

Was scarier?

Yes.

Yeah,

Yes,

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Right.

Yeah.

Good.

Good,

Good noticing.

Good noticing.

And and good that you're,

You know,

You're stepping past fear,

Because that's the kind of fear that I I've had every step of the way,

Even though I wasn't in a job thing.

But that's really great.

I mean,

That's,

This is remember,

That's his dream about the two of you becoming lions.

Really?

Lions,

Alma says we we have to be lions on the spiritual journey with we have to stand up and and you have to stand up if there's something wrong,

You have to speak.

I think this is wonderful,

Michael.

I mean,

I can understand being scared.

Everything is changing so much.

It's like,

Oh,

My goodness.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That just really surprised me that it was that and not the layoff.

Right.

Yeah,

I get it.

You know,

I was once a two policemen behind me in the on the US on the highway.

And I was far scared or with two cops behind me,

Two American cops,

Then I was when I slid off when I hit ice and slid off the highway and went down this big hill.

And I noticed that I wasn't scared of that.

I was scared when I had two cops behind me.

It just shows it just shows.

Yeah.

You know,

You're you're putting yourself on the line,

You know,

With this.

So I'm not surprised that you're there.

But I think this is just great.

This is when you feel that fear and do it anyway,

You become more.

This is reweaving.

This is.

And this is soul retrieval,

Michael.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Thanks for that.

Okay,

Good.

What the soul retrieval part or what else?

Yeah,

Knowing that it's soul retrieval.

Yes,

This level fear soul retrieval.

That's what you see.

You're actually you're scared of the full power of who you are.

So when you stand up to be counted,

You're actually allowing this power to come in.

That's what you've been scared of.

You know,

You learn to chunk down this.

You know,

Michael,

This could even help you with your breathing.

Remember,

You were talking about you had that.

That sort of you felt this heaviness.

And it heaviness around your breathing.

Do you remember?

Yeah.

This could even help that.

It has already in the last couple of days.

Okay,

Do you hear that everyone?

It has already.

It's a very logical process.

It's just deep.

And so most people don't make the connections.

Okay,

That's fantastic,

Michael.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I noticed that right away.

That's so cool.

And that's,

That's the answer.

This is how this is exactly how premise you did.

Came out of her conditioning.

This is how you do it.

And you live it.

And you face these things and you do it.

Fantastic.

J Ma.

Yay,

Michael.

Yeah.

It's fantastic.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah,

This is,

This is thrilling.

It's like gorilla.

Gorilla transformation.

Great.

This will,

This will help rebalance the world.

It will if enough of us do it.

Okay,

Blessings.

Who else wants to come forward?

Come on,

Come on,

Come on.

Sweet little faces.

Hi,

From the circus,

Laura.

Laura,

Sweet one.

How are you?

Really good.

But listening.

So what I'm really having trouble letting go of is fear of picking up with my family.

I still feel a little guilty about not going home to Florida.

But the ashram is here.

And my family is here.

So it feels safer here.

And I would have to I don't want to fight anymore.

And yeah,

I don't know how to let it be.

You don't know how to let it be just be with your decision about not going home.

Yeah,

I feel like I'm really blocked it when I ended up in the hospital.

When I was planning to go home next week,

The following week,

And but I really have to fake it with my family.

And I don't know if I could do that.

Is that ego?

I don't know.

You know,

Sweetie,

I don't know that I have an answer for you.

I feel like it's kind of my answers kind of silence that a very loving,

Very loving silence that's just a really big embrace of you and very,

Very deep compassion for what you're in.

And great respect for how you're handling it.

Truly.

Thank you.

I feel the love in this song.

And from I feel the love.

Yeah,

I,

You know,

The scale of difficulty of what you're facing.

It's,

It's pretty high.

So yeah,

It's kind of there.

No.

There are no real words.

Just see if I'm I'll see if I'm if anything comes up.

Just hold on.

It's funny.

I just getting this bulletin.

It's kind of like,

You know,

Maybe you're one of the people in the prayer list,

Who's because you're,

You're on it,

Who's going to have the feeling of obstacles being removed.

I just getting this bulletin that you have total freedom and whatever you want to do,

You just do whatever you want to do.

It's all it's the best thing.

Yeah,

But it doesn't really help you with how you feel.

