From War Zone To Great Awareness

With her signature humor and ability to put words to vague perceptions and feelings, together with her healing touch, Premasudha's work is life changing. She has a truly great knack of assisting people out of the emotional prison of their ego/intellect into true freedom. This means that sometimes even serious diseases disappear too, as part of the emotional shift into a new more love-based understanding.

Transcript

You know,

It's really easy for the spiritual journey to just be theoretical rather than an experienced journey or one where you really connect up to your true nature through living your life.

That hasn't been the way that the religious journey has been lived.

You know,

Actually to our detriment because when spirituality becomes theoretical,

We usually get lost in our heads and things like,

You know,

The Spanish Inquisition happen,

You know,

Because it makes sense to the head that maybe if you're like making potions out of herbs that you're a witch,

But anyway.

You know,

Really,

If you look at your life,

You might see that actually we get into trouble when we're too much in our heads and our culture,

I think,

Is in trouble right now because we're too much in our heads.

So that's why I'm making this video and I'm hoping it will open doors for you.

Now I'm going to talk about my direct experience because otherwise,

You know,

It will turn into a lecture.

It's like a spiritual lecture and it's just not very helpful.

I think it's much more helpful to hear a story like this and also it's made with a lot of love that can catalyze you,

Help your journey.

Yeah we're not limited to our skin so my energetic support comes to you truly because that's my intent and at this point on my journey,

You know,

Well actually all of us if we have a really deep intent and we're unified around it,

We will see real progress that way.

Sometimes even what look like miracles.

Anyway I want to talk about my early years because we know that early years are important for children although we,

You know,

I don't think we actually act on this in the West.

We don't take that careful care of our little ones but,

You know,

I guess we're doing our best right now.

We women are pretty overloaded.

Anyway I want to talk about my early years because they were key to my journey and I will be able to give you some bigger information via this story.

So I was the third and my mom had us in quick succession and I was a surprise.

She was really exhausted because she was running after two toddlers and she wasn't happy in her marriage and then she was pregnant with me.

So she started to,

Late in the pregnancy,

She started to break down,

You know.

So she put my older brother in the hospital,

Like she was a nurse and in those days medicine was private so sometimes mom would do this to get a holiday,

To get a bit of a break,

Sort of like babysitting.

And she really trusted hospitals because she was a nurse and really loved her profession.

But in the hospital my brother got measles and it developed into encephalitis.

So you know he had some,

Afterwards he had some personality problems that come with it like,

See I've forgotten the name of what happens when your brain waves get upset.

But he would have these periods and as a little kid and even older he was prone to violence.

He would get one of the epileptic,

Kind of a real epileptic fit and suddenly,

You know,

He would just start,

He would just walk up to me sometimes and punch me.

But anyway,

See so I was born in this time and then so my mom had a new baby and then she had this toddler come back from the hospital who had had a personality change because of the encephalitis and he was on heavy medication.

And my mom still was in this breakdown that never got a chance to heal because,

You know,

She lurched into a crisis.

So I was born to this situation and my brother really punched me out as a little kid,

You know,

Pretty often.

I never knew when it was going to happen.

I would just come around a corner and he would be in this violence and he would just slam me.

It was a little bit like a war zone but now the reason I know it is like this is because when I studied with the Hawaiian kahuna,

Abraham,

We were doing this body work.

You see,

I didn't know any of this.

I just felt underneath that there was something really the matter with me,

That I had a real distress underneath and I kind of ran from it,

Really.

I really ran from it.

I was conscious of,

You know,

Steering away from it because it just felt like a total inner chaos in there somewhere.

And it was exactly that because,

You know,

I nursed from this woman who was in emotional chaos.

So through the body work,

This material surfaced.

So all of a sudden I felt like what it was to be in my crib with my brother putting his arms through and pounding my body.

Or you know,

Also with my mom.

And I remembered like through the body work,

I could feel her.

One of the things that happens when you have a breakdown is your muscle coordination goes.

So she helped me and she would have my head flopping all over.

And sometimes she even forgot about me.

Now all this came up from the body work through incredible experience of emotional pain that was just beyond desperate.

And it was how my little child was feeling.

Now to my mom's credit,

My mom developed into a noble woman really.

So when I went to my 30s,

I brought her this material.

I said,

Mom,

Like was it like that for me?

And she said to her great credit,

She said yes.

So I had a place to build in truth.

Now the other thing,

Okay,

And the reason I'm so grateful for her to say yes is because I had a client and material came up from her body which was very distressing about her early childhood.

And she took it to her mom and her mom said,

I can't remember.

So that left my client not being validated and it made it very hard for her to build her healing.

So I was really lucky.

The other thing that happened in my childhood was my little brother was born when I was seven.

I just turned seven.

Now I had a,

When he was rolled into baby carriage back in those days,

You know,

Sort of that English style and you lie in it.

He was put in the living room.

And I came roaring down the stairs to meet him and I looked at him and I had this full blown kind of encounter with my own soul.

