Most Problems Are A Definition Problem!

Our actions are based on how we define things around us. We look for things based on we define them. These definitions are passed on to us and accepted by us without scrutiny. Problems happen when our definitions conflict within our hearts! The best way is to scrutinize the definitions! This is an invitation to explore how we define some keywords in life viz. success, work, relationships, and meditation. Based on our definitions, we will have proportionate actions which will lead to congruent results.

Transcript

Let's close our eyes.

We've all heard different definitions of meditations or maybe we have some preconceived ideas of what meditation is or looks like and what should happen in a meditation,

What should happen after a meditation,

What you should feel like and these are the definitions from which we operate most of the times.

But this is more of a linear thinking where what we know is what we look for and because that is what we are looking for we get more or less proportionate outcome.

It's like walking into your closet and trying to find the red shirt.

Because your eyes are looking for the red shirt,

Anything that is red or close to red is what is going to register.

But everything else that you may need is not going to pop out because you've gone in with a preconceived idea of finding a red shirt.

Same is true about coming into a session like this and this is not just specific to this session or meditation in particular but this is how we operate in life more or less through definitions and the more restrictive those definitions are,

The more we operate as if we are in a straight jacket.

We are disappointed a lot more.

We like,

We don't like,

There's no grey area.

So let's start with something very specific,

Very particular and see if we can extrapolate it to other areas of our life in terms of definitions.

If we defined meditation as something that we are going to learn,

We're going to practice,

You're probably going to be disappointed today because there is no homework after this session.

There's no prescription.

As a matter of fact,

I'm here to challenge your linear thinking.

Once we are open to simultaneity more than linearity,

We open our life to a lot of grace,

Beauty,

Serendipity,

Tolerance,

Understanding.

It all starts with what is the definition I'm operating from.

The way I would define meditation is just being okay with whatever is happening,

Whatever is happening externally,

Internally without interfering.

If you're having a lot of thoughts,

Great.

If you're bombarded with feelings,

That's great too.

We're not trying to control anything,

Fix anything,

Change anything,

Comment about anything,

Identify anything,

Categorize anything,

Judge anything or anyone or even ourselves.

We all know where any of those activities take us.

They never take us to peace.

What we'll realize is if we operate from this kind of a broad definition,

We are more likely to run into wisdom and insight than if we operated from a very narrow definition that I need to be sitting straight.

I need to be stern in my look,

Eyes closed,

Back straight in a full blown lotus posture,

Legs crossed on the floor.

Internally,

You might be miserable and all we care about is your internal quality.

One of the insights could be if I don't interfere,

If I don't lean in,

If I don't judge,

Comment,

Categorize,

Peace will be revealed.

It's like a muddy pond completely ruffled up by stirring the water that you can't see the bottom of the pond.

If you keep stirring it,

You're not gonna find calm.

But if you let everything settle down,

And as long as it takes to settle down,

Calm will reveal itself.

The dust,

The dirt will settle down and the water will get clear.

Same is true with our peace.

I can't give you peace.

Nobody can give peace.

You can't manufacture it either.

It's abundantly available.

We just have to stop stirring the pond.

And the pond gets stirred by constantly interfering,

Changing,

Fixing,

Judging.

This is how it should be.

This is how it shouldn't be.

Oh,

I don't like this.

This is not what I expected.

All these neuroses of mind.

That is what interferes from the peace to be revealed.

This is just one example of insight.

If you're busy controlling,

Fixing something,

You're going to miss the forest for the trees.

You might have the perfect alignment of your body and mind to the definition that you came up with,

Or you subscribed to,

But you may or may not find peace.

If you think about it,

The way life operates,

Do you think that life is so linear that you can predict everything and anything?

And that's what ends up happening exactly the way it was predicted?

Or is it more of a,

Sure,

We can predict,

But nature is going to do what it's going to do.

Life is going to do what it's going to do.

Because linear thinking assumes everything is in your control.

You are the one operating your body,

Your mind,

And everyone else's body and everyone else's minds,

Including weather,

Etc.

I don't think we are ready for that kind of responsibility yet.

So an easier approach would be to see the simultaneity of how things operate and to create definitions by asking ourselves,

What does this mean to me?

And see if that definition takes you to wisdom,

Peace,

Happiness,

Calm,

Fulfillment.

If you ask yourself,

What is success to me?

Success at work,

Success in your relationship?

What does it mean?

Is this my definition or is this someone else's definition that I've subscribed to?

That is what true freedom would be to live a life that you want,

But defining the terms on your own intelligence,

Congruence with your heart,

And then living it proportionately.

Today we think we have freedom.

We are living a free life.

But we don't realize that we are operating from someone else's definitions of things.

Then how are we free?

We're sure to be disappointed every so often or angered.

I remember watching this movie years ago,

Saving Private Ryan.

And the start of that movie,

Particularly,

I don't know if it was a start or the end,

Maybe it has been over a decade since I watched that movie.

But this scene where the person who,

Ryan,

Who needs to be saved from this mission,

He asks his family,

Did I earn my life?

That question stuck with me and is still very relevant and vivid in my life.

Did I earn my life?

Did I live it well?

And the people,

The family around him was only confirming what his heart already knew.

Otherwise,

No one would ask such a controversial question if you didn't want to hear what someone else had to say.

Although I said there are no homeworks,

I will give you some homework.

What are some of the definitions that you can think of that are operating in your life?

Success is one such,

Meditation is another.

I would say in areas of your life where there is the most discomfort or suffering,

That's the best place to ask this question.

What is the definition I'm operating from?

I remember June 2017,

Right before I was getting married,

I asked a friend of mine,

What marriage advice would you give me?

And he said,

Mitesh,

Whatever you think you know about marriage,

Just throw it down the drain.

Every marriage is unique.

You can make whatever you want to make out of it.

And that was so profound.

And I still try to operate.

So we don't celebrate any hallmark holidays or that doesn't mean I don't love my wife.

We have our own rituals.

We have our own traditions.

We don't have 14th of February rituals or any particular day or anniversary rituals.

Those are good to celebrate,

But there are no rules in our marriage.

I cannot imagine what our marriage would be if we were operating from rules,

What is expected,

What is not from a husband,

From a wife.

I've been fortunate enough to have friends and mentors who have asked important questions at very pivotal stages of my life.

And all I'm doing is passing them along in a more generic way.

Another example would be,

What is work for you?

Is it a means to an end?

Is it a way to get fulfillment?

What is it?

How do you define it?

How would you like to define it?

And the beauty of this homework is if you do come across a definition that you don't like,

But you would like to define it in a different way,

You get to try it and see.

The metrics of this experiment are very,

Very clear.

If you're happier,

If you're more fulfilled,

If you're more enthusiastic,

Energetic,

Calmer,

More peaceful,

Then the experiment is working.

If not,

Time to find another definition,

A better one,

A more refined one.

And because we are such smart people,

We're such intellectuals,

It'll be a little difficult in the beginning with one or two things,

But once you get how you find a definition that resonates in your heart,

It'll be a cakewalk across other areas of your life.

This is not a metric-based exploration.

The only metrics are how you feel.

There's more the metrics of the heart than of the head.

That's what meditation is.

You come here,

You sit down,

You hear something that provokes you.

Maybe I invite you to explore something once in a while,

And it stays in your consciousness,

Grows roots,

And starts blossoming if it is fed with interest and curiosity.

We come for meditation to live a better life,

Not to become better at meditation.

There are no prizes for becoming the best meditator in the world,

But there is depth in a life well-lived,

Well according to your definition.

That would be one of the truest exercises of our innate freedom,

To define our own terms and to live by it.

Thank you.