Letting Go Through Cyclical Approach

Letting go is the highest challenge in many life situations. Let me take you on a cyclical journey to process what comes before, in the moment and after letting go. In this talk I will also mention a couple of useful practices that you can later explore on your own.

Transcript

Welcome to this talk.

It is about letting go.

You can take a deep breath in and out if you wish to and make some sound letting go of some tension.

We often face challenges when we need to let go of something important like relationships or projects or ideas,

Creations,

Life stages,

Many things.

And to facilitate that I invite you to imagine letting go as autumn.

The autumn stage of this cycle,

The wheel of life.

I will probably be talking more about the wheel.

The wheel is such a model that I have visualized and am using for many processes in life.

Letting go happens in this autumn stage.

But it is not so simple,

Not just shedding what is no longer needed.

Often there are many painful feelings involved.

And if we view letting go out of the context as just a separate act of letting something go,

We can face a lot of challenges.

It can be just incomprehensible how to start,

How to end letting go.

And if we view it as a part of this cycle,

We can put it into context.

So letting go as autumn is opposite to the spring stage of any given process.

In the spring stage we are actively developing,

Growing,

Making something happen.

And in the autumn stage we are letting this be dissolved and unhappen.

It is the stage of unbecoming,

Unbecoming something,

Undoing something,

Letting it go,

Letting it be dissolved.

But those are not the only two stages.

After we have actively created,

Lived through something,

There is the stage of summer when we enjoy it and we channel our love into it.

So just such a stage of heightened feeling where all the potential is already reached and we are just enjoying it and loving and living.

And then slowly it is withering away inevitably because this impulse cannot last forever.

And then the autumn happens,

Beautiful autumn starting with warm contemplations and memories and then eventually transitioning into this final stage of autumn where we let go,

Let something be undone and this cycle immediately seamlessly continues into the stage of winter where new hope is born and the new life is actually already conceived.

The spark is there even before we see any first glimpses of spring.

So if we put letting go in this context we will see that there is a stage that we need to go through before letting go,

Then there is the letting go stage and then there is the after letting go stage which allows us to come into this new cycle.

And that said,

Those cycles exist and repeat both when we live through something that is just single,

Just happening and then it doesn't happen anymore and when we live through something that is continuous,

Like a long-term relationship,

Like a job,

Not just a project.

And even this part of our life has to sometimes sort of die and be reborn,

Go through those transformations just like we do.

Sometimes we go to our low point and we go to our high point and there is always this rhythm.

If you want this letting go and transition from autumn to winter where there is seemingly no life,

It doesn't mean that something is dead forever.

Every case is individual.

And letting go is a useful skill not only for saying goodbye forever to something,

Which is also probably useful,

But also it is useful for allowing something continuous in your life to go through its natural cycles.

Now let us see all those stages that I've mentioned.

So before letting go,

Before having to let go,

You actually live through something.

And often we do not allow ourselves to let go because we haven't actually lived.

We haven't experienced that,

That experience,

That gift,

That situation.

And we are not ready to let go because we know subconsciously that some part of this life is missing.

We haven't lived enough,

We haven't loved enough.

So we need to process it.

And depending on how deep you are into the autumn stage,

Into the letting go,

The withering stage of this particular situation in your life,

Those feelings may have different colouring,

Different tastes,

So those feelings of living through it completely,

Making the most of it,

They can be pleasurable or really very,

Very unpleasurable,

Just sad.

You can live through the joyful moments and the sad moments.

The important thing is just to live through it.

So if you understand that you are overwhelmed with memories,

Feelings,

Emotions,

And they feel very,

Very alive,

They are present still.

So whatever is happening,

Whatever the relationship,

The project,

The issue,

The person is,

Just dedicate some more time,

Allow this living through to actually happen.

Maybe take an evening,

A weekend,

When you consciously sit with your journal and just allow those feelings,

Things come to you and you do not avoid them,

Do not try to ignore them,

But really sit with them,

Live through them and reflect on them in any way possible.

Express yourself in this moment.

Organise those feelings,

Write about them,

Maybe write a letter to this person.

Of course,

A very,

Very good trick is to continuously be thankful,

To start and end any such sitting with gratitude.

And there is always a way to help yourself with some guided material like chants and mantras of thankfulness.

And then when you understand that,

Okay,

I've said enough with this,

Now you can allow yourself to step into letting go,

Right?

So how does letting go actually happen?

The important thing is that letting go is a passive stage of our cycle and we are not supposed to actively do something.

So the stage when you write a letter,

When you give active thanks,

Gratitude,

You interact with this person or situation,

It is an active stage and then happens a passive stage.

When you allow everything that is not needed anymore to fall away from you,

And this may sound like something very,

Very difficult to do if you haven't lived through everything 100%,

But the challenge here is not to fall into sadness and memories,

So not to make this process like a vicious cycle when you are saying,

I just need to process it more,

I just need more closure and you keep running those memories in your hand.

The key here is to recognize when those memories are some unlived feelings that you haven't processed and you need to sit with them and feel them and put them into your journal,

Maybe have conversations about it.

And then the stage when you have lived through all of it and it is just like a recording that you cannot stop playing because you feel sad and you want to go back into this moment.

So as soon as you notice the feelings of confusion,

Of being overwhelmed,

Of shock,

Switch to sadness,

To continuous depressive sadness,

It means that you've already lived through it and if you haven't,

Then it's too late and you are in the autumn stage already,

So you should try now to let go.

The one power that can help you with letting go is your connection to the divine,

The world,

The life,

Whatever resonates with you.