I know,

But I'm just gonna speak up.

Is it?

Okay,

Good.

Well,

Freedom means there's no shit.

There isn't.

I said one.

Yes.

No.

And what you said about not going on this program,

I haven't been able to do on my stunt and just letting that be okay.

Yeah,

Totally.

Yeah,

Really?

Yeah,

Totally.

We torture ourselves,

You guys,

The normal person tortures themselves.

It's really why we got terrorists,

Because we all terrorize ourselves.

Okay,

Well,

Many,

Many blessings,

Laura.

And I'm seeing Amma's grace coming to you right now,

Actually.

And I'm seeing all this gold energy coming to you.

So you deserve it.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

Okay.

Who else has got something pressing?

It's a lot of love.

I can feel the love.

There's a lot of love for you guys.

Yeah,

There's a lot of love coming to you guys.

And kind of an energy to help enhance you,

Make you feel enhanced.

I think part of this big,

You know,

This big love power is because we're at such this tipping point,

You know,

And if you choose the light,

The reward you get is enormous.

It's really enormous.

You get like big bonuses.

For just a little bit of effort,

You get the universe is like so happy that people are choosing the light,

They just this big bonus,

This is,

This is what it feels like,

Because this is very enhancing love that's coming to all of you.

I mean,

I was gobsmacked when I was getting all that,

All the changes that were going to happen for the people on the prayer list.

It's like it was so unexpected.

And it was so clear.

And I'm like,

Wow.

If you're not on the prayer list,

Put yourself on.

You're all there,

Dear.

Come on,

You guys.

Come forward.

Lalita,

Sweet one.

How are you?

Yeah,

I'm good.

I'm good.

Thank you.

Yeah,

I really can relate to what you said about the feelings,

Feel the feelings.

Because this is something I'm learning.

I think we have this tendency to suppress the feelings to avoid dealing with emotions.

And I can feel it in my body.

Really,

My body is sensitive.

So when I'm in my mind,

Like thinking about it,

I can decide anything I want.

But I need to embody it like this embodiment work is coming.

And this is something I'm struggling with to embody.

Yeah,

Everybody's struggling with it.

It's hard work.

It's really terrible.

Yeah,

It's completely different to what we've been trained to do.

Yeah,

I'm just observing.

I'm trying not to judge myself and panic as I used to.

Because sometimes it's really it feels crazy in my body and Okay,

So what's going on in your body right now?

I have this tension.

And I'm feeling my solar plexus.

Yeah,

Like tummy area.

Yeah.

And is that the only place attention is or is attention elsewhere?

At the moment?

No,

That's the only place.

Okay.

So,

You know,

Solar plexus,

I mean,

When you feel that,

That's really good,

Because it's control lifting.

So it's coming up.

And you can expand your heart energy.

You know,

Sort of expand your heart energy over your whole solar plexus area.

I used to do that.

And it would steer my psyche towards embracing it.

It's really good,

Sweetie,

That you're getting down to this because our solar plexus is really where a lot of our trouble comes.

It's exactly where we go up into our heads right at the solar plexus.

So when you when this is cleared,

Which is coming up to be cleared,

You'll be more in your heart.

Hmm.

Yeah,

This is all good.

And it is hair raising to feel it,

Especially when you're younger,

When you're older,

It's kind of like,

You know,

Meh.

But when you're younger,

I remember,

No,

Really,

It's when you get older,

A lot of stuff you just don't worry about anymore.

You just you just,

You know,

When you're older,

You know more that you're gonna die.

That's partly it.

But anyway,

Um,

Yeah,

I'm really happy that you're feeling the solar plexus stuff.

And is there a tension down,

Down your back at all?

On either side of your backbone?

Are you?

Are you aware of that?

Are you feeling that at all?

I'm just wondering,

On my back,

Every chest,

Chest happy butts back,

Right?

Yeah.

No,

I just is happy.

I mean,

Again,

Like the real,

You know,

Sweetie,

The key,

Okay,

The key,

Why premise Suda was able to transcend this stuff,

Rather than getting absolutely flattened,

Was when I realized that all the pains when they came up,

The stuff was leaving.

Once you get that,

If you can put signs over,

You know,

By your light switch,

Is if you if you know that it's leaving,

Then you,

You're a lot lighter with handling it,

You know,

Like you don't,

You don't believe it so much,

You know,

It's coming up to be cleared,

It's leaving.

