5. Mentoring Decisions - Making The Relationship Work

This is the last session in a five part series on mentoring and how to make the relationship work well. This track can be listened to on its own or as part of the series and will be particularly helpful entrepreneurs and their mentors/mentees. It concerns both parties to the relationship and there are tips, methods and suggestions throughout for how to make this most important relationship work well. This session focusses on the art of decision making, how to develop it, practice it and employ it - for both mentors and mentees.

Transcript

Hi,

Welcome to session 5,

The last session in this series on making a mentoring relationship.

In today's session we're going to be considering the art of decision making.

As we touched on at the outset,

One of the outcomes of a good mentoring relationship is the evolution from mentee to mentor.

The development of a mentee's trust in themselves,

Their self-knowledge and insight,

So that they can pass on their wisdom and experience to other people.

Unlike coaching where the intention is not for the mentee to develop their capacity as a coach usually,

Mentorship does develop the mentee to inhabit the role of mentor.

Part of the evolutionary process is the mentee's capacity to make well-informed,

Considered,

Balanced decisions.

This includes an ability to plot consequence,

To foresee cause and effect and to know when specialist advice or input is required.

Entrepreneurs are required to make decisions every single day,

Usually several times a day.

And you know,

You might say that everybody is required to do that and that is of course correct.

But what is different for an entrepreneur is that you are so often making those decisions alone.

You may have input from co-founders or investors,

But ultimately you have the power to make decisions about the direction of your startup.

And you also have the responsibility to take for the consequences.

The importance of a trusted mentor cannot be overstated for an entrepreneur.

It can be a very lonely existence and good,

Sane,

Supportive advice is invaluable in those times.

As we know,

Mentoring is not coaching,

Therapy,

Problem solving or rescuing.

And one key way to avoid the relationship slipping into those patterns is to have a strong focus on the mentee cultivating self-reliance when it comes to decision making.

Advice is obviously sought and given in this relationship as we've talked about,

But any advice given is not necessarily to be followed to the lesser,

But to be gathered as intelligence so that the mentee has a better chance of coming to their own decision after a period of reflection.

The difference between a problem and a predicament is an important understanding for the mentor to help the mentee distinguish in order for good decision making to evolve.

Both problems and predicaments require decisions,

But the distinction is that a problem has a solution,

Whereas a predicament tends to require change,

Often in the mentee.

So a problem may be something like the need to raise funds and identify an investor.

A predicament would be encountering the same issues every time you pitch.

The first one,

The need to raise funds,

Has a solution potentially.

The second one,

The problems with the pitch,

May require a pivot or a decision to bootstrap until a certain valuation is reached,

Or a decision that a career in investment banking rather than entrepreneurship is the real calling of the mentee.

And these are decisions that the mentee will need to make for themselves,

And in order to do that,

The mentee should obviously seek the advice and insight of the mentor,

And possibly the advice and insight from other advisors too,

Depending on the decision at hand.

And as an aside,

A good mentor will direct the mentee to other advisors or even mentors if the situation calls for it.

Having gathered the relevant intelligence,

The mentee then needs to enter a period of reflection.

Reflection is the crucial ingredient in decision making,

And it is rarely taught these days.

Obsessed as we are with being quick and decisive.

Quick and decisive is only really virtuous if you are making the correct decision in the circumstances.

Since entrepreneurs want to be making the correct decision in the circumstances all the time,

Speed may have to be sacrificed for accuracy.

Accuracy comes from reflection.

It is the role of the mentor to guide the mentee to this understanding.

The speed and momentum of life these days in the embrace of the technological revolution has contracted a great deal of space and time.

We all believe that we have no time,

That we must do things as quickly as possible,

Reacting to artificially imposed timelines,

Whether it's the baleful eye of a WhatsApp message or a swipe left or right.

We are herded into decision making in microseconds.

This is not useful for the entrepreneur.

When you have a decision to make,

You have power.

Let's say that another way.

When a decision is called for,

You hold a number of potential outcomes in your hands,

And that is a powerful position to be in.

And you want to hold that power until you're ready to set it in a particular motion of your choosing.

Now,

There will be times when time is of the essence,

And you'll need to make a decision fast.

But these occasions are rarer than you imagine.

When there is time available,

Take it and stretch it and use it for reflection.

I always apply the three-day rule if the decision is significant in some way,

And that is that I do not give the decision until three days have elapsed since it presented.

And often I'll come to the same decision I made on day one,

But I will have a better idea of the line of causation and the potential outcomes by day three,

And I can proceed with a little more confidence,

Often enough to merit the discipline of the three-day rule.

I come to a different,

Or at least an evolution of my original response as a result of the period of reflection.

In the startup world,

There aren't many dress rehearsals,

So if it's important,

And even if you are sure that you know which way to go,

Take three days,

Reflect,

Study the line of causation and the possible outcomes,

And then decide.

This advice was given to me by a mentor many years ago,

And I apply it now to every area of my life.

And it doesn't mean that all decisions turn out the way we imagine,

Of course,

But it does make for more foreseeability and better sleep.

So what is a line of causation and possible outcomes?

Well,

Cause and effect is an immutable law of the universe.

It occurs whether we are aware of it or not.

Each decision I make has an effect.

The events that occur between cause and final effect is the line of causation.

For example,

In a notional startup,

A mentee believes that the current CTO is not going to deliver a product within the required timeline,

And they may need to bring in a new hire.

There are a number of options.

The decision this time is not about whether to hire or not.

That is one that the mentee has already made.

The decision is whether to hire without consulting the CTO and present it as a fait accompli,

Or to involve the CTO in the hiring decision and sacrifice some time for harmony.

