Find The Silence Within You

In this uplifting Q&A Satsang, Premasudha highlights simple but essential points. An important one to remember is that our difficulties come to help us evolve. Premasudha always tailors her answers to the individual asking the question. Happily, all of us feel the unconditional love behind Premasudha's words and this transforms us.These Awareness Satsangs help us come into our hearts and accept our humanity. (Being able to laugh about our frailties can make things easier!) Premasudha emphasizes the need to steer our consciousness to the Silence within; that the Creator is in the Silence of our own heart; and there too the answers to all our questions can be found and love can be received. Everytime we dare to love, there is more love and light in the world

Transcript

You guys,

You have to get better at reminding yourself that unconditional love exists,

Okay?

You have to get better at it.

You have to think about the creator more.

And you know when your thoughts get dreary and everything,

Start your mantra.

You guys are going to have to put effort into it,

Real effort.

Some of you are quite passive about it.

You'll just go,

Oh,

I'm so sad,

I'm so sad.

And I'm like,

Well,

You have to,

You have to do something to help yourself,

You know?

Yeah.

Your mantra,

Helping somebody else out.

You know,

When our bodies are making these changes,

We can feel really,

Really bad.

But the thing that will help you through the changes is returning to your focus on the creator and doing what you need to do to help yourself,

Anything.

You guys are so passive about feeling bad.

You know,

Prama Sutta,

That was a real strength.

I mean,

I start feeling bad,

I'd immediately start trying to help myself because I knew nobody else could do it for me.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Me that ring in your ears.

And then you start,

You can tap into divine power this way.

You know,

You tap into,

You can tap into the creator because the creator loves you and is just waiting for you to turn more sincerely.

Yeah,

More and more sincerely.

You know,

When I say keep a journal,

Go back and see your breakthroughs,

Remind yourself.

You know,

You guys,

It is going to intensify on the earth plane.

And trouble is going to come up.

And not only trouble,

But all the pain of humanity,

The pain that we're in for going the wrong way is going to start becoming more conscious.

So,

You know,

Start,

Start your mantra,

Start,

You know,

I think I can,

I think I can,

I'm feeling really bad now,

But I know I'm moving through this.

Yeah.

You know,

The thing from the Flanders Fields that,

Pick up our coral with the foe,

To you from failing hands we throw the torch,

Be it yours to hold it high,

If ye break faith with us who die,

We shall not sleep,

Though poppies grow in Flanders Fields.

This is our covenant with our souls.

To move into our souls.

It's our covenant that we made before we were born.

Pick up the coral with the foe.

It's like,

Fight the good fight.

You don't,

You know,

Fight fear or fight feeling bad,

But you keep the focus,

You turn your focus to the Creator,

You know.

You follow the guidance of the teachers that you're seeking.

Some of you are too passive to do the things I've suggested,

You know,

But still you want to feel better and it's like,

Okay,

Good luck with that.

These are extremist times,

You guys.

You know,

There are lots of times that I had a dream,

Had a big breakthrough just because of a dream.

Like,

If you just keep going,

Things like that will happen.

You'll just find that you get lifted out of turmoil sometimes.

The Creator will always give you enough to keep you going,

Will always give you exactly what you need.

It's kind of the secret to keep reminding yourself that,

Like you would a difficult little child.

You just keep reminding this difficult little child that these things are happening because they are for your highest good.

The thing I find women are just so pre-supposed to think that they're victims.

It's kind of like,

Oh my goodness.

We're so strong.

Women are so strong.

Alma says,

You know,

A woken up woman is basically invincible.

The whole universe comes in behind her.

Yeah,

Anyway.

Okay,

So that's enough of the pep talk at the beginning.

You guys have been in my heart.

There have been lots of prayers for you.

I've been thinking of you guys a lot and I'm really looking forward to being with you and what you have to say or any questions or observations.

It's a beautiful day,

You know,

And it's never going to happen again.

This day is never going to be again.

And you're never going to be as young as you are right now.

There's so many reasons to celebrate life,

Even with what we've got.

Everybody's too scared to say anything to the dragon,

I think.

I have a lot of empathy for this.

I mean,

I'd be always nervous.

Yes,

Who's that?

Anna.

I want to share the experience with my swollen ankles.

Oh good,

Yeah.

Yeah,

Because it still is a beautiful experience of how these things work and how you helped me with this.

So,

I've been suffering from swollen ankles every time I've been to Amma's ashram.

But I had a lot of trouble with my right ankle already for years.

And you kept telling me,

This has to do,

Ankles have to do with birth.

And this time,

When you said that a couple of days ago,

It was the first time that the penny dropped,

That it was really that I could feel the atmosphere between my parents when I was born.

And you reminded me that that was an atmosphere of the concrete reality I was born into,

About fighting about money and property and just the concrete things.