It's showing itself.

It has been running the show,

This control has been running your life.

And because of your sincerity,

And your courage,

It's you're feeling it,

You're feeling the pain of it,

And it will also be in your thoughts.

So expand your heart around it.

You don't do whatever you can to help yourself.

And you will shift more into your heart,

You will,

You're making a channel so that you can move into your heart more.

But this stuff,

Like the walls have to come down.

And this is part of part of it.

And it's your reason when you're younger,

Really,

You guys.

I mean,

This stuff really scared me when in my 30s.

It's like,

It's just,

It's so healthy.

It's sort of like recycling.

No,

Really,

The old stuff,

It's like the old stuff is rotting.

And,

And,

And,

You know,

Falling away and making room for the truth of you.

And you're,

You're a real candidate for moving into your heart.

We've talked about this before.

And what you're going through is partly what you're going to teach.

You see,

I mean,

This is,

This is what I went through this stuff.

And so I can teach.

So when you go through it,

Just think you're getting your teacher credentials.

This is how you become really useful to people when you've gone through things yourself.

Right?

Right.

You're scared to be comforted.

I can feel it.

You're like a little kid.

You want to be comforted,

But you're scared.

It's not real kind of you're,

You're scared to really relax into it.

And other people in the satsang know,

Know what this feels like,

Too.

But I'm just putting words to it.

Yeah.

Also,

I feel,

I feel,

I feel fear to be seen.

Yeah.

And fear.

In case what?

You're scared of being seen because just finish the sentence.

I'm not sure.

It's like,

I'm realizing who I am now,

Because I was,

I have like false impression before.

And now I'm really like,

Afraid.

Well,

Sweetie Pie,

The thing is,

This is what's so funny about working with people,

Because people come to me and say,

I really,

Really want to wake up.

And one of the quickest ways to wake up is when you have somebody who's really awake,

Witness and see you.

Totally.

It saves you years of meditation.

Totally.

It's that people will inevitably say just what you said.

Oh,

I'm scared of being seen.

And I'm like,

Okay.

Okay.

Look at the years of meditation.

Have a happy time.

I'm kind of teasing you.

I'm poking you,

Though,

Because I don't let you guys indulge in fear.

I mean,

You know,

Sure,

Acknowledge it.

But don't,

Don't,

Don't indulge in it.

Unless you want to like,

Who knows,

You know,

We,

We only have two more years to live.

I mean,

We don't know.

Yeah.

So it's,

It's sort of like,

Whatever progress we make,

That's where we're going to start our next life.

And it's weird how much things have changed.

So that like,

We're talking like,

Well,

You know,

We all may not be here in two years.

It's like,

How quickly it's changed.

But you know,

I have to say,

I'm a back in 2010 said,

Her children didn't want to wake up.

And then I remember,

In 2015,

She said there were dark clouds coming.

Yeah.

But she's also said there are a lot of saints coming forward in North America,

Europe,

Like people who are truly walking their talk wanting to live in truth.

So,

You know,

It's like the agony and the ecstasy,

We get the dark and the light.

We wouldn't get all these,

We wouldn't be able to have these sad sayings at this level.

If things weren't so dire,

Really,

You guys wouldn't be so motivated.

We don't be watching TV,

Eating popcorn.

I'm teasing you guys,

Kind of,

But kind of serious too.

Yeah,

Lolita,

There's many,

Many blessings are coming to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You could just keep praying for self acceptance and to receive sweet one.

You you took my heartstrings a little bit.

I can just see you like about three.

Like waking up and needing comfort.

But I don't know if you got it.

Maybe you didn't get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you're getting it now.

And the whole set saying we're all holding you.

And really,

You guys,

A lot of you guys know exactly how Lolita feels,

Right?

We've been doing these for a couple of years.

So this is exactly the kind of conversations I've had with several people.

So please know that you're just one of us,

Like you just really,

Really,

You know,

You're one of us.

Yeah,

Please.

Really.

You guys,

Can you give Lolita signs?

Can you can you wave like you get really like this is this is I've had countless conversations with people like this.

Yeah.

Sweet one.

You're one of us.

Yeah.

OK.

OK.

Great.

