Awareness Satsang: Light Dissolves Darkness
Light shines through, as these devoted seekers share experiences, find truth and release denser emotional material. One member describes a major breakthrough into true self-compassion and a higher vibration, following a period of intense struggle. The spiritual journey takes patience and resilience, yet such accounts are testament that it is worth it! Not so many of us understand well the mechanics of how to evolve. The gift of an authentic teacher like Premasudha is that their presence makes moving through resistances much much easier. The love power within this gathering supports a gentle gradual rise in vibration. Feel the Angelic and love-powerful energies that Premasudha calls upon and allow them to help you become more present in your life. Humanity has risen to extreme challenges in the past. This resilience is within you too! Join all of us walking forward with open hearts. May you be Blessed. May All Beings be Blessed.
Transcript
So there's lots to say.
Actually,
There's a lot of energy to communicate.
It's a lot of love to communicate.
And this is a part of the satsang this morning.
It was around the amount of love and compassion that we're used to,
And that now we have to open up to more.
So I'm invoking the grace of the Creator and Nama,
The angels,
For all of us to come in and help us with this,
Because our egos cannot forgive us.
What forgives us and what has compassion for us is our soul energy.
It's the Creator.
Okay,
So don't ask your ego to forgive you or have compassion,
Because it can't.
Yeah,
But the Creator can and does.
This love and grace exists right now.
And I want to talk to you about recalibrating your bodies to this love and compassion.
Amma talks about how we have to lie down for these operations.
When the Creator is lifting the ego out of you,
Or if you are lucky to be close to Amma,
And she's lifting the ego off you,
You can feel pretty weird.
Things can look dark.
So we can run into Netflix or grab the wine or the chocolate cake,
Or we can just go through this period.
We just go through this period of intense initiation.
Inner material comes up.
You keep praying.
You observe your life seeming to go sideways for a bit.
If you're like me,
You would spend a lot of time lying down.
It is what I used to do.
I would lie down and just be with myself,
Be with my emotions,
My thoughts,
Or sometimes just be up all night,
Being with myself and praying,
Being with myself,
Writing things in my journal.
I couldn't fight it.
It was like being in a tornado of emotions and thoughts that I didn't really want.
And after that passed,
I would be lighter.
More love would come through me.
I would see more miracles,
Do you see?
And this happened over and over and over.
So lots of times people come to me and they want to grow,
But really,
They're scared to be with themselves,
And they're scared to walk through one of these periods.
Now,
If we want the Lotus awareness,
We have to learn how to go through these periods,
How to lie down and have an operation,
Basically.
Because if we don't do this,
I was just saying this to Anna,
I mean,
We stay like weeds.
I mean,
We're nothing much,
Really.
Your connection to your soul will come through going through periods like this.
Now,
I'm not talking about what some people do,
Which is they just walk around in angst and depression and anxiety endlessly.
That isn't it at all.
That's not what I'm talking about.
You can waste your whole life in that.
Yeah,
No.
I mean,
Really letting your soul come into your body and into your mind.
Let your soul change you.
Let your soul shake you up and solve your problems.
Yeah.
Now,
I understand it's really hard for the mind to let go,
For our intellects to let go,
Because we can feel like if you're fighting it,
You can feel like you're going crazy,
But you're not.
In fact,
The less you fight these periods,
The less crazy you will feel.
They're not normal,
And I wouldn't really talk about them with a psychiatrist,
Because unless he's an awake psychiatrist,
He won't know what you're talking about.
In fact,
Many even therapists won't know what you're talking about.
And if you're busy with kids or a job,
Just work around that,
Because nothing will stop you from being moved into a higher awareness if you wish this.
Nothing will stop you,
But you have to permit it.
And you'll feel like a bad girl or a bad boy that you're not,
I don't know,
Being a good wife or being a good mother or being a good employee or whatever,
But that's just the ego.
It's you guys,
In fact,
It's a fact.
You guys fight this kind of thing that this one went along with,
That keeps you small.
And so hopefully you'll stop,
And you'll just let these periods happen.
And I'm going to call on somebody who is a long-time spiritual seeker who,
You know,
Decades,
Has been on the journey for decades,
And she never stopped.
And she has gone through incredible difficulty,
You know,
Struggling with the outside world for years and years and years,
Until she learned how to surrender more,
And things got softer for her.
But she recently sent me an email,
Basically,
About her experience having one of these operations,
And how she arose from it with more peace,
More understanding,
And with this just kind of the ecstasy of,
Oh,
I'm getting it,
I'm getting it.
It's a tremendous ecstasy,
You guys,
When you realize that you too,
You too can do this.
And I'll tell you,
If you're attending the satsangs,
It's a done deal,
You know?
It's a done deal.
You just need to relax into it a little bit more.
If you're feeling that you don't know what I'm talking about,
Or that you could never allow this,
It's sort of like how Mother Nature deals with things,
You know?
Mother Nature recycles,
And stuff rots,
And then it makes really fertile soil.
So,
In these periods,
It's sort of like you let your ego rot.
You see how it's not working for you to keep doing what you're doing,
And it feels smelly and kind of rot,
But then it makes the great fertile soil for the new growth.
And lots of times you can do,
You know,
Some of this work in exchange with me.
It's all point,
That the teacher makes it easier,
And makes it feel safer to deepen.
