New Year, New Me: Resolutions, Goals, Failures & Compassion.

A talk from the therapist & coach of Perspective, with her view on new year's resolutions, 'failure,' compassion & goal setting.

Why do we make new year's resolutions? An activity is full of societal expectations and pressure with, often, little kindness. Goal setting is something to be encouraged but it does need some thought and perspective. (See what I did there?)

Lu shares her thoughts in her down-to-earth and straight-talking manner in the hopes of offering some insight to assist you further.

Transcript

So my name's Lou and I'm from Perspective Health and Wellbeing which has a whole host of services and facilities that I encourage you to check out. I wanted to just bring some little talks to you I guess, Kind of a new thing that I'm bringing in for 2023 and interestingly enough it's the idea of bringing something new in for 2023 that I am just going to have a quick talk, A quick chat with you about. I am not a fan of the whole New Year's resolutions, New Year, New Me sort of BS that comes up and that pressure, That almost the societal demand that comes from needing to do, Be, Change at this time of year. It's just, Yeah, I personally feel that it's unnecessary and just to sort of add on, I emphasised at this time of year is probably quite high because I'm thinking that it's a five-week month which means payday generally needs to last a little bit longer. Then it's January which if you're in the UK like myself it's freezing, Absolutely freezing. I was out in the fields yesterday walking my two rescue dogs and straight as we started our waddle, Torrential rain, Horrific winds, Yeah the dogs and I were soggy. The dry rope that I thankfully had in my car because yes I forgot my coat, Was flapping about and yeah not much of us was dry by the time we got back to the car. It's a cold, Wet, Grey, I'm not a huge fan of January can you tell, And there's just a lot less light and I think aside from it being a five-week month and clearly my clearly my lack of appreciation for the darker days and the less favourable weather, We've also just had a really big event. You know, We've had festivities, A lot of people have rushed to make family and friend gatherings and you know sourcing lots of gifts and the hustle and bustle of shopping and such and generally after any event or activity of significance there is a sort of phase of downtime or not relief in the sense of this was really big, Don't get me wrong relief can exist there, But there's almost this sort of release of just needing to stop. It might feel like perhaps a little blue because you've had this focus and this drive to do something and now it's over and it's almost a bit like you're feeling lost and the rest time is needed after something such as a big event and a big time of year but it can feel quite disorientating and I guess when you combine all those things together why are we trying to make giant huge and sometimes highly unrealistic changes in either ourselves, Our lives, Our day-to-day. I'm not sure if that's a very kind and compassionate expectation on ourselves that we would offer to our friends and those that we love. Would we have those same expectations of others? I'm not sure that we would and I guess it's just about us feeling like we want to improve which is not a bad thing in any way, Shape or form. I love that we can reflect and review where we're at, What we're doing, What we want, Our goals, Visions. I love this but a part of me wonders if when it comes to the pressures that I've mentioned of the new year, New me BS that hangs around, Whether it's healthy to put ourselves through this, Whether there is the realism and the compassion within ourselves. So I guess there's a reason why I'm doing this that I'm not sure if it's I guess there's a reason why I'm doing this at mid-January point instead of brand new at the new year and that point would be that there may be people who had set out with all the best intentions of new year, New me, These are my new year's resolutions for the coming year and they may have already, In inverted commas, Failed and I guess what I want to say today is that you've not failed, At least not in the negative parameters of what people believe failure is because failure can be a learning experience and if you failed at your new year's resolutions I'm really proud of you for trying to make changes. I'm proud of you for identifying things that you want to improve or change on. I just think that you may have missed a little bit of a balance and some compassion about what those changes might be or at least how to go about them. As much as my brain wishes for me to go into full-blown I am going to change everything, I'm going to do it all and I'm going to go from A to B in one giant swooping majestical leap, I know that I would better benefit from taking those baby steps, Those small changes that are manageable and achievable and that's my reminder to you whether you've failed your new year's resolutions or not, Maybe you're still battling, Maybe you're succeeding. Perhaps in mid-January you can just now take that time to review what your new year's resolutions are or were, What needs to be adapted, Just reflect what was tricky, What is tricky, Were they realistic? 2023 has barely started but it doesn't need to be that we change everything or even a lot of things about ourselves just because it's the new year. I for one, I love to do monthly monthly, Sometimes even weekly reviews to see where I'm at, See what I'm doing. I have my goals and plans and visions for the year, Don't get me wrong, But instead like so many people where I used to be trying to strive to train three times a week for 60 minutes at 6am in the morning as my new year's resolutions were back in the day when I was younger and probably more foolish. Now I'm just weighing things up and being compassionate and where I struggle to balance out those things I might sit and wonder if I'd expect these things from my closest friends and that usually helps me to put things into perspective and just adjust or adapt those goals that I have. Other people, They like to work with the moon phases, So there's a cycle of when the new moon, When the sky is dark and then the moon gets larger and larger and larger until we see the beautiful full moon and then it gets thinner again and that cycle takes about 29 days if I'm correct and people like to see the new moon as a time of regeneration, A time that they can set goals and they can work towards their goals and inspired action as the moon grows and then by the time they reach the full moon, Which is about two weeks from when those goals were set, They can just ponder over what they've done, Release any situations or thoughts or anything that they've done, Assess where they're at, Be thankful for what they've done and as the moon begins to get smaller again, They can review, Release and even relax because making changes isn't easy as we all know, So it can be reviewed, Reassessed reassessed and then at the next new moon, They can start again. So it may be that you use a yearly goal planner that you break down into month sections and what you will do and you'll review at the beginning of the month. You may find that that works for you by following the moon, You may find if you work in a role that is perhaps term time that you use terms to analyse what you're going to do each time and use the holidays to pause and assess and reflect, Or you can drop it to weekly or even daily. There's nothing wrong with setting a goal for the day and the steps you're going to take to achieve it, But as with all of this, I just encourage you to keep it in perspective of what those expectations are, Whether they're kind and realistic, Whether you would expect those things from somebody close, Somebody you care about. We're only two weeks into 2023 and we can do anything we want to, So I'd just like to encourage you to ponder where you're at, What you're thinking and hopefully some of the things I've shared with you today will inspire you to look at your goals, Your plans and how you can work towards them with a lot more compassion. And I hope that you will start to see that by taking baby steps with kindness and love will get you to reach those goals. I look forward to sharing more thoughts with you soon. Thank you.