A Dynamic Practice Of Gratitude - Insight Timer Live Replay

Delve into a series of guided practices based on the uplifting power of gratitude. In this replay of my first Insight Timer Live, you'll get to experience a simple framework for practicing gratitude that you can integrate into your everyday life. I also share relevant insights about spiritual bypassing, conflict resolution, and how to develop your focus.

Transcript

All right,

Hello,

Welcome to a dynamic practice of gratitude.

So this is a time of year where gratitude comes up often as a theme.

And it's a theme that's often imbued with shades of conflicting emotions,

Shall we say,

Of anxiety and despair that can often accompany people during the holiday season.

And that duality between that and the joy and jubilance and celebration that also accompanies the holiday season as we're wrapping up our calendar year,

You know,

Taking stock of all that happened and all that didn't happen,

All the New Year's resolutions that we acted upon and,

You know,

Maybe we didn't act upon,

Maybe fell off three weeks after New Year's,

But just kind of evaluating the journey we've been on and then looking to the future of like,

What's next?

What can we build upon that went well this year and what can we let go of and grieve from this year?

So in thinking about gratitude,

There's a particular practice I've learned that I love,

And I'm going to call it multi-directional gratitude.

So I'm a vocalist and I work a lot with microphones and there are different kinds of microphones.

There's the kind of mic that only picks up your voice if it's like right in front of you.

That's called a unidirectional mic.

And then you have the kind of microphone that picks up more of a 360 degree sound and that's multi-directional.

So in thinking about gratitude,

What came up for me was that a lot of gratitude practices are unidirectional.

You know,

Just a generic list of what you're grateful for,

Five things you're grateful for,

Which is a great practice,

By the way.

This is not this is not casting aspersions,

You know,

Any way that you inject gratitude in your life as part of your daily mental spiritual hygiene is a good thing.

But I was noticing that when it comes to,

For example,

Having one particular gratitude mantra,

One particular gratitude affirmation,

A list of just kind of everything in your life you're grateful for,

Just the broad category of everything.

It can,

It can.

The shadow side of that is that you kind of fall into a rut where you're just kind of repeating words by rote,

But not really embodying the feeling that those words signify.

And so when I think of multi-directional gratitude,

Like approaching it from all different angles within one practice,

That really spoke to me,

That really intrigued me.

And so that is what I am sharing with you today.

All right,

So enjoy practice along with me as I'm sharing this practice with you,

Or you can just contemplate for yourself as I share these questions with you.

OK,

So let me set it up.

Well,

Let me set it up by saying,

First of all,

Thank you for joining.

And you are welcome to make a contribution directly on the app or on your computer,

Wherever you may be at this moment.

So let's just take a deep breath in together.

And release.

So I'm thinking about gratitude.

Multi-directions,

I'm thinking of the direction of time and I'm thinking of the direction of internal awareness of yourself as a source of gratitude.

And also external awareness of all the circumstances,

Actions,

Visions,

Interactions in your life that you have to be grateful for.

So in looking at gratitude first in the context of time.

Looking at past,

Present and future.

So from the past,

It could be the recent past,

Could be this morning,

It could be five years ago,

It could be childhood.

But as far back or as recent as you want to stretch it,

What are things that you are grateful for?

In which you were the source.

Of the gratitude.

You did something,

You said something,

You you took some kind of action,

You had some kind of thought that resulted in positive outcome.

Now,

These gratitudes for yourself as a source,

The in the women's empowerment community that I come from are known as brags.

So,

Yes,

You actually get to brag on yourself,

On what you have done,

On what you have said,

On how you have acted.

And I know that goes against the socialization of many of us to actually start with yourself.

It can feel very selfish,

Self-absorbed.

But the reason why I like to start from recognizing yourself as a source of gratitude and not just a recipient of gratitude,

Is it's a good way to raise your own frequency as someone who makes an impact.

Period.

Just by being you,

Just by being in the world,

Existing,

Interacting with others,

Saying things to people that may feel to you that it's just a casual aside.

But you may have unknowingly planted a seed in that person that takes them on an amazing trajectory.

Now,

Someone who has taught kids for about two decades,

I've had that a lot where I'm just being myself.

I'm just teaching.