I just really want to spell it out,
Because some of you guys,
Your minds,
Like it's your intellects come to me,
And you're wanting me to help you evolve through your intellect,
And I can't.
It can't be done that way.
It can only be done by letting me into your heart,
By letting me touch your heart,
By dropping down into your own heart,
And communicating to me from there.
And that's what many of you are scared of doing,
But lots of you are doing it.
And,
You know,
It just takes time.
And by me spelling it out like this,
It will make it easier.
And also,
We all feel that we need to get moving now.
Okay?
So,
Suzanne,
You were the one that I was speaking of.
I was wondering if you'd just talk to the satsang about your experience,
And sort of what you went through.
Hi to all.
You were telling me that you had this experience of the,
You had a breakthrough,
And I just wanted you to talk about what you went through.
Oh,
I went through a lot of.
.
.
So,
It was very heavy.
It was like an earthquake,
And heavy movement in my body.
You said you had.
.
.
So,
You're talking about an emotional earthquake,
And you said you had chills,
And your body felt weird.
Yeah,
Chills,
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you went to bed.
Did you go to bed?
I go to bed all the time.
Yeah.
And then,
When you were in your bed,
What was your experience?
It's to feel the warmth in the bed,
And to give me.
.
.
I embrace myself,
And I pray,
And I.
.
.
So,
My mind was very heavy.
You had all these negative thoughts,
And emotions.
All these negative thoughts,
And I knew they are not real.
Good,
Yeah.
Yeah,
They are not real,
And that's not me.
Yeah.
So,
I say to my soul,
You are welcome.
Welcome.
Yeah,
Welcome to come in.
Welcome to come in,
Yeah.
Yes,
Yeah.
Yeah.
And.
.
.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Welcome.
And then,
It's going easier and easier.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It starts getting lighter for you.
Lighter,
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then,
You were feeling that you felt this weight coming off your shoulders.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah,
A lot of weight.
Coming off the shoulders,
You guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
And feel like on the other side from the heart.
Yeah,
In the back of your heart,
Yeah.
Yeah,
It's lighter,
And it's.
.
.
Right.
Lighter,
And you can feel the wind coming in.
Yeah.
Yeah,
The fresh air.
The fresh air,
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay,
So I'd say that you removed a block to love in your unconscious,
And also on your male side,
Because that,
For a woman,
Is in your unconscious.
Yeah.
And you feel like you've done something really important,
Right,
Suzanne?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We just know.
It's sort of like giving birth.
You just can't argue with it.
No.
You just know it's a really important thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So,
I would say that your vibration has gone up,
That you embody more of your soul energy.
And you see,
It's like this,
You guys.
It's not to celebrate pain,
But if you're in a situation where you start feeling like this darkening come,
And you're feeling bad,
Just be with it and pray,
And it just cracks wide open.
How long did this take,
Suzanne?
How long were you in bed,
Or sort of feeling bad?
Two days,
About.
Yeah.
Two days,
And the third day,
It's slowly a little bit like little movement.
Yeah.
And today,
It's.
.
.
I know.
It's a new day.
Wow.
I know.
Oh,
Yeah.
I know.
This is it.
And you know,
This is what I experienced,
And I was like,
This is it.
You can't argue with the results of this,
But it feels messy to go through.
And you guys,
Many of you are scared to let go enough to do this.
And one of the things that used to happen is,
For me,
The creator would find the time to.
.
.
Boys would see their dad for two weeks of the year.
So really,
I would take the boys to the airport,
And I'd come back,
And I'd have these little mini collapses where all this work would get done,
Where I didn't have the boys,
And this inner work would get done.
And then I'd be on my feet again.
So until you don't have to plan this,
I mean,
The universe will choose a time.
Yeah.
So great.
Thank you,
Suzanne.
There was a woman who started yelling at me at one point.
And it was so funny because I was talking about resistance,
And I was sort of complaining about this resistance.
And then this woman started yelling at me,
And it was like,
There it was.
There it was.
So really,
That's how I read this too.
It's a part of the clearing.
You see,
It's part of a deep clearing.
We're talking about these operations and this deep subconscious clearing,
Right?
This guck from the unconscious that will come up when you're clearing.
It can be sort of pretty gucky the deeper you go in the clearing of negative voices,
But it's part of the mud of the lotus.
It doesn't matter.
You just keep going.
You just pray,
And you come out of this stuff.
And I'll tell you,
For somebody who's gone a long way up the mountain,
It's like to the extent that they've been able to face fear,
That's,
And face,
You know,
The darkest dark,
That is the light they get.
You see?
Yeah.
And it's just like,
You know,
The Buddha,
Or maybe it was Christ too,
I can't remember,
But I think it was the Buddha had a horoscope that he could be like just king of the world.
And he didn't do that.
He became king of the internal,
The true reality world,
The truth of us.
So,
We all have a choice on what we're doing.
He's lost in the shadow,
Right?
And so,
That's what he sees.
That's what he's seeing.
And it's like,
This is the level of the clearing.
I would say,
This is the level of the clearing for the satsang.
And the last time this happened,
We became more loving.
Amma says,
Healers need to be fearless.
Okay?
Now,
This is exactly it.
Just be fearless.
You see crap,
You call crap.