And this afternoon,

When you said that,

The ankles,

The swelling went back,

And they were nearly slim.

And even the leg was like,

The water was all going away.

So,

It is still coming back.

But I'm always,

When I look at my ankles,

I'm contemplating about the situation and about me and my conditioning.

And it's very graceful,

I must say,

Because you also told me I have to rest and keep my feet up.

Everybody told me,

But I didn't listen.

And I kept on doing SEVA and doing too much.

And so,

Stephanie reminded me,

Just,

Yeah,

Withdraw.

And my feet are much better.

They feel a bit like there was freedom.

It's a notion of freedom,

When I look at my ankles right now,

Sort of.

I just want to share that and thank you.

Yeah,

Really.

You let the penny drop.

And so,

Because that dropped into your heart,

The penny dropped,

Then it turned into a physical experience,

Right?

I mean,

You had the physical experience of the comprehension.

So,

Then you allowed the love to come into the cells of your body all at once.

You see,

With the physical act of that comprehension,

Which has a physical ingredient in it,

You feel it,

Suddenly you get it.

That's when you're letting love come into your body.

But Anna,

There's a secondary thing to this,

Which is,

You know conventionally that swollen ankles is a symbol of heart failure.

You know that.

I'm not suggesting that you're getting heart failure,

But it is a symptom of heart failure.

And my experience of you is that it's like you've lived in heart failure,

In that you,

You know,

You,

It's like you haven't been able to address this.

It's like,

Do you know what I mean?

You haven't found the strength to really face this.

And yes,

And you haven't found the strength to really come forward with the wisdom of your heart,

Which is very strong and powerful.

Do you know,

And that's,

Again,

This is exactly where we've,

We fought over time.

Yeah.

So,

It's a double whammy with,

And,

And for you,

It made that,

That penny drop about the heart failure.

You know,

Your,

Your failure to stand with your heart really in your life or to live from the heart.

Even though you've known better underneath.

Yes.

Right.

Thank you.

This will help you.

This will help your overall health to admit this.

Because when we admit it,

What happens is we,

We get a new skin.

It's like a snake outgrows its skin and you get a new rebirth.

It's so funny because your picture is changing dramatically.

Even as we're talking,

It's like,

There it is.

It's in everything.

You guys,

The universe just communicates in everything.

Yeah.

And you don't have to force this,

Like about the heart failure,

Just love and compassion for yourself endlessly.

Do what Premasuddha did.

Love and compassion for my unfixableness.

You could love and compassion,

Self-compassion for this heart failure.

And I'll tell you,

It will turn into the heart of a lion.

I'm not kidding.

You keep doing that self-compassion,

It will just transform into the heart of a lion and nothing will stop you.

Okay.

I promise you,

If you really do do this,

The self-compassion,

If you really do go,

I'm going to rise to this.

Yes.

Okay.

But don't do it in a doing way or a forcing way.

It's like your soul has already decided whether you're going to do this or not.

Your soul is going to solve it.

So it's like,

You'll do what you can for yourself and observe what happens.

Just like you observed what happened,

That your swelling went down as you,

As the penny dropped about your childhood conditioning.

Yeah.

It seems as a child,

It seemed so impossible to face.

But it's not.

It's not.

It's like our soul faces it for us.

We just let our soul come in and heal us.

Yeah.

Okay.

Premasutha didn't heal herself.

Premasutha opened the door to my soul.

And that turned a very neurotic Janet Hobbs into Premasutha.

Right.

It's okay,

Sweetie pie.

Oh,

Sweetheart.

I know.

Oh,

Sweetheart.

You see,

You guys,

In a real healing,

There are moments like this.

Just moments.

This is what happens in a real healing.

The grief you feel.

It's like the grief of having refused God.

Do you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The grief of having refused to love.

Right.

And when you feel it,

You heal.

My hat off,

Anna.

Yeah.

My hat off.

I have great respect for this.

For what you're doing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

It's like five minutes of pain.

And then it's on to the new,

New world,

New life,

You know,

I mean,

That's,

That's what's so great about having the sad saying we can have company.

So that we don't get lost in this pain for months,

You can just feel it and come out of it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

This is so wonderful here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

And you may have to feel it again.

But you won't.

Yeah.

You know,

You're not going to wander around like for months like I did,

Like,

What the hell?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's good.

It's good.

You know,

Anna,

I'm feeling like,

You know,

Underneath this,

If you feel that you've been under a lot of pressure all your life,

You may not feel this.

I don't.

Yeah,

I'll just say what I'm getting.

And you know,

As you turn and faces this whole feeling of being under pressure,

Pressure is going to go.

Because you're opening to your soul energy.

Yeah,

You guys.