So your independent expression,

Who you are at the core.

And this can be called also freedom because freedom can be interpreted as being inherently,

Independently,

Unconditionally worthy and at the same time really selfless.

So you are free,

Your presence in this world and your actions do not depend on the outside circumstances.

They depend only on your connection with the source,

With the life source,

Life power,

Right?

You are a manifestation,

An expression,

An incarnation of the life itself and you are free.

Just you are enough as you are because you are free and you are free because you are enough as you are.

You are a universe.

You are a person.

You are you and no explanation is needed.

And the sense of higher freedom,

A sense of being in harmony with your life,

Being in your truth,

Regardless of any external circumstance,

This is freedom and this power can help you through the letting go process.

So this is your guiding light.

Now when you are letting go,

It's not time to wallow in the memories or what-ifs,

Potential hypothetical situations.

Now is the time to concentrate on the moment that is happening right here,

Right now.

And this is the expression of your freedom.

Right here,

Right now,

You can do anything you want,

Anything that is truly the expression of you and the expression of the Divine through you.

So freedom will guide you.

Do not let yourself fall into sadness and depression.

Always turn to this sense of freedom and connectedness in order to overcome sadness.

But never ignore sadness and just push it away.

Be present with it and make a conscious choice to be free in this moment.

And you can say even yes,

The sadness is present in me and I am choosing to be free.

I am choosing not to become this sadness.

And letting go happens.

It is unbecoming.

Unbecoming something,

Saying yes,

But yes,

There is sadness,

But I am not this sadness.

And the practice and the useful mantra for this is something in oriental traditions called neti-neti.

It's like I am not this,

I am not that.

It is the mantra of unbecoming.

When the feelings come to you that you do not need anymore,

You do not wish it,

You say to them,

No,

I am not this.

This can be,

But I am not this.

And so through the process of unbecoming,

Letting go,

We slowly transition into winter stage of the cycle.

And this autumn stage probably was quite demanding on energy.

It can be also an inspirational stage where you can create art to let yourself be free and let go.

So when you feel that your power is maybe going down and you are nearing this energetic low in this process,

But not the depressive low,

Just energetic low,

The energy that you are ready to dedicate to this process is less and less.

Maybe it is a time to perform a ritual also,

Something useful if you wish to.

So this is the time when you can choose to take maybe some object that you associate with this relationship,

With this project,

With this situation,

And somehow let go of it.

You can burn some notes,

You just carefully of course,

Maybe cut a cord,

There is a cord cutting ritual,

You can also find it if you think that such metaphors will help you.

And after that,

Just notice your transition to the winter stage.

And the dominating negative emotion that you will be having shifts from sadness already to fear.

Fear is progress in this.

Fear is the sign that you have moved from autumn stage to winter stage,

Which is progress.

It may feel worse,

But it is progress.

And what can you fear?

You can fear to be always in this state,

Always low on energy,

Always alone,

Always somehow deficient.

You can fear to not be able to interact with the world fully,

Can be intimidated by the world,

Can fear the unknown.

Of course,

The task here,

As always,

With such challenging emotions is not to ignore the emotion,

But choose the way to go through it and process it.

And it is a beautiful stage also,

When the power that will guide you is hope.

Hope is such an eternal light,

It is like this tender star that will always be there for us.

Hope is available to us at all times.

Freedom is conditional on your state of mind,

If you can access it or not.

And even feelings of love and faith and other powerful things and guiding forces in life,

They may not always be available.

But hope is always available.

If you live,

You can hope.

In here,

In this stage of energetic law,

The hope will guide you.

So,

At this moment,

You can already slowly disconnect from these elevated spiritual feelings of being connected with the divine so much,

And just let yourself be a child,

A child that hopes and wonders,

A child that plays.

Maybe some dreams will come to you that you remember,

And you can play around with them.

Just do not push yourself into any active expression,

Into energetic action.

This is not the stage for it.

You are gathering strength now,

And this is another passive stage.

Just letting things,

Ideas come to you.

If you notice memories,

Just meditate through them.

It is already possible to distract yourself with some playful activity,

Because it shouldn't be so sharp now.

If those memories are painful and sharp and unbearable,

Then maybe you haven't really moved forward,

Maybe you've moved backwards.

Then you need to come through all those stages again,

Which is also fine,

And this cycle can repeat several times.

But if you find yourself at the stage where your dominating negative emotion is fear of how will it be,

What will happen,

And not so much sadness or grief or anger,

Then just hope and let yourself be open to inspiration.

And this is where inevitably life will bring new ideas,

New connections,

New sparks to you.

Inspiration will come,

New gifts of life will come.

If you have performed your task of letting go and making yourself empty enough to receive the new life gifts,

Then they will inevitably come.

Just be patient with yourself and be present with each and every stage of this incredible process of life transition,

Of letting go that allows the new things to happen.

So to wrap it up,

You have lived through three stages.

The stage of summer,

When you live and love and enjoy,

Or maybe not enjoy but really process everything actively.

And then the passive stage of letting go,

Letting things dissolve and connecting to your higher freedom.

And then when you have overcome your sadness in this way and maybe performed a transitional ritual that brings you to the new cycle,

Then at the winter stage,

Tuning into hope,

Overcoming your fears with the child's mindset and playfulness and letting new inspiration come to you.

And then inevitably new life will begin and the fourth stage of this cycle,

The spring that we haven't mentioned here,

Will also come in due time.

I wish you peace and hope and beauty in the cycles that happen in your life.

Until next time,

Bye and thank you.