And whether it's in you or another person,
I would say just came from his disowned divinity.
Yeah.
That's all it is.
If you don't let it in,
It goes very,
Very sour.
If you don't know,
Really,
I mean,
I would say he doesn't know how to love and accept himself at all.
May he find that.
May Amma's grace come to him.
This reminds me of you speaking of this story about people seeing during the night,
They see a snake.
And as soon as day dawns,
They realize it's just a roe.
So,
He was seeing That's it.
He was seeing a snake.
He was seeing through his ego.
And he can see through his soul,
He will see it's a roe.
That's it.
And he was seeing through the shadow aspect of the ego.
But this one has had experience with the shadow.
I've had the shadow come up very strongly.
And it would scare me,
But it was like,
You know,
And I,
This came with,
I was a veteran seeker by this point.
So,
Don't worry about it,
Okay?
Yeah.
Just never,
Never think anything to promote fear because it's just so stupid.
It's just like cutting off your feet.
Don't do that.
You know,
Your light is stronger than anything,
Right?
If you want to serve the creator and Amma,
Nothing will stop you.
What's that song?
You know,
I'll live 1000 lives to reach Amma's nature.
It's a song.
It's like the willingness to face 1000 lives,
Face whatever it is.
Look,
You guys,
We all have like the murderous energy in us.
We all do.
You know,
It's,
I'll tell you what,
It would not be on the world the way it is now if people weren't carrying it and they don't know how to face it and allow it to clear.
Yeah.
And I'll tell you,
I promise you that in the deeper journey,
You will only get what you can handle.
God isn't cheap,
You know?
To really come to become wise,
It's not a casual journey.
But the thing is that the state of the world today,
It's not a casual journey just to stay alive.
So,
We might as well do the waking up because,
Right?
Please don't be scared.
I mean,
The thing about my experience,
I mean,
That's the whole thing that this one is the poster child for of like,
Nothing can stop us.
This one embodies.
So,
Come on,
You're attracted to this one.
So,
Come on.
And you only get what you can handle.
Suzanne,
I've got a question to ask you.
How have you come,
How have you come to be willing to face this level of your journey?
How did you get,
Yeah,
How did you get to be willing to face this material?
Yeah.
It's a family energy.
So,
My father was a soldier in the second war,
Very heavy,
And my mom was very hard to me.
So,
I faced a lot of darkness,
A lot,
Lot,
Lot.
Right.
And in the old days,
You would get it through the outside world,
Right?
Right.
Right.
Very heavily.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So,
And at 2000,
I have a very big,
I have very angst to move.
I have angst of my own soul energy.
So,
I was very depressed.
You know that Prima Zuta,
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was like a falling angel.
Yes.
Yes.
And,
Yeah,
And that time I had,
We're in a clinic and so on,
But I am keep going.
But in that time,
I do not pray.
I only go to the nature and I was a little bit like lost.
Right.
So,
You used to just go to nature?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it was like a kind of the third,
Yeah,
I don't know.
Okay.
A third dimension.
I was back in the third dimension,
Like this a little bit.
It feels like,
Yeah,
I don't know.
Sorry,
I'm getting mixed up.
This is when you went into nature or?
No,
It feels like I'm back in my old pattern,
Third dimensions.
You felt stuck in the old stuff with the heaviness of your family and all this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right.
Trapped.
Trapped by it,
Right?
Stuck in a trap.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
So,
But one day I was like,
No,
I don't want that anymore.
And then,
And after that,
I have to say that I have in this time pills and I can't sleep.
I have a lot of dark dreams.
It's very,
Yeah,
It feels like Harry Potter and I don't know.
Yeah,
That's where Harry Potter came from.
Yeah.
It feels like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Very heavily.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I have to say it has made me strong in a way.
That's it.
That's it.
I'll tell you.
God comes in.
Yeah.
God comes in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is it.
Yeah.
It's strong and I'm thankful of that.
It was like a present,
Like a gift.
Yeah.
I can feel how clear you are,
Suzanne.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
You guys,
It's just the way it is.
I mean,
It's just,
We're in this weird,
Challenging time and we're just doing the best we can.
Yeah.
And the thing is,
With the darkness that comes,
You see,
In the earth we're getting swallowed by the darkness coming from the outside,
You see,
Because we haven't faced it on the inside.
You see,
So actually the most loving thing,
The thing that's going to bring peace to this world is when we're willing to face our,
Face the darkness on the inside.
And we don't have to have these big operations.
You know,
If we've got a full-time job or we don't have any time,
It's okay.
It's okay.
And Suzanne is,
You know,
You're older,
You know,
You're not 20,
You're not 30,
You're older and you've had a lot of spiritual experience,
A lot of life experience.
And so you were made ready for this and then you surfed it.
And that's how it comes,
You guys.
It won't come before you're ready at all.
And it's good.
And it's nothing that you should,
You know,
Push or manipulate or anything.
I'm really just wanting you to feel safe to be you.
You see,
Become you.
I'm wanting to help you be safe to do that,
To feel safe and that you're,
You know,
That you've got authentic support behind you and behind your journey.
It's like,
This is just wise woman wisdom.
The reason all of it seems a bit shocking is because we've been so over to the extreme of the rules and regulations of a technological patriarchy.
Do you understand?
It is the,
Look what mother nature is doing.