It takes away feelings of pressure,

It takes away feelings of being trapped.

You suddenly have more space,

You suddenly have more joy.

You suddenly love people more.

You love yourself,

You understand the religious sayings,

You know,

You understand them on a whole new level.

And you're glad to be alive.

And you're really glad to be doing the work you came here to do.

Yeah,

It's beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's funny.

There's,

There's a deeper level of love that you'll have to like this pressure,

You've got up into your head a little bit about it.

So just,

You know,

Just keep self compassion,

Just keep.

Yeah,

Yeah.

I mean,

You will figure it out.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah,

Thank you.

We're so human.

Oh,

That's beautiful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

This was my dream,

You guys.

To,

To let love come through me enough that this one would have healing balm on people's bodies and their minds and their hearts.

This was my dream,

You know?

Yeah.

And it seemed impossible.

It was sort of like trying to dream up a fairy tale.

But it happens over time.

You guys don't underestimate the power of just,

It just happens over time.

I just never gave up.

You know,

That's my,

I don't know.

I'll probably,

You know,

Be communicating across the,

You know,

When I'm dead,

You know,

I'll be calling out to the human race.

Just don't give up.

Oh,

Dear.

Yeah.

And the thing is,

You know,

Really,

The fighting with my dad gave me such a muscle for like,

You know,

Standing up for myself,

You know,

Like the bad things turn into good things.

So,

You know,

With the fighting of my dad,

I had at first,

When I came to the spiritual journey,

I was fighting God too.

But then I learned not to do that.

But I'll tell you,

It's the fights with dad that,

That gave me the muscle to keep going no matter what.

So everything turns into good news,

You know?

It all turns into good news.

Yeah,

I feel my dad laughing.

Not funny.

In heaven,

Like I feel I'm laughing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ah,

You're blessed,

You guys.

You're blessed.

Yeah.

And if you're doubting your sincerity,

I'll tell you,

You know,

If you're,

If you're hanging around Pramasutra,

You're sincere.

You are.

You are.

Yeah.

Please don't doubt it.

Has anybody else got anything to talk about?

Okay,

Michael.

Yeah.

Hi,

Everybody.

You know,

I just wanted to comment on the emails that you sent me last week.

I'm still trying to digest them.

But I,

You know,

What,

One of the things I noticed is that,

And I've noticed it before,

But it became more conscious,

Is that,

You know,

It's like,

When you go through life,

You have these expectations and these benchmarks.

And for me,

It's like this expectation and this overseer that you were talking about,

Checking,

You know,

Have I reached a benchmark?

And,

You know,

I guess the penny dropped there too,

For me,

That,

You know,

That just doesn't work.

And that's,

I find a bit difficult to integrate because,

You know,

Everyday life,

It's just,

We're consumed with benchmarks and measuring ourselves to check our progress.

I just wanted to comment on that.

And I'm trying to get away from that.

You know,

Michael,

I said in one line,

It's going to take you real sincerity.

It's going to take real sincerity on your part to kind of deepen past all this ego material to actually experience God in you,

You know,

To really experience it on a deep level that I recognize.

Like,

I know that you've had some experiences,

But there's a level,

I'll tell you,

Michael,

I don't know whether it's,

You know,

Your business training or what,

But this thing that guys can do particularly,

It's the very masculine approach.

It's kind of like,

Okay,

It's sort of like,

What can I get from Mother Earth?

You know,

What can I get for myself without loving anything else,

Without any kind of even empathy for anything else,

Really?

It's like,

How is this going to help me?

And that's,

I think,

What you really need to see and admit about yourself,

Really.

Yeah,

I can see that.

Yeah,

But you're going to have to gag on it,

And it's going to have to really break your heart.

You see,

I mean,

Part of you just,

I'll tell you,

It's so strong in you,

Michael,

Or it has been.

Tell me the rules of the game,

And I'll play it.

Now,

I have come across this,

Particularly in business people,

And there's some people,

There's one person who hung around me for 20 years,

And they still didn't get it.

Now,

I have a lot more faith in you,

Buddy,

Don't worry,

But yeah,

But really,

Like,

I was thinking a lot of your comments,

You know,

I was talking about wanting to see more humanity,

And the next week you came forward with the story about being in this party,

And this person who you used to feel superior to,

You just felt like,

Oh,

He's like my buddy.

But my strong feeling is you're just doing these tricks to please mama,

Like you do it for one evening,

Just to please mama,

And then it's gone.

It's the whole principle of loving humanity,

Loving yourself really deeply.

It's not like party tricks.

Yeah,

And I know you have a heart of gold in there,

And it's a broken heart,

And I know you don't want to feel the broken part,

That you spend a lot of time running from it,

And I'm not trying to push you into pain,

But it's like the real spiritual journey.

