Embracing Change With Grace And Ease

Change is inevitable, but suffering is optional. In this insightful and heartfelt talk, Nikhil explores how to navigate life’s transitions with mindfulness and resilience. Discover why we resist change, how our mindsets shape our experiences, and practical ways to embrace change gracefully. Through thought-provoking questions, powerful stories, and actionable strategies, Nikhil guides leaders and individuals alike to move beyond fear and resistance, transforming change into an opportunity for growth.

This talk includes grounding exercises and a closing meditation, leaving the audience inspired, centred, and ready to embrace change with courage and hope.

Please note: This audio is ripped from a video.

Transcript

Welcome to today's practice and as the day passes,

The night falls and another day starts,

The mountain remains still.

Still rooted,

Still centered,

Still unwavering and it remains still with weather changes moment to moment,

Day by day and as the season flows.

Now this is the essence of change and in today's topic we are discussing how we can embrace change and what it means.

So change is something that is happening all the time.

So I invite you to take this moment to realize that what we are talking about in terms of change is happening right now.

You are different from the moment you started this meditation practice.

You are different from yesterday and it's something which we don't often pay attention.

When we look at ourselves in the mirror for example,

We view ourselves through the lens of the past without much change.

We don't see any changes or we don't want to see any changes but it's there and it is difficult for us to see our own change and it is even more difficult to embrace it with grace but it's simpler in the fact that what we need to do is really simple and I think we all know what to do with change.

So I invite you to notice whatever change means for you.

What comes up?

What are the three key things you may start to notice about change and what is change?

Why do we resist it?

Why do we resist change?

I mean there is fear of the unknown which is the usual reason for resisting change.

There's this loss of control we talk about.

Change often feels like losing control leading to anxiety and resistance.

There is this feeling of a comfort zone.

Although there is no such thing as a comfort zone,

You just either habituated or not.

So we find our self safety in the routines even when they limit our growth.

Then there is the ego and identity,

The psychological factors that really stop us from changing and all of this comes back to this essential question.

Why do we want to change?

Why do we want to change?

And it's not as easy as just understanding about change.

It's this question of why inherently do we want to change?

I know the past experiences we may have give us some inclination on the changes or what is necessary for us.

So the negative experiences we may have witnessed can obviously hold us back.

So why do we want to change?

And it's an intriguing question.

Everybody's answer will be different but the fact is we all want to change.

We all need to change in order for us to enjoy,

Embrace the life we live.

Every moment we are becoming different.

We are changing,

The world is changing around us.

To be able to fully participate we have to embrace change.

And how can mindfulness practices like what we do here help us navigate this change?

As we all discussed all of the time we talk about awareness without judgment.

So we help people practice mindfulness-based techniques so that you can be with whatever is happening without resistance or without reactivity.

By observing our emotions we can start to pay attention to what reactivities and what happens with our mind to really go deeper into understanding the roots of change.

As always with mindfulness practices we are coming back to stillness,

Coming back to the present and you don't need to practice a lot of meditation for this.

If you are able to be present you can even skip,

Dare I say,

Meditation.

You can just simply be present.

Now meditation is a tool,

A guide,

A vehicle which helps you to gain a skill.

But once you've gained the skill you can change the tool or skill or the guide.

So meditation in itself is a practice that helps you develop the skill of mindfulness.

Once you've attained that skill then meditation you can use for other things.

So we understand the change itself is a constant battle internally and externally.

We talk about change in the body,

Change in the mind,

Change in situations,

Change in relationships,

Change in the weather,

Change in everything.

Yet we don't acknowledge it.

We simply use it as excuses.

We simply use it as another topic of conversation.

Not really understanding that change is the only truth.

So mindfulness helps us bring this awareness to our day-to-day life and often the question comes back is how do we support this adaptation.

So yeah okay I get it.

I understand what you're saying.

I think I understand change within myself.

I understand change within everything around us.

So now what?

What can we do to change or adapt to changes?

Few things.

Firstly obviously developing the resilience,

Developing the practices through mindfulness based techniques or other techniques to be open.

To have this often referred trait called growth mindset.

So it's a mindset where you are thinking of changes or challenges as an opportunity.

Bringing curiosity over judgment.

That's something we can practice is when we next time judge something instead of saying this is bad or this is things.

Bring an idea of curiosity.

Why is it so?

Why do I do this behavior or why do I resist this change?

Why do I not want to see the change?

And those are like intriguing questions we can explore.

Why is this happening to me?

What can I learn from this?