That is our feedback.
It's just,
She's just going crazy.
Okay.
This is showing us our normal is not normal.
We are seriously out of tune with mother nature.
And to correct this,
You know,
And it can be a bit of a trial,
But you were talking about two days in bed,
Suzanne,
And prayer.
You know,
It's not so bad,
You guys.
It's a lot better than having a car accident and getting yourself flat in bed.
If the universe wants you to look at the ceiling for three months,
Right?
Like really?
Because I really,
You know,
Okay.
So I was on the plane.
This is a bit of a theme with me,
You know,
It's kind of mama's,
You know,
Parent when a parent harps on something,
But I was in a plane with two people and I was on the aisle seat and they were on the inside and they were in their thirties.
And I'll tell you,
They spent the whole time flying,
Whatever,
Nine hours complaining about how tired they were,
How stressed they were.
They have a two-hour layover before another two-hour flight to Austria or whatever.
Oh my God,
You'd think they were climbing Everest.
I was like,
I'm going like,
Oh,
Those poor deers,
This is so wimpy.
You know,
And they had some just,
And when I thought that it was less judgmental,
It was more like,
Oh,
You guys,
You don't know the trouble that life can throw at you.
You know,
It could be way worse than just a long flight.
And they,
You know,
They were saying like,
They'd snooze during the night and they said,
Well,
You look so fresh.
And I'm like,
I was up all night.
It felt like a million dollars.
With Anna,
We had a day together.
I had a good sleep that night and no jet lag or anything.
It's like when the creator comes in,
Your body is just enhanced.
Like,
Payoff.
Like,
These people at 30s,
It's like,
What are they going to be like at 60,
You know?
Yeah.
So,
Yeah.
So,
This is my,
Like,
Don't,
You know,
This,
You're way tougher than you think.
You think about the human race and all the obstacles we faced over the thousands and thousands of years.
It's like,
You and all your lives,
Like,
You know,
You can face anything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But,
You know,
The cells of our body,
Because we're in this alienated,
We've been trained in alienation.
The cells of our body,
When our soul starts to be strengthened,
Starts going,
You know,
The alarm bells go,
Not allowed,
Not allowed,
Not allowed.
But our normal is crazy.
So,
That's where we are.
I mean,
Really,
It's like out of a Farside comic.
So,
And when you face these,
When you face your own darkness inside you,
The whole world gets lighter.
If we were all facing our darkness,
I'll tell you,
These wars would stop.
Because as Suzanne will find out,
Different things happen to you when you have moved more into truth.
Life treats you very,
Very differently.
Life will go very,
Very soft with you.
I think all of you are going to have to,
Like,
Think about this,
Just contemplate,
You know,
What you're willing to do for an enhanced life and for more peace in the world.
What you're willing to face,
You know.
Because some of you,
And this is not just currently,
But over the years,
I have worked with so many people who say,
Oh,
Pramasutra,
I want this,
I want this.
And they want the benefit,
And they want to steer around any difficulty.
And so,
What happens is they don't get the benefit,
Right?
It's like the woman doesn't get the baby without childbirth.
And this is a wild satsang.
Anna,
You noticed a difference with the satsang?
Yeah,
It was very,
It was very deep and very intense.
And everybody was so into,
Into finding a way to the,
To the heart and,
And come into more depth with a true own,
With our own true self.
It was really a difference to the years ago,
Some years ago,
Much more intense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just settle into your hearts right now,
You guys.
Just feel your hearts.
This work is demanding in a way,
But it's really,
For all those,
You know,
For you guys who know me,
It's so loving.
It's so loving.
This,
You know,
God isn't cheap,
You know.
We never get more than we can handle.
I promise you that.
And I feel that this is a subconscious clench that Timothy was speaking from,
And that this is a clearing.
You know,
If you're willing,
This can just be clearing of a deeper subconscious clench that all of us start out with,
That we don't know about.
But when Suzanne was talking about this clench in the back of her heart,
In her mail,
It was a block to love.
And I think Timothy was speaking,
Speaking it really.
And it's a deep subconscious clench,
Shadow material.
And the thing is,
You guys,
Look,
We all know what's happening in the world.
And basically it's like,
Because there's been so little attention to our hearts and the emotional IQ,
It's like the shadow material is taking over.
So if,
You know,
It is when shadow material goes conscious,
That we become big love lights.
And Timothy did the great grace of speaking all this.
You know,
Bringing it up into consciousness.
Yeah.
And it's just,
What happens is when love is repressed,
It's like repressing anything.
You know,
If you push things in cold,
Dark places,
You know,
Things get putrid.
It goes putrid.
You know,
Dead bodies start to smell.
It's the same thing that happens if we try to push big parts of ourselves down.
It does not work.
It does not work.
That's why I say,
You know,
Don't indulge yourselves,
But be gentle.
Be gentle and don't repress yourself.
I turned and I faced my life.
Okay.
Now,
Not everybody does that.
And if we don't face our lives,
We're unhappy.
We're unfulfilled.
But if we face our lives,
It's challenging.
We have to rise to it.
We get these challenges and we have to rise.
It's like,
Those are the two choices,
You know.
I'm wondering,
I don't know what I can say.
I think you guys are going to have to go home afterwards,
You know,
After this,
And just commune with your own hearts,
You know.