Great.

OK.

That's fantastic.

Yeah.

You guys are you guys are also dear.

So dear.

Yeah.

OK,

Good.

Sebastian,

You look very happy.

You have a good holiday,

I think.

Yeah,

I'm super happy.

The last,

I would say,

Five,

Six weeks,

They were simply amazing and it was a beautiful journey.

It was I only knew before it would be fantastic because I perceived this feeling that I had to go there at this time.

Yeah.

And finally,

How everything went,

It was so divinely orchestrated in this perfection.

It's it's incredible.

It was Peru,

Right?

It was Colombia.

And then the one month Colombia and one week in Rio de Janeiro.

And just a few days before I arrived in Bogota,

I still had no accommodation.

And then just I think two days before I was flying,

Then a woman advertised and she called the apartment Astral Temple.

OK.

And I immediately knew,

Yes,

I have to stay there.

And and then there are the journey started.

And.

I,

I want to make it more short because it would would take a lot of time to explain,

But at the end,

I was I was allowed to fulfill a mission I chose,

I decided to do when I when I got bored in this life.

It was a soul mission,

What what came to me,

What I was allowed to do in this the beginning,

Especially in this apartment.

And I connected.

I perceived very,

Very deeply to my to one of my true natures.

And one very beautiful happening at the end of this trip instead in Colombia was that I was traveling and finally with a friend and we were allowed to do an activation on one person.

And during this activation,

I felt that he was my son in a previous life.

And I used to be his.

Yeah.

I used to be his mother.

And I'm almost 40 years old and I never believed that I would feel the love for a child,

Especially not from from the emotions of a mother,

Which will never end.

And it's so intense.

It's it's incredible.

And this is a little bit even what Lalita just was saying.

I'm not completely allowing to reconnect to this high emotion because this is still overwhelming me when when I connect to to that person and with this love of the mom.

And it's it's incredible.

Well,

Just take it slow.

I mean,

You guys don't force yourselves or push yourself.

I mean,

You're in progress.

I mean,

It will get done.

You're being recalibrated.

Don't worry.

It's you know,

It's step by step.

It's like pregnancy.

It's just,

You know,

It's good.

This is fantastic.

Right.

I'm so happy.

Okay.

Now,

With the experience of loving like a mother,

It's like that is changing your whole cellular,

Your whole cellular being able to receive grace,

Being able to receive love,

Being able to express love.

That's it.

It's fantastic.

When we remember other lives,

We we it's a soul retrieval.

It's so happens.

And and,

You know,

The capacities that we've had in these lives,

We can get them this life.

You guys,

You've got like all the skills in other lives that you've had,

You can actually retrieve this life.

Yeah.

I know.

It's so cool.

Yeah,

It's just so cool.

Wow,

That's inspiring for everyone.

It's incredible.

Especially as a guy to feel the love of the mother.

It's Yeah.

I think that's fantastic.

It's bonding with Mother Nature.

I think it's fantastic.

It was never something what I believed what I could feel.

And even I think this is even due to the satsangs,

This calibrating and healing the female energies.

And I guess it's only was possible that I could have this emotions because of the last month,

What,

What we worked on.

Yeah,

It was wonderful.

That's right.

Thank you.

Well,

You know,

When we come into fullness,

We have enormous capacities of capacity to love.

You know,

When a woman brings in like,

As I brought in my male,

I've been gobsmacked about bringing in that capacity.

I mean,

You're bringing,

You're healing the feminine and bringing in that but but and so you're gobsmacked.

And for me,

It was like bringing in the male was so wonderful.

So enhancing.

Yeah.

But I can feel the wonder of this love.

The best and I can just feel it.

And of this mother love.

It's just you know,

It's the hope for the world really.

It's it's the new earth energy.

It's like we just make we just go through the transition to get there.

We come out of this hell to come to this big love.

I mean,

This is what we're all going through.

You guys,

You're going through it personally.

And we're going through it in society.

Yeah,

But when one person does it like when you one person brings it in,

It strengthens it and everybody and it and it clears a pathway to do it.

And it's even though the world vibration,

You know,

Could go up if enough of us do it.

Oh,

And you know,

If it feels like too much,

You're tired.

Remember,

It's done for you.

And a month off and do that.

Don't do that.

