Start by taking a moment to check in,
And to get settled in your current environment.
Finding a position that feels supportive and comfortable for your body.
You can choose to do this practice sitting,
Lying down,
Or in whatever position serves you today.
Allow your eyes to close,
Or else keep your eyes open and direct your gaze to a spot in front of you.
See if you can locate the breath in the body,
Noticing where you feel it most strongly,
And allow your attention to anchor on the waves of the in-breath and the out-breath.
In this practice,
We will engage in processing a loss on the family building journey.
First we will identify what the loss is,
And the natural feelings that are coming up because of this heartbreak.
In the next part of the practice,
You will help give yourself some support and tenderness.
First start to notice and really reflect on what was lost.
Often on the family building journey,
There are many losses that are not fully recognized or named because they feel too difficult to connect with,
Because we are minimizing the pain we're experiencing,
Or because we feel that our pain isn't an understandable response.
So try to take this time to get very specific.
What were you hoping for?
What had you planned for your future and for your family before this loss?
This may bring up ideas about the timeline you'd hoped for,
How this recent step might have moved you forward on your journey,
The joys and excitements a child might have brought to your life,
What it would have meant to people you love,
Maybe how it would have helped you take on a new role or identity for your life,
Or simply how your day-to-day would have been different.
Give yourself time to name this pain of loss,
And loss of the aspects of your life you had hoped for.
Naming all these components might bring up strong emotions.
So now shift to just being with and recognizing the emotions that are here.
Often when processing loss,
Feelings of anger,
Fear,
Or sadness might come up.
This isn't fair.
This cycle didn't work.
When will I finally be able to be a parent?
But you might also notice some more murky experiences,
Maybe trying to regain a sense of control,
Or slipping into a sense of hopelessness.
Whatever emotions are here,
Allow the waves of these painful emotions to come and go while staying anchored to your breath or to another part of your body.
Recognizing the pain of these emotions showing up and validating that these are natural reactions to the enormity of the loss that you're going through.
We don't need to necessarily believe the stories these emotions might be telling us about ourselves or the future or other people,
But rather we're sitting with and validating that it makes sense that they're showing up because you're navigating a stormy,
Rocky,
Painful situation.
Noticing the breath and validating what you're feeling.
This is really difficult.
This is heartbreaking.
These emotions are intense because I care so much about building my family.
Now that you have named the loss and rode some of the waves of the emotions coming up,
Let yourself start to connect with your heart space.
Where is this physically in your body?
Get in touch with anything you can physically feel in this part of your body.
Does it feel any particular way right now?
Achy,
Heavy,
Squished,
Or broken,
Or like something else?
Touch into the feeling of your heart space in this moment,
Then allow yourself to consider what support your heart most needs right now.
And imagine actually providing that to your heart.
Would it need a couch to rest on and feel supported by?
Would it need to be wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket?
Would it need someone to just be there with it and see its pain?
Would it need to be held gently?
You can imagine anything else that would give support to your heart right now and support it through the pain.
Not needing this pain to go away or change,
But rather something that would support your heart through the pain.
Stay with this gesture of support for your heart,
Noticing what the heart feels like when it's supported.
You might place a hand on your chest,
Noticing the warmth of your body and physically feeling your heart space.
Now start to leave the feeling of your heart behind.
Return back to the breath,
Noticing the breath in the body right now.
Connect with your body as it is in this moment,
Maybe noticing your feet planted into the ground or your body resting on a chair or the ground.
Come back to being in this moment.
And gently thank yourself for engaging in this practice of processing loss.
And then for just a moment more,
Before ending the practice,
Be still and listen to the sound of the bell.
