Live Your Life Like An Improv

This is a meditation about saying "Yes ... and..."

Most of us live a life of "No... But..." without realizing it. 'No' clogs the energy; stops life from moving ahead. 'Yes' opens up new doors in life.

'No' comes from a place of fear, self-preservation, and protecting ourselves from the world.
'Yes' comes from a place of confidence, intention, and trust in the world.

There is no universal rule for saying Yes or No and is always contextual and varies from situation to situation and from person to person.
However, we can at least investigate how our life feels with a yes - on a daily basis.

This contemplation is about this exploration!

Transcript

Let's close our eyes.

I'm a big fan of stand-up comedy.

And one of the thoughts that crossed my mind yesterday was to explore a topic with the title,

Live Your Life Like an Improv.

One of the basic rules of improv is saying yes and.

So no matter what is being said,

Your response to that needs to be yes and.

Otherwise,

The whole skit comes to a screeching halt.

There are a lot of reasons for this topic to pop up in my mind.

But the reason I want to explore this is at the core of how we live our life,

How we engage with the world,

How we relate to each other.

Are we open or in self-preservation mode?

Are we embracing the world or are we protecting ourselves from the world?

And these are not decisions we sit down and make every time.

These decisions have been long laid down for us,

Either by us consciously or not.

And everything we do,

Every interaction,

Every engagement is based on this blueprint,

Whether we are aware of it,

Whether we like it or not.

Before we come up with any objections to what I have to say,

I encourage you to listen and consider what is being shared,

Not through the filter of the mind,

But through how it resonates in our hearts.

I will try to address the objections at the end.

What is our first response,

The default response to anything that is being suggested?

Anything new,

Anything different?

Or any feedback about ourselves,

About what we own,

About our kids,

About the way we work,

About our actions?

Is it no but or is it yes and?

This is especially true at workplace,

No matter what kind of work we are doing.

And I am sure all of us have experienced this with other people,

Of course.

But no matter what you suggest,

The answer is no,

It can't be done.

But these are the issues with this,

So therefore it can't be done.

And evolutionarily,

There is no need to change anything voluntarily.

We don't need to try any new foods.

We don't need to pick up any new job,

Any extra work.

We don't need to move cities or countries.

Because the basic necessity there is just survival.

But living a full life,

A life full of possibilities,

Opportunities,

Based on all the capabilities that we have,

Involves and is governed by this desire to thrive,

This desire to be fulfilled in acting,

In relating with others,

In engaging with the world.

To have newer experiences,

To be changed by the experience and to change the experience.

Having this as wishful thinking versus having this as a daily experience are two different things.

In order to live it daily,

We need to live a life like an improv,

With the humility that I don't know everything.

The moment I say no,

I pretend that I know.

But when we say yes,

Life opens up,

Everything opens up.

Everything opens up.

And again,

This no is in place for the right reason.

Because from a survival point of view,

Yes,

Saying no makes sense.

If someone suggests,

Let's jump from a 50-story building without a parachute,

Saying no makes sense.

Do you want to come do a yoga class with me?

Or a barre class?

Or a high-intensity interval training class?

Could open up world of opportunities and possibilities for us.

Saying no closes doors to that.

Do you want to find out a solution to this problem in a different way?

No.

Do you want to do this presentation in a different way,

A better way?

No.

And of course,

Over the years we have perfected saying no with some sophisticated language.

So we don't actually say no,

We list out all the problems instead,

With a very dangerous word at the beginning,

Namely,

But.

I am an engineer by education,

So my brain is primed to solve problems.

And I have been in so many calls,

Meetings,

Projects,

Where no matter what solution you give,

Even if it is a good solution,

The moment there is a but,

Energy gets stuck.

It puts an end to any possible celebration or relief.

It's like nothing you do will make anyone else happy.

It's like nothing you do will make anyone else happy,

If you are encountered with a person who says no,

Or who says but,

Or who finds another problem right when you solve this one.

Even before acknowledging and saying yes,

This makes sense,

Yes.

We have leaders everywhere,

Who are not so mindful about their minutiae in actions and in words.

And the first response is but,

Or no.

And it's funny,

I'd like to share a personal story.

Like,

My mom was visiting and I was telling her,

I mean I speak to her almost every day,

And I was telling her something.

And she said no,

And then she continued her side of the story.

So I asked her,

What did you say no to?

She said,

I didn't say no,

I didn't say no.

What did you say no to?

She said,

I didn't say no.

But I reminded her that you just said no.

And she said,

I say no just like you say you know,

Or does it make sense?

So it's just a filler word.

There are times where I have conversations with my friends and they say no,

End up agreeing with me in the next breath.

So I ask them,

What did you say no to,

If you ended up in the exact same spot that I was suggesting?

They don't even realize they are saying no.

Of course,

I'm not immune to it,

I catch myself saying no or saying but every so often.

But I'm trying.

I want all of us to see this first.

See our relationship with words,

Our relationship with how we approach what is right in front of us.

Saying no is powerful.

And it needs to be reserved only as the last option.

And the reason I say last is only after you have thought things through from all possible angles that you can think of,

Then you say no.

No with an asterisk.

Highlighting that based on whatever I know,

My answer is no.

