Anatta Or Not-Self

What is the self? This talk discusses the teaching of not-self in Buddhism, understanding the self as a process, as an emergent property of the constituents of our experience. Recorded at IMS Three Month Retreat on 11/21/13.

Transcript

So translation of anatta to not-self or no-self can be a little misleading or confusing.

Sometimes we think of not-self or no-self as trying to get rid of ourself and it brings up questions for some people.

How do I make sense if I don't exist?

Doesn't mean I don't actually exist,

What does not-self mean?

And how does this anatta or not-self consistent with operating in the world,

Working,

Having a relationship,

Etc.

So the Buddha actually did not say that the self does not exist.

There is a sutta where Vachagota the wanderer approaches the Buddha and asks,

Does the self exist?

And the Buddha does not answer.

And he asks,

Does the self not exist?

The Buddha does not answer.

After a while Vachagota leaves and Ananda asks,

Why didn't you answer,

Lord?

And the Buddha says,

Behold Ananda,

If I had answered that the self existed,

It takes sides with eternalism.

If I had answered that the self didn't exist,

It would have taken sides with annihilationism.

Ananda,

If the answer does not benefit Vachagota and it makes him even more confused,

I had better not answer.

So what Buddha has taught repeatedly is that there is no particular aspect of the psychophysical self that qualifies as self or ata.

Not our body,

Not our feelings,

Our thoughts,

Our dispositions,

Our consciousness,

In short the five aggregates,

Nothing in our experience really qualifies to be counted as having a permanent self.

Richard Gombrich in the book What the Buddha Thought,

Which is a play on words on what the Buddha taught,

Another famous Buddhist book,

Suggests that a better translation for anatta might be no unchanging self or no essence.

So viewing the self as a process,

Not that on a relative level we do not exist.

Gombrich in his book offers that this is what the Buddha actually meant,

That the self is a process.

We will talk more about it tonight.

At the time in India,

In the language of the time,

There was no word for process.

So he has used many other ways to get to the concept of process,

But there was no word for it.

So what do we mean by self as a process and how do we understand anatta that way?

So hold on to that question.

I'm going to go for a moment to historical context a little bit to create a framework for understanding anatta and I'll come back to addressing process.

If I don't,

Hold me to it,

But I promise I will.

So in terms of the historical context,

In order to understand Buddhist teaching on not-self,

It helps to understand and distinguish between two senses of the use of the word ata at the time.

So at the time,

And there were two uses of the word ata.

One was in the religious circles at the time of the Buddha,

Ata referred to a form of metaphysical self or real nature of self.

For example,

It would be a permanent abiding essence that survives death or a true self that is larger or more essential than the personality or the individual.

So this sense of the word ata can be translated into English as the self with big S or the soul.

The second use,

Which is quite distinct,

Which was quite distinct from the metaphorical,

From the metaphysical use of the word ata,

Which is commonly used as a reflective pronoun as like the English word self that we use,

Like oneself or myself.

In that sense,

It was used as a simple convention of speech instead of referring to the metaphysical self.

So it's helpful to keep both of these in mind when we want to understand the Buddhist teachings that,

On one hand,

He clearly did not recognize a metaphysical definition of self and the soul that is clear.

Also he emphasized that suffering can come with clinging and identifying with either belonging or being myself.

Also he also asserted that the other use of self,

As in myself and mine,

Clinging to that,

Identifying with that,

Can also bring suffering.

The most common metaphysical self against which the Buddha was arguing is implicitly defined in Anatta Lakkhana Sutta,

Which is the discourse on Anatta.

In that discourse,

The Buddha says that for something to be ata,

According to this view,

There have to be three components.

It has to have complete over the body,

Feelings,

Perceptions,

Mental formations,

And consciousness,

So it has to be governable.

Second,

It has to be permanent and unchanging.

Third,

It has to be blissful,

So there has to be dukkha instead of sukha instead of dukkha.

