The Key To Release Anxious Attachment

Many people try to shift anxious attachment through talking, thinking, and repeating affirmations; but their anxiety and discomfort continue to linger intensely in relationships. The key to releasing anxious attachment is in your body. In this somatic movement-based meditation, I will gently and safely guide you to connect with your body in order to understand YOUR true key to release anxious attachment.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Ori Krug,

Board-certified dance movement therapist and trauma relationship expert.

Today,

I would love to guide you through a movement-based meditation on the key to shifting anxious attachment.

Despite all the ways you may have read,

Researched,

And talked about shifting anxious attachment,

The true key in allowing yourself to feel secure is to become comfortable and secure within your own body through the changes and the ebbs and flows of your relationships,

Including the relationship with your own feeling.

So,

Let's jump in and I will gently guide you and your body to try this out.

To begin this meditation,

Allow your body to come into a position that feels supportive to you right now,

Whether you are lying down,

Sitting up,

Or standing up.

And ask your body,

Can I feel even more supported right now?

And make any adjustments that your body leads you to.

From here,

You can close your eyes,

Lower your gaze,

Or keep them open,

Or switch between any of those three options throughout this entire experience.

Let's take three deep breaths together.

Breathing in and breathing out.

Again,

Breathing in and breathing out.

One last time,

Breathing in and breathing out.

Returning your breath to whatever feels normal.

I'd love to invite you now to envision,

Imagine,

Or think about a time in any relationship of the past or the present,

Or maybe even imagining the future,

A time where you feel so secure,

So loved,

So open in this relationship.

Notice how your body feels in this moment.

Notice the sensations arising and moving through you as you really focus in on that feeling of security,

Safety,

And love.

Whatever sensations are arising here,

Start to indulge in them by moving your body with them.

For example,

If you feel a sensation of your heart opening,

Whatever that might feel like,

Maybe you indulge in that by literally opening up your hands,

Your arms,

Your chest,

Opening up your whole body.

Another example is if you feel melty or weak in the knees,

You might indulge in that by bringing your entire body to melt into the floor and just feel how good that feels.

Take the next minute to move with these sensations of security,

Openness,

And love.

And at the end of this minute,

I'll come in with another prompt.

Now,

Staying with these current sensations and movements,

I'd love to invite you now to imagine,

Visualize,

Or think about a time in a relationship where things felt scary,

Insecure,

Unsafe,

Uncertain,

And notice what that does to your body right now.

How does it change your sensation?

How does it change your movements?

Perhaps if you were moving so openly,

You might notice you start to tense up and close.

Or if you were feeling melty and flowy,

Maybe you start to notice the restriction in your body,

In your muscles,

In your movement.

And this may feel really uncomfortable to all of a sudden abruptly shift from this great pleasurable feeling to one that feels really uncomfortable.

But remember,

You are in command of your body in this moment and the movements.

Even if the sensations don't feel comfortable,

You get to choose how you move with them.

The sensations are not taking over you.

You are in command of how you move with these sensations.

So you can take the next minute to move with a sense of insecurity,

Unsafety,

And fear.

And at the end of the minute,

I'll come in with the next prompt.

Okay.

Now that you have moved both the sense of security,

Love,

Openness,

And also a sense of fear,

Insecurity,

And uncertainty,

I'd love to invite you to intentionally move back and forth between these two states of being or feeling.

You get to decide how long you want to move and indulge in the openness,

Security,

And love,

And then shift into insecurity and fear.

There is no time requirement.

You don't have to move any moment longer than you want in either of those feeling states.

And you are in command of when you shift back and forth.

Going from these movements of openness and love,

And as soon as you feel the nudge,

The impulse,

You can move back into feelings of insecurity and fear.

And of course,

You might wonder why would I want to move back into insecurity and fear?

As we know from our anxious attachment experiences,

It's not something we want,

But something that happens.

So listen to your body.

You might be indulging in that openness and love and suddenly feel,

Oh no,

Something might go wrong.

And then you can shift your body into the opposing feeling state.

And when you are moving in the fear and insecurity,

Just decide whenever you want.

There's no right or wrong.

Decide when you want to go back to openness and love and security.

I'm going to leave two minutes of space for you to do this dance between fear and insecurity and openness and love.

Remember while you're doing this,

That you are in command of how you shift and when you shift between these feeling states and all of the feelings in between.

Whatever you're doing right now,

However you are moving,

Start to slowly,

Gradually bring your movements to a close.

Maybe even eventually allowing yourself to come into an ending position that feels supportive for you right now.

How does your body want to close this experience?

It could be something like a self hug or lying down on the floor or something different that feels organic to you.

And as you land in this ending pose,

Let's all take a deep breath in and out.

Once you feel ready,

You may open your eyes,

Look around the space,

Make intentional physical contact with your own body to let yourself know that you are back here in the now.

Notice if any mantras or affirmations come up at this time.

They don't have to,

But if you hear something,

Just take note of it in your mind.

This is the key to shifting anxious attachment.

The main trigger of anxious attachment is change.

If all of a sudden my partner cancels plans,

That's a trigger because maybe it means they're no longer interested and they're going to eventually keep canceling plans and eventually leave for good.

Or if I feel a shift in my feelings,

Perhaps yesterday I was feeling so in love and infatuated and today I just feel not as excited about the relationship.

That can be a trigger to feeling like,

Oh no,

This relationship isn't as strong anymore.

There's something wrong happening.

And again,

Our minds jump so far ahead into assuming that that means it's just going to die down and it's going to be over.

But when you get used to the ebbs and flows and the different feelings and sensations in your body,

You start to learn that they don't have to hijack you and the meaning behind anything in your relationship.

It's just the natural way that relationships go.

Some days you feel more,

Some days you feel less.

Sometimes plans work out perfectly.

Other times our schedules don't line up.

Some days we're more stressed and just can't engage and some days we feel more open and are so present.

When you are so uncomfortable and insecure in these changes and ebbs and flows,

It feels like any shift,

Any change in the relationship will lead to abandonment.

So start to get comfortable first with these ebbs and flows in your body.

And as you move that more,

You'll embody the knowing and the wisdom that you're actually in command.

You can roll with them,

You can flow with the changes and it can feel okay because you've moved them and you've embodied them already.

And in the big picture of things,

These little changes,

These little ebbs and flows don't really mean a whole lot.

They feel a lot worse than they really are because of our past history and trauma that has shown us that change leads to abandonment.

But that doesn't have to be the reality anymore.

If this is something that resonated with you and you want to dive deeper into truly shifting,

Healing,

Releasing anxious attachment and relationship trauma,

Please visit my Insight Timer profile and check out my retreats.

We can meet in person and do this deep embodied work that really provides a nervous system change that often talk therapy and cognitive techniques cannot.

And until next time,

You deserve all the love that you desire.

Reviews

The reminder that change doesn’t equate to abandonment felt like a hug. Thank you 😊