One of the most beautiful things that we have available for us as we recover our grounding,
Our serenity,
Our sense of self,
Our wholeness in the process of releasing addiction and finding and discovering who we are is the beautiful ritual of Step 11.
Step 11 is comprised of a few parts,
Mainly I like to see it as three.
Upon awakening,
Meditation to put my life in the hands of my Creator.
To ask Him or her to take over that desire to control and obsess and manipulate and have things go my way so that it is His or Her will that is done in my life and not mine.
So that first part of meditation is so vital for me to do in the morning.
The second part of Step 11 that I like to apply throughout my day and look at as separately from the first part is the pausing.
I get a new way to connect with life through this process of recovery and this one I see almost as a glorious magical tool.
This idea,
Concept and application of pausing is just so precious.
Before when life used to hit me and it really did feel like it hit me,
I would always react.
It was like a rubber band.
Life hits,
I hit back.
And Step 11 offers me the opportunity of pausing,
Of taking a deep breath and in that pause and in that beautiful space that I create in between action and reaction.
My recovery deepens because I don't immediately act on impulse.
I don't act out of anger or fear or resentment or any other emotion.
And I instead ask God,
My Creator,
As I understand Him or her to step in.
I use that pause to ask the question,
What part is mine here?
What am I responsible for?
Sometimes the answer is a lot.
Sometimes the answer is not that much.
Either way,
It's okay,
So long as I get a chance through that pausing to create space for me to get curious about it,
For me to take accountability and for me not to react like just a ball of impulses that I used to be.
The third part of Step 11 is meditation at night.
And this one is easy for us to step over because at the end of the day,
Most of us just plop our head on the pillow and really just forget.
But this one is such a beautiful part of this step because it offers us the opportunity to review our day,
To look back with an expansive curiosity and kindness,
Emotional generosity and asking the question,
Where did I manage,
Manipulate,
Obsess,
Control my life?
Where was I responsible for harming other people?
Or where did I want to take control of my life and play God,
Which is a contraposition to the premise,
Both of what I promised and I said I would do to the place where I began my day.
And so,
In the beauty of Step 11 I get a chance to connect,
To pause,
To reconnect,
To review my day,
To even ask myself,
Do I owe any amends to anybody?
Can I,
Tomorrow morning,
Right the wrongs of my day?
Now can you see the beautiful opportunity that this step,
If you really dive into it,
Offers you?
Do you see the magic of connecting through life by disconnecting from our own ways?
The program of the 12 Steps uses the word selfishness and self-centeredness often,
And it felt like a judgment.
It felt like I was being chastised.
But I want to soften the edges of those words and truly look at their meaning without the stigma or the added interpretation of what my life has,
You know,
Added to them.
Because if I try to run life through my willpower alone,
Through my ways,
Through the filter that comes innately within me,
Especially at the beginning of this process where I have been running on self-fuel and things haven't worked out,
I am more than likely going to be doomed for a life that continues to not work out.
Now,
So long as I am willing to release control,
So long as I am willing to take a breath and even ask my Creator,
Will you please do this for me as I can't on my own and see what happens?
Get curious.
I experience a very particular whoosh of freedom.
And I call it a whoosh because I almost hear it whoosh itself,
The weight lifted off of my chest.
When I intentionally turn my eyes into the situation at hand and when I notice,
And I often notice,
That I am trying hard to control it,
To get an outcome,
Whether that is getting something I want or not losing something that I have or even getting caught,
Those are the three levels of fear.
When I am stuck in my own ways and I am essentially trying to control the outcome of something or someone to get what I want,
And I notice and I intentionally breathe and I apply the tenets of let it be yours and not mine,
I am now ready to give you all the good and bad.
I am ready to have you step in.
I am willing to have you do thy will instead of mine.
And I take a deep breath.
It is upon releasing that breath that I feel,
I literally hear this whoosh.
And my chest gets lifted.
I feel the weight of the world get off of my chest and my shoulders.
Because in truth I wasn't designed to take this weight on my own.
None of us are.
We are beautiful,
Amazing,
Magical beings of light,
But we are at the end just humans.
So step 11 is a beautiful reminder of how incredibly powerful life can be when connected to a higher source than the one that I can source my own.
Whatever conception you have of that.
And I have found that in seeking my higher power and that connection with a God of my own understanding,
Him,
Her,
Universe,
Mother Nature,
Energy,
Source,
Whatever it is that I choose to call that power,
That you choose to call that power,
I actually end up having access to the best and most elevated part of my own self.
And so the beauty of this beautiful ritual,
Of this beautiful step in the journey of recovery is that through connecting with my higher power,
I get to connect with the most precious and beautiful and whole part of my own self.
And that's nothing less than miraculous.
That's nothing else,
If not magic.
Now I want you to take some time after our time together to be in silence with yourself.
Words are good and they carry an insight for your brain to get curious and consider,
Play around with your ideas and your feelings and your emotions and all that beautiful,
Beautiful mix of words and life that go on through your veins and your head and your soul.
But at the end,
This is a personal journey.
And we cannot talk about meditation without the meditation itself.
So I'm going to be quiet but sit here right beside you.
As you breathe.
Let your mind wander.
And let your soul wonder and perhaps get curious about where are the places,
The areas,
The storylines that you are playing God.
Where are the areas where you need to have the beautiful release of the wish.
I'll leave you to it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