Look for your hearts a little more,
You know.
Pay attention to what I've talked about,
But check your own heart for where you are and how you're feeling about what I'm saying.
The truth of it.
Just be with the truth of it.
Don't try to be a perfect student.
Just be with the truth of how you feel about this material that we've been talking about.
And some of you are already walking this way.
But remember,
It can't be rushed.
Like Suzanne,
I mean,
You know,
It's years,
But you know the great thing,
Suzanne,
You kept,
Kept coming.
You kept contacting me.
You never stopped.
You know,
I would be gobsmacked that you kept going.
It's a testament to the human spirit,
Really.
Yeah,
No,
It's true.
Yeah.
Right.
Ah,
Sweetie.
Ah,
Yeah.
You see?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
The,
I studied with,
Some of you know,
There's a Māori kaguna to Māori shaman,
And he used to talk about the law of attraction.
And he used to talk about the law of attraction,
Māori shaman.
And he used to talk about the long,
Hard road from the head to the heart.
Yeah,
It is.
It is.
But the more of us,
Like when we're walking together,
It makes it so much softer,
So much softer.
It's just hard on your own.
And I know that Timothy has been living by himself up a mountain.
I actually met him when we were sitting at Amma's,
At a retreat with Amma's,
And he was in a lot of pain.
And I started,
I sat next to him and we talked,
And I was working with him.
And he was talking about that he'd spent five years by himself,
Living up a mountain.
And,
You know,
That's maybe not always the wisest thing to do,
To be without any teacher and just on your own for five years.
It's actually can be an example of somebody who's scared to receive help or couldn't find help that they trusted,
You know.
You know,
In my experience,
You know,
When I felt myself going off,
You know,
One of the things about raising kids is I would see that I was going off.
So it was quick,
You know.
And with raising the kids,
It was like I had to correct.
It was a great safety net.
Yeah,
I feel you guys,
You're going to be asked to check your own heart and,
You know,
Check if you want to continue this.
Sometimes people need a break.
But,
You know,
I worked through stuff with Abraham and with Amma and this New Zealand shaman.
I worked things out with them face to face that if I'd been meditating on my own,
It would have taken me centuries,
You know.
And they weren't always happy with me,
You know.
And they weren't always happy with me,
You know.
Sometimes they gave me,
They were making corrections for me.
They were correcting me.
And,
You know,
The thing I always had was this feeling that I really knew I didn't know.
I had a tendency to think that other people knew better,
That everybody knew better.
That wasn't helpful.
But,
You know,
If I got corrected,
I took it really,
Really seriously.
And I would respond.
I wouldn't just ignore.
Like sometimes people just ignore when I give them a correction or they just ignore what I,
And it's okay.
It's just slower.
It's slower.
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
That's so interesting.
I'm feeling that you're being thrown back on your hearts.
But a lot of you haven't found your heart as a safe place yet.
It's as if,
I can feel this in many of you,
Is if you know your heart as kind of a place where you grandstand.
It's sort of like where,
You know,
You read about something happening with Mother Nature,
Something bad happening,
And your heart,
You can write a letter and complain or,
You know,
Fight,
Stand up against.
But to come to your heart to listen,
This is what I'm wanting you guys to learn.
You come to your heart and you listen and you receive guidance.
There's no rush.
There's no rush at all,
You guys.
But it's my heart that gives me the guidance about what to do,
What to say.
You guys are so beautiful.
Your lights are so,
So beautiful.
And many of you have got some shame running.
You know,
Maybe it's coming up as this part of this clearing.
It's like you don't know yet that your heart,
Your heart is you.
It's you.
It's your eternal self.
That's where your eternal self is.
And it's invincible.
Yeah.
I'm feeling you're going to have to contemplate your heart in this next week.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like,
It's like you have to make,
It's like you have to make some decisions almost,
Deepen and make some decisions about how willing you are to go forward.
And it looks maybe unpleasant,
This sad saying,
But the results are good.
I mean,
It's like,
You know,
When I was running from my heart,
You know,
I get a job in England with the biggest bullying editor in England,
So much so that even British journalists won't work there.
I just,
With the radar of my unfinished business in the universe saying you need to face this premisuda,
I was just radar to go to this job,
Get a job there.
Right.
Yeah.
And my next step after that,
My next brilliant step as an asleep person was to marry a man who had left me and treated me badly in several lives.
So,
Is this safe,
Ladies and gentlemen?
Is it safe to stay asleep?
No,
Not at all.
So,
This is also what helped me turn and face my life because look what my unresolved garbage,
Look where it was steering me.
Yeah.
And,
You know,
In the spiritual path,
This is understood that the more garbage somebody's carrying,
You know,
The more unhappy they get early and the more they wake up and face it.
I mean,
That's the whole point.
You know,
It's very simple from the universe's point of view.
It's just,
This makes a challenging walk for us,
But it's very sweet finally.
And,
You know,
I am really,
I just feel like so blessed and happy,
You know,
Really.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was joking to Anna.
I said,
You know,
Anna,
I've got men that love me and all over the world.
I feel like the ship,
You know,
The captain of the ship with a guy in every port,
You know,
And I love them.
I love them.
You know,
It's like,
I love all of you guys.
Yeah.
It's just,
This is what I wanted.
This is what I knew could happen.
