How Much Of Yourself Can You Actually Change?

In this podcast episode, we discuss how much of ourselves we can actually change. We'd like to think that we can gain, or regain control over our thoughts, emotions and behaviours, but that's just the stuff that we're consciously aware of. What about the rest? Can you actually reinvent all of yourself, all the way to your core?

Transcript

This program was produced by and first broadcast on Radio Hawke's Bay,

A community access media station.

Thank you to New Zealand on Air for making this type of programming possible.

Well,

Hello,

Everyone,

And welcome to It's a Funny Thing with Celine.

I am Celine,

And I am so happy that you are here with me today.

So we actually are recording this episode today live from France,

Where I am from.

I am back with my family,

Visiting my family for the first time in seven years.

And I thought I could share with you today some of the lessons I have learned during this trip.

So first of all,

I hope that you're doing good today.

I hope that you are feeling well in your body,

That you're feeling well in your mind,

And that you know that truly,

You can decide which world,

Which universe,

Which reality you live in.

And I hope that you feel that today you have a choice,

You truly have a choice.

I have spent the past 10 years observing how people live their lives,

Observing what reality they choose to live in,

Observing what reality I choose to live in.

And sometimes we feel that we don't have a choice.

We feel that we cannot choose our job,

We cannot choose our family situations,

We cannot choose our parents or our health,

Or any challenge that we might face.

But what I have found is that in every situation there is a choice.

Even when you feel that there is no choice,

There is still a choice.

Even if you can't change,

Or if you feel that you cannot change.

.

.

Sorry for the coughing,

I've just been recovering from a cold and today is the first that I'm actually feeling good enough to record this.

So sorry Ken for having to edit this out.

Anyway,

So even when you feel that you don't have a choice,

Say that you have an insane health challenge,

You still have a choice around how you choose to react to the situation,

How you choose to behave with the people around you.

Do you suffer and make other people pay because you're in suffering and in pain and you feel resentful towards the health challenge?

Or do you benefit,

For example,

From the health issue because now people have to take care of you and you've never had that experience before and so it benefits you from being sick?

Yeah,

Funny things that we do in order to get what we need because we don't know a better way.

So yes,

I have spent the past 10 years observing how people live and the situations that we create because we don't know any better.

Because we are stuck in belief systems that come from our parents,

Our grandparents,

Come from society,

Come from social media.

I mean,

It's insane.

The lives that we live are just insane and so beautiful and so creative.

You know,

I remember doing deep theta healing sessions with clients and so I think it's a modality that helps you to dig into your belief systems.

And I do mean that,

I don't say that for marketing reasons.

It's been a very effective modality for myself and that's why I share it with other people.

Anywho,

Sometimes we dive into a belief system and it's just so beautifully twisted but so beautifully creative as well.

You know,

You might have a belief system at the beginning that says,

I'm not worthy of being loved.

And so the belief systems that you might create due to necessity,

Due to the situations or experiences that you might have had.

But also simply because you know that deep down that you deserve to be loved.

So you create these belief systems.

We create these belief systems just to try and receive love,

Just to try and receive abundance because we know that deep down it's meant to be super,

Super easy.

I mean,

We're creative beings and I really love that about us.

But yeah,

Sometimes it's definitely time to entangle things.

Disentangle things,

Not entangle things.

Contrary.

Anywho,

So the lessons that I have learned during this trip.

So I haven't been back in my family in seven years and I decided to make the move to New Zealand with my husband seven years ago.

He's a New Zealander and at the time I thought it was a great idea to move across the other side of the world and be with him and be very far away from my family.

It sounded like an amazing adventure.

The seven years happened and I didn't go back to Europe and it was because I felt that I couldn't and also because I felt that I did not want to.

And now I'm here.

Finally,

It's been almost four weeks now and I have another two weeks to go before coming back home.

And the first thing that I noticed,

Even after such an intense healing journey where I felt that I have really,

Truly reconfigured every single aspect of myself,

That I am a much better person,

That I have amazing interpersonal skills that I can connect with literally anybody.

I feel good in my body.

I feel that I have a lot of energy in my mind,

In my soul and I feel that all the things that used to plague me are now gone.

And sure,

There is more healing to do but really I feel good inside of myself and I could not say that about myself seven years ago.

So here I am feeling that I'm this completely new person and the first thing I noticed is that when my dad says this,

I recognize that I say this as well.

When he does that,

I do that as well.

When he,

I don't know,

Maybe he has a body language or a movement that I do as well.

For example,

Especially at the dinner table when there is a gap in the conversation,

My dad will say,

Hmm,

Because maybe he feels a little uncomfortable and he wants people to know.

And guess what?

I do exactly the same thing.