Resilience and flexibility is another aspect of change which we don't talk about.

Resilience is the ability to come back stronger after a setback and flexibility is important skill which is when we remain rigid against a strong wind.

So if you have a tree which is really strong against a really strong wind it breaks but if you have a tree which sways from side to side along with the wind it actually flourishes and this is the same with sailboat metaphors which is used a lot is you use the wind to help you,

Guide you and this is where I think it is important to build that flexibility.

Often we come into all domains of our life with fixed,

Resistant,

Unresistant rigid mind which is this is how I have done it in the past and this will always work or this has worked for me and not really questioning whether it is true.

So firstly has it worked in the past?

Maybe,

Maybe not.

Is it really true?

And this is always how it will work and that is the first point of notice which you can give yourself is why am I saying these things.

Is it because you believe internally that taking that action actually will change you?

Is it the fear of the amount of work needed to change?

Is it something else external?

Is it the current situation which is giving you the impression that it's not possible?

Is it people around you who keep telling you that this is not possible,

This is not good for you,

This is not great.

Whatever it is I invite you to take that as a opportunity for reflection and we practice one of the main practices in mindfulness based techniques is self-compassion and we've done it in the past and it is bringing that kindness,

Compassion to yourself in the moment of change or when we know that change has already happened or when we know change is going to happen which it is all the time.

So how do our stories about change affect us?

So narrative identity is something which we talk about.

The stories we tell ourselves,

Share our experiences,

Shape our lives.

We have many stories.

One of the main stories we tell us,

Tell ourselves is the victim versus the savior or the hero story.

So in the victim or hero story either we are at the mercy of change or we are growing through it and we also get setbacks and setbacks can be turned into something like a set up.

So shifting from I failed to I learned.

These are the skills.

These are just top line.

We have to go really deep into understanding these but these are questions you can start to play with.

Reframing setbacks as setups and another great practice is letting go of old narratives.

What if I told you the story you're carrying about yourself is not true.

I know it can sound really radical.

It can sound really how can you say that no or what I've gone through in the past is what makes me and how can I just let it all go and my challenge is why not?

Why do you have to carry that around and this is just a thought exercise but what if tomorrow you woke up and you forgot your past.

Would you be then willing to change?

You forgot all the things which has held you back.

You forgot all the things that have happened to you but you retain a sense of identity which is in line with what you had from the previous day.

So all the worries about life just evaporated.

Then would you change?

Then would you be in a position to change?

If so why don't you do it just now?

Because that same person is the same person right now with a lot of things pulling them back.

So in a sense we are saying if we get rid of all our worries I'll be amazing I'll be doing this I'll be doing that I'll change my life but you have the same mentality right now you just choose not to use it.

So do these thought exercises do these introspective reasonings which help you navigate this real question of why am I not doing what I need to do or growing as I expected or changing or even just being at peace.

You may have achieved everything now you're just looking for just a calm ready mindset you just want to live in peace but that is available to you even during your busy times but now if you're looking for it that is available for you right now just embrace the change embrace that aspect of life.