You know,
And if I pushed this love down,
I'd just be a really neurotic,
You know,
Slightly crazy person probably,
You know.
Yeah.
Or worse.
Yeah.
So,
I encourage you to,
You know,
Being true to your heart.
Yeah.
Right.
You know,
There's a woman called Carrie Tenbaum,
Or Tenbaum,
And she was released from a concentration camp by clerical error just before the women in her age group were incinerated.
She got released by a clerical error.
This is what I'm talking about.
It is very safe to follow the heart.
Yeah.
Over and over again.
Personally,
I have been saved as I moved more and more into my heart.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And even now,
Attracting people coming in,
Coming in beside me,
Who,
You know,
Obviously,
I don't pay,
And they come in to support this work getting out.
Support this work getting out.
Yeah.
And Stephanie particularly has been like Suzanne,
A very devoted,
Consistent.
Yeah.
No matter what.
And even when I was correcting her severely,
She kept coming back.
Really.
And I was like,
This woman,
Even I was thinking,
This woman is going to give up any day.
She never did.
She never did.
And she came more deeply into her heart,
And I softened with her immediately.
Yeah.
The behaviors don't always make sense to people who are looking on the outside.
But oh well.
It's better than,
You know,
Having behaviors that are considered socially acceptable and going through life like an automaton,
And the kids not feeling loved.
That's no good.
Does anybody have any questions or comments?
Hi.
Yes.
Hi,
Prima.
Good.
Hello,
Sweet one.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hi.
Yeah.
I'm really so amazed because the issues you are talking about,
Also what Suzanne shared,
Is happening in my life since yesterday.
Last night,
I really had a dark night of the soul like I never had.
And I woke up,
And I looked inside,
And everything was dark and cold,
But so pitch dark.
And the day before,
I had been with some people I do not know.
I went to a garden which was open,
And I was looking forward to being in the garden which opens only twice a year.
And so the family living there,
Or they used to live there,
They had a table with cake and so on.
And so they invited me to sit down.
And then immediately,
The people start to share their lives with me.
So one guy who was probably burdened with lots of psychological things that had happened in his life,
He talked about abuse and so on.
He was shedding it all to me,
In a way.
And I felt having enough light to listen at that moment.
And so I was not bothered while it was happening.
I was surprised because I thought I came for the garden.
But instead,
Long dialogues with people also about environmental subjects turned out to happen.
And when they learned that I had worked in environmental protection,
They were very interested.
So all of that happened.
And while it was happening,
I felt it was beautiful in its own right,
So to say.
And yet,
It seemed like at night when I woke up and had this pitch black,
Cold thing inside of myself,
It seemed like all my not yet resolved issues about,
I mean,
My father came up in a way,
Or as Susan said,
He also was a soldier in the Second World War.
And all this violent,
I mean,
This depressed thing,
You know,
He suffered from depression,
And me too,
From early on.
And all this depression,
All this really very dark stuff came up,
But without many thoughts.
Actually,
There was not much going on in my head.
It was just I felt it,
I saw it inside,
Like really,
Really dark.
But I felt more willingness also to be with it.
I mean,
What to do?
I couldn't do it.
I mean,
I started praying,
And I started connecting with this energy coming through Bruno Gröning,
You know,
I talked about that.
Yes,
Yes.
And first,
I couldn't feel any change at all.
But also,
I did not give up,
You know,
I said,
What can I do?
I stay in bed,
And it's the way it is,
You know,
It's really dense and dark,
And like,
I have never seen it like this.
Yes.
As if none,
Not a yota of light would come in,
You know.
Yes.
And then,
So I did this connection with this energy again,
You know,
I had prayed again.
Good.
And all of a sudden,
I felt I could turn to my side,
And I was ready not to sleep again,
Or to sleep either way.
And so I turned to the side,
And actually,
I went to sleep and had some dreams,
And light came back.
A light came back into,
I don't know how it,
I don't know.
Well done,
That's it.
But light came back,
And in the morning,
I felt,
Oh my God,
Thanks God,
You know,
I mean,
I'm not enthusiastic,
I still feel a little burdened also in my heart area and on my… Why did you feel burdened?
What was the… Yeah,
What is it?
Because,
You know,
In a way,
This darkness coming up,
And you feeling better,
It's for you to realize maybe that it's a clearing of the shadows,
So you can become more loving,
So you can become lighter.
Yeah.
Well,
What happened actually,
Once I woke up in the morning by the alarm,
One of my first,
What crossed my mind was,
I was aware all of this,
My own depression I used to have during this lifetime also,
And then the thought came,
Oh my,
And with tears also,
Oh,
I really would like,
Love to be a bringer of light to the world,
You know,
That's what it is.
And I knew I have this,
It's the other side of this immense darkness,
You know.
Yes,
The Tifa.
Yeah.
Yes,
That's it.
That's the secret,
You guys.
Yes,
That's it.
And the tears,
Yes,
Made the light come through,
And,
You know,
Please,
Universe,
Make me fearless,
You know.
It's like fearless,
Because we're all light,
Light winds,
You know.
You know,
Premasuddha is fearless.
I have to say,
I am absolutely fearless,
And it works.
Yeah.
I just faced it all.
Yeah.
And Suzanne,
You're doing that.
And the Tifa,
That's great.
I'm thrilled with my tree.