So our topic for today really is,

How much do we actually change?

I had a conversation about this with a family member of mine that I really love and admire and who's been a psychologist for his entire life.

And I asked him the question,

How much change do you feel you've actually initiated or encouraged in the world as a psychologist?

Yeah,

I ask hard questions.

I want people to think about them.

And I'm curious as well,

Because I'm in the alternative space.

I'm not a registered psychologist or psychotherapist.

And I've had a lot of people belittle me or criticize me over the years about my choice of healing out,

I suppose.

And family members have shamed me and criticized me.

And it's definitely created a sort of shame,

But also I find it difficult to explain what I do with confidence.

And I have family members of mine that do not believe in the concept of soul or personal development or karma.

How do I explain what I do without talking about the concept of karma or personal responsibility or soul to people that I love?

So anyway,

I wanted to talk to my family member about this.

And he said he's now retired,

That actually he's had very little influence over perhaps the hundreds or thousands of clients that he's worked with over the years.

And I imagine that he worked with perhaps six to eight clients every day for five days,

Every year for his entire span of his career.

And I thought it was shocking because a lot of people believe in the power of psychotherapy,

Psychology.

I'm not sure about the difference,

To be completely honest with you.

If somebody can enlighten me there,

That'd be great.

But even as a registered,

Highly trained professional in the mental health field,

He felt that he had very little influence over,

Let's say the thousands of clients that he's worked with over the years.

How amazing is that?

And he can recognize who he's had an amazing,

Incredible,

Positive influence over in his professional career,

But that might be a very small percentage actually.

And I spoke to another family member who's also a therapist,

A psychologist,

And she said that overall people need to be medicated and need to work with a mental health professional.

Who is highly trained for at least a year.

And then the other family member was saying,

Well,

It doesn't really work.

And Freud himself said,

You cannot cure everything from everyone.

You cannot fix everyone.

And we're all slightly insane to a certain point.

Probably not quite his words,

But I'm saying what I remember from the conversation.

So is there hope for many of us,

For any of us?

Do we actually change?

I feel that I have changed every aspect of myself and yet I come back home and I see that I do and have a lot of little behaviors that I had never been conscious of before,

Simply because it is in my genes,

It is in my DNA.

And I have seen my father behave like this for,

I don't know how many years and I do them unconsciously.

And there are things that I like about my heritage.

And there are definitely things that I do not,

Do not,

Do not like.

So how much do we actually change?

Do we change at the core of us?

One observation that I made when I was working with clients one-on-one is that we always,

And when I was working on myself,

Actually one-on-one to be completely honest with you,

Is that I always seem to be working on the same thing over and over and over again.

And when I talked about it with friends that were deeply in personal development,

What they would say to me,

Well,

You just worked on a different aspect of it.

It's like working on a diamond and you work on face number one of lack of self-worth,

For example,

And then you fix that and then you work on the second face of the diamond,

Which is another aspect of the issue around lack of self-worth.

Now,

I don't know how true that is,

Because when you look at people around you in your life,

And I really invite you to do that and spend time looking at people around you and just observing the things that happen to them in their lives and the things that seem to happen again and again and again in their lives,

Right?

Can you think of somebody that always has issues at work,

Or always seems to complain about their health,

Or always seems to have issues with money,

No matter how much they earn,

Or always has the craziest situations that always somehow seem to work out in their best somehow,

Or maybe you know somebody who is somehow really naive in the way that they live their lives,

And yet nothing bad ever happens to them,

Because that's the sort of universe reality they live in.

Now,

It might not be a choice that they're consciously making,

But that's simply the reality they live in.

So it makes us think,

Right?

How much change are we actually capable of?

And I would like to have a positive answer for you,

But I'm not sure that I can just yet.

I think I'm getting there,

But I'm not sure that today I can honestly say we can change everything about ourselves.

And there is several parts to my thinking process,

Of course,

But I think the main aspect is that we don't necessarily change because we want to change for the highest good of ourselves and of humanity.

I was talking to a friend who was offered a position and she asked for too much money,

And she's in my age group,

And I told him that it was probably because of what she could see on social media.

We are pushed now to ask for more.

We see people making six figures every month with apparently no effort,

And we think that we can ask for more and it will be given,

And it's easy,

And we don't have to do any sort of hard work.

And we're now,

Our generation,

My generation is now starting to challenge the concept of hard work,

And some people are doing that very successfully.

Now,

The job or the company offered her less,

And she said no.

Now,

It is great that she was able to ask for more,

And yet she didn't have a concept of how much money you can actually make in the hospitality industry.

They were planning to put a coffee shop in a university.

You can't charge $20 for a coffee to justify your salary as a manager in a university.

