Opening To Receive Lecture

In this session we discuss some of the stigma we encounter when talking about mental health in the spiritual and alternative health communities. It's hard to ask for help, whether it be spiritually or in the physical realm, and when we do we sometimes aren't open to receive that help because we have been taught to prioritize giving but not how to receive.

Transcript

I realized after last week that I wanted to go into a little more depth about asking for help and then that led me into this idea of opening to receive.

So we're going to talk about both those things tonight.

So when I say ask for help when you need it,

There's a couple different ways you can do that.

You can do that spiritually,

Which is something that I tend to do quite often and I told a story about that last week how I had kind of reached the end of my spiritual tools and I asked for help on the spiritual plane and then I received this information and this vision and this beautiful meditation that came to me.

So that's one way you can ask for help.

You can ask for help in the spiritual plane.

You can ask your guides,

You can ask your people who have passed on that you feel are still here to support you,

Animals as well do this work and you can ask directly to that source to that divine source of energy that we're always inviting in.

You can also ask for help on the physical plane and that's what I want to talk a little bit more about.

So sometimes I'll say ask for help if you need it and I'll say something like reach out to a friend,

Reach out to a coach,

Reach out to a mental health professional and there's a lot of layers in there of help that you can reach out to.

There's the casual help of a friend,

There's a more professional help you can get from someone like a coach or an energy worker and then there's mental health and that's what we're going to talk a little bit about tonight.

I'm already getting like uncomfortable.

So I realized as I was writing my notes for tonight,

Which I put off till the last minute by the way,

I realized that I've been challenging a lot of stigmas recently,

Stigmas that I myself have held but stigmas that I also see that are held in society whether it's in this spiritual community that I'm a part of,

Whether it's in society at large or both.

Last week we talked about shadow work,

About acknowledging darkness and it's really funny I saw this morning,

I think it was this morning or yesterday,

Brene Brown posted something on Instagram about toxic positivity and that's essentially what I called out last week.

This idea that everything's so beautiful all the time and appreciate what you have and of course there's something to that but we talked a lot last week about the value of darkness and the importance of facing your shadow and making friends with your shadow,

Befriending your shadow.

And then I posted something about infertility and miscarriage and that's a stigma that I've been wanting to challenge for a while.

It still makes me nervous every time I talk about it,

It makes me uncomfortable,

It makes other people uncomfortable,

I know that but I know that that's important.

When something makes you uncomfortable and you get really fearful about it,

That's usually a sign that you're on the right track.

So that's another way that I'm challenging stigmas,

This idea that we have to hide our miscarriages,

That we can't talk about them,

That it's not okay to be not okay when you have one.

And I see some celebrities coming forward about that and that's been fantastic.

So tonight we're going to talk a little bit about mental health.

There's a lot of stigma still around mental health and so sometimes asking for help means reaching out to a mental health professional.

That might be a psychologist,

A counselor,

A psychiatrist.

And what I briefly want to mention specifically in terms of stigma is the idea of pharmaceuticals for mental health because I feel like there is kind of this belief in the spiritual community,

The new age community,

The alternative health community that we should be doing everything naturally like using diet,

Exercise,

Lifestyle,

Supplements maybe sometimes.

And my response to that is do what works for you right now.

If you need to take a drug,

Take a drug.

If you're a type 1 insulin diabetic,

Insulin dependent diabetic,

You will die without your insulin so you're going to take your insulin which unfortunately is so expensive that some people have actually died.

So if you need to take a drug,

Take a drug.

And I'm going to talk a little bit more about that.

I'm actually getting hot because I'm so passionate about this.

So I've talked a lot about I have a history of disordered eating,

Of eating in a disordered way.

So if I go to someone and they say to me,

Oh yeah you can boost your serotonin,

You just need to follow this specific diet.

That doesn't work for me because it starts to trigger all of my disordered eating habits and I start to cut foods out and I start to count things and it drives me back into being unhealthy whereas if I needed to take a supplement,

I might just take a supplement and feel better or I might just take a drug and feel better and I'm going to talk a little bit about that as well.

So I have a history of what is called dysthymia.

It was diagnosed at 19.

It's a chronic low grade depression.

So it's not major depression.

It's not the kind of depression where you get in bed and you can't get out of bed,

Although it can go there.

It's basically like just a chronic low grade depression.

And I look at it as a chemical imbalance just like that insulin.

There's something in my brain that probably came,

Again we've been talking a lot about generational patterns that we inherit.