Just go like,

Just say,

Give me give me this shift.

And you know,

You'll get it in a dream or whatever the universe will just bring it to you.

Well,

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's very beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

And also,

It's another thing with like interfacing with simpler societies.

Yeah,

It helps.

It helps.

Yeah,

Everybody's got big smiles.

Everybody's inspired.

Yeah,

You can do it in a dream.

You guys just hearing this will change you.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Just knowing it's possible.

And this is what the satsangs do to feel very happy.

Yeah.

So Trilla Chan,

You look a little bit agonized.

How are you?

It's so interesting that you asked me,

I just stood up and I thought I'm hopefully not looking like this because I was just putting my hands on my my head on my hands.

And then you asked me how am I doing?

I mean,

I shared yesterday a little bit with you.

You know,

My first working week.

You're still trying to fix that.

You're still trying to fix and it's OK.

You can watch yourself trying to fix.

But,

You know,

When you send me one of those those emails,

You're kind of saying to me,

OK,

I want you to like tell me that this is all right and everything.

And you're you know,

You're in your process.

I can't really say it's all right because it's still trying to fix yourself.

But it's like I get that that's where you are and you will come out of it.

You know.

But if you're telling me that you're going to do a new therapy and everything,

I'm kind of like,

OK,

Well.

I just remember I did therapies,

Too,

But really,

Trilla Chan,

I just wish you'd write a letter to the universe saying within six months you want to be in integrity.

And what did you say?

Yeah,

That within six months you want to be integrity through this transition you're in and moving into truth and out of fear,

Out of this entertaining fear thing that you do.

And yeah,

And then burn it and then just forget about it and see what happens,

See if it comes true or not.

But just forget about it.

You mean just pray for it and forget about it without doing much?

Write a letter to the universe.

No,

Write a letter to the universe saying Amma or universe like screw this.

I've had it within six months.

Please bring me right through this fear,

This trying to fix thing I am.

Bring me into loving myself,

Being at peace,

Able to drive six hours in any direction and then burn it and then forget about it.

Just forget about it and keep doing what you're doing,

The therapies and everything.

Keep doing it,

You mean?

Keep doing it.

Keep doing your therapies,

But write this letter.

Keep doing what you're doing,

But write this really sincere letter saying.

You don't even have to do this letter right away.

You could write it in a month.

You could go,

OK,

Well,

Maybe I'll try what Premasuddha said.

Or maybe you'll just get the feeling of,

Oh,

Maybe I'll just write this letter today.

I will surely do it.

I mean,

I've done it before.

I've done it before some months ago,

And I write occasional letters to Amma,

But I will do again for sure with this impulse.

The thing is,

Trilla Chan,

Remember my story about the one-armed cartwheel?

I went out and I tried to do the one-armed cartwheel for like two weeks obsessively,

And I couldn't do it.

I just forgot about it.

I didn't give myself a bad time.

I just went,

Oh,

I can't do it.

Oh,

Well,

I wasn't like I'm a big failure or anything.

It's just like,

Oh,

I can't do it.

And then six months later,

One spring morning,

One Saturday,

It was beautiful,

And I went outside.

I was so happy,

And I just did a one-armed cartwheel.

OK,

It's that.

It's that you try so hard and you try all these.

You're always trying,

You know,

Try,

Try,

Try,

Try.

And it's sort of like what I'm saying about the one-armed cartwheel.

Our subconscious will do a lot of the work for us if we just give it space and time,

But give it direction.

Like I was really focused for two weeks about doing the one-armed cartwheel,

And my subconscious like took over for me,

And it worked with me and prepared me to be able to do it.

And then I did it on a very,

When I was feeling very happy.

So it's sort of,

Do you see what I mean?

It's like letting room for grace.

Right.

OK,

That's the rub.

OK,

There it is.

There it is.

I feel it.

You do not believe in grace.

I can feel it right across the board.

I do not believe in grace.

I can feel it.

Are you aware of this?

No,

I'm only aware that my faith and trust,

Obviously,

In God and Amma is not strong enough.

So it's probably correlated to the grace.

Yeah,

It's very much like that.

And it's a very kind of deadening feeling.

It's sort of like I don't believe in grace.

It's like I've never had the experience of grace.

It's sort of like I don't know what that would be like.