We have to let our egos die,

You know,

And it hurts to do it,

And you can't manipulate it or orchestrate it.

It's a wild process,

And it just happens.

You're just in it when it's happening.

You can't control it.

You know your ego's dying,

And I don't know what to say really to help you or comfort you,

Because I know that you so want it.

It's just you don't realize kind of what a heart process it is.

You know,

It's like Superman.

It's like,

You know,

The man of steel and kryptonite,

And kryptonite's the heart chakra,

And it's the worst enemy,

And this is the male conditioning,

And my heart breaks for you guys.

And not only that,

Women will go like,

Well,

I'll love you if you make 200k a year.

Like,

They're so trapped.

Like,

I get it,

But the women are only doing that because we've learned that men don't really love the real feminine,

That they're scared of it and often aren't very nice to it.

So,

Women go,

Okay,

You want to be with me?

Like,

Earn a lot of money,

Take care of me physically.

That's how twisted it all gets,

You guys.

So,

How are you feeling right now,

Michael?

Honest,

Honest,

Honest.

You know,

It's,

I find,

I go through emotional moments,

And then they leave,

And then I feel like I'm back to square one.

You know,

Back in a business meeting.

So,

Yeah,

That's why I was telling you,

I think,

Last week that I just feel this hump.

So,

Yeah,

You see,

You're trying to run the journey with your head.

Yeah.

So,

You get these moments,

But it goes back to square one.

So,

It's,

Yeah,

I mean,

You're not really going to make any progress at all with what you're doing,

The way you're doing it.

This is what I'm trying to,

I'm trying to kind of push you away from me a little bit,

Push you back on yourself a little bit.

So,

You're not so kind of focused on me,

Or trying to please me,

Or whatever,

Like,

Push you back to like,

Hey,

Buddy,

This is actually your,

Nobody else can do it for you.

Nobody can really make it better for you.

They can walk with you.

Yeah,

But I'll tell you,

Michael,

When your shell breaks,

I will give you immediate feedback that you're on the right track.

It will be immediate.

But this shell is,

I mean,

And you,

You know it so well,

And you can tell me that your mom,

You know,

Started off being warm,

And then she got cold,

And the cost to you about all this,

And it's everything,

And it's like,

Yeah,

Well,

Yeah,

But,

But still,

You're still not letting the shell break.

But Michael,

It hurts to let the shell break.

And you have to work full-time,

You know.

You see,

The thing that you don't realize is that you really matter.

Michael really matters,

And it really matters that you're here on earth at this time,

And you bring something that nobody else in the world can bring.

And nobody else can walk the walk like you do,

And we all,

Everybody on the earth,

Needs you to be here to do it.

It's like to do the Michael dance,

You know,

The dance of being Michael.

Yeah,

We need you.

And you see,

The shell is that you don't feel worthy enough,

You don't feel valuable enough,

And you're trying to protect yourself.

And now,

It's getting in your way,

The shell.

Yeah,

That's,

That is the heart of it,

That's the root of it.

And you've got elaborate,

You've had elaborate senses over top of that.

So,

How do you feel?

Well,

I'm,

You know,

I'm feeling like I'm not feeling anything.

You're not feeling anything,

Yeah?

Yeah,

I'm feeling cold.

Right.

Like,

As in cold temperatures,

Like really cold,

Like,

You need a sweater?

No,

Not physically,

Emotionally.

Emotionally,

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that is why I'm screaming at you and sending you these emails.

It's because of that cold numbness underneath,

That wants to stay that way.

Right.

But pretend to be on the journey,

And pretend to be like,

You know,

Being a good guy.

And that's how cold you are to your true self,

Okay?

Yeah.

So,

Just be with all this,

And you know,

It may be shocking to you.

But if you,

You know,

Just be with it,

You know,

And it can change.

I mean,

This is why we've got this world where people walk past people who are dying in the street and everything.

It's because exactly this,

It's absolute coldness of alienation.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's shocking.

It's like,

You know,

It's like,

I came across stuff like this in myself.

So,

It's not just you.

We've all got it underneath.

Everybody's got it.

It's just whether who's willing to face it and allow it to heal.

But Michael,

Just don't boss yourself around or try to fix.

Just walk around with it for a while.

Just walk around.

And,

You know,

As you feel able,

Take it to the Creator,

You know.

Gently,

Not in a forcing way.

Just like,

Oh,

Creator,

What do I do about this?

Yeah.

Right.

And you can speak to Amma energetically like that.

You could also speak to me,

Too,

Energetically like that.

And the answers will come.

But,

You see,

You're scared of really loving deeply.

Yeah.

This is good.

This is heroic work,

Man.

So,

Yeah.

Everybody's touched,

You know.

They're all touched by you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

They are.

There's lots of love coming.

Yeah.

