Mindful For Heartache

Sometimes the heart aches for one of many different reasons. Mindfulness practice helps us to connect with and be with the part of ourselves that is calm, content and balanced no matter what the internal or external situation is. With practice we can access as part of ourselves more directly and more often.

Transcript

Welcome,

I'm Michael Morphis and thank you for joining today's session and on this topic of Using mindfulness to help us to cope and work with heartache so Just want to clarify that,

You know heartache can manifest in all kinds of different situations romantic You know familial Global political and it's whenever the part of ourselves that we feel deeply with is having a hard time Being with what is when it's not necessarily our preferred or ideal relationship Sorry forgot to turn off my phone.

So So just to Sorry just to clarify that this is a dynamic that can happen anytime anywhere in any kind of dynamic that we're in and How do we work with this how do we Kind of Get to the point where we're able to Feel ourselves again to get back to the best part of ourselves to move on with our lives And to do this in a way that's uplifting not just for ourselves,

But for everybody that we're interacting with so these are again deep and profound questions and the beauty of the mindfulness practice is that it first asks us and Allows us to fully accept what's going on And I think that for a lot of us in moving through heartache There is very often these phases of grief denial anger you know deal-making of the classic stages of dealing with grief and What the mindfulness practice invites us to do is to say yes to what is real and here for us and That's kind of a fundamental and really important facet of the practice Is that we want to engage in what we call radical honesty So if we are heartbroken if we're having a heartache If we're having a heartache that we kind of say we say yes,

We say yes,

And I think that sometimes it's painfully Obvious that we're in a state of heartache or heartbreak and that's almost the point of why we want to figure out how a way to get out of it,

But there are different phases of acceptance where we are Kind of saying we know that it's here,

But we haven't let it really penetrate through all the levels of our being and Another thing about the mindfulness practice is that It's not a quick fix It is a way it's a path and a way of being that Really puts us in tune with our own reality And then when we feel deeply enough and we experience honestly enough We find the motivation to do what we need to do to really take care of ourselves And this may be a misperception that this isn't one of these meditation techniques where we just imagine Rainbows and unicorns and things like that and we pretend that everything's fine That's not to say that there are moments of clarity relief feeling unburdened and feeling free Even in the middle of heartbreak and heartache and that those uplifting and positive feelings aren't real the question is how do we build upon those To create a healthy dynamic for ourselves and others Primarily first and foremost for ourselves because it really can't take of any care of anybody else Or attend to anybody else unless we are really in our best place so just a little foreground for how we're gonna work and we're gonna do a short sit and The first thing we're gonna do is we're going to and I use the word sit But you could be lying down you could be standing up.

You could be pacing whatever position really works best for you and You want to be alert and yet relaxed and We will go,

You know We will address within ourselves this issue of you know When the heart is aching or the heart is breaking but just kind of is like a more general approach to being Connected to the body in the moment connected to our state in the moment.

Let's take a couple of deep breaths Hear the sound of the breath feel the flow of the breath feel your body and Then to allow ourselves to acknowledge whatever is really strongly here with us.

So again Maybe we're going through Again,

Heartache heartbreak something that's affecting that part of ourselves.

That's really profound and difficult and We'll say hello to that.

We will say I know that you're here Say I know that you're here and to see if we can feel it and acknowledge it on the three main levels of our being so physically Sometimes we feel that in the chest or in the belly or in the throat or in the eyes and through the whole body Right just kind of feeling what's here with you And then emotionally right just what is the quality of your emotional experience right now?

Is it neutral?

Is it pleasant?

Is it unpleasant?

And then if possible without getting caught up into analyzing figuring out or thinking too much about what thoughts are Popping up around the experience that you're having Can you acknowledge those thoughts?

This is kind of maybe one of the trickier parts of the practice,

Especially with thinking and I think very often with heartache We're always trying to figure stuff out.

You know,

What went wrong?

What could I have done differently?

Why did this person say or do this thing?

We're always trying to figure out and there is probably a place for that But in our practice we can take a break from that as well and that can be a very healthy thing to do to take a step Deeper in or further out or however you want to think about it,

But go to a place within ourselves.

That is an oasis there's a place where we don't have to engage in that particular way and this maybe leads right to the most poignant and potent part of using mindfulness as a as an oasis from this very intense experience that we may be going through is that there is a part of ourselves that is capable of watching and being with and accepting without getting more deeply entangled There's a couple of metaphors used in the Dharma work about when we get caught up And they say it's almost like a worm on a barbed hook you know where the more that it wriggles the more stuck it becomes and when we're attached to something and can't let it go and keep on wriggling and trying to kind of get Work with it.