In this discourse,

The Buddha makes it clear that nothing in our psychophysical experience has these three qualities and therefore can be regarded as having ata or soul.

Let's just consider that for reflection for a moment here.

Let's start with having complete control as you have been here on retreat.

Have you control over the body?

Have you had it?

Your sensations?

Your feeling tone?

Your vedana?

Have you chosen all the unpleasant that has arisen?

How about your perceptions?

Have you chosen how you've perceived?

Have you had control?

Has there been control over that?

How about your mental formations,

Say your thoughts,

Your impulses,

Your intentions?

Have they been under your control?

How about your consciousness,

The knowing,

That capacity?

Has it been completely under your control or has it arisen and chosen the object on its own?

Let's consider permanency or unchanging.

Has your body sensations,

Your body functioning been permanent over the past however many weeks you've been here?

How about your vedana,

Your feelings?

Have they been the same?

They probably change every second or every moment,

Right?

How about perceptions,

Thoughts,

Impulses,

Intentions,

Consciousness?

Have those been the same?

How about the last condition,

Blissfulness?

Has it been blissful the entire time,

All the five aggregates who've been here?

Anyone raise your hand.

Yeah.

I don't see any hands.

So this is a wise reflection to do,

To get a sense of the nature of lack of control,

Ungovernability of the aggregates of our experience,

The lack of permanence and also the unsatisfactory nature.

So in the West,

We have a strong human drive to identify with certain things as defining what self is.

We identify ourselves as our thoughts,

Feelings,

Volition,

Personal characteristics,

Sense of continuity.

So if we hold these really lightly and provisionally in our daily life,

They could be useful.

But if we hold on to them very tightly,

They can be self-limiting.

And if we cling to anything as the definition of self,

Sooner or later,

We're going to suffer.

So now let me come back to the question I left you with earlier,

Self as a process.

How do we understand that?

Self as a process,

As an emergent property of a self-organizing system.

So the idea of self-atta or soul goes along with Descartes' claim that consciousness requires an immaterial soul that interacts with the body through the pineal gland in the brain.

So the image was that there was a homunculus,

Which in Latin means a little man,

That would be in your head basically looking at what is going on.

And from that,

Daniel Dennett,

The philosopher,

Derived the idea of a basically,

Let's see,

Where's the word?

There's a word I'm missing here,

Theater,

Something theater.

I think Descartes Theater or something like that.

Anyway,

The idea that homunculus,

This little man,

Is in the head and watching everything that's coming in and is projected in the mind and in the visual system.

The sensory data is projected on the screen.

So for many of us actually,

We have that feeling of this homunculus,

This little man in our head somewhere behind our eyes,

Which is the place of the self when we're operating in the world.

And mindfulness is not necessarily operating,

So we're going about me,

Myself,

And I.

That's where the self is,

The assumption that we have.

That let's consider self as a process,

As an emergent property,

Where the elements or the constituents of a whole function together through a well-defined set of rules.

And then a functioning whole emerges from these interactions,

Even though no single element is orchestrating.

An excellent example of this that we can actually witness is in nature in what is called swarm intelligence for many animals,

For birds,

Schools of fish,

And for ants.

Here's a paragraph from National Geographic magazine written by Peter Miller.

I used to think ants knew what they were doing.

The ones marching across my kitchen counter looked so confident.

I just figured they had a plan,

Knew where they were going,

And what needed to be done.

How else could ants organize highways,

Build elaborate nests,

Stage epic raids,

And do all the other things ants do?

Turns out I was wrong.

Ants aren't clever little engineers,

Architects,

Or warriors after all,

Or at least not as individuals.

When it comes to deciding what to do next,

Most ants don't have a clue.

If you watch an ant try to accomplish something,

You'll be impressed by how inept it is,

Says Deborah Gordon,

A biologist at Stanford University.

Even with half a million ants,

A colony functions just fine with no management at all.