So this is a physical pattern that probably has an energetic component just like everything else does and it makes my brain not produce enough serotonin.

So I've been on and off fluoxetine,

Which is Prozac,

For parts of my life.

Parts of my life I've taken nothing and then parts of my life I've taken something called SAM-e,

Which is a supplement.

But I have no shame about any of that and I want to say that because I know that there's somebody who's going to hear this and has been feeling shame about not being successful on their spiritual path or in their alternative health lifestyle because they're taking a drug.

And here's the thing about spiritual practice.

Do what works for you right now.

That is the root of the spiritual practice.

We're always trying to better ourselves.

We're always trying to grow.

But if I sit here and say,

Okay,

Well maybe in two more years I'll have this eating stuff worked out to the point where I can balance my diet and produce my serotonin that way.

Where does that leave me right now?

Does that leave me depressed and getting more depressed and not producing enough serotonin to the point where I need to go back on a drug instead of just taking the SAM-e that I'm taking right now?

Or does that leave me struggling?

It does.

It leaves me struggling.

I don't know why I said it or I got a little too excited and sort of distracted myself.

And this is a hard thing to talk about.

And I'm a pretty open person.

I know I get really vulnerable in these wind down Wednesdays and I know I tell you a lot of personal details.

And I do it because I know that some of you are struggling with,

If not the same thing,

Similar things.

And we should not be shamed for anything we do that makes us feel better as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

I will put that in there.

I feel like that's implied.

So if you need to take a drug,

You take a drug.

If you need to see a psychiatrist,

You see a psychiatrist.

If you need to see a coach,

You see a coach.

If you see a good coach and they can't help you,

They're going to tell you,

I think maybe you need to have counseling or maybe you should do both or whatever it is.

But taking care of yourself is the most important thing in whatever way that presents itself.

And asking for help is a huge part of that.

So that's the first part of what I wanted to say tonight.

But here's a really important component of asking for help.

And that is we have to be open to receiving the help.

So a lot of times it's hard to even ask for help.

But then once we do,

We have to be open to receive it.

And now I'm talking about help in whatever form it comes.

If I ask for spiritual help and then I'm not listening,

I'm not going to get the help I ask for because I'm not open to receive that help.

And it's the same thing on the physical plane.

If I feel like I need to go on my supplement or I need to go back to see a doctor and I need to get on a drug,

If I don't ask the doctor for that,

I'm never going to receive it.

And I think that so many of us have spent so many years giving and holding space that we don't know what it's like to receive anymore.

And I'm going to tell a little story to illustrate that and talk a little bit more about that.

So a few weeks ago,

I went to a harmony circle that's something that I'm in a women's group and we do this harmony circle.

And it's been over a year.

We used to do it in person.

Now we do them virtually.

And it's essentially it's a way of really deeply connecting with another person.

It involves eye gazing,

Which can be really vulnerable and uncomfortable.

And then it involves singing this song that talks about compassion and understanding where the other person has been.

And it is it's a very vulnerable thing to do.

It's very intimate thing to do.

So I went to my virtual harmony circle about a month ago,

Actually,

I guess now.

It was a very small group.

There was very it was a very intimate group.

And so because there were so few of us,

We were able to do it more like we do it in person where you know exactly who you're looking at.

In the virtual setting,

We kind of just pick somebody and the energy is still there and it's still powerful.

But it's always a little bit more so when you when you and the person are connecting and you know that you're looking into each other's eyes.

And I've been doing these for well over a year now.

And I feel like I'm always receiving from them.

But in this particular harmony circle,

I felt something inside of me let go something this structure just melted.

And I'm going to talk a little bit more about what I mean by that.

And all of a sudden,

I was really receding.

It's going to make me emotional just talking about it again.

Because it was so beautiful.

Because normally,

I'm worried about the other person.

Are they okay?

Is this space safe?

I'm holding this space.

I've been doing this my entire life.

And most of us have been and especially if you're a woman.

I mean,

There's so many ways that we hold space as children.

You know,

If you have any kind of trauma in your background,

You're holding space in your family maybe just to survive physically or emotionally.

Maybe you were holding space for your siblings.

Maybe you were holding space for friends who are struggling growing up.

And then if you're parenting,

I mean,

That's all parenting is,

Is holding space for your children,

Keeping them safe.

So we spend so much time holding this space for other people.

And I'm going to talk more about what I mean by that.

But in this experience,

I suddenly let go of that active need to keep holding space.

And then all of a sudden,

This huge release inside of me happened and I was really receiving and it was so powerful.