But actually,

You have experienced grace,

But you don't see it in a way you don't open to it like.

There's been a lot of grace in your life in lots of ways,

Like the grace of the satsang even.

Yeah,

But you'd have to like really see it.

Yeah,

Because really,

I tell you about my mom,

You know,

We all lived in this like 20 room house,

So huge and everything.

My mother was totally focused on how hard it was to keep the house clean.

She hated it.

You see what I mean?

This is what we're like.

We don't go,

Wow,

I'm really lucky to be living in this house.

I'm really lucky that life is this way.

We're going this is wrong and that's wrong and this is wrong.

Right.

Right.

It's like,

Right,

Learn to accept grace,

Learn to see the grace and learn to accept it.

It's like,

It's like,

Yeah,

Learn to see it.

It's like you don't even know that you're rejecting it on some levels.

I can feel this.

It's like when that time I went after you,

Because I was saying,

Oh,

I might not after all the hard work of transformation that I was thinking,

I might not get many years to be able to teach.

And it was so sad.

And you laughed.

And you laughed.

And it was kind of like,

I was really aware that you didn't even know you had that part of you in your subconscious.

You see,

That laugh came from a part of you that did not like the light at all.

Because if you really think of that,

If you love a teacher and that teacher saying that they might not get a chance to share their light,

You wouldn't laugh.

You'd feel sad for them.

You'd empathize,

You'd have compassion,

And you laugh.

And it was a very good flag for me,

Because then I went,

Okay,

Now I know who I'm working with.

I'm working with a guy who in his in his unconscious is going the opposite to light.

And this is what I'm bringing up to your attention with this part of you that does not believe in grace.

It doesn't think it's possible.

But it's so weird,

Because your life has got lots of grace.

Right?

So this is a little bit like with Michael,

The part of him that was stopped him from breathing deeply.

This kind of he's an idiot,

You would feel it as kind of a constant heaviness.

And it stopped him from breathing deeply.

It's the same kind of energy.

And I'm addressing it in you,

Because I'm devoted to helping you find your freedom.

Out of the goodness of my heart,

Out of just pure grace,

Man.

It's just pure grace that you've got someone like Pramasutha working with you.

It's true.

Yeah.

And you just have to see it.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

Oh,

Wait.

I mean,

I do a grateful.

I mean,

I usually do daily remembering me what I'm grateful for of the day or in general.

Yeah.

I think I know.

You think what?

The same.

You somehow I know that.

Sorry.

You stay superficial.

You stay superficial.

It's like this stuff that's bothering you is deeper than you go.

So you see,

You can try and try and try.

But it's deeper.

And who knows,

Maybe,

You know,

Maybe after talking like this in the satsang,

The therapy that you're doing,

You might,

You might,

It might really help this come out.

I'm actually seeing some clearing occurring.

It's like I'm seeing all this dirty water being released.

It's it's like dirty,

Dreary water.

And it's it's being,

You know,

Like sometimes if water has been dammed up,

It's it's sort of dirty till the pipes and then it gets clear and clear.

It's like the the water is getting clearer and clearer.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

You see,

With your goes with clarity.

When you can see when you allow yourself to see dispassionately,

And it kind of cuts fear off at the knees.

I think,

You know,

Lots of us in the satsang,

I have had a lot of brutal lives.

And there have been quite a few of you in the satsang who have also had brutal lives.

And this part of you that doesn't believe in grace is coming from other lives.

So it's not like a fault thing at all.

It's just what you learned in other lives.

And in your conditioning.

It's not a fault thing.

It's just to retrain yourself.

Right.

Like,

I'll tell you,

I had real trouble with gratitude.

And part of it was like,

You know,

Like,

I grew up with my mom was like,

Complained about her incredibly.

Wonderful life.

So it took me a long time to feel grateful for anything.

So I have no criticism at all.

Okay.

But it's just if you can see that you have trouble with,

With grace,

With accepting grace,

With believing in it,

Rather than trying to fix yourself,

The trying to fix yourself can be like a big detour.

So you don't face the fact that you you know,

That you haven't really trusted in that grace existed,

Except when you bring your mind to it,

You'll see that it's everywhere in your life.

So how do you feel right now?

A little bit lighter.

I mean,

I think it really,

It was so important to be pointed out because you're very right.