I'm just doing my thing,

Being my bubbly self,

Being my encouraging cheerleader,

Kind of,

Yeah,

You can do it.

And then five years later,

I run into a former student at a grocery store.

True story.

I didn't even recognize her.

But she was like,

You changed my life.

You made me recognize my gift as a writer.

And,

You know,

And I'm like,

Oh,

OK.

I only remember saying you can do it and you're great.

But don't underestimate the power of telling someone that they're doing great because you never know how it might hit them based on whatever is going on in that person's life in that moment.

So take a moment to think through your past and just notice a moment where you said something or did something that made a difference in your own life or in somebody else's life.

And you're welcome to share that in the chat.

You're welcome to contemplate that for yourself.

But just take a take a moment and brag on yourself.

Celebrate yourself like the Walt Whitman poem.

Because we are vast,

We contain multitudes.

And with that,

So now that you've taken a moment to notice a moment from your past where you were the source of gratitude for other people or for yourself in a way that struck you like,

Wow,

I did that.

Look at me.

Go me.

So that's the past.

Now,

Let's go into the present moment.

Now,

With the past,

As far as being a source of gratitude,

You're also looking internally,

You were searching for a memory of yourself where you really stood up and embodied your best self in some small or huge way.

Bringing it to the present moment.

Let's.

Let's venture out into the external and focus on an external gratitude.

What is something that you are grateful for right now?

What is one thing going on in your life?

One person,

Perhaps,

Who's like really been there for you and in this particular,

This present moment of appreciation,

They're immediately coming to mind for you.

What is something right now that you can appreciate one thing that you are grateful for right here,

Right now?

All right.

So take a moment,

Think about that.

Write it out.

What are you grateful for right now?

Who are you grateful for right now?

So we're in the present and we're shifting into the external.

Really great thing,

Too,

About shifting in and out of internal awareness and external awareness.

It's a great way to develop a certain flexibility and dexterity with your own awareness,

Building muscles to be able to step in and out of different states to be able to notice in the present moment.

Oh,

This is what I'm feeling right now.

Ah,

Let me take a breath.

And then to shift out into the external,

Like,

Oh,

It feels like it's about 75 degrees.

Oh,

It's hot.

Oh,

This ring light is really bright.

I'm so grateful for that.

I'm so grateful for this beautiful day.

And now let's go into the future.

The future and looking externally as well.

Well,

Actually,

Look externally and internally,

But starting with the external.

So grateful for what is to unfold.

Greatfulness,

Gratitude for what is to unfold.

Let's call that version of gratitude a desire.

So you have these dreams,

These goals,

These wishes,

These plans,

These ways of being that are currently percolating within you and will then take on an external form.

And at some other date,

Perhaps a minute from now,

Perhaps an hour from now,

Perhaps a day from now,

Perhaps a week from now,

A year,

Five years from now.

But it's unfolding in this present moment.

So what is that thing that is unfolding into its new form that you are grateful for,

That you would frame in the form of a desire?

And just to really drive that point home.

Having gratitude for that which is currently unseen.

You could frame it as faith that it is unfolding in a way that will be legible to you,

That will be visible to you in the future.

You could frame it as a desire,

You know,

Giving gratitude in the present for that which is unfolding in the future.

So what is one desire that you have?

Or another way to think of it,

A future brag?

Like what's something that you know you're going to be bragging about a day from now,

A week from now?

Some of us might brag about making the best turkey ever because you know you're a great cook.

You know,

Everybody's going to love your cooking.

That's just kind of a fun,

Mundane example.

But what what is a desire that is unfolding within you right now?

Think about that.

Write about that to review.

We've got the past with the brags where you are a source of gratitude.

We've got the present where you express gratitude for what is here right now,

Even in the midst of any trials and tribulations.

What is like one thing you can hone in on that you are grateful for,

Which is not the same as spiritual bypassing,

By the way.

And I'll get into that a little bit later.

But then we go into gratitude for the future in the form of desire and faith that the fulfillment of that desire is imminent.

Either in the form that you envision or something even better,

Something even more amazing that you couldn't have possibly come up with on your own.

You know,

You had to meet the right people and have the right cooperative components to coalesce for your desire to unfold or something within your desire points you in a different direction than maybe you would have come across or that you would have thought of on your own.