Sometimes we just are getting more stuck with it and I think heartache and things like this are very often a situation where that's the case so See if you can experiment now a bit with differentiating between noticing your sensations right your emotional mental physical sensations as opposed to Amplifying and Perpetuating the story that's being told So I said this This person said that I did this this person did that These are the stories that we ruminate on that we Keep going over and over they may be accurate.

They may be inaccurate.

They may be exaggerated.

They may be precise for this particular exploration See if you can let go of of the inclination to go down that particular path of reasoning and Just become a watcher of those thoughts and emotions The thoughts are here The sensation the physical sensation is here.

The emotion is here And remind yourself that this part of your mind that can acknowledge the presence of those events feelings and emotions thoughts Is capable of handling it Whatever you're going through whatever has happened.

Whatever is happening You can handle it because there's a part of your mind that is handling it Regardless of how the other parts of your mind are maybe not faring.

So well,

There's a part of your mind That's a calm observer of all the events of your life the really beautiful pleasant ones and the really challenging difficult ones and And this can become our safe haven this can become our place where we come out of the storm of emotions and pain and Anxiousness this takes work and familiarity and practice Sometimes right we don't we like the idea of it Oh,

There's a place I can go within myself that is able to weather the storm when I'm feeling devastated I can turn to myself I can turn to this place and take care and find some relief and We may have to look around for it for a bit But this is the direction right these directions are pointers towards that place within ourselves where regardless of Who did what who said what when and why and how?

That there's a place that can handle it that can reconnect to the heart and it's unburdened and free space that emotional place where we are strong and yet vulnerable If you become too strong,

We may build some walls that cut us off from feeling and experiencing deeply if we're recklessly open we may expose ourselves to situations that are not healthy so using our Intelligence the intelligence of the heart and the intelligence in the mind which are really the same intelligence To help us to find that place that is a bit calmer bit more balanced and centered And Spending some time there breathing with it feeling into it noticing it so again in the Dharma We want to be very careful about Not playing a game with ourselves that The practice is going to magically make everything better that we're not going to suffer.

We're not going to feel pain,

Right?

That's not what the practice is about the practice Excuse me is about seeing how Honestly and how fully we can embrace reality and Then once we are in the reality of the moment to use the deep connection to truthfulness To motivate us to really take care of ourselves and that may manifest in all kinds of different ways so speaking to a wise friend or a therapist or Eating better or exercising more or getting closer to someone or moving away from someone because we realize that these are the things We need to do there's no one-size-fits-all type of situation Excuse me and The main thing that we need to remember is that It's our birthright and It's our it within our skill set and our ability to access this part of ourselves That can move in a healthier direction as long as we're alive as long as we're conscious there's a light a lot more that's right with us than wrong with us and with the intention Towards flourishing we can keep acknowledging what is holding us back and keep Nourishing and feeding that which will help us move forward and again,

This is a process This may take time But to remember that there's always a place within you.

That's an oasis.

That's calm Centered and balanced and when we're feeling really out of sorts,

We're feeling crushed disappointed and sad That we can acknowledge that that's going on.

We need to acknowledge that that's going on and then we can Going on and then we can have a slightly different relationship to those experiences where we say This is part of nature.

I am part of nature and there's a part of me that can wisely and peacefully be with what is So I kept these sessions very short because you know just to kind of have a little dose of this kind of consideration I'm gonna try this out for maybe once a week for several weeks and hopefully it's useful and remember that Just like every other person in the world,

Right?

We're all just trying to find some peace some well-being some sanity and You know those that have hurt us and we can be very angry with them We can be really devastated by them and they could have done some real damage But to realize that they are another struggling being in this world trying to find their way just as we are so whenever we can find forgiveness and patience and not to conflate forgiveness and patience with being Recipient of abusive or toxic behavior,

Right when we need to recognize that we Don't need or deserve that in our lives and if it's happening to acknowledge it as directly as possible and to do we need to Do to take care of ourselves but forgiving someone doesn't mean that we re-expose ourselves to their toxic behavior and Being kind doesn't mean that either right?

It doesn't mean that we have to Become a doormat for for a situation that's not good for us and that we have to be very careful about the way that we speak and behave in protecting ourselves and figuring out what we need to do and this is maintenance of the heart and hopefully that heartache will turn into a place of fulfillment and well-being Okay friends,

Thanks so much for joining If you're here with heartache know that there is hope and not false hope but real hope of finding your best self nourishing that part of yourself and giving yourself the gift of kindness compassion and well-being that you deserve Until next time I hope your day and your life is filled with peace and well-being take care