Each of these options will have a probable series of effects that are reasonably foreseeable,

But that may or may not be desirable.

Even though time is of the essence,

Rushing this decision may create a line of causation that has consequences that are more damaging than losing some time.

If the mentee takes the time to reflect,

The mentor can play a support role in plotting the line of causation and the probable ultimate effects of each option.

And the mentor can do this by asking the questions that will help the mentee to visualize the lines and to deeply consider the matter at hand.

When dealing in reflection and decision making,

It's important to remember that we are in the realm of possibility and probability,

Rarely certainty,

Which is why we need to take our time.

Accepting that you can never be certain,

The mentee at least wants to have more than a passing acquaintance with what is the probable outcome of a decision,

And that can only be achieved by developing the art of reflection.

To give you a practical example,

Let's say that as founder you have to decide how much equity to give your co-founder.

The mentee,

You,

Will likely have an instinctive or gut number in mind.

Let's say it's 10% and an option for another 5% if seed investment is raised within six months.

First,

You,

The mentee,

Would seek some external advice.

Obviously,

Your mentor's counsel and advice will be sought.

And in this instance,

You probably want to seek some legal advice and perhaps get a steer for industry norms.

And having canvassed that intelligence,

That can be added to what your original gut reaction was.

And let's say at this stage,

Three possibilities emerge.

Option one is 10% plus an option for 5% subject to funding.

Option two is 15%,

And let's say that was your mentor's suggestion.

And option three is 5%,

Which is the lawyer's advice.

The mentor at this stage can then help the mentee to consider the character and expectations of the co-founding team.

Having had,

Hopefully,

Many discussions about vision,

Mission,

Values,

And expectations,

The mentee should have an idea of where these numbers will land with that team.

The mentor can then guide the mentee to balance that with their own requirements for control,

Incentivization,

And performance.

So by now,

A mental picture of the line of causation for each of those options will have formed.

It may be that the mentee already has a view that option two,

Which is the 15%,

Will be the most acceptable.

That option three,

Which was the 5%,

Would create unnecessary tension.

And option one,

The original gut instinct of 10 plus five,

Could be a halfway house that keeps the mentee happy,

And whilst not exactly perfect,

The co-founder would live with it.

Now,

At this stage,

The mentee could make a decision without going further,

And that decision would be based on very sensible considerations.

But in order to really develop decision-making,

Self-knowledge,

Self-trust,

It is worth leaving the decision for a period of time,

And that could be six hours,

It could be two days,

It could be three weeks,

Whatever is appropriate.

And in the time period available,

The mentee can be encouraged to periodically review the decision that they're inclined to make,

And to make that review when fully present,

Totally focused,

And actively listening to the self.

Now,

We get to that state of focus by resetting ourselves,

Pulling ourselves out of future or past projections.

And I'll give you a simple method for doing this that can either be led by the mentor,

Or learnt by the mentee and developed as a practice.

In the last session on feedback,

It was suggested that before any feedback is given,

Or when it is received,

That there is certainty that each party is in the present moment,

Not projecting into the future,

And not anchored in the past.

And this is because the present moment is where our wisdom can be easily accessed.

So,

To finish this session and this series,

I'm going to guide you now through a very simple technique to reset and enter the deep reflective space of now.

This technique is really useful to begin a mentoring session with,

To engage in when giving advice or feedback,

And of course,

To develop as part of the art of decision making.

I generally suggest that you practice this with your eyes open rather than closed.

I find that it's easier to come back to the moment with eyes open,

Because we are literally switching from thinking to sensing,

And all of our senses are useful to do that.

One of the differences between thinking and sensing is that thinking is rooted in the non-physical realm,

And sensing is rooted in the physical realm.

The present moment only occurs in the physical now,

And you will know this if you have ever stubbed your toe while wandering barefoot around your house,

Lost in thought.

Immediately that your toe connects with that hard surface,

Your thinking stops,

And you are 100% in the moment.

And we're going to do that now without the pain.

So,

What I'm teaching you here is known as dividing your attention,

And it's a very,

Very old technique for connecting to the moment,

Reducing identification,

And breaking mechanical thinking.

So,

Whatever you are doing now,

Just stop and bring your physical body into complete stillness.

It really doesn't matter whether you are standing or sitting.

The key in the early stages is to be physically completely still.

Now,

I want you to soften your gaze so that you are looking at a particular spot,

But you are not sharply focused.

And we're going to bring our attention to what is real in this moment.

While remaining completely still,

Smell the air and notice the smell.

Bring your attention now to the soles of your feet.

While you smell the air,

Feel the soles of your feet.

And now I want you to touch the back of your left hand with the fingers of your right hand.

Feel the skin and the contact.

Notice the texture and the warmth.

Listen to my voice.

This is the moment.

This is what is real now.

The feel of the soles of your feet,

The smell of the air,

The touch of your skin,

The sound of my voice.

So stay here with the smell,

The feel,

The touch,

And the sound,

And feel the spaciousness of time.

Feel its vastness.

What did you have for breakfast yesterday?

Now,

If you were dividing your attention,

That question should have been very difficult to answer.

Perhaps you had a sense of disorientation as you tried to strain to cast yourself backwards in time.

Just notice how quickly the answer came,

What it felt like to have to move between those what it felt like to have to move between those two states.

Over time and with practice,

It becomes much easier to move in and out of the present moment.

And hopefully you will discover how refreshing it is to rest in the moment,

Which is really the zero point of all possibility.

All things are in potential in that space.

Thank you so much for joining us on this journey through the mentoring relationship.

We hope that you have found it useful and we wish you well in your mentoring journey.