Healing Avoidant Attachment

You may have tried to repeat affirmations or tell yourself to relax, but your body still feels on edge whenever there's the tiniest sign of conflict or your partner wants to be closer to you. This movement meditation will help you connect to your body so you can PHYSICALLY step closer to the healthy, confident, loving partner that you truly desire to be. No more wasting time *talking* about what you want to do differently!

Transcript

Hi,

This is Ori Krug,

Board-certified dance movement therapist and trauma and relationship expert.

Today,

I would love to guide you through a movement-based meditation on how to heal avoidant attachment so that you can have the intimacy and love and fulfillment that you truly desire in your relationships.

To begin,

I'm going to invite you to come into a position that feels supportive for your body right now.

Whether that's sitting,

Standing,

Or laying down,

Ask your body,

What do I really need right now to feel supported and comfortable,

And move into that position to get started.

You may close your eyes,

Lower your gaze,

Or keep them open if that's what feels best for you.

We're going to take three deep breaths together,

Breathing in and breathing out,

Again,

Breathing in and breathing out,

And one last time,

Breathing in and breathing out.

As you return your breath to normal,

I'm going to invite you to imagine,

Visualize,

Or focus on getting close to somebody in a romantic relationship,

Really deepening a level of intimacy,

Getting to know someone,

And having that closeness.

Notice the first sensation that comes up in your body.

Just notice,

Without labeling or judging or analyzing,

What sensation do you feel?

Is there a tightness in your chest?

Do you have a sensation of leaving your body or numbing from your body?

Did you feel a sensation that is unfamiliar and feels totally random?

There's no right or wrong.

Just notice what sensation is most present right now.

Whatever it feels like,

Whatever it is,

Maybe you even have a picture of the color or texture or you have a sense of how it's moving within your body.

Whatever is there,

Just know at this moment,

You do not have to fix it,

Resolve it,

Make it go away,

Or change it.

Allow yourself to just be with this sensation,

To observe it,

To witness.

Again,

You may focus on the color,

The texture,

The temperature,

The way that it's moving within you,

And there's no right or wrong to this.

There's no good or bad.

Even if it feels uncomfortable,

It's not bad,

And you don't have to do anything about it.

As you continue to notice the sensation,

I'm going to invite you to allow your body to respond to this sensation in whatever way feels most natural.

For example,

If you feel a constriction in your chest,

You might have the natural organic desire to put your hands firmly on your chest where you feel that tightness.

If you felt an overall sense of leaving your body,

You might have the impulse to lay your body down on the ground just so you can feel it being supported by the earth,

Or giving yourself a self-hug to feel something again,

Or maybe you have the impulse to do nothing because you don't feel anything.

Remember that there is no right or wrong thing you can do right now as long as you are being safe and not harming yourself,

And that there's nothing you need to do about this sensation except just listen to your body and follow any impulses that might be here.

As you're responding with your body,

You may do the same repetitive movements over and over again,

Or the way that you're interacting with yourself physically may shift,

Evolve,

It may grow bigger or get smaller.

You may go from moving to becoming more still or vice versa.

Know that there are so many possibilities of how you can interact or not interact with this sensation in your body.

Give yourself permission to do whatever you feel called to do right now,

Again,

As long as you're not harming yourself.

How are you noticing right now that your body responds to whatever sensation arises inside of you?

How are you moving,

Or how are you not moving?

You don't need to answer these questions concretely,

But just notice yourself,

Witness yourself,

Being with the sensation,

Moving with the sensation without needing to push it away or resolve it or change it,

Because that's the challenge with what comes up through avoidant attachment.

You get really close to someone,

The intimacy deepens or conflict arises,

And there is a strong sensation that comes up in your body,

Even if you're not aware of it at the time.

That sensation makes you want to pull away or makes you want to push someone away,

Or it makes you want to retreat in your own bubble,

Knowing that you only have yourself to rely on and that there's no possible good that can come from actually connecting deeper with someone else.

It will only end in heartbreak.

This is the story you've learned growing up through relationships,

Through all kinds of relationships,

And while we can get deep into those stories and analyze all of that,

What's important here as a first step is to just break it down to sensations arising in the body and starting to change your relationship to those sensations so that when your chest constricts when someone gets closer to you and it's uncomfortable,

Your body immediately wants to fix that and change that and heal that,

And the only way it knows to do so is to push that person away.

Or when there's conflict in your relationship and you feel an instant detachment from yourself,

The only way you know how to connect back to yourself and to feel safe and to feel good again is to go be by yourself.

But what if you could feel these sensations in your body and not react and be with them without the pressure to change them,

Without the need to analyze them or do anything about them?

Try this again right now.

Notice yourself in a situation or relationship that triggers your avoidant attachment behaviors,

Whether it's getting really close to someone or having conflicts.

Notice the sensation that comes up in your body as you're visualizing this right now and give yourself permission not to need to do anything about it,

To simply see the sensation in your body,

Witness it,

Be with it,

And then gently allow your body to take the lead to respond however it desires,

Right?

Not changing it,

Not resolving it,

Not needing to release it,

But more of this allowance.

I allow my body to feel the sensation and I give myself the space to let my body meet myself in this sensation and move with it instead of pushing it away.

When we're able to be with our own sensations of discomfort or pain,

We can keep those close to us who we want close to us even when it's uncomfortable.

So take the next minute and try this again or keep doing it.

Keep trying it if you've been doing it.

Imagine a situation or relationship that feels uncomfortable.

Notice the sensations and allow your body lots of time and space to be with it and move with it.

I'm going to leave open space for the next minute for you to try this and keep practicing this.

And after the minute is up,

I'll have us gently come to a close.

Whatever you're doing right now,

However you are moving,

Start to gradually,

Gently bring your movements slower,

Smaller,

Until they eventually come to a pause.

Take your time with this and see how your body may want to land in an ending pose.

It could be with your hands on your heart,

Perhaps a self-hug,

Maybe your arms are up in the air taking up lots of space.

Again,

There's no right or wrong.

Just let your body lead you here.

And when you find an ending that feels good enough for you right now,

We're going to take one deep breath in and out.

Breathing in and out,

You can gently open your eyes and look around your space,

Becoming acquainted with the here and now and make some physical contact with your body again,

Reminding yourself that you are here and you are now.

You can come back to this meditation over and over again because this is a practice that needs to be repeated in order to be embodied.

And if you want even deeper support around being able to give and receive love in a healthy way without abandoning yourself or abandoning your partners,

Without sabotage,

Come join my Insight Timer course called You Are Worthy of Love Healing from Trauma.

I hope to see you in there.

And until next time,

You deserve all the love that you desire.

Reviews

This mediation is exceptional and has helped me so much!

Will definitely come back to this. Very helpful!! Thank you.

Landed well, thanks! Took me to another place. Lovely voice, words, and pacing.

A wonderful meditation. Music and guidance is spot on. I am learning to sit with strong emotions from percieved conflict in relationships. This meditation helps! Thank you for your gift! 🎁🙏❤️