Right.

Because don't think you're the only one who feels this way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

Michael,

I've got a lot of respect that you even turn up for these things,

You know.

Yep.

Yeah.

And you're very dear,

You know,

So.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And remember,

This isn't everybody.

And as it clears,

Then the world will become more loving,

You know.

You know,

It seems imperceptible,

But every time we take a step forward,

We drop some garbage we dare to love.

There's more love and light in the world.

You know,

Yeah.

It's the thing we can do.

Yeah,

I feel like,

Funny,

I'm getting like,

For you to meditate on peace seems odd to me.

But,

I mean,

Like,

But it's a real directive coming from the creator,

From Amma,

Saying,

Meditate on peace,

And maybe what peace is for you,

And what it would be like to have a peaceful heart,

And to be sharing peace.

It's as if,

Michael,

As you wake up more,

That is part of your great gift of what you're going to be bringing,

Is peace,

Bringing a peaceful feeling to people,

Bringing peace wherever you go,

Even in meetings.

But you won't be able to fake this.

This will only come as you're really authentic.

You see?

Yeah.

But it's very strong.

It's part of your gift.

So,

When I say this,

What,

How do you feel?

I,

You know,

I can hardly understand that,

Because I don't think I've ever felt that way.

And I've always been the kind of person that thought conflict cleanses.

Yeah.

So,

Although I know,

You know,

That,

You know,

I can understand that peace is more constructive.

So,

I don't,

I don't connect with it,

Actually.

Well,

You know,

It's the truth,

And it's underneath this numbness.

And,

You know,

Think of,

Like,

The journey from,

For Premasuddha,

From being a neurotic journalist,

A neurotic,

Very pushy journalist,

To,

To who she is now.

Do you know?

It's the same kind of journey.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

Just understand that that's what you're numb to,

Is this peace.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay,

Good.

Brave man.

Good.

So,

Anybody,

Anybody else got any comments or questions?

Maxi,

I had something come for you.

I mean,

And we could have a phone call about it,

If you want.

I don't think you should verbalize your process to your family.

It's,

It's like,

I think you're creating this sort of umbrella of your personal process over your family,

Through your words,

And it's confusing everybody.

And it's taking them away from them,

Their own selves.

Do you understand?

They're getting,

Yeah,

But we can,

We can,

Does this make sense to you?

What I'm saying?

Yeah.

Yeah,

It does.

Right.

Right.

And the other thing I was going to say is,

You do it,

And it comes from,

Because you feel threatened.

It's the same principle where you'd go,

You'd step out and,

And have sex with that guy,

Sort of to keep yourself safe.

This is something you do in a,

Sort of an attempt to keep yourself safe from actually deeper,

More loving perceptions that would come if you just stopped talking this way.

Yeah.

It's like you moving just closer to your heart and closer to the silence within,

And the love within.

And your process,

You need to observe your process,

But don't,

Don't talk,

Because what you were saying about like with your daughter and saying,

Oh,

She's reflecting you and everything.

Your daughter's just going to get lost.

She'll end up getting raging at you.

You don't want that.

She's just going to get lost in your stuff.

She'll lose track of herself.

Yeah,

All these perceptions,

To see them,

And then observe them,

And work with them,

And then talk to Amma,

Talk to Amma there,

Pray,

Ask for help.

It's okay,

Sweetie.

It's,

It's what beginner,

Not,

You know,

I mean,

I hesitate to say beginner spirituality.

It's,

But it's in the earlier stages,

We do this.

So I just wanted to sort of nip it in the bud before it slowed you down or made life harder.

And we can,

You know,

If you feel like you want to make a shift closer to your heart,

Into your heart more deeply,

If you're ready,

You can always book a phone call or not.

It's okay.

I don't have an agenda.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Whatever you like.

And you're a wonderful mama.

Those kids are spectacular.

And you should have seen some of the things I did with my boys,

You know,

Like,

So just like,

Don't give yourself a hard time about it.

Like,

It's minor.

Okay.

Like,

Okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Yeah,

It's not a big sin.

It's fantastic that you're on the journey,

And you're raising kids and boys.

I,

You know,

I look back now and I'm going,

Oh,

My goodness.

But there was,

You know,

There was a lot of stuff I did right too.

I don't want to make it sound like I was all confusion.

There was a lot of,

There was a lot of good stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Your kids are really beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So how do you feel right now?

Yeah,

I feel like it's true what you're saying.

Like,

Like,

I feel like there's something that wants to come up,

But I don't know.

Yeah.

What it is.

So yeah,

I could feel the peace from Michael when you talked about it,

But now I'm kind of like,

Yeah.

I'm just giving you a little bit of a how to.

It's don't talk about your spiritual journey with your kids.

Keep it private.

And your process,

Keep it quiet.

