The two teachers metaphor or exercise was developed to illustrate the hostile and self-destructive ways we talk to ourselves and our loved ones.
This exercise demonstrates how we as adults can offer ourselves greater compassion.
Imagine you are the parent of a small child who is just starting school.
Your child is a normally developing five-year-old and as such,
They find reading,
Writing,
And sitting still challenging.
Your child has two teachers.
The first teacher focuses on everything your child is doing wrong.
They constantly point out your child's mistakes and get irritated easily.
This teacher tries to make your child feel bad about what they are doing and using a cold and harsh tone of voice,
They say things to your child like,
The other children are sitting down nicely.
Why can't you?
You need to try harder.
Why aren't you focusing on your work?
You should be doing better at this by now.
The other kids can do this.
What's wrong with you?
The second teacher is warm and understanding.
They look for the strengths in your child and find opportunities for them to use these skills in class.
They celebrate your child's successes and encourage them to take pride in their work,
Saying things like,
I see that you are struggling with this.
Let's work out what help you need.
I like what you have done here.
Can you do more of that?
How about we go over this again?
Let's do a bit more of this together before you go out to play.
So now there are a few questions I would like you to ponder.
Which teacher would you like for your child?
The first one or the second one?
Which teacher is most likely to help your child learn,
Grow and build their self-confidence?
Is the first one or the second one?
Now I want you to ponder on the personal qualities this teacher has that would most help your child.
So in your mind,
Think about the qualities which this second teacher and the first teacher are showing which can help your child.
Which teacher sounds like the way you talk to yourself?
Do you talk to yourself like the first teacher or do you talk to yourself like the second teacher?
The two teachers metaphor illustrates how the way you treat yourself can influence not only your sense of well-being,
But also your ability to learn and grow.
The personal qualities showed by the second teacher,
Including being warm,
Gentle and kind,
Empathetic and understanding,
Accepting,
Being non-judgmental,
Motivated to help,
Encouraging and supportive while still holding your child accountable to complete the work.
For example,
Let's do a bit more of this together before you go out and play.
It's likely the way you talk to yourself is most like the first teacher.
Consider how much this might undermine your learning,
Growth and confidence over time.
Are you beating yourself or are you gently helping yourself to grow and learn?
If you believe you must be hard on yourself or else you will be lazy and unproductive,
Pay close attention to what the second teacher is doing.
The second teacher demonstrates how you can be warm and kind to yourself while still holding yourself accountable for achieving amazing work.
This kind of self-talk is energizing and motivating rather than demoralizing and overwhelming.
These are the qualities and skills for self-compassion and you can learn them.
At the end,
Reflect maybe on a piece of paper for five minutes the way you talk with your own self,
The way you talk with your loved one.
Are you like the first teacher or are you like the second teacher?
As we become more aware,
We become more compassionate and kind towards your own self and others around you.
Hope you have found this useful.
I wish you have a good day and take care.