Would you like to join us for dinner over the weekend?

Most people have trouble saying no,

So they just won't respond to a message like this.

Because they are afraid of the answer.

Because saying no is difficult.

Saying no,

Mindfully,

Saying no intentionally is very difficult.

Because it conveys clarity,

Conveys thoughtfulness,

Conveys courage.

So saying an intentional no is very powerful.

And the reason people cannot say no is because they haven't thought it through.

That's why they don't want to say no.

They'll probably make excuses or indirectly say no.

Or justify why they are saying no,

So that we wouldn't feel bad.

But it takes a lot of courage and clarity to say no and even more courage to hear a no.

But all these are intentional no's.

And that's where I want to take this exploration next is to make it an intentional life.

There is a lot of joy in yes.

There is a lot of serendipity in yes.

There is,

Again,

Before I move on to the next one,

When I say yes,

Again it's an intentional yes.

But we are very careful with our yes's,

But we are very frivolous with our no's.

And the reason why we are so frivolous with our no's is because we are not aware of the reality.

And the reason this is important is because when we say yes to one thing,

We say no to the rest of the things.

So saying yes is very important.

It conveys clarity that yes,

This is what I want to do today.

I want to not work on anything else but this.

Again,

It takes a lot of clarity,

It takes a lot of courage.

Things start moving,

Things start opening up.

The moment you say yes,

Yes,

Let's do this,

How can we get there?

Okay.

Now we are talking.

When we say yes,

Answers start flowing.

But when we say no,

Things just clog up.

Energy just drains.

And again,

Everything is contextual here.

Everything that I am saying,

The opposite of that is also true in the right context.

But what is our life tending to?

What is the general feeling of how we approach our lives?

Do we approach it with a yes and,

Or do we approach it with a no but?

And if you are not sure,

Ask your friend.

Ask your friend up front,

Do you think I say yes more often or no more often?

They'll be honest.

But have the stomach to digest this answer.

Whenever I interact with clients one on one,

Who struggle with mindlessly saying no,

I ask them to say yes,

Unscrupulously say yes.

And let the pendulum swing in the opposite direction,

Where you have so much that you are overwhelmed.

And then we learn the art of saying no,

Using a pen and paper,

Using some clarity approaches,

Prioritizations,

Strategization.

But before we get to that state,

The response needs to be yes.

Like a few weeks ago,

Someone in one of these live sessions suggested that we do a three day meditation retreat.

That's actually the suggestion.

The exact suggestion was to do a three day meditation retreat.

And we just concluded one yesterday.

Not only was it beneficial for me,

But it was profound for some of the participants.

That's the power of yes.

Suggestions come from anywhere.

Answers come from anywhere.

Do we have the eyes to see the answer?

Answers come from anywhere.

Do we have the eyes and the ears to say yes?

It seems like a solution.

Let's see if it works out.

Most of the times,

These kind of things that I'm talking about to say yes,

Are pretty non-events,

Are pretty trivial events that don't seem to violate any of our values or beliefs.

Like I'm a vegetarian.

If someone suggests,

Let's go eat steak.

Of course,

I'm going to say no.

But if someone says,

Let's try this new restaurant.

They have good veggie options.

And if I say no,

I don't know if it's violating anything that I truly believe in.

And again,

I'm telling you,

I'm not saying yes to everything.

I'm not saying yes to everything.

And again,

I'm telling you,

Say no when you actually know it is no.

Develop the practice of saying a clear no and to communicate,

If necessary,

The reasons behind it.

And if you don't know the reasons,

You can't trust that no.

Most of the times.

Most of the times.

So before saying yes,

Sit down,

Take a pen and paper,

Figure out the reasons.

Your heart will change its answer right away,

Seeing lack of evidence.

But if it still doesn't,

Then listen to your intuition.

Not all no's are the same.

But again,

These are very few,

Very seldom and very high stakes.

But most of what I'm trying to tell you is everyday life.

Everyday no.

I would encourage you if you haven't checked out what an improv is.

Sometimes it looks ridiculous.

But the end result that comes out is so funny and so entertaining.

This is a very practical meditation.

There's nothing philosophical about it.

When the self-help industry is asking us to say no,

I'm asking you to say yes.

Think of all the important things that happened in your life because you said yes.

Like when I met my wife,

I didn't want to meet her.

Ours is an arranged marriage and someone suggested you should meet her.

My first response was no.

And then soon I realized no is not an acceptable answer.

I realized no is not an acceptable answer to this proposal that had come.

So I made it a soft no and I still went.

And we are married for six years.

Happily married.

And there are innumerable of these experiences that have come across,

That have come about because of saying yes.

And if you are still not convinced,

Try this week as an experimental week.

Say yes.

Say yes to all mundane suggestions.

Even if it means you end up working a little extra of reading,

Of working out,

Whatever.

And see how you feel at the end of that week.

Of course it will be frustrating,

Of course it will be scary.

But know that none of these choices are going to get you in trouble.

You are not going to die.

And stick to those life choices where you are not going to die to keep it simple.

Trust the universe.

It has protected you all along,

It will protect you all along.

You are not outside the universe to preserve yourself.

Say yes.

Yes.

And.

Thank you.