Hi,
This is Orit Krug,
Board certified dance movement therapist and trauma and relationship expert.
Today,
I would love to guide you through a movement-based meditation on letting go of control in relationships.
The need for control often comes from unresolved trauma when we experienced such events and situations where we had no control,
Where we were trapped and powerless.
And so today,
That need for control is a survival mechanism.
I would like to help you explore how you can have healthy,
Lasting relationships and feel safe in them without constantly needing control.
You can start this meditation by sitting,
Lying down or standing up.
Try to let go of control of making the right decision right now and follow your body's impulse to place yourself in a comfortable enough position for you right now.
Now we're going to take three deep breaths together.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Again breathing in and breathing out.
One last time,
Breathing in and breathing out.
With your eyes closed or your gaze lowered,
I'm going to invite you now to focus on a recent situation where you really needed to have control in your relationship.
You may have placed unreasonable expectations or boundaries onto your partner or you might have impulsively acted in a way where you needed to feel control over the situation.
As you're thinking about this,
Notice what sensations are coming up in your body.
Just focus on the one that feels the strongest right now.
That sensation in your body feels the strongest as you focus on this situation where you really needed control.
And now I'm going to ask you to invite organic movement into the sensation.
So how does your body naturally want to respond to the sensation?
For example,
If you felt a heated energy going down your arms,
Maybe in this moment your body naturally wants to respond by making a tight fist.
Maybe the sensation you felt was a weightlessness in your body as if you've lost the ground beneath you.
Perhaps your body naturally wants to respond by placing your entire body on the floor so that you can feel a little bit grounded.
Maybe the first sensation that came up for you was a faster heartbeat and you have the natural urge to put your hands to your heart.
There is no right or wrong here.
I'm simply giving you examples so that you have an idea of what it could look like to organically respond to your sensation through movement.
I'm asking you to do this right now because I want you to experience moving with and being with the sensation that comes up around control.
Instead of pushing it away or numbing or escaping the sensation or trying to control the sensation,
You have an opportunity here to be with the sensation and move with it in a way that your body is leading you without trying to fix it.
Because truthfully,
When you feel that need to control your partner or to control anything in any relationship,
It's because you are trying to control your emotions.
If you could get even a little bit of control over what the other person does,
Then you might not have to feel such discomfort in your body.
You can control the intensity or the level at which you feel an uncomfortable or difficult emotion.
Controlling others isn't about controlling their actions.
It's about controlling your emotions.
So can you be here right now with these uncomfortable emotions or rather sensations in your body?
Can you move with it and be with it without trying to change it or fix it or escape it?
So moving your body right now,
Letting your body lead you without your mind interrupting.
How does your body want to move right now with these sensations?
It might feel really scary.
It might feel really difficult.
But if you allow yourself to be with it and move with it and even move through that deep,
Deep need to control your sensations and emotions,
You'll probably find that you can find much more self-love and compassion for whatever you're feeling and let go of control of what the other person is doing and let go of trying to control what you're feeling.
Continue to let your body move you,
Whether you're doing the same movements over and over again or your movements may be naturally emerging or developing into something different.
Just let your body lead you and embody this experience of letting go of control,
Letting go of control of the outcome of what you look like or how you feel and being,
Truly being in this moment,
Being with your feelings by moving with them.
Whatever you're doing right now,
However you're moving,
Start to slowly and gradually bring your movements to a close.
You can incrementally make your movements smaller and slower until you naturally land in an ending pose that feels good enough for you right now.
There's no right or wrong,
So again let go of control,
Of expectations and anything that you feel you should do to end this movement experience.
When you land in a position that feels right for you right now,
Let's take a deep breath in together and out.
You may gently open your eyes,
Look around your space,
Make physical contact with your own body,
Perhaps gently squeezing your arms or firmly placing your hands on your lap,
Whatever feels natural for you to let your body know that you are right here,
Right now in this physical space.
Remember that the next time you feel an urge to control someone else,
Tune back into yourself,
Feel the sensations in your body and try to be with them instead of fixing them through someone else's actions.
You may come back to this meditation as many times as you need and until next time,
You deserve to be able to let healthy,
Lasting love in.