So it's a it's a.

Co-creation put it that way.

So that's looking at the future externally.

Let's take a moment and look to the future internally,

Which is beyond this circumstance that you're looking to manifest a new job,

A new relationship,

A different relationship,

A different dynamic with your your loved ones.

Like if you have conflict or unresolved trauma within your family,

Like envisioning a new way of relating,

That kind of thing that comes up a lot during the holiday season.

And looking at the internal,

The question is,

How do you believe you would feel upon the fulfillment of that desire?

How would you like to feel?

What is the texture of the emotion?

That that circumstance,

That entity that knew this,

Knew that new job,

New relationship,

What is it that you are embodying within the fulfillment of that desire?

Who are you being in the midst of that fulfillment of that desire?

So take a moment and think about that.

What are the words that come to mind?

So for me,

In my own journey,

I often felt like,

Oh,

The day I achieved this external goal and that external goal,

I'll just be ecstatic.

I'll be bouncing off the walls.

And then eventually that goal will come to pass.

And it feels good,

But it more often than not.

When I would feel giddy and excited,

That would last for,

You know,

A few minutes,

Maybe throughout the day,

Bouncing off the walls.

But then eventually what happens most consistently for me is once I calm down from that euphoria,

I really just feel this settledness in my spirit.

It's a very calm joy.

Yeah,

It's almost never the kind of big fireworks that I think the achievement of that external goal will give me.

It's really just that calm,

Like,

OK,

Cool.

I'm in the flow.

I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm walking in my purpose.

It just feels very grounded.

And soft and gentle.

Yet firm at the same time,

That firmness of like,

Yeah,

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be doing exactly what I'm supposed to do,

Being exactly who I'm supposed to be.

Yeah,

It's a wonderful feeling.

So that's that's the way I would describe the feeling for myself.

How would you describe the feeling?

And this is this is the part that's kind of tricky about gratitude for that which is currently unseen and is still unfolding.

There's an impulse to say,

I will be bragging when X,

Y,

Z happens.

I invite you to notice what it feels like when you actually put the gratitude in the present moment.

As you're you're growing,

Business is unfolding,

As your emotional intimacy with your family is unfolding,

Put it in the present.

I'm bragging that my business is growing.

This business that lives in my heart right this moment.

A month from now,

It'll live in an LLC and a year from now to live and a thousand people's other a thousand other people's hearts.

And then five years now,

It'll live in the hearts of people globally,

Like like have it unfold in the present moment because it is alive in the present moment.

It's currently it's currently cooking as it takes form in the chat.

What I picture isn't coming through.

So opening up to what's coming and and I desire visualizing that openness because I'm used to visually seeing the fears holding me back.

Oh,

That is such a great point to actually see the fears holding you back and wanting to move past those fears.

So you actually see the thing.

So you see the fulfillment of the desire,

Not the fears that are in the way.

There are exercises that allow you to look your fears in the face to actually summon them,

You know,

As if they're these living,

Breathing things,

Because we experience them that way to actually bring them up and ask them questions,

Get curious about them.

Alchemize their power and direct them in the direction that you want to go.

It makes me think of teaching kids there.

There were always a few kids who others would label as a problem child.

But the case with the with the so-called problem kids is they always pointed to things that other kids may have wanted to say,

But were too afraid to say they were sort of the ID.

If you think of the ego,

The ID and the I want to say the superconscious go into psychology for a moment.

You know,

There's some there's some message that our fears want to share with us as far as,

You know,

Where there's room for us to grow.

You know,

How can we embrace what those fears are trying to indicate to us as to where,

You know,

How we can walk into our purpose even more fully.

So rather than shy away from them,

I can invite them in,

Invite them in for dinner,

Have a conversation with them.

So taking it back to gratitude,

We talked about the past,

The present and the future.

We talked about internal and external.

Let's do an exercise now with this triad where.

Again,

You go back to your past.

Bring the bragging,

The gratitude toward yourself to the forefront.

You take the present moment,

What you're grateful for.

In your immediate environment and your immediate milieu.

And then let's take the desire,

The thing that you that that is unfolding and you're grateful for it unfolding today as it's unfolding.