That's not going to work.

That's just not reasonable.

That's not reality.

So,

The question,

Of course,

Becomes,

What reality do you choose to live in?

Oh,

Yes,

That was my point.

Sorry.

Let's go back a little bit.

So,

My point was that we want change,

But we don't necessarily want it because it is something that our soul deeply wants.

We might want it because that's what we see on social media,

Or because we feel deeply angry towards our families,

And we want to break free from them.

So,

Where is the change that you desire actually coming from?

I remember working once with a lady who was going through a divorce,

And I'd had a great success with a friend of hers,

And she had been recommended to me that new client,

And the session was excruciating for both of us.

I can't say it was one of my great successes,

But I definitely learned a lot from it,

And she was so angry about her ex-husband,

And I remember thinking that she wanted the piece,

But she was not quite ready to get it.

She just wanted to be angry for a while.

Anyhow,

We want so many things because somebody else has it,

Because we feel that we should,

Because we feel jealous of people who have it better than us,

We have resentments towards rich people,

Towards people who live in Hawaii or Bali or whatever.

We live our lives in reaction to others,

And I do feel that the process of self-development and ultimately fulfillment,

Whatever that means to you,

Is a journey of turning away from that,

And tuning into who you deeply are,

And learning to change from a much more whole perspective that comes from a deep desire of expressing who you are,

And in order to do that,

You have to find out the truth about yourself.

It is an amazing process that we're all going through,

And there's no step one,

Step two,

Step three,

Step four.

There are many elements that you have to work with at the same time,

And often it just doesn't make any sense.

There is no saying that only psychotherapy works,

Or only theta healing works,

Or only energy healing works,

Or only science works.

Life is what you want it to be.

Now,

Coming back to our topic of change,

How much can you actually change?

I believe that once you become aware of an issue,

Then you are in power,

Then you have the power to change it.

As soon as you become aware of an issue,

Then you have the power to change it.

Isn't that amazing?

The key is to become aware of an issue,

And maybe you're in a space where you're aware of many,

Many issues,

And that's really way too overwhelming,

And you're like,

Yeah,

Thanks,

Celine,

I know that.

If you're struggling with a number of issues that you can see inside of yourself,

Then you know what to do.

Just take it one issue at a time,

And just work through each issue at a time,

And work with somebody who is ahead of you in the game,

Who is ahead of you and on the path,

That you deeply admire,

Not because they have what you want,

But because they feel good about themselves,

And they know what it takes to truly change.

If you feel that there's no issue in your life,

Then you know what to do as well.

You need to spend some time with yourself,

And you need to meditate.

You need to go for long walks,

Long hikes,

And spend time away from the destructions of the world.

In the end,

I can say that life is truly,

Deeply easy,

And it begins with self-awareness.

If you want a truly fulfilling life,

A life that makes you deeply,

Deeply,

Deeply happy,

There is no shortcut.

There's no making six figures in two weeks.

There is no miracle solution.

It is self-awareness again,

And again,

And again.

I have a friend now who is looking for a job,

And he's been out of work for three months.

And I was telling him,

You need to get out of the house,

And you need to find something that's just going to give you a little salary,

Until you find something that gives you more pleasure,

And more purpose.

And he was going on,

And on,

And on about the reasons why he shouldn't do this.

And I remembered,

You know,

He was talking,

And I could see myself five years ago.

So funny that I had the same arguments.

I had the same reasoning,

And I had the same resistance resistance to support and advice.

So yeah,

We can come very far in five years,

Two years,

Six months,

A day,

Two days,

Even an hour.

But change isn't linear.

It doesn't happen in a controllable,

Measured way,

The way we want it to.

It happens in bursts,

And it happens very slowly as well.

So if you're listening to this,

And you're feeling not very positive about life today,

I just want to reassure you that there is a reason for everything,

And there is a path that you must follow.

And that everything happens for a reason,

And that you will find clarity.

Perhaps not today,

But maybe tomorrow.

And I invite you to listen to to whichever podcast episode you resonate with.

You will be able to follow my journey as well,

And my levels of wisdom over the years.

It's been a long time since I've had the podcast now.

It's been,

I think,

About five years.

And there is lots of resources as well for you to dive into,

And it's all free.

So dive into it.

There's no reason why you shouldn't do this as you go about your chores,

Or pick up your kids at school,

Or whatever.

So my conclusion to this podcast episode is that through it all,

Yeah,

You can know what's coming if you've been listening to the podcast for a long time.

But through it all,

You deserve to love yourself.

Through it all,

You deserve to have peace,

And you can have peace in the journey.

So I wish you all the best.

I wish you all the love,

And all the joy,

And all the peace,

And all the abundance in the world.