Keep it quiet.

Okay.

Close to your heart.

Yeah.

And if you do that,

You'll see them more clearly.

You'll see who they are more clearly,

And you'll see what they need.

Yeah.

It's like you want to come close to your heart,

But you're scared to.

You may need,

Let me know if you need support from me,

Or just be with the fact you're a little bit scared to,

But you're coming to satsangs.

So you're going to be making shifts.

We're all so scared to deepen.

We're in the West.

We're so focused on the outside.

We're taught to be so superficial.

You know,

Sometimes if you say one,

I remember at my friends,

This great family who were really good to me in the teenagehood,

And I don't know,

I said some kind of Janet comment,

And the guy who I used to call Big Red,

Because he was like a second father to me,

Said,

Oh,

That's so heavy,

Janet.

Don't do that.

And it was like,

I didn't think it was heavy.

It was just kind of I was just,

I was just speaking the truth.

It was the same thing.

I was just speaking the truth.

Don't be so heavy,

Janet.

And I'm like,

Oh,

God,

How do I live in this world?

Yeah.

So I just did this with it,

Because I couldn't stand.

I want to be myself.

And I know you want to be yourself.

You're doing a beautiful job.

Just,

Just don't talk about it.

Feel it.

Feel it.

Yeah,

It's like you're dissipating your power.

And you're,

It's disrespectful.

It's like you are a soul in human form.

And talking about your process is,

Is,

Is disrespectful.

Okay,

Like,

The way you're doing it,

You're doing it to dissipate it,

To,

To reduce the power,

To,

To,

Yeah,

To water it down.

But Maxie,

It is confusing everybody.

It's confusing your kids.

They're getting mixed up with who they are and their mother's process.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right.

Thank you.

Right.

Right.

I don't know how many generations it's gonna take the West to actually get the spiritual journey.

I don't know what's gonna happen.

I don't know.

But you know,

Maxie,

It once you see it,

You know,

After this,

You'll see it.

I know that you'll really see what I'm talking about.

And then you'll just stop.

It's okay.

It's not a big sin.

Yeah.

So much for telling.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Well,

I got the guidance to it came up several times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you for being so open.

You know,

You're a delight,

Sweetie pie.

Okay.

Just a delight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Does someone who hasn't spoken very much want to come forward at all?

I had a funny experience today.

I went and got this place where I went to for like,

I left the ashram because I wanted to do some writing and a little more quiet in this hotel.

It's got like a really busy street.

So there's traffic constantly.

It is so funny.

I'm like,

Oh,

My goodness.

And today I went to I went to get Oh,

And it's got a vegetarian restaurant,

Which is fine.

But I really wanted fish.

So it's just like,

I have been thwarted in so many things,

You guys,

This this whole,

Well,

I've been staying here in these really silly ways,

But so today I went to get some fish,

Some takeout fish.

And they you know,

I waited an hour at this restaurant,

There were all these people who were getting served,

I was sitting there an hour,

You know,

And I'm like,

What is this?

Is this like,

Are we are we mad at female Westerners?

And you know,

At first I was kind of,

You know,

Joking with them a little bit about it.

And it was like an hour,

I was,

I was,

I was standing in the lobby of the restaurant.

I was you know what me,

You know me.

So I said to you guys,

You know,

I'm gonna start when people come in,

You gotta give me my food.

Because if you don't,

When people come in this restaurant,

I'm going to start talking about how slow the service is.

I was half serious.

Anyway,

They they got my food.

Oh,

But the whole thing is,

I mean,

It's,

It's just,

It's been an exercise in just being thwarted.

So this is my experience of a life with my away weekend.

See,

So it just doesn't stop.

It's just,

It's endless.

And then I realized that part of the reason why I was being thwarted was,

I actually wasn't getting down to do the writing that I came to do,

You see.

It's,

There we go.

So I would get thwarted.

It's kind of,

But on the other hand,

Part of the reason I'm not getting down to do the writing is because the traffic,

Well,

Loud,

You guys,

Is just constant all day long,

Long into the evening.

I'm like,

Oh my goodness.

So you see,

It's just such a comedy.

It's just,

I mean,

Really,

You guys,

So please,

You know,

We're just human beings,

Right?

We're just human beings.

Yeah.

And some of this stuff,

You know,

Continues.

But of all the hotels to choose,

And there's,

It's busy,

Everything's booked up,

So there's no flexibility.

Oh yeah.

And there've actually been even more thwarts,

But I won't even go into them.

So don't take it all too seriously,

You guys.

I mean,

You know what?

If you're taking it too seriously,

You're in your head,

Okay?

Yeah.

The more you could laugh about it,

The more you're in your heart.

You know,

We're such goofs.

Yeah.