And let us notice.

How you felt at the beginning of this live when you first or whatever moment you first join me and notice how you're feeling now.

Notice if there's any shift.

Maybe you already came in hot and you've been feeling great and you're still feeling great.

Maybe,

You know,

You're dealing with whatever you were dealing with that had you feel maybe a bit of a lower state.

And now you're a little higher.

Maybe you were feeling great and now you're feeling worse.

Because maybe the things that you're grateful for were pointing to areas of your life where maybe you're having a difficult time finding what to be grateful for.

Which brings me to a popular term in the personal development world called spiritual bypassing.

Now,

There are opponents to gratitude practice.

You can imagine,

Why would you oppose opposed gratitude?

What can possibly go wrong?

Looking for what to be grateful for.

But there's a common argument that only focusing on what to be grateful for is a way of repressing what's not working,

Repressing the traumatic,

Repressing the conflict and only kind of like living up here in the clouds like,

Oh,

Everything's fine.

You know,

Meanwhile,

There's a fire all around you.

You've seen that me.

And I assert that gratitude is not about repressing,

But it's actually once again,

Multidirectional.

It's about being able to look at the whole of all that is happening around you.

The good,

The bad,

The ugly,

The indifferent,

And being able to surgically.

Glean,

Splice that which is the most.

Powerful.

Ingredients that go into the making of your highest self,

Even in the midst of despair,

Even in the midst of conflict,

Even in the midst of anger.

And there's this powerful way.

There's this quote that.

You change the nature of a thing just by observing it.

So that the tree falling in the forest to mix up my metaphors.

If you're actually in the forest witnessing it,

There's something about the experience of that tree falling.

The fact that you're expert,

You're the one actually witnessing it happening.

There's something different in the texture of you being there versus if you were not there.

Even if there's no other human being in that space for you to make some kind of impact or to have like a shared experience,

Like,

Whoa,

Did you see that tree fall?

That was crazy.

Even if it's only you as an individual,

There is still something about your presence specifically,

Like you are a source.

And you could say that you're you're a vessel of a larger source,

You know,

Depending on what tradition you're tuned into or you could see yourself as,

You know,

I am the witness of this.

I see this happening.

It is happening.

There's something happening within me as I witness it.

More so than it is happening to me,

It's more I am witnessing it and I'm having my own internal experience as I'm witnessing it.

So in you observing what is there to be grateful for,

Even within the kind of experiences that wouldn't organically evoke gratitude,

You know,

Yelling at your cousin or,

You know,

Or being stuck in traffic.

Those aren't the kinds of experiences that tend to evoke gratitude,

But they are great experiences for you to practice learning to vibrate from a place of gratitude,

Which tends to take the sting out of being stuck in traffic,

Which tends to take the sting out of taking a loved one's negative words personally,

You know,

Because it's not a reflection on you.

It's a reflection of their own state.

And yeah,

It's easy to understand that intellectually.

But when you're actually in the moment of conflict with a person.

What you have that you can practice that you can actually stand on,

That you can live within,

That you can embody is looking for what to be grateful for.

So,

For example,

Let's say let's say you have a holiday season where you visit family,

Which is a timely example.

And I know many among us,

You know,

I'm very grateful to say that I have a pretty loving,

Fun family,

So holiday times are generally fun for us.

But I know that there are a lot of families where that is not the case,

Which is why I think really tuning into gratitude is such a helpful practice to bring to the forefront of your consciousness at this particular moment in time.

But let's say,

You know,

You have the family gathering and you have people who have,

You know,

Kind of rigid,

But are kind of stuck in their ways.

They have the personalities,

They have the things that have always rubbed you the wrong way.

And,

You know,

Cousin Billy and Aunt Pam,

They get into the same kerfuffle every year.

And,

You know,

You see those patterns unfolding.

But you decided within yourself,

OK,

I can't change them.

Right.

I can only.

Approach this experience from a different internal state.

I'm going to just experiment.

With stepping into this,

This this war zone or this place that I've experienced as a war zone called the family holiday dinner,

I'm going to experience it from a state of gratitude.

So let's say cousin Billy and Aunt Pam,

They always get into the argument that they get into and eventually they make up.