At least none that we would recognize.

It relies instead upon countless interactions between individual ants,

Each of which is following simple rules of thumb.

Scientists describe such a system as self-organizing.

Have you ever seen a swarm of birds in the sky,

Which might look like a dark cloud that keeps moving back and forth and keeps moving erratically?

Or perhaps you've seen school of fish that swim together and they seem to perhaps change direction really quickly as if it's one unit changing and moving as it's one big fish,

One big unit moving.

In fact,

Scientists still wonder how quickly they can move and change direction.

Storm intelligence still not completely understood,

But its definition is collective behavior of decentralized self-organizing systems.

For flocking,

For example,

For birds in the sky,

Flocking emerges from simple rules instinctively followed by each bird.

Keep a precise distance away from your nearest neighbor.

Stay aligned with your nearest neighbor and avoid predators.

If you actually see swarm of birds in the sky,

You wouldn't think that.

It seems like there is an orchestrator or someone this way,

That way.

It's very well organized.

Self also is an emergent property of the five aggregates arising according to natural law or the simple rules of thumb,

Which are not so simple,

Of conditionality where various arising condition other arising of our experience.

By breaking up the seeming unity or compactness of things or persons,

Which is called gana vinibhoga by analysis,

We can see if we break down the compactness both in terms of time when events are happening so quickly in our experience,

This and this and this and this and this,

But it seems like it all happened once we saw a cookie,

Next thing we were eating it and missed all the vedana and clinging and taking and moving all in the middle.

Just whoop happens all in one.

So we actually break down the compactness in terms of time and both in terms of the other dimension is what events are actually happening at the same time.

If we break down these two dimensions,

We will see the various factors and we would see how they are actually interacting,

How these factors are co-arising and influencing each other.

So through practice as our seeing is sharpened and the pace our mind is slowed and investigation is applied,

We can see,

For example,

That sounds are heard.

The sound arises,

Your consciousness meets it at the door or a taste is tasted.

What happens at the taste door,

The feeling naturally arises,

Sometimes leading to wanting,

Sometimes not,

Etc.

So with this view,

It becomes laughable to see the five-ring circus operating perfectly,

Fine by itself without a circus master,

The five-ring circus being the five aggregates of our experience.

There is no I needed to orchestrate it,

These different aggregates arise given laws,

Causes and conditions and they give the illusion of a self.

So I would like to make a distinction from the five aggregates and the metaphor of the swarm intelligence,

Which I think is really a good one to see the sense of this body,

This entity in the sky or the ants that exist and they seem intelligent and moving and accomplishing great things the same way that we accomplish things in the world,

But there is no one ant or one bird that's orchestrating,

Is the soul,

Is the driver,

Is the mastermind,

Just things happen according to laws and our existence happens according to laws,

Our functioning.

So one distinction I would like to make in the metaphor is that all birds are more or less alike in their functioning.

However,

The constituents of the self,

The five aggregates have different functions and they have different manifestations and different purposes,

So just to keep that in mind,

But otherwise I think it works pretty well to see it that way.

So self is an illusion,

A very helpful illusion for evolution.

Evolution is successful in self-replicating,

In passing on its genes by self-preservation,

Going away from unpleasant and moving towards the pleasant,

But with practice we can actually take the evolutionary blindfolds off that we have been wearing because it is convenient for the survival of the species,

For us to operate in a particular way even though it's not the most free way to operate in the world.

It has a lot of suffering in Dukkha to continue to go along what evolution has predetermined us to act and see and do,

But by taking off these evolutionary blindfolds we can see things as they really are.

Aldous Huxley says,

If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves,

It is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.

I don't think you do,

Otherwise you wouldn't be here for so long.

And as mentioned before,

No talk is a talk if it doesn't include a Rumi poem.

Actually since I'm Persian I have to include a Rumi poem,

So here it comes.

For years I pulled my own existence out of emptiness.