I have so much to be grateful for in my life.

Obviously,

There is stuff I would like to have changed.

I mean,

Especially the fear stuff,

Which is really bothering me more and more,

But there's still so much to be grateful for.

And if I look backwards in my life,

No doubt.

Yeah,

It's a really loving universe.

That's what you got to get your mind around.

It's really loving.

It can look very unloving.

But we're,

We're being saved every step of the way.

Even when we're going the wrong way,

The universe so generously gives us a shake to wake us up.

Or stops us from really some catastrophe.

Yeah.

Yeah,

There's something about this grace.

Maybe it's this Roman centurion life.

I don't know.

Yeah,

These lives are funny.

You know,

They're idiosyncratic.

Premasuda missed Christ's life because I was like,

By the book,

Roman.

Just so weird.

I'm,

Yeah,

When you,

It's about this relationship with grace.

It's like a trust,

A trust,

Developing a trust that grace exists.

And,

You know,

More and more will be done for you without you having to struggle.

Anyway,

I'm going to back off.

It's given you a lot to think about.

You're very dear.

And you're very,

You're very open underneath.

Even though I'm,

I bang,

But underneath you're really open.

Like,

I'm very struck by it.

So it's all good.

I'm very grateful for all your advice and time.

I'm very grateful.

Yeah,

It's pure grace that it's brought to you,

You see.

I really want to say this,

Like,

It's just grace,

Like,

Because it's like,

Premasuda's got a big enough heart to just hold you as you transform.

I just hold you.

Sometimes I yell at you.

Sometimes I'm crazy.

But I'm like,

I'm just really holding you as you transform.

Right.

And that's what helps you.

Yeah.

Right.

And it's very strong that I'm to do this for you.

Like,

It's an agreement.

I feel it from before life.

Yeah.

Right.

And you're a very unusual man,

Because you will,

Like,

Put up with whatever I say to you.

Really,

It gobsmacks me what you put up with,

What you endure,

Really.

And keep coming back.

So my hat off there.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Marianne,

Did you have anything that you wanted to talk about?

Good.

Yeah.

So how are you?

Hello,

Premasuda.

Hello,

Everybody.

Thank you so much for your emails yesterday.

I was in the satsangs two weeks ago.

I said,

I don't mind that the journey is hard.

And in the last week,

I thought maybe I just put my mouth too full to say that,

Because I was getting like,

Whoosh,

Whoosh,

Whoosh.

So I went through so many feelings.

I went through anger.

I went through sadness.

I went through,

I was,

What is it?

Patzweifel.

I went to despair.

And on Wednesday and Thursday,

I was so angry that I tried to fix it so hard in the world that I even got more angry and more angry.

And I don't know.

And then I wrote to you yesterday in the morning after the second night of not sleeping that well.

And then you answered back.

And then there was like maybe two minutes.

Fortunately,

It wasn't longer.

Two minutes of,

Well,

Not even Premasuda understands me.

And then the other side was,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Just ego.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Just shut up.

Sit with it.

Shut up.

And then that's what I did.

And then you sent the second email.

And then the third one.

And yeah,

Right.

Here we go.

Yeah.

And after you sent the first email,

I had a day off yesterday.

And I had to do so many things to do,

But I just couldn't.

I couldn't because my head was talking so much.

And all the anger was there.

And then all the feelings.

And then I called Maxi.

And she picked up the phone.

And I said,

Well,

Told her a few sentences.

And she said,

Okay,

Well,

I'm going to pick you up.

We're going to go to the sauna.

And then I said,

Well,

Right.

Okay.

Just don't try to fix anything today.

Just be.

And then just be.

Just be and let it flow and let go and see what happens.

And that what opens everything not to try to fix anymore.

Yes.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

So in our culture,

What we're doing is sometimes we're when we need to deal with something emotionally,

We,

We go and use go to the legal thing and that will not work.

It will always backfire,

Actually.

So we have to come back to our hearts and stop trying to fix.

We have to learn how to work at this emotional level to heal and transform and get the solutions for things rather than the very male way of the like the legal system.

So,

Marion,

I was gobsmacked with how quickly you went with my message that you that you got it.

And that you've realized that you that you have to wake up and sweetie pie,

I have a lovely bulletin for you is as I'm looking at you,

I'm seeing all this like,

I'm getting greatness,

The word greatness,

Which means for me,

This means soul energy,

Like somebody's life contribution.