It's like that child to me was like the Christ child.

It was just like the Christ child.

And I felt this incredible kind of warmth and compassion coming through my body and this expansion.

It was just,

It was just unbelievable.

And you know,

Indeed,

I mean,

The way it worked out is I became a second mother and,

You know,

At seven and eight,

I would be making his bottles.

I would get up in the middle of the night,

I would hear him,

My mom would sleep right through it.

I'd get up,

Make him his bottle,

Bring his bottle.

Like,

You know,

This isn't the way a seven year old normally behaves.

It really was a real soul encounter I experienced.

And that actually gave me the basis for my healing work.

One of the things I heard when I was in India was that lots of times teachers will have an encounter with soul energy,

You know,

Either on their own or through somebody before they're eight.

And that what that does is,

In the years after that the child,

Well,

You can never run from it.

I could never repress it.

I tried,

Believe me,

But I could never repress this,

This soul knowledge I had in this knowledge of truth and it would just be in my body and I couldn't,

I couldn't do anything about it.

So anyway,

So okay,

So the universe or my soul gave me this choice.

I had two very different conditionings.

I had one conditioning that was like a war zone really emotionally.

It was very hard,

You know,

Very unsafe for a little kid.

I was really neglected and battered.

Anyway,

Then I had this expansion of soul.

So when I grew up,

I had this conditioning would come up from the hard part of my childhood,

Which was very dark and very scared and terrible,

But I could never quite buy into it.

I was always aware I had a choice because of my experience with my brother and indeed that soul expansion may have happened just because I was so kind of hurt in my early years that I was just so wounded.

I just opened to my brother.

I opened to any little bit of love I could find.

But all through my life there's been this choice about which side I side with and you know,

I obviously sided with the soul energy,

But then what happened?

And part of the reason it's taken me so long to get anywhere on the journey was all this really deep,

Deep sorrow and pain came up.

But you know what?

It's all healable.

It was all,

You know,

The fear was just all the fear and the storylines I had.

It's just smoke and mirrors because this whole world is just love.

We're love.

We're made out of love.

We don't feel like it because this judgment that we have of ourselves and others,

You know,

That we walk around with and we're scared of our own light.

I mean,

One of the things when I'm working with people,

It's like,

And they're scared about something and I'll tell them,

You know,

Really you're scared of how loving you are,

How infinitely loving you are.

And it doesn't make sense to the head.

It only makes sense when you,

You know,

Travel on the journey and you have these experiences.

Now,

One of the things that I encourage people is the use of sound on the YouTube.

You know,

You can get sounds at different vibrations and there's some vibrations that will help your heart open.

And you can do that for yourself and listen to them a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

A psychologist,

A really compassionate psychologist or psychiatrist or coach could be,

You know,

Useful if they're really compassionate.

I could never really find one,

Which is why I hung up with the shamans and the,

You know,

The masters because I couldn't find one who was compassionate enough for me that I could feel really got me.

You know,

The thing is,

If you really decide to heal,

You will.

What will happen is the universe will set up your curriculum immediately and you'll get all the support you need.

You know,

It might not feel like it's enough,

But it probably certainly won't.

But,

You know,

There's always prayer.

You can always pray.

And really,

You,

The guardian angels are real.

I mean,

You know,

Thank God for like Irish Scottish people because they see them.

That helps.

You know,

But they are there.

And you don't know,

I sound like a flake,

But like,

Actually,

The truth of life is so sweet and it's so loving.

And it's just where we get where our own distrust and our own judgment of ourselves and others and when,

You know,

Our own closed hearts,

You know.

You know,

I keep focusing on compassion and do the things that make you become the best person you can be.

And bless your hearts,

My love's always coming to you.

And I know it helps.

It won't feel like it's enough,

But it will help.

Okay,

Okay.

Bless your hearts.

Reviews

So much of this talk resonated with me. I feel a lot of parallels in our story lines. I wish that weren’t so. It saddens me to think about how hard it was for our parents who really were doing the best they knew how. My Dads recollection of the past is a bit different from mine, so it took me a minute to cope with that. The anger I’ve carried with me over the years was really out of control. I can’t believe I was allowed to be that way for so long and no one knew what to do with me once I came into it as an adult. I’m finally feeling like I understand where it came from and how it’s not me, it’s just my programming and that I can choose to be loving and compassionate toward others. It just takes practice. Talking it out helps a lot. I haven’t had any such luck finding compassionate therapists in the US. So I’ve stopped looking. But I’m happy talking to you and learning about you and hearing about how you’ve handled things. I feel like this is a chapter of healing for me and I’m finally learning how to follow the good feelings and to stay along that path. Thank you for talking about what seems to be taboo to some. We all need to live in our truth and to trust the loving, positive and thoughtful feelings rather than the negative and disheartening ones that just keep you down in the muck. Things don’t have to be so hard! We need to remember that! So thanks again. 🙏🏾🌸🙏🏾🤗❤️🤗

I have so much respect for you. Your journey really shows the magic in Life with a capital L.