Then one swoop,

One swing of the arm,

That work is over.

Free of who I was,

Free of presence,

Free of dangerous fear,

Hope.

Free of mountainous wanting.

The here and now mountain is a tiny piece of a piece of straw blown off into emptiness.

These words I'm saying so much begin to lose meaning,

Existence,

Emptiness,

Mountain,

Straw.

Those and what they try to say swept out the window down the slant of the roof.

So we realize that we are a process and we still function in the world.

We still have an address,

We go to work,

Have goals,

Make plans,

Live a life,

Do good in the world.

Seeing the truth of a nata helps us be more free,

Not take the workings of our body and mind and the workings of other people's bodies and mind so personally.

But of course it does not free us from responsibility and that's really important to keep in mind.

It creates freedom but it doesn't free us up from responsibility.

Many questions arise for people with a nata.

If there is no self,

Who is reincarnated?

Who is enlightened?

Whose karma is it anyway?

Do these questions sound familiar?

So the concept of self is an emergent process or an emergent property arising from the interaction of the constituents of our existence,

I.

E.

The five aggregates.

And the five aggregates arise and pass away according to the law of conditionality,

Dependent origination,

The law of karma.

So,

In this framework,

Karmic potentiality is formed based on our intention or you can call it volition,

Drive or chaitanya.

Note that chaitanya,

However,

Itself is conditioned by other factors.

It doesn't act completely on its own.

It's interdependent on other mental factors and conditions.

So regarding intention or chaitanya,

The Visuddhimagga says that it's a mental factor that manifests as coordinating.

It accomplishes its own and others' functions such as a senior pupil,

A head carpenter,

Etc.

,

In marshaling or driving of associated states in connection with urgent work,

Remembering,

And so on.

So in a way,

We can see these factors,

Chaitanya included,

As these interdependent factors that work together.

The image that comes to mind is from Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times where there are lots of wheels and cogs that interact and move each other and work together.

Also the vision,

The idea of a crankshaft comes to mind.

In a car,

It's part of the engine that translates the reciprocating linear piston motion into forward motion,

Into forward rotation.

So it basically takes the burning of the gasoline and moving the pistons of the car into moving forward essentially.

So in a way,

The crankshaft has a very important role even though it's also dependent on many other constituents in the car,

The pistons and this and that,

But if it breaks,

Nothing happens.

So chaitanya in a way is like that.

It's dependent on other factors,

But it also drives other factors.

So even though karma and karmic potentiality is based on and it gets accumulated based on chaitanya and as we mentioned,

Chaitanya itself is conditioned on other factors,

The question comes up,

How does that work?

So let's keep in mind that the conditionality is not deterministic and not linear.

Otherwise there would be no free will.

If chaitanya or volition was deterministically determined on everything else and everything was fixed,

Then it would make sense.

It would be a fatalistic framework.

It would make no sense to gain karmic potentiality.

However,

Instead of determinism of A,

Therefore B,

There is a probabilistic and in fact many As give rise to many Bs.

And the mental constituents,

The mental factors can over time change the course of the entire system and affect each other,

The same way that when you see the behavior of the swarm,

Even though no single bird decides where the whole aggregate,

All the birds go,

But the direction of the swarm is influenced by the change.

The same way that over time our behavior,

Our volition,

Our direction in life and our karma can change because of the changes and the effects as we bring mindfulness to these factors and change slowly.

So volition or chaitanya is usually where the last vestiges of I hide because I will,

I do,

I have will.

It seems like it hides there.

But there is no single decider or I or this homunculus,

This little man that is the decider in us.

Decisions are made by the aggregates that work together according to laws of nature,

The laws of conditionality.

The three characteristics of anicca,

Impermanence,

Dukkha,

Unsatisfactoriness and anatta,

No essence or no unchanging self,

As I like to translate it,

Are different reflections of seeing the same truth.

They are all interrelated.