It'll be something that say,

Marion,

That only you can do.

You see,

It's,

It's like premise to this gift is its premise to this,

This is something only premise to can do.

But we've all got these gifts,

Like our soul,

We bring you a gift that only we can do.

And Marion,

I'm seeing this greatness of your gift.

And it's just like trying to bubble up and out.

And it's like your shell is cracking.

This heavy shell where you're pushing down the truth of who you are.

And that's what was fueling all the upset,

All the fuss and concern about your daughter and blah,

Blah,

Blah,

All this stuff.

It's this greatness in you,

Wanting expression,

Wanting freedom.

And you need to be validated,

You really need to be validated.

Okay,

So what,

What's your response to what I'm saying?

Just be very,

Whatever comes up.

Yeah,

You're right.

Yeah,

You know what I'm talking about this kind of greatness,

And it's very powerful.

And it's,

It's very valuable.

Yeah.

And it's,

It's being dissipated by this battling.

Yeah.

But you're so open,

Sweetie.

I'm not worried.

I was pretty worried about you and your family earlier,

But I don't feel worried anymore,

At all.

And if Premasut is not worried,

That's a good thing.

You can trust it.

If I'm not worried.

Yeah,

It's,

It's,

It's gonna,

It's gonna all be okay.

It will be okay.

It will work out okay.

Even if it looks messy,

Kind of in the short term.

You're very open.

It's just like the short term just lasts for such a long time.

And the short term lasts such a long time.

Yeah,

It's,

It's,

It's just,

I'm just not patient enough.

Right.

Yeah,

You're not.

But you've been really,

Really humbled.

And you're seeing kind of the cost of doing what you're doing.

And that will stop you.

This is what will make you more patient.

If you won't want to make this kind of mistake again.

No,

No,

I won't.

I won't.

And I'm,

I'm just so tired of fighting.

And I know that I am.

I am one part of it.

I know that.

I know that.

Oh,

You are.

I know.

You are at least.

I'm poking you.

Listen,

You've got this greatness in you.

You,

You,

You,

You,

You can't see it yet.

But you will.

But I see it.

I see it.

And it's trying to it's breaking your shell.

And so I'm going to like be focusing on this greatness to help you make friends with it.

And honor it.

And honor it.

Okay,

There we are.

And honor it.

This is honoring yourself.

Right?

This is good.

You know,

With the rise of the feminine,

I'll tell you what,

You know,

We women,

We can make tremendous messes because we've been in this patriarchy,

This,

This feminine starts rising,

And we start fighting or suing people or whatever.

And it never works.

And we have to come back to ourselves.

And get comfortable with our feminine and heal.

And then we get shown how to solve the problem.

And it will be done very organically,

With an expanded heart,

Marianne,

With self forgiveness and forgiveness for everybody.

And you can model grounded,

Clear,

Feminine energy to your daughter,

And it's really important that she sees it modeled by you.

But it's just going to take a bit of time for you to like,

Make this change.

So it's like the caterpillar takes time to become the butterflies,

You're going to have to be very patient and loving with yourself.

And I'll remind you.

Yeah,

This is a much,

This is a much smaller mess than what Pramasuta made.

So like,

You're good.

You're good.

It's all good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nice,

Sweetie pie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And let the tears come,

You know,

Because that's what's going to like crack the shell.

Tears of sorrow,

Just feel it,

Feel it,

Feel all the emotions,

Feel it,

Feel it,

Feel it.

This is what's cracking the shell.

Fantastic.

You see,

You guys,

This is why we're on the verge of blowing ourselves up,

Because all this emotional stuff is been pushed down in everybody.

So then it tends to erupt.

You know,

If we just allow it to come up at a reasonable pace,

We everything can stay stable.

You guys are on fire,

Really.

I'm like,

Wow.

My hat off to all of you guys.

Yeah.

And just remember,

You know,

You're,

You're priceless.

Okay.

You're absolutely priceless.

As you are.

As you are.

You're of great value as you are.

Right.

Yeah.

Love and compassion for self.

Nobody got to enlightenment by beating themselves up.

Blessings,

You guys.

Oh,

I love you so much.

All my love.

Bye.