And the other practice we can try to think of when it comes to change is mindfully telling ourselves different stories and this always gets people upset shall I say when I tell my clients and people I work with as you can change your narrative you can literally change your internal narrative first of all your internal narrative is yours nobody's gonna hear it unless you do a podcast like this or unless you talk about it then yeah people will hear it but in general your narratives are for you and right now you may have some narratives which are borderline stopping you they are the reason or the beliefs you have are the reason you are not taking that action already not moving away you're blaming others you are trying to change things you cannot there are people recently I had this where I was doing a group session and there was this one person who was really upset with everything there's nothing I could do to say or do to change this person's view and I asked them who told you this who told you this story I said no it is because I have experienced it and I've seen it happen then I asked another question which is what if that is not true and they were like how can that not be true like I was there I experienced some of it then I asked another question in the moment you experienced it what was going through your mind and in that time it is a bit difficult when you are dealing with difficult situations in the past but when you are going through and you've passed it you've done it you've taken some time out and then you go back now just notice what the difference in the mindset was in the past in the past when this happened to you actually your mind was not even constructing a story it didn't even have a story and then you over time built the story of that event which kept which kept you in this constant narrative so I challenged them to say okay from now whenever you think about this experience you're telling a different story you're telling a story of hero you're telling a story of setups you're telling a story of amazing achievement look I broke through this I am amazed at the progress I've seen and it was literally painful for this person to even consider this option and this is where I believe is the most powerful aspects of our practices help is to show that compassion to yourself the kindness and accept a new story no one needs to hear the same story that is holding them back you don't have to listen to yourself in that respect let me make this absolutely clear if this is still I would even say all those stories are lies that's not the real you the real you is right here right now experiencing the moment right here the past is a different you that's changed the same event right now or would be different for you as it was in the past so why are we holding on to that past because we sense our identity we set our identity to that event so I invite you to take this as an opportunity to tell a different story start to start to think about the things you may be telling yourself you can even share your stories out here and start to tell a different story so I invite you to just take a moment here to pause I think we went through a lot how does letting go play a role in this so how do we let go so we talked about letting go but we just want to touch about how do we let go so first thing is releasing attachment is different from detachment detachment means you are detached from everything and and there is this urban quote which is detachment is you don't own anything or nothing owns you or something like that I'm not too sure but anyway the point is noticing what you're attached to and let it not own you you own it so if you have a pen you are owning the pen and if you have ADHD like I do you own your ADHD not the other way around do not let the ADHD own you or any other textbook or non textbook definitions of identity which we start to play so I just use that as an example but releasing the attachment from these boxes we talked about how do letting go play a role in embracing change it helps us emotionally process what is happening so grieving and healing so if you let go of some identity you have carried around for a while there is going to be a process of grievance or grieving and healing only then can you welcome the new only then can you trust the process and there is this another aspect called mindful surrender and in that you're letting go but doesn't mean you're giving up it means you are being present for whatever it is that is going through your life so you're flowing with life and in that aspect some of the practices we discussed or we have done often allude to just being in the moment noticing in the mind where it has been and simply coming back and also flowing with our breath body all of that so we talked about a lot of change what we can do how we can let go etc now how can we cultivate a little bit of hope during times of change as powerful techniques out there but none other than visualizing positive outcomes I don't care who told you what visualizing positive outcomes focus on possibilities not what could go wrong is a beautiful wonderful way and I would even say necessary way to work with change is to visualize positive outcomes and your mind already very sad saying okay this is just I mean you just saying like we wish our selves better no that's not what I'm saying I'm saying visualize practice training your mind to see possible possibilities outside the whatever it is whatever it knows once you start to train it for possibilities of noticing positive things in the world what happens it starts to find positive things in the world the reason we are stuck in this negativity loop or as we talked about in the past the negativity bias is because we don't practice enough positivity we practice so much negativity so positive outcomes visualize it short term goals create them and create them for yourself your goals are yours if you want to lose weight write it down if you want to run 20k write it down if you want to be a dancer write it down if you want to sing songs write it down your goals are yours own them and build momentum towards them and this is one way to actually embrace change because you are changing with the things you want to do in life rather than change owning you you are owning the change and here's another one finding role models that is one way you can cultivate hope during times of change community connection all of that is really important so let us take this moment right now we talked about a lot of aspects of change now I invite you to just for like few seconds do a short reflection and we'll conclude with three key messages you can take away from all what we have discussed today so I invite you to take a moment to become the mountain the mountain of stillness the mountain of grandeur the mountain that is in your imagination think of this mountain from a distance it looks the same and get closer to this mountain and it becomes a constant evolution keeps changing everywhere you look and reflect of reflect that for your life imagine you are the mountains of when you see yourself from the distance nothing has changed when you get closer to yourself everything is changing and yet you are whole reflect on a change you are experiencing right now notice how it feels in your body any tension any resistance and now gently shift your focus imagine yourself flowing with this change embracing this change with grace and courage take another deep breath in and when you're ready open your eyes and let go and surrender to change so in conclusion three key messages to take away for you change is inevitable suffering is optional we use that code for pain but I think it's relevant change your mindset shapes your experience of change one thing which is a quote-unquote good change for someone may be bad change for someone else so the mindset matters and embracing change isn't about control it's about adaptability and growth it's not about you controlling the change I want to control everything so that I know I'm changing so I'm changing my hair like people who have known me and we started this two three years ago my greys were less less less greys but now there's more greys but whenever I see myself I see myself as probably lesser greys than actually so the point is there's nothing I can do to control it it's about adaptability and growth so change is the bridge between where we are and where we are meant to be may you cross it with grace and may you grow through it with courage so thank you for listening to me today thank you for joining this session so I like to hear what are the changes you are struggling with and why and how you are thinking of change so leave your comments below and we'll get back to you so thank you for listening to me appreciate all of you and I'll see you in the next video

Reviews

Enjoyed this talk. Very informative and it resonated. Thanks very much.