So this year you'll make it a point to notice how they always make up.

You'll you could even make fun of the pattern like,

Oh,

You two,

You're always doing that thing.

I'm so grateful for the way you two always find your way back to love no matter what.

And without,

You know,

Without trying to change the dynamic,

They're going to have the fight that they always have.

And maybe before it actually used to really bother you and maybe it still bothers you,

But that one little degree of approaching that repeating pattern,

It won't be a repeating pattern because you will have changed.

And it can for many of us,

It can seem hard to believe that that we are a source.

We are a source of energy.

Our energy impacts other people.

It can be easy to believe that that these two relatives are still going to keep doing their thing the way they do it.

And I'm always going to react the way I always react is the middle child or I'm going to I'm going to be the studious eldest.

You know,

I'm going to stay in the archetype I've always embodied.

Just just see what happens if you choose to make it a game for yourself,

Approaching this seemingly static dynamic.

Which is kind of ironic.

This static way that these relatives have always engaged with each other and just see what happens when you become the different factor.

When you shift your energy ever so slightly.

Just see and report back perspective perspective is a great word for this.

See what happens when you shift your perspective just one degree,

Knowing that people are likely to follow the patterns that they follow.

But just the mere fact of you being different,

Just approaching it from a different perspective,

Even if you're just laying back and observing.

In that moment where you notice yourself about to say the thing or do the thing that you always say or always do,

Just kind of take a breath and notice what to be grateful for in that moment.

Like,

Oh,

We've we've we've got this really well,

Well.

What's the word I'm looking for?

Well,

Carved groove.

We're like a record record,

Old school record on the Victrola.

Like we've got our groove.

We've got our song that we're used to.

I'm going to change one note in the melody.

Let's just see how the song sounds a little different this year.

Embracing rather than repressing.

Absolutely.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it,

Does it make a sound?

No need to bypass.

Just let let people allow other people's free will.

Which may not be as free as they think it is because they're following the same patterns year by year,

But take advantage of your free will and just switch your lens ever so slightly to that state of gratitude.

Another thing to think about when it comes to gratitude,

Another thing to notice is kind of related to the spiritual bypass.

It can often it can feel like if somebody is behaving in a way that feels off putting to you,

It can feel.

Inauthentic.

To look for what to be grateful for within that encounter.

Because that impulse to want to just lash out at them and match their energy,

Match their negative energy can be very strong and very compelling in that moment.

So,

For example,

You know,

You're at a at a department store,

You're at the checkout.

It's a long line.

People are stressed out.

And one person,

Maybe,

Maybe you bump somebody with your shopping cart.

Oh,

Armageddon,

Especially if that person has is already on a momentum of negativity and they just want to burst and lash out at someone.

And you're a convenient target at Target.

But,

Yeah,

You're a convenient target.

So in that moment,

It wouldn't feel authentic,

Per se,

To say,

You know,

Oh,

I'm so grateful that you are expressing your emotions,

Expressing your emotions toward me and you're being honest about how you feel about me,

You know,

Hitting you with the shopping cart.

It may feel more authentic to let out a trail of expletives and give right back as you gave.

So in that moment.

It can be helpful to take a deep breath.

And notice the state that you're in.

Notice if this other person is affecting the state you're in,

If your heartbeat is rising,

If you're feeling that urge to fight or flee,

You're you're feeling that kind of narrowing of focus and just breathe your way back into expansion.

And recognize that the state you're in is different from the state that person is in.

And you prefer your state.

And it's it's not a matter of necessarily wanting to.

Make that person feel the way he or she is trying to make you feel as far as that person trying to bring you down to their level.

And you also don't have to do any work to bring them up to your level.

You don't have to be this moral,

Pious,

You know,

I'm going to take the high road.

I'm going to be the bigger person.

Because in that moment,

In the state that you're embodying,

You and some in a quite literal way are the bigger person.

You have the bigger perspective.

You have the higher perspective that this is just a moment in time where this person's irritated for reasons that have nothing to do with me.

And it's not personal.

It may sting a little bit.

Make my heart rate pitter patter a bit,

Especially if I'm someone who's conflict avoidant,

Conflict averse.

But being able to kind of recognize that in that moment and be grateful for the awareness that this is just a moment.