It was so powerful.

So energetically,

What do I mean by holding space?

I've written a little bit about this.

I've talked a little bit about this,

But I want to talk energetically what that means as far as physically.

So sometimes I'll use the word physically because energy is physical.

We can't see it,

But there's a physical structure to energy.

I can walk into a room,

Walk up to you and feel your energy.

I can physically feel it with my hands,

Sometimes with my body,

With my mind,

With my emotions.

So energy is a physical thing.

It's an actual physical matter.

It's just not matter that we can see.

So holding space energetically is actually building a structure.

When I do a body work session,

Massage,

Energy work,

Reiki,

Whatever it is that I'm doing,

Whether it's in person or it's virtually,

I'm holding space for the other person.

I'm creating the space in the physical room or in the room where they are through distance.

I'm making it feel safe.

I'm making sure that nothing else is coming into that room that I don't want there so the person can feel like they're safe.

So if they need to get vulnerable,

They can feel vulnerable.

When we do these wind down Wednesdays,

I am creating space for this.

We are creating space together.

And a lot of people don't necessarily think in those terms,

But this is something that most of us are doing all the time.

And again,

Especially if you're a parent,

You are creating and holding space constantly and you're giving constantly.

And that's an active practice.

It's something you're doing.

You're holding space.

You're creating space.

You're creating a sense of safety.

So stepping back into the full receptivity,

That's a passive practice.

That's in Chinese medicine,

That would be a yin practice.

The active is the yang.

Letting yourself step into that yin and really receiving is something that most of us don't do very often.

And it's a learned practice.

And it's kind of an art form.

When I was in massage school,

We were actually taught how to receive massage.

And there's a way to receive massage.

You let the person move your limbs around.

You don't help them,

Which most people don't know how to do because we don't teach people how to receive massage unless you have a therapist who's taught you how to do that.

And that is true in every realm.

That's an example I used.

But we don't learn how to receive.

We learn how to give.

And then this society,

We give until we are beyond empty.

We are giving all the time energetically,

Emotionally,

Physically.

We are just giving,

Giving,

Giving.

And I think we lose access to that ability to step out of that for a minute and receive.

When I was in that harmony circle,

I didn't need to hold the space.

There were other women there.

We had created our space.

That was a safe space.

It was a beautiful space.

And at that point,

It's just a habit.

It's a habit that you're sort of like,

Okay,

I'm holding this space.

And it's a protection.

It's a defense mechanism as well.

So it's like having a little bit of a wall up,

Right?

And everybody has been hurt.

Every single person on this planet has been hurt emotionally and probably physically.

But I'm talking emotionally right now.

And we all build up this emotional,

This energetic,

Physical structure.

We wall off our heart.

We wall off our field.

And then those of us who want to protect other people,

We protect ourselves by creating a separation and then we give to other people.

But how do other people give to us if there's a structure in the way?

How do we give to ourselves if we've walled off parts of ourselves and we can no longer receive?

This is making me emotional again because it's so important.

And I know this is universal.

I know that I'm not the only person who feels this way.

And I feel blessed that I had that experience where all of a sudden it was a physical sensation.

I felt this physical change in my body.

And then all of a sudden I could receive.

So what are we going to do tonight?

I said it was going to be a gentle meditation and it is.

This is a hard topic.

We are doing this like the third week in a row where I am talking about something that's difficult.

It's difficult for me to talk about as you can see by the way that I'm reacting as I'm talking.

It's difficult to think about.

But like anything else,

It's a practice.

This is a spiritual practice.

Everything we do is a spiritual practice.

Whether we're aware of it or not,

Whether we're paying attention or not,

It's a spiritual practice.

So we can practice learning how to receive.

And what we're going to do tonight is we're going to do that in a safe space.

We're going to go to our energetic sanctuary.

We're going to go to our waterfall of joy.

If you're not familiar with that,

Don't worry.

I'll walk you through it.

Some of you have been here and have done this exercise or these exercises before.

And then we're going to explore those structures that we've built in ourselves.

And we're going to just let them go just temporarily in a really safe space and let ourselves receive.

Let ourselves receive from whoever shows up to give to us tonight.

You can receive from your guide or anyone who shows up in your space and you can receive directly from that source,

That divine energy,

That unconditional love.

And really that's what everything is.

Underneath everything,

Even underneath fear,

It's unconditional love.

We just have forgotten how to find it.

And we've lost our ability to connect with it because we've built up these structures.

So let's tear down some walls.

I'm ready.