It's like looking at the different reflections of light through a cut gem,

Cut diamond that reflect in different ways,

But it's the same light.

What is impermanent and changes all the time cannot be satisfactory by definition.

So anicca is also another way of saying dukkha,

Impermanence and unsatisfactoriness.

Similarly,

What is impermanent and changes all the time cannot have a fixed and unchanging essence.

So therefore,

Seeing anicca or impermanence is the same as seeing anatta.

They can translate to each other.

In the same way,

What is source of dukkha and suffering and satisfactoriness is not a good place to land a flag of self.

Does anybody want to land a flag of self on what's full of suffering?

It's not a good place to land.

So seeing those two,

Anatta and dukkha,

Can be similar too.

Also sunyata or emptiness or voidness is another term for expressing anatta.

And usually anatta refers to the emptiness of the self,

And sunyata often refers to the emptiness of phenomena.

This is actually especially seen in the teachings of Zen where emptiness of phenomena is stressed quite a lot,

And so is in this tradition.

I quote Joseph,

I believe,

Quoting Upandita,

Empty phenomena ruling on and on.

So that is an expression of also sunyata,

Which is also an expression of anatta.

So how do we go about practicing to have an insight into anatta?

The question might be arising.

So in a way,

All the practices that you're doing are pointing you to seeing anatta already.

You're calming the mind,

You're bringing attention to the sensations of the breath within the body,

Noticing sensations,

Sounds,

Thoughts,

Etc.

,

Arising,

Passing away.

And it's all pointing you towards seeing anatta.

So keep doing what you're doing.

More specifically,

There are a few practices that I will mention.

So in order to see anatta,

One can try to see the opposite,

Which is selfing.

Where is anatta?

And this is a good practice both for retreat and in daily life.

You can notice where there is identification.

And in order to notice where there is identification,

You can use lack of ease as your guide,

Especially when you switch from ease into lack of ease.

There is probably identification somewhere that has brought the sense of suffering and lack of ease.

This can be a pretty powerful investigation.

There may be a contraction in the mind,

The lack of ease,

And the sense of self being created for something in the moment in the mind.

Could be my practice,

My concentration,

My attainments,

My my my,

My cookie,

My lunch,

My walk,

My anything,

My vedana,

My happiness,

My sorrow,

My joy,

My fear.

Could be my my my anything when there is identification with it.

So notice,

Take note.

And when you do notice,

Like anything else,

Don't bring aversion to it.

I'm selfing again.

Oh,

There I go.

Not helpful.

Selfing is like this.

Ah,

Notice the contraction around the selfing.

Notice the dukkha around the selfing.

Another practice can be noticing impermanence as a doorway to seeing anatta.

Noticing impermanence and highlighting the changing nature of phenomena.

So for this practice,

You'll notice,

You'll allow the awareness to notice the impermanence during your practice,

For example,

While you're breathing,

The breath,

The step,

Thoughts,

Not so much in terms of selfing my step,

My breath,

My abdomen,

But really noticing the flow of changing sensations and noticing the change in the bare sensations.

And notice that nothing lasts long enough to be self.

Nothing lasts long enough to be self.

Simply feel the flow of sensations without conceptualizing,

Without a conceptual overlay.

And you might feel the sensations,

For example,

In the body as just separate sensations in space without a glue,

Without a body,

Without an eye to hold it together.

Another way to invite the insight of anatta to arise is to see the operation of the six sense doors.

To see how an object arises,

How it's met at the sense door by sense consciousness and how it seems to happen by itself.

So for example,

The sound arises at the ear door,

The ear consciousness meets it,

Or taste arises at the tongue door and the tongue consciousness meets it,

Taste.

So just seeing that,

Seeing how naturally the contact arises,

How the consciousness arises,

And there is no self that needs to direct this knowing.

Using noting of,

Say,

Hearing,

Tasting,

Etc.

,

The noting practice to bring attention to the consciousness of the six senses can help with this practice to really bring attention to not just the object but the consciousness of the six senses.

Another practice could be noticing the conditionality,

The cause and effect,

And the lack of control.

So you can see how contact gives rise to vedana,

Feeling tone.

You can see that for all the six sense pieces.

And you can see how the chain of events simply unfold without a self or a you.

It just seems like they arise according to laws.

It just goes boom,

Boom,

Boom,

Boom.

Contact vedana,

Liking,

So contact,

Passa,

Vedana,

Tanha,

Etc.

,

Which me or me now get to tanha,

Etc.

,

But you can just see boom,

Boom,

Boom,

Go.

And if you can see it actually while it's arising in the moment,

There is no need for the eye.

It just arises by itself.

In fact,

You have no control often,

No decision whether or not you want,

You like something,

Or dislike something,

Whether you want to have clinging for it or grasping for it or wanting it.

It just arises.

So you can see that.

Another reflection is this is not me,

This is not mine,

This is not myself.

This is also a wise reflection that can be applied to any nature of experience,

Any phenomena in your experience.

This is not me,

This is not mine,

This is not myself.

You can see anatta again and again and again in different ways.

There are so many different ways to see it for the insight to really mature.

There's also another way,

There are a bunch of other reflections offered in the Visuddhi Magga for seeing the three characteristics.

And this is offered for those who are going through the stages of insight for deepening,

Seeing the three characteristics,

Seeing the three characteristics to propel the mind towards liberation.

So I'll briefly mention them as if a teaser or a trailer.

So they're known as the 40 ways to contemplate or known as the 40-to because the 40,

They rhyme aniccato,

Palocato,

Calato,

You get the hang of it.

So there's a to at the end of them.

So 10 of these contemplations are for anicca,

25 of them are for dukkha.

There are many more ways to see dukkha.

And five of them are for anatta.

So I'd like to briefly mention what those five are,

Just to incline your mind.

Anattato,

Let me actually just give you the Pali because I think the sound of it is also beautiful.

Anattato,

Sunyato,

Parato,

Ritato,

And tucchato.

So anattato,

Not self,

There is no self to be found,

Only the functioning of five impermanent aggregates.

They are not,

One,

A self that could own mental and material experience,

So the first one has to do with owning.

Two,

A self that exists intact through successive lifetimes.

Three,

A self that performs actions.

Four,

A self that feels objects.

Five,

A self that decides.

Four,

Two,

Which is sunyato,

Which translates to void,

So contemplating the voidness of any aspect of your experience.

It's similar to the first except that one now contemplates the void aspect of it and not the not self,

So it goes like this.

They are void of a self that could own mental and material experience,

Void of a self that exists intact through successive lifetimes,

Void of a self that performs actions,

Void of a self that feels objects,

And void of a self that decides.

The third one,

Parato,

Translates as alien.

The five aggregates do not abide by our wishes.

They are not under our control.

We cannot demand they not age,

Sicken,

Or perish.

I like this one specially.

Fourth one,

Ritato,

Empty.

They are empty of permanence,

Happiness,

Self-existence,

And beauty.

And the last one,

Tochato,

Translated as in vain or worthless.

They exist for only a brief time in the transition from arising to perishing states.

They are worthless support that provides nothing to take a stand upon,

Trivial.

So I offer those also for your reflection.

So you can't create seeing anatta.

You can't make it happen,

Right?

You do the work,

You do the investigation,

You do the work that you need to do every day,

And it will arise.

So don't create more selfing and more dukkha for wanting to see anatta.

It will arise.

It will find you.

Keep doing the practice and putting the causal conditions for the insight to arise and for it to ripen,

And it will arise.

So my own first insight into anatta was on a retreat with Joseph years ago.

So I wanted to pay homage to him by actually sharing his teaching and how my first insight came about.

He has shared his Big Dipper teaching perhaps,

As I read in one of the interviews online quite often,

So I like to read that quote because that's what propelled my insights.

I like to pass it on.

When perception is stronger than mindfulness,

Recognize various appearances and create concepts such as body,

Cat,

House,

Or person.

On some clear night,

Go outside,

Look up at the sky,

And see if you can find the Big Dipper.

For most people,

That is a familiar constellation,

Easy to pick out from all the other stars.

But is there really a Big Dipper up there in the sky?

There is no Big Dipper up there.

Big Dipper is a concept.

Humans looked,

Saw a certain pattern,

And then created a concept in our collective mind to describe it.

That concept is useful because it helps us recognize the constellation,

But it also has another less useful effect.

By creating the concept Big Dipper,

We separate out those stars from all the rest,

And then if we become attached to the idea of that separation,

We lose the sense of the night sky's wholeness.

It's oneness.

Does the separation actually exist in the sky?

No.

We created it through the use of a concept.

Does anything change in the sky when we understand that there is no Big Dipper?

No.

So some night on the retreat that Joseph was teaching,

I walked out.

It was a clear night.

I looked up into the sky,

And all of a sudden it hit me.

It was like a blow in the gut.

The same way that the stars were just stars and part of a pattern,

There wasn't a Big Dipper.

I realized there was nobody there.

There was no I for the first time.

I remember feeling shaken,

Quite shaken,

Actually horrified.

I was literally trembling.

I'm reminded a few days ago also a yogi came into an interview and reported,

There's no one driving the bus.

So it's that sense of,

Ah,

That I identified with.

As usual,

Like anything else,

It passed.

It arose and passed away,

This feeling of horror and uncertainty and how to relate to this because still after seeing that insight,

The world continues according to its lawful nature.

This emergent process continues to function and function pretty well,

Even though we see there is nobody there at the center.

There is no homunculus.

So it can feel unstable when we see it for the first time,

Perhaps as children when we realize for the first time there is no Santa Claus.

And we were terribly,

Terribly misled by those adults.

So there is that sense of surprise that there is no self.

I've lived all my life assuming there was one.

But still,

The aggregates continue.

The emergent property continues.

And the feeling of discomfort,

Of course,

Doesn't stay.

And we learn how to hold the relationship with this new insight and incorporate it into our lives and gain a little more freedom until we get to see a Nata again from a different doorway and again and again and again until it gets more and more of the sense of self as it continues.

Can also be frightening,

Can be very frightening as if jumping into a void.

I like to share a story by Gail Fronsdahl from a monastery within called The Abyss.

The work leader of the monastery told the story,

I had reached an impasse after 25 years in the monastery.

I had devoted myself diligently to monastic practice.

Through much effort,

My powers of concentration,

Mindfulness and compassion were among the strongest the abbot had ever seen.

I was known for my peace and equanimity.

I had few obvious attachments.

However,

I had not yet attained realization.

Other monks with less time in the monastery and less thorough practice had reached various levels of awakening.

Everyone thought my circumstances,

My circumstance was most strange.

Then one day,

The abbot took me aside for a long walk.

We discussed how I was held back by my fear of completely letting go.

As much as I trusted the spiritual life,

At my core was some deep,

Unarticulated nagging mistrust.

As long as I could remember,

A part of me was on the lookout for impending tragedy.

At the end of the conversation,

The abbot told me he could think of only one more catalyst for my enlightenment.

Just the possibility brought me tears of joy until he told me it meant entering a basement room called the Abyss.

No one in many generations had entered this room.

Only the abbot was entrusted with the secret knowledge of what was inside.

No one else knew.

While the red door to the room was kept locked,

It didn't need to be.

An atmosphere of terror emanated from within and the monks were afraid to walk anywhere close to the door.

Walking down to the basement,

The abbot explained that my one and last opportunity was inside this room.

Once I entered this room,

There would be no turning back.

Standing in front of the door,

I had mixed feelings about entering.

The abbot carefully explained the instructions that had been transmitted to him.

I was to step into the room.

The abbot was to close and lock the door behind me and under no circumstance was he to unlock it again.

On entering the room,

I was simply to walk to the other side of the room and exit through the door there.

It sounded easy enough.

Suddenly,

The abbot opened the door and pushed me inside.

Before I could get my bearings,

I heard the door locked behind me.

The room proved to be huge,

Perhaps a hundred feet wide.

On the other side of the room was a door,

Just like the one I had entered.

The room had no floor.

I was standing on a two-foot ledge as wide as the door.

Between me and the other door was a gaping abyss.

I could not see the bottom.

From the depths came horrible grinding and cracking sounds.

Occasionally,

A ball of flame shot upwards.

I was scared and perplexed.

How was I supposed to walk across?

I spent the first day standing on the ledge studying the room,

Certain that I was meant to discover some secret way to get across.

I spent the second day banging on the door,

Hoping that someone would let me out.

I cried most of the third day until,

While sitting on the ledge,

One of my slippers fell off my foot.

As it fell,

The grinding noises seemed to get worse.

On the fourth day,

I desperately and repeatedly reviewed the instructions.

They were so simple.

Walk across the room and out the door.

Could I trust the abbot?

Tired and hungry,

On the fifth day,

I gave up all hope,

Convinced I had no other choice but to try the instructions,

I decided to walk out off the ledge.

I tried not to imagine what awaited me down in the depths,

Terrified.

I looked straight ahead and took a step into the room,

Into the unknown.

As my foot came down,

The ledge stretched forward,

Receiving me with a firm,

Stable base.

It took me another day to take the second step,

But when I finally did,

The ledge again extended,

Extended itself outwards to receive my foot.

I continued walking into the emptiness,

And with each step,

The ledge became longer.

Soon enough,

I had reached the opposite side.

From that day on,

Letting go into the freedom of realization has come easily.

So I offer that for your reflection as letting go into anatta can be scary,

But you will be held as there is no ground.

It's like emptiness falling into itself.

So why do we do all this work?

Why do we practice?

It's not to get a head trip.

Anatta does sound cool,

But realizing anatta really is one of the three doorways to freedom.

So you see,

It's all very practical.

It's to gain freedom in our lives,

To live from a place of ease,

Both for ourselves and for all the beings whose lives we touch.

It's a work that we do out of love and care for ourselves and for others.

In words of Rumi,

Essence is emptiness,

Everything else accidental.

Emptiness brings peace to your loving,

Everything else disease.

In this world of trickery,

Emptiness is what your heart wants.

I'd like to close with one more poem.

This one's called True Happiness.

If you want to gain true happiness,

You must lose yourself.

Jump into the vast infinite space of lost illusions,

Leaving the torn parachute on the wings of desire.

Feel the anguish of wanting to be something,

Someone,

To be happy.

Feel the hand aching from clutching the cup full of yearnings.

Know that there is no lasting,

Lasting satisfaction,

Satisfaction in getting.

Know what sparkles is only colored dust dancing in the wind.

See the chain of craving like the vision of a mirage,

Refreshed every moment to keep the wanting traveler walking mile after restless mile.

Their thirst never quenched.

Open the door.

Step out of the chimera,

This delusive reality.

Nothing to hang onto,

But no need for a branch,

As there is no one who is falling.

It's only emptiness leaping unto itself with joy.

Let the truth of how things really are be embraced,

Unmoved and unshaken.

Taste real freedom in your cup now emptied,

And feel it overflow with true happiness and peace.

Let's sit for a moment.

Lynnding.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Reviews

I wanna hear more about the pit

Thank you 😌

A clear teaching on a complex topic. Thank you.

Awesome!!!

Useful, practical. Thank you. Very nourishing talk. 🙏🙏🙏

A beautiful talk artfully filled with wonderous stories to lead us to the brink of emptiness… Thank you 🙏🏼