It's a moment that will dissipate.

It's a it's a moment that may dissipate with saying something as simple as I'm sorry,

I didn't see your ankle.

My apologies.

And more often than not,

A person who's in that irritable state will calm down enough to see that though you're the convenient target,

You're not actually the appropriate target.

Like whatever argument they had with their spouse that morning or whatever is going on,

Whatever is going on in their life is the real target and just having compassion for that person and not not that weird,

Passive aggressive.

Oh,

I feel sorry for you that you're so miserable.

I hope things get better for you.

That's that's another way that we can kind of hide in the back door there.

The snarkiness,

But really being able to stand in that place of gratitude.

It really is a muscle.

It's a muscle that you have to work out the same way you go to the gym to get the six the six pack abs.

Learn to embrace those moments of conflict as a way to develop.

Six pack gratitude,

You know,

Those strong gratitude muscles to where you can authentically be in that space,

To where another person's irritations or another person's projecting of negativity,

Anger and frustration and resentment,

Unspoken resentment,

All the repressed stuff that they're dealing with.

It wouldn't really it wouldn't really hit you the same way and won't really affect you.

It was kind of just kind of bounce off you like a mosquito.

So that's a really important awareness to build around gratitude.

So it's not just about the list of things that you write down of things that you are grateful for,

Although that is a great practice in and of itself.

It's not just about looking at the world through,

Quote unquote,

Rose colored glasses.

It's about being able to see the world exactly as it is.

The beauty,

The ugliness and being able to see the beauty within the ugliness.

And also be able to acknowledge the ugliness within the beauty.

And to to to recognize the multifacetedness,

The multidimensionality of it all.

And so with that,

I'm going to leave you with one more term and a term that you can kind of put into into practice.

And this is a term that comes from science,

From neuroscience,

That some of you might be familiar with.

And the term is the reticular activating system.

That's a fancy term.

Let me go ahead and put that in the chat.

The reticular activating system.

The reticular activating system is the circuit within our brain that is basically a focuser.

It helps us hone in on exactly what we choose to hone in on.

And once you hone in on it,

You see that thing everywhere.

So easiest example I could point to whatever space you're in right now,

Maybe you're walking through the park,

Maybe you're in your room,

In your office,

On a mat,

On a bed.

I want you to take a moment and notice.

Three yellow objects near you.

In your environment.

So in my case,

I'm noticing this yellow flower.

That was probably in the corner of my eye that probably inspired me to choose that color.

But we're in all red.

Red would have been very easy for me,

But I chose a different color.

So just notice three yellow objects in your room.

So there's that.

There is a little bit of yellow here in my journal.

And there's yellow on this package down here.

All right.

So that is the reticular activating system at work.

That part of your brain that.

Automatically associates everything.

There's another yellow object,

The yellow book.

That once you hone in on something,

Everything that's associated with that thing,

Everything that reminds you of that thing comes into clearer focus.

So,

For example,

When I first bought my car,

It's a blue car.

So I would notice all the blue car,

All the cars that are the same color as mine.

Particularly notice when I notice I would particularly notice when there were blue cars that were the same make and model as my car twinsies.

So it feels like my wink,

You know,

Wink from the universe.

That's the reticular activating system at work.

So now let's do the same thing and point out three immediate.

Like one of the first three things that come to mind when you think of things that you are grateful for.

Where does your reticular activating system,

What does it hone in on?

Now,

For some of us,

We may have our system hones in on people.

For some of us,

It may hone in on experiences.

For some of us,

It may hone in on achievements.

For some of us,

It may hone in on internal things that we're grateful for,

Things that we did,

Things in which we were the source of the gratitude.

For some of us,

We may hone in on that which is external.

So notice what your reticular activating system does is kind of on its own automatically.

And from there,

You can actually choose what to focus on,

Which will automatically help you notice all the things that are related to that,

Which you are focusing on.

So with that,

Thank you all so much for joining me for my first live.

This is so cool.

Thank you for your contributions and see you all again soon.

Bye.

Reviews

Very different attitude to being grateful, very appreciated, Onome🙏🏽 🌰✨️💖🙏🏽🏵

WOW ! So enjoyed your energy. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏾