Let's close our eyes.
Let's close our eyes.
One of the biggest stressors we have in our lives is our relationships.
Relationships at home.
That is immediate family.
Relationships with extended family.
But the closer the relationship,
The more stressful it can get.
And it dictates our life drastically,
The quality of our life.
No matter how much money we have,
How much successful we get,
If this area of our life is not smooth,
We cannot really enjoy what we have.
We cannot enjoy what we have.
And emotions play a big role in our interpersonal relationships,
Whether it is our spouse,
Our kids.
Our parents.
Our history with them plays a big role.
And the thing about emotions is that it overrides logic and intelligence very easily.
It overrides logic and intelligence.
What it cannot override is wisdom.
And there's a difference between intelligence and wisdom.
Intelligence is about worldly things.
At least that's how I define it.
It's about worldly things,
About patterns in life,
In nature,
Driving a car,
Making money,
Spending money,
Investing money,
Planning a trip,
Etc.
,
Etc.
It's about functional,
Practical things,
Software programming.
Wisdom is something else.
Wisdom is the reason behind all this that we do throughout our day,
Throughout our life.
Why we do it.
The recognition of true versus untrue.
The recognition of important versus unimportant.
The recognition of love and the fueling of love versus the fueling of unlove.
That doesn't necessarily mean hatred,
But ignoring,
Indifference too.
Wisdom cannot be bought,
Cannot be read,
Cannot be learned.
Wisdom is an outcome of seeing clearly.
To use a loose analogy of seeing the matrix in some way.
But it can't be seen just by itself most of the times.
Sometimes it reveals to us with a powerful quote or a meditation like this or a book or a song.
But other times we have to experiment.
So today's meditation is a call to see,
To experiment.
And this seeing grows the wisdom unbeknownst to us.
Just like we saw something and stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Just like that.
But in order to see something clearly,
We have to be very meticulous in our experiments,
In our questions,
In our explorations.
In our explorations.
In order to verify that we are coming from a place of love and clarity versus desire and or being overridden by emotions.
Or colored by our own perceptions.
So if we approach our relationships,
One of the facts that stands out is that no matter who we have a relationship with,
When we start spending enormous amounts of time with them in different settings,
We start getting to know more and more about their habits,
Their behaviors,
Their quirks,
Their beliefs.
And all relationships that I'm talking about are relationships of love.
I'm not talking about the relationships of obligation,
Accident,
Acquaintances,
Etc.
These relationships are relationships of love,
Which somewhere,
Somehow,
End up becoming a source of suffering for us.
And once we understand love,
If it can be understood,
Love has nothing to do with these quirks,
Personality,
Behavior,
Actions,
Etc.
Love is about something way deeper than this.
In order to elaborate this point,
I'm going to narrate a small story.
I was attending a retreat with my teacher,
And someone asked a question about their loved one passing away.
The teacher beautifully explained that when you see someone who has just passed away,
When you see their body laying on the ground,
You know that you never loved that body.
You loved something more.
You loved something that doesn't seem to be here.
That's the deeper part of love I'm talking about,
That goes beyond the body,
The mind,
The personality.
That's what we are in love with in our relationships.
That explanation from my teacher made it so obvious to understand this point.
We can see the body laying,
But we know that the person,
Or what we loved,
Is no longer there,
Which means we never loved that body in its truest sense.
That body was just the vehicle.
We don't have to wait for this drastic experience.
I'm sure this explanation is plenty enough for us to understand,
To recognize,
That what we love in our relationships is not the behavior,
The quirks,
The words,
But a deeper part of other people,
Other persons,
Other family members.
And that always brings us back,
Or that has the potential to bring us back to our love when we get distracted by someone's actions.
We realize that love is not about being right and making other people apologize.
But love is about not wasting time in trivial things,
Even if it means to apologize,
To take responsibility.
If I say sorry,
If I take responsibility,
It costs me nothing.
But it could save me so much suffering.
We have such limited time with our relationships.
This recognition can infuse that time with so much more aliveness,
A little sense of urgency to enjoy that company,
To enjoy that meal together,
To celebrate with laughter,
Those long hugs,
Those useless activities,
The walks.
And if we need help in maneuvering through some of the personality issues,
That's where intelligence comes in.
But intelligence not with an intention of fixing someone or fixing ourselves.
But the intention is love.
The underlying current is love.
And strategy,
How to,
Can come from any book or from other people's experiences about similar issues.
But they need a bed of love for the flowers to blossom,
The soil of love.
So recognizing the love in our relationships is the first step.
And then recognizing that that love has nothing to do with how that person looks or behaves.
For a mother,
No matter how the child looks,
She loves her unconditionally.
Even if she is scolding her,
It's out of love.
But somehow we forget that it's the same about other relationships as well.
Not the love that is spoken of,
But the love that is connecting us,
That got us together,
That's keeping us together.
And that can be felt in that eye contact,
In those small gestures,
In those flowers,
In holding that hand,
In that hug.
But somehow the behavior gets emphasized and these moments are pushed back in the background.
So as an experiment,
Look into the eyes of your friend or your spouse or your parent without telling them anything.
Just look deeply into their eyes for a little longer than five seconds,
Even if they are uncomfortable,
Even if you are uncomfortable.
Look into their eyes.
You may see the matrix.
You may recognize what you love is looking through those eyes.
You could do that in front of a mirror as well.
You can look into your own eyes.
Thank you.