Yeah,
In a way,
I knew that the light has to be very strong.
I mean,
Inside also,
Very strong to shine through all the darkness,
To all the issues,
Every issue,
It has to shine through to see the light in all of it,
You know,
That's what I felt.
And when I got up,
I had also the thought,
I just heard from you,
Like,
Oh,
My God,
It's not such an easy path,
You know,
It's really felt like it's not an easy path.
But also,
I mean,
There's really,
My longing is really for that.
But I still feel a little unbalanced today,
You know,
Still.
Sure,
Sure.
Stuck,
Stuck in.
Sure.
But remember,
They didn't do anything to you.
This darkness,
What those conversations helped show you this?
Yes.
Yes.
I mean,
The first thought was when Timothy came on,
I thought,
Oh,
My God,
Not,
Not again.
Not another one.
Not another one,
Exactly.
Because I had it already last night,
Yesterday.
And oh,
No,
Not another one,
You know,
So I was shocked in a way.
But you were talking about and talking about,
So you were working with us with this issue.
So I'm glad.
This is so good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know,
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
And I'm wondering,
It's like,
You know,
Like,
All of us,
We're all like,
Sitting around the campfire,
You know,
Together,
Singing songs around the campfire,
You know,
It's kind of like,
That's what we're doing.
Yeah.
And every story is acceptable.
And you know,
Really,
If Timothy had been able to put his concerns without abuse,
We would have listened.
You know?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah,
Poor Timothy is just going to feel more rejected.
But well,
Kind of like,
This is it.
I mean,
We get the feedback,
You see,
We create our own,
Like,
Trouble,
Right?
It's very obvious with him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah,
But I'm so stunned also,
That you are dealing with all these issues,
Which showed up last night for me as well,
You know,
So it's just happening for Suzanne,
You are tackling it,
And all of us,
We're sitting here in.
Yeah,
It's all over the world.
Yeah,
Yeah,
It's coming.
It's coming up all over the world.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah,
It was in the,
It was even in the satsang,
You know?
Yeah.
This morning satsang,
You know,
I made a comment,
Like,
There's a lovely guy,
Joseph,
And I said,
Joseph,
I'm not worried about you.
Or at least I'm not worried about you more than my concern,
Then I'm worried about humanity,
You know,
And everybody burst out laughing,
Because it's like,
Yeah,
It's like,
We're all seeing darkness,
You know?
On the outside,
And if we face it in the inside,
It gets less on the outside.
Right?
Right.
Atiba,
You know,
This is real,
A quantum leap for you,
Sweetie,
That you're talking so matter of factly about this,
And that you're able to kind of accept and digest this experience without panicking and without,
You know,
Feeling that these people did something to you or threat or threat,
You know what I mean?
You're much more embracing the whole thing than I've heard you before.
It's like,
Thank you for mentioning it.
Also,
I mean,
I was really amazed,
Just to say that I we had this gardening meeting.
And I couldn't believe it,
You know,
All of a sudden,
I was sharing some of my,
I mean,
It just happened to it.
Somebody said something,
And I was sharing some of the traumas I had been through.
And I couldn't believe it.
How do I do it?
And,
You know,
I felt a little vulnerable afterwards,
But I did not feel much shame,
Or I was not shocked that I had done it,
You know,
It was like,
Matter of factly in a way,
And I'm amazed myself.
I was not blaming myself afterwards,
How what I burdened them or anything.
No,
It happened like this.
And yeah,
Sometimes,
You know,
As we awaken,
We have actually heart to heart and we can have incredibly healing conversations with people,
Sometimes,
People we don't even know well.
Right.
Right.
And receive the gift in everything,
You guys.
I remember having a being in a really hard time.
And I parked out a Jeep at that time.
And I parked my Jeep and I got out and he said,
Boy,
Are you ever a good driver.
And I remember thinking,
Oh,
This is a message from the universe that I'm actually driving well,
Even though I feel like I'm really screwing up.
Do you see that I'm driving well on the spiritual path,
Like I would use everything to support myself?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Does anybody else have anything to say?
Or comment?
I promise you to definitely sweetie.
Yeah.
I am something that's bubbling up for me about what you're saying about how the outside world would just be harder.
I had an experience before meeting you as a teacher that I got bullied severely by another teacher in my second year teaching.
And it was went on and on for,
I think,
Two years where I confronted him.
And it went to the union,
But continued on because it had lawyers involved.
And apparently within the one of the largest school districts in BC,
It was the largest bullying case because there's multiple people involved.
Anyway.
Yeah,
It was really bad.
And I didn't know to pray or anything at that time.
I just knew I needed to,
You know,
Make them like do something to help myself.
But I mean,
I could have lost my career by I could have gone crazy if I didn't stand up to him.
And I think it was just grace at the time I had people around me to help me.
My point is,
Is that,
You know,
I saw this bullying,
Even then when I was in my mid 20s,
That,
You know,
I've been bullied a lot as a kid,
And then this was another person bullying me.
And I think I just felt so defeated and lost in that time,
Because I'm like this again,
I'm being bullied again.
And it's only been meeting you and seeing how the inner work and reflecting on my life of how,
You know,
I'm bullying myself,
And that's the clearing.
But the inner work and the inner journey is so much softer,
Because to encounter it on the outside and go through that whole ordeal,
Over two,
Two and a half years and feel like I'm going to lose my job.
And just feeling mentally unstable.
I,
I know that we've gone through way worse things than that,
I'm sure.
And your story sounds pretty horrible,
Though.
It was not going.
Yeah,
It was ongoing.
And it was a lasting thing that just kept going.
And I had,
They made me move schools as well.
So I lost my community.
And he got to stay,
Even though he was the one who was proven multiple times he'd been bullying people.
So anyway,
Bless the poor guy's heart.
I'm sure he went through some horrible things.
But it's just that,
You know,
It didn't work.
And I think that's the thing is I saw how,
Like,
I felt like I was trying to do everything,
Quote,
Unquote,
Right,
You know,
Have a have a job that I like,
As a teacher,
And,
You know,
Have a safe place to live in a car,
And I still wasn't happy,
Or these things are happening to me.
And it's the inner journey.
You know,
I'm picking it up slowly,
It's taking time,
For sure.
But I feel it's a way safer way to live,
Like you're saying,
Then have to experience it in the outside world.
And I think it's also a lot of grace,
The books I've been reading is,
You know,
To have grace to have on my here to have you to help all of us.
I'm just giving kind of an example of how I saw my life before to others,
And maybe others,
People can see that too,
Reflecting on their lives,
And contemplating that the inner journey is softer to love ourselves.
And it's an ongoing process,
I fully see and realize that and feel that over the last few years.
And I know,
There's a lot to go because you're,
You're now spending a lot of time with the mother of the universe,
Right?
And you're not having those that drastic kind of experience.
But on another level,
That was part of your karma,
Right?
That was and stuff,
You see,
With the karma,
If,
If,
And this is why I say to you guys,
Honor your God self,
Because you see,
We can constellate difficult experiences like that,
Just from being really hard and disrespectful to our own soul energy.
Do you understand this?
Yeah.
So just being a normal person,
And refusing to wake up can be actually karmic.
If we're being very hard on our own soul energy,
Very disrespectful and pushing ourselves down.
Yeah.
We're here,
We are divine beings,
And we are here to awaken.
It is much safer to awaken.
Yeah.
Thank you,
Stephanie.
That's,
I didn't realize it was that intense for years.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
And,
You know,
With something like that,
I would just say,
Okay,
This is also clearing my,
A belief system that,
You know,
The darkness wins,
You know,
That you,
That he kept his,
He could stay at the school and you were moved out,
But you found a better school.
Is that what got you to Frank Hurt?
No?
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like,
It's just part of the weave,
And it helped wake Stephanie up.
These people are not to be catered to,
Like he actually,
When people are doing a dharmic thing,
They need to get the feedback.
This is our trouble.
You see,
We're not giving enough feedback to a dharmic behaviors.
I mean,
We're letting felons be politicians.
I mean,
It's crazy.
Yeah.
There's a rule of thumb that if you want,
That the head of the company sets the emotional climate and moral climate,
You know?
So,
I wonder if everything's going sideways,
Because look at the quality of some of our leaders.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
You'll always get,
If you go in this bridge path,
You will always get the support you need.
Hmm.
It's the same principle.
Nobody on the spiritual path has ever starved to death,
You know,
In India.
That's really just understood.
We're God.
God takes care of God.
You love and honor your true self.
You bravely step up to free your true self.
You will get rewarded.
I can feel some of you are sinking down into yourselves in a very good way.
Sometimes you can feel it physically,
Like you're sinking down into your body more.
But if it isn't happening,
Don't worry.
I worked with somebody today who's a very sincere seeker,
And I helped him for his true nature to come into his base chakra to heal the misunderstanding that it's,
You know,
It's his belief that it's not safe here on the earth plane,
That you can't earn your living and be in truth.
And that is not true.
And so physically,
My hand on his base chakra,
He was allowing his divine nature in.
I promise you,
He will find it easier to do his job and support his family.
It's just,
You know,
We make a shift into more trust,
Especially in our base chakra.
We become more peaceful.
We become more relaxed.
And life,
Everything gets easier.
Yeah.
So just think to yourself when you next see Pramasutra,
Just think to yourself,
Or pray,
Or put a thing of,
May my base chakra heal.
Any fear in my base chakra,
May that heal.
Yeah,
Because it's a really,
For me,
That was a big,
Once my base chakra started to heal,
My survival fears about being here on earth,
And being in truth,
Things got much easier.
Yeah.
So I'm going to put a prayer out for you about this,
For all of you,
And anybody listening,
That your base chakra,
That you allow this base chakra healing,
Just at a highest good pace.
You feel that you're more entitled to be here,
That you feel that you're a deeply loved child of the universe.
You deserve to be here.
You deserve to be here.
It's that.
Okay.
It needs to ring in your ears.
You deserve to be here.
You're entitled to be here on earth.
You are a precious,
Precious child.
The world is better because you're here.
Yeah.
It is.
Yeah.
Yeah,
It is.
And remember,
There are two energies in our hearts.
There's fear,
And there's love.
Yeah.
Well,
That's why fear is coming up,
Because it's just the other side of love.
You know,
You face the fear,
And you get the love.
You get the love.
You get the love.
You just take that step.
Yeah.
Right.
Because you deserve it.
You're entitled to it.