I wanted to get some dental floss,

And so they said,

Oh no,

We know just the place.

So they took me to this mall,

This mall,

Every other shop,

But a supermarket where you could get dental floss.

It was just sort of,

It was just more of the same.

And then,

I don't think there's any dental floss to be found in Columbus.

So you guys,

I mean,

I don't mean to diminish the level of this teaching.

It's really high level teaching,

But there is room for our humanity,

Okay?

And you,

You,

You will,

You'll learn this,

You'll learn to come into your hearts as you get that there's room for your humanity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Okay,

I'm good.

I'm feeling you all getting a little more peaceful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

The main thing,

You guys,

That you need to do is talk to the Creator.

Talk to Amma.

If you notice what you do is your minds,

You get very busy going around in your minds.

And you,

You're not focused on the Creator.

It is the number of moments in your life where you are steering your attention directly to the Creator that says whether your journey is a fast or slow one.

Do you understand?

Really?

The more you're focused on it,

The more you're serving it.

So the non-dualists talk about,

You know,

Silence within.

Okay,

So you serve the silence within.

You do everything in reference to the silence within.

You steer your consciousness to the silence within.

That is the Creator.

You pose questions to the silence within.

Shall I do this?

Or shall I do that?

And then you wait and you listen.

You're always talking to the Creator.

This is what you guys don't do.

Some of you do.

Some of you tell me you do,

But you don't nearly as much as you tell me.

But really,

I mean,

Think of the Creator.

Don't think about your sins and your frailties.

You know,

Talk to the Creator all the time.

You see,

If you don't want to talk to the Creator,

It's because you've got that numbness that Michael was feeling,

That kind of numb disconnect.

It does not want to talk to the Creator.

It wants to keep you in a state of alienation and numbness.

It is that really deep decision to steer towards the Creator and talk to the Creator in everything you do.

But that Creator is the silence in your own heart,

So it will let you know if you're on the right track or not.

When you feel more peaceful and more spacious,

You've made a shift into truth.

And remember,

With every shift into truth,

The ego will get angry and will work hard to get you back into the playpen of the ego consciousness.

Yeah.

You know,

I'm laughing,

I didn't get down to the writing,

But I've had some really,

Really good meditations.

And even being with the feeling of being thwarted has actually had some really deep percussions within me.

You see,

Nothing's wasted.

Yeah.

You know,

You are where you are on this state,

In this world.

This day is never going to come again.

You don't know how many more days you've got left.

You could all end tomorrow.

So don't put it off or think that you've got,

You know,

Unlimited time.

That silence in you will be strengthened.

You'll feel it being strengthened by some things you do.

And you'll feel it being weakened by some things that you do.

I mean,

It can be boring going out into Mother Nature sometimes,

Like boring for our overstimulated minds.

But,

You know,

Time in Mother Nature,

Especially if you look at her like she's God,

You know,

You know,

I do that a lot,

Like in Vancouver,

You know,

As the mountains are very close to me.

It does me so much good to go there.

And the other thing is,

You guys,

You're not in control of your journeys.

Like somebody decided when you were going to be born,

And somebody's decided when you're going to die.

So why do you think that you have a lot of power in the middle of all that?

The same thing that chose the time of your birth and has chosen the time of your death is orchestrating your whole life.

It's the boss of you.

It's the boss of you.

Your head is not.

Mm hmm.

It's like,

Think about these things,

Contemplate them.

You know,

Amma says the awakened children books,

That they're like the Gita,

They contain the whole journey within them.

And when I first read them,

So like 10 or 15 years ago,

I always felt there was this judgmental flavor in it,

Kind of this religiosity,

You had to do this.

And if you didn't do it,

You're a bad girl or bad boy.

And you know what,

I read them now.

And there's none of that.

I don't see any of that anymore.

It's because Premasutra changed.

Premasutra is not running the religiosity anymore.

So I don't see it in the books.

But they are really good books to to read.

You know,

Anything that steers you towards the Creator,

You know.

Well,

You're a quiet group today.

Okay,

Well,

Last call.

Probably just complete and what I'll do is after we sign off,

I'll meditate on you guys for some time.

We've got tomorrow,

Which will be the formal Premasutra talking.

Okay.

Hey,

Premasutra.

Yeah,

Stephanie.

I just had one follow up from a discussion about bullying,

Because I was experiencing some bullying here at the ashram.

It's my own perception.

When I go get food on the Indian side,

The Indian canteen,

You go with tiffin and you know,

Ask for your food.

And I usually get that there's this one brahmacharini and she tends to give me less rice.

So and I talked to Premasutra about this and,

You know,

Been meditating on it.

So I went for food yesterday.

And this time,

I brought a bigger tiffin,

Because I thought,

Oh,

If I bring a bigger tiffin,

They'll give me more because I usually bring a smaller tiffin,

Because they give me too much,

Actually,

The I used to go the men used to serve and then they give me too much.

So I bring a smaller tiffin,

And then the men will give me the amount I need.

Yeah,

With the women,

I think they see the smaller tiffin and then give less thinking you're not going to eat much.

So I brought the larger tiffin,

And then they filled it with rice so much that I had so much rice.

And then they put the buttermilk on the rice,

Which I don't really like so much,

Because I like it separate.

So I ended up with a huge amount of food,

Which I did eat.

But it wasn't like my most favorite combination of flavors.

Because normally,

I love the Indian food.

But there's like,

Kind of certain combinations of flavors that tend to just,

You know,

Be more palatable,

You know,

For me,

I've learned.

Anyway,

It was just hilarious,

Because I wanted to share how funny it was,

Because I hadn't been getting enough food.

And then I got this huge amount of laughing afterwards,

As I'm eating,

And it was fine.

You know,

I knew that it was healthy for me.

And it wasn't like totally horrible.

But it was it was just really funny.

Because it was my own perception.

And so I know now to that it was,

You know,

I think it's a smaller tiffin.

Maybe that potentially is causing that or I like an overabundance,

You know,

Of food that day.

Well,

Maybe,

But maybe,

You know,

I don't know,

Maybe I would I what I strike is that you your attempt problem solve didn't really solve it.

No.

Yeah.

No,

It's for me.

Yeah.

No,

But you're being a little bit like,

Oh,

It's your perception,

Everything.

Don't do that.

Okay.

Yeah,

You don't have to protect yourself or you don't have to defend yourself.

Oh,

You know,

You're free to have,

You know,

Like these things I was thinking about at the ashram,

You know,

I mean,

Really,

Actually,

When I was talking with an and you and Anna.

And I was telling you about,

You know,

When you get bullied,

Remember,

Like a chapter heading of Oh,

I'm,

This is a clearing or something.

But really,

I wanted to say to you,

Focus on the silence within when these things happen.

Like,

It's like,

Aim for the silence within serve the silence within,

Then these things happen,

And they will just get unraveled.

Like,

You guys,

Everybody feels depressed or distressed when we're bullied.

You know,

Or if we're feeling like people aren't listening to us.

It's like,

So when I would be bullied,

Say at the ashram,

I would be with it,

I would be with my responses.

But sort of deeply,

I was so desiring to move into truth.

And to learn how to love that it was like,

I felt all this stuff.

And I had some of the storylines that you guys had.

But I kind of knew deeply that it was some clearing of some sort that it was coming to help me.

Yeah,

That it was all coming to help me.

So it's just like,

And when we're talking about it with the group and everything,

Just come forward with a child,

Like a child with all these things.

They're all very human.

There's this thing about when you see,

You guys,

A lot of you hang around in feeling victim.

And you think it's safe to do that.

See,

My life taught me that it was not safe to be stuck in victimhood,

That if you're stuck in victimhood,

There's nothing that can save you.

There's nothing that you're wallowing off your connection to the Creator.

You're just in a puddle of tears.

And how could it get better?

There's no opening to the Creator to come in to heal the victim stuff.

Take everything that it's your prasad.

And then let yourself be fully yourself.

If you feel rage,

Or if you want to cry for a day,

Then do all that thing.

But,

You know,

You don't have to things sewn up with your minds.

But just know that everything is coming to help you clear.

So I got bullied,

Went through that thing with the ashram,

And then it all stopped.

You know,

And people started like treating me with enormous respect.

And I'm like,

Oh,

My God,

What happened here?

And I just kept the focus on,

You know,

I'm moving into truth this life.

And sometimes I had wobbly moments,

Like you guys do.

And lots of times I made really big mistakes.

And lots of times I felt hopeless and everything,

But kind of I would journal about it.

And walk my dog.

Do you know,

It's the days that just the days,

They add up,

You make progress.

You just,

You make progress.

It just changes.

It's interesting,

Stephanie,

Keep going with the food,

See what happens.

See what happens just to,

You know,

Observe it like,

Yeah,

And bring installments.

You know,

Keep us posted.

All the food goes.

Yeah.

Yeah,

And the rest of you.

Yeah,

Michael,

Just play with that.

Observe,

You know,

Observe.

And Trilla Chan,

Don't try so hard,

Man.

Yeah,

Just don't try so much.

Just go.

Yeah,

Just relax,

You know.

Shivam,

I haven't talked to you in a long time.

I love seeing your face,

So sweet one.

Yeah,

Karan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You guys,

Susan and Ruth,

All of you guys coming.

Vani.

There are two people down here,

And I can't see your names,

But I'm including you all.

Huge blessings,

And I love seeing you every week.

I'